*Warning: Mentions of self-harm.*
She stepped inside her closet, and she was greeted with the luxurious smell of clothes. Her eyes gaze through the shelves of luxury protected with glass. Bags, shoes, and clothes all looked presentable.
Her accessories were beside the body-length mirror and the other ones that were not beside the mirror are in the glassed boxes categorized with the brands' name.
She smiled, her closet was her safe place, a place where she spent her childhood with, not to forget their barking background music, her parents' fights.
Clothes defined her true colours that she's hiding inside of her, fashion defined her. Her sense of fashion is rather unclear as she mixes her fashion with classy, simple, elegant, chic, and masculine, at all the same time, she also loves trying out different styles.
She takes strides to her closet, as she strolls she crosses paths with many of her mannequin bodies that are dressed in clothes she got from various fashion houses such as YSL, Chanel, Dior, Valentino, Versace, Prada, Celine, etc.
She stops striding and sighs closing her eyes, she smiles showing her vulnerable face. She looks at the shelves and her eyes catch the sight of her Versace shoes.
It was the medusa chain nappa leather sandal heels, she went forward to take the shoes from the shelves. After taking it in her hands she looked around and saw the chain dress from the same luxury brand.
Black floor-length satin dress with a chain that ropes around the chest creating an X in between the breast. The straps were gold medusa chain, this dress was shown on the Versace runway ready to wear fall-winter 2019-2020.
"Should I dress up with that dress? I don't wanna wear it, it's too gorgeous to wear." Her words were a mumble.
She continued to walk across her closet. A dress that was from Max Mara caught her eyes. The fabric had 2 scrunches on both sides, it came at the waist reaching almost the thighs, behind it only had one line gathering all the scrunch in the middle, sleeves that can cover most of her arms, the length of her dress reaches her knees.
She walks towards her mirror, looking at her body wrapped inside a white robe, her dripping hair, her face, her eyes, she looks down at her left wrist. A deep scar. She closed her eyes grasping her wrists.
She sighs as she looks up, stopping the tears that are tempting to spill. She felt chills crawling through her arms, so she hugs herself and says words to herself that usually calms her
She looks over the couch that's out of the mirror's reach, beside the couch was a small side table on top of it was the house phone and a cactus plant.
She takes a seat, lifts her feet from the ground, her elbows on the couch arm, and her hand grasping her chicks. She brings her eyes down the marble floor, all she could think of was that person who knows everything about her and her life, she could even write a whole book about it. Freya.
Her eyes hold the sight of the reflected clothes on the mirror, "Frey." She said, "I'm back." She swallowed her sob, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to do anything you said in that letter." She talked with the air, her eyes started to bawl and a drop left her eyes. "I am so late, I'm sorry."
"I'm not crying, this is just brain juice." She said while wiping her tears. She looks to her side. She heaved air preparing her lungs for the incoming tears.
The phone was at my side, it was tempting to bring the phone to my hands, but I know if I bring the phone to my ears, I'll just blame myself even more. No... all of this happened because of me, all of it. If I didn't punch that guy, she would've been alive, we would've been alive... but he tried to grope Freya. It was a hard moment and without properly thinking I punched him. What would happen if any of that didn't happen?
Blaming myself now is no use, it already happened. It's not like I could turn back time, but even if I could have that ability, I would lose again, and again. They were strong and my hands, arms, and head at that time were weak. He was strong and I wasn't. Right, I wasn't able to resist doing it again, cutting myself to pieces because of anger. Stupid. I know. It's like releasing pain in a language that only you could understand. It's painful at first but it can't comprehend the pain that I'm experiencing mentally, or in reality. I feel relieved when I'm doing it. I feel good. I feel like my world that always seems to fall apart might be stopped with these scars. To scare the monsters. All I ever wanted is for everything to stop even just for a second.
She sighed and with hesitation, she picked up the home phone and dialed Freya's number. It rang but it soon went straight to voicemail, Hinaya's heart sank when she heard her voice again.
"Hi, this is Freya, can't be on the phone right now, sorry," a pause came. She was being called by someone in the background, "oh okay," she was heard saying, "that was my piano teacher sorry gotta go leave the message after this audio, bye."
Tears spilled, the audio came to end, "Hey, Frey, hurry up your piano lesson. I miss you. I've got a lot of things I want to talk about. Let's catch up later, hmm?" She sniffled causing her to cough, what she said was something that she often says to her.
Freya, they finally cared. They care about you now, they don't care about your grades or instruments now, they are mourning, they are saying your name as if they aren't the one making you suffer. I hate them for you, Frey. I know you'll be mad at this but I know too that you're proud of me talking shit about your parents. I miss you.
She puts the phone down and tears start to fill out her eyes, she cries out loud no one can hear her. She rested her head on the arm of the couch and she let out everything she wasn't stopping herself to pour out every single bit of emotion in her, but there's this heavy feeling she can't let out…
I can't let it out... it's in my chest but I can't get it out of its place, "Argh." She screamed there was a groan at the end of her scream but she failed to let it out. No matter how much she cries or screams, that heavy feeling never left her.
"Mama," She whimpers, causing her to wipe her tears.
After a while of crying and calling her mom, she was drained from all the crying. Her eyes were sore and couldn't bring out any more tears.
-
She started to drift away from reality, her eyes started to grow dark. After a while of seeing just the dark, she finally saw a light.
"You're here again?" Someone said in a distance to where she was. Their shadow grew near and Hinaya was able to recognize her real quick.
"Goddess Guevin, you look fine as always." Hinaya's lips finally curved into a jolly and teasing smile hiding the tears that were just spilled. A fake smile to cover up the tears that were poured.
"We've only met once, this is our second encounter, kid." The Goddess quickly built a wall between them.
Celestine giggled, "Oh right, why am I here? Where is this?" She took a look at her surroundings. Everything was nothing but a cloud, the colour of the clouds was the peach colour of a sunset. "Oh... my... GOD, is a camera allowed here? Can I take a picture of this?" She was in awe.
"It looks gorgeous doesn't it?" There was a smile on the goddess' lips looking at her that Hinaya failed to notice. The goddess enjoyed it when people frown turned into a smile, it's something she's fragile to. "Hinaya, remember this."
Hinaya turned her head, "Hmmm?"
"Everything is bound to happen, including your friend's death." Guevin gave Hinaya a small smile and hugged her. The hug was quick but it made Hinaya feel chills and this brought a tear to her eyes. At that moment she needed it. She needed this hug. "My work here is done, Good luck to you and Varuni."
The goddess taps her back, not letting go as she slowly drifts into pieces. Hinaya's eyes started to open, she was back to her reality. She wiped her tears, lifted herself from the couch, and looked around the closet.
She looked at the dress she previously had her eye on, "Max mara it is."
.
After a while of fitting, styling, and make up she finally finished, good as new. She looked at the mirror and smiled at how amazing she looked.
Her lips were in a nude shade giving a natural effect, her eye make up was in a neutral colour of brown, her eyeliner was a grey powder, her earrings were like a dripping gold from her ears, she wore a pearl necklace with pears that had spaces between each pearl. Her shoes were Tom Ford gold chain heels.
(The outfit picture is in Wattpad)
"Marvellous, and I don't look like an 18-year-old," She shrugged her shoulders, "At least I'm of legal age."
She got out of her closet, her room was huge from here to there all you could see were comforters, teddy bears, and countless amounts of squish mallow. There's also an L-shaped couch in the left corner of the room, above the couch the wall was filled with the vinyl of her favourite artist, Lauv.
Her bed was on the right side beside a massive window, and a chandelier was in the middle of the room. She walked beside her bed, was a table with a lamp, under the lamp was her phone.
She grabs her phone and there were 15 missed calls from both of her grandparents and 5 messages. She calls her grandmother, "Hello, Lola?"
"Iha, saan ka? Bakit wala kapa dito? bilisan mo. The dinner is about to start."
Translation; Dear, where are you? Why are you still not here? hurry up.
"Palakad na po, I lost track of time, Lola. Sorry." Her apologies were flat.
Translation; On my way.
"Oh sige, Iha. Come here fast but don't speed up okay?"
Translation; oh okay, dear.
"Okay, Lola. I'm getting out of my house after this call." While she said her last sentence she had already grabbed her black and gold chained handbag and went out of her room.
The call ended and Hinaya called her lawyer before she was reborn. She had already been in contact with this lawyer and they had been discussing the case of her abuse.
"Hi, lawyer Tan, nice to talk to you again. This is Hinaya." Her voice was in a professional tone. The number she had called was the personal number of the lawyer, she had connections so it was easy for her to come in contact with people of necessity.
On the other line, the lawyer was in shock after hearing her voice. It has been a while and her case has been in a locker with all of the evidence, others are on papers and the other is in USBs. "Hello, Hinaya, it's been a while. I heard you just recently got out of the hospital."
"Yes, I just want to ask can you fill a case as soon as possible? If it's not good with your schedule, I'm more willing to wait."
"I can finish the case in 3-2 days."
"Okay, thank you, Mr. Tan."
She ended the call, she turned the doorknob and was greeted by the cold November wind, "Oh shit, I have to wear a blazer or something." She mumbled under her breath.
She went back inside and looked over her jacket hanger. Many of the jackets there were blazers and other was clothes she had taken off a while ago. "Oh God, I should clean my clothes soon, good thing they didn't touch any of this when they were cleaning."
Hinaya had instructed the cleaners not to touch any of her clothes lying around.
She took one of her blazers and continued to open the door, she got her keys out of her bag. She was greeted by the shadow of her truck, a white Cadillac CT5.
"Oh my Gosh, I miss you. My baby." She ran to her truck and hugged it. It was shiny and looked new, though it had been used by her for some time before the incident.
She entered inside, as she sat down she sighed, her seat had squish mallows in the shape of multiple fruits like peach, strawberry, cherry, and watermelon.
She climbed through her door, started her truck, and opened her Spotify playlist that was named Troye Sivan. The first song that came out was Angel baby by Troye Sivan, she hadn't yet heard it so she hummed along throughout the song.
After a while of driving, snow started to fall, every ornament of each shop has now started to change to Christmas decorations or pumpkins for Thanksgiving, people started to put up their Christmas lights, and the city started to get busy as thanksgiving day is tomorrow.