Gauhar's POV
"Gauhar!"
"Gauhar don't go away!"
I could hear his faint voice calling out my name.
"Gauhar, come back to me, please." it was louder this time, I could feel the warm streams of tears falling down my cheeks, but I couldn't move, my hands and legs were bound.
I was being held and I couldn't escape.
The incessant buzzing in my ears turned into loud screams. I felt my heart hammer in my chest like a trapped bird, trying to escape out of its cage. Maybe if it did escape I would be spared of this agony.
I forced my eyes shut, trying to block away the image of those dark blue eyes that watched me with reproach. I could feel the scalding flames graze my skin, I wished to peel my skin off to stop the sensation. I could feel the accusing gazes of those who had trusted me spear into me like a thousand arrows.
I wanted to cry but I couldn't, as if the relief of tears was debarred to a piece of trash like me. I felt my windpipe constrict itself, making it difficult to breathe.
The blissful release of death seemed to be just around the corner hiding from sight but present nonetheless.
"Why did you let them kill me Gauhar? Why did you not try to stop them?"
The voices kept ringing inside my head. I wanted to answer, I wanted to tell him that I tried and that I was sorry. I still hated the fact that I was alive when they weren't but the words were stuck in my throat, talking was difficult when my throat felt like it was paper.
"Gauhar, Haru come back to me. It's alright, it's over."
The voice was warm and familiar, and I willed myself to believe him. His calm voice pulled me out of the darkness, the oppressive darkness and ringing in my ears lessened as I tried to focus on his voice.
"It's not your fault love, it's all fine. He knows it isn't your fault as well don't hurt yourself, he wouldn't have liked it kiddo."
Upon hearing that the dam that was holding back my tears broke and I snuggled into his chest, letting them flow out. The feeling of letting the pain out was liberating. I couldn't believe him, I knew I wasn't forgiven. It wasn't as easy as that, but let them comfort me regardless.
His strong hold around my shoulders comforted me and made me feel safe. Through the haze of my intruding memories I could decipher a pair of eyes that reminded me of hot chocolate and warm hugs. The familiar scent of lemons and peppers.
"Gauhar, I'm here shhhh."
He whispered into my ear as he pulled me closer towards him. His hold on my shoulder tightened me as he gently stroked my head. As if afraid that I would skip out of his arms once again.
I breathed in the familiar smell of citrus and spice, I closed my eyes and let his warmth surround me.
"You smell awful, you know that?" I lied, smiling into his chest.
"That's the smell of your dirty snot that's soaked into my shirt." He retorted, although his tone was light I could hear the relief in his voice.
I let his calming presence soak into me, as it soothed the burning shame that had welled up within me.
"Yo cry baby, you alright?" he enquired in a soft voice, tightening his hold on me as he continued to stroke my back gently
I nodded in answer, my head grazing his chin "Yeah I am."
"I thought you had grown up now, but it seems you're still the same little broken fountain of tears." his lame attempt at trying to lighten the mood was adorable, making me think that maybe my brother wasn't that awful.
I smiled to myself as his words that were far from being kind still managed to anchor me to the present and remind me that I was not who I was a few years ago.
I deserved to live, giving up on myself would be letting him down.
Would mean that he had given up his life in vain, ans I couldn't let that happen.
I was stronger and, my brother who felt as strong as a rock right now, was still as dumb as a hammer. I lovingly pinched him on his side, causing him to let go of me as if I had burned him.
"Shite Gauhar you ungrateful cat."
"Don't swear big brother." I tsked grinning at him, or at least I tried. The tears had dried on my cheeks and smiling felt foreign.
I pulled his cheeks making him groan and swat my hand away as if I were an irritating little fly.
I watched him scoot away from me with a grin on my face though the sofa wasn't big enough to give him respite, it was funny to see him try.
"Thanks for the hug my lovely big brother, I'm glad you are still as sensitive to my attacks as ever before. Comforts me that I still am as strong as always, and a broken fountain does NOT leak water genius, you definitely need to sharpen your wit a bit, it seems to have taken a nosedive and has reached the region of painfully unfunny."
Solidifying the accuracy of my words, Muqeet rolled his eyes not deigning to reply to my observation and demonstrating his obvious lack of wit as he took the seat abandoned by me, beside our father. Before moving away he put in a familiar candy wrapper in purple paper into my hands, making me grin.
He almost never showed how much he cares but when he did it melted my heart. The small grape candy that was cold against my palm was an indication of his love for me. I put it into my pocket, to savour later.
Father took a deep breath, the sound making me focus my attention towards him, only to find his cheeks glistening with the remnants of tears. I yearned to wipe them away because I knew I was the reason for them.
I could see the apprehension in his eyes as he looked at me, as if he were afraid of me, as if my behaviour had reopened his wounds and brought back unpleasant memories.
The thought caused guilt to stab through my heart, causing a burning painful feeling to spread across my chest. Ignoring the heaviness in my chest I forced a smile on my face, showing him that everything was alright.
At least I could still fake that I was strong.
My pathetic attempt at brightening the darkness on father's face seemed to have partially worked as he returned the smile, though I could see that it was as false as mine was.
His onyx eyes were filled with sadness and guilt.
I knew deep down that going back meant a lot to him, I couldn't bear to see him sad, and the thought that I was the reason for his sadness made it even more unbearable for me.
It was time that I faced my fears and embraced the dark parts of my life. Repressing them could only take me so far. And now I had to actually be strong, not for myself but for Baba.
Even if I resented him for it, even if I believed that he was selfish.
"I'll come with you." I announced, feeling proud that my voice did not waver in the slightest.
"What?" three voices shouted out in unison, causing my eyebrows to rise up. I surveyed their shocked faces, feeling a bit deflated within as I realised just how weak and fragile they thought I was.
Maybe they weren't wrong, but that just meant that I had a lot more room to grow.
I smiled, reminding myself that it wouldn't be fun if it weren't a bit of a challenge for me, just seeing them being proven wrong was enough incentive for me to steel my resolve. I wouldn't let my past shackle me behind, it was time I confronted my demons.
"Indeed" I replied, looking straight into father's eyes.
"Bu-" father breathed, his face expressing panic only for a few seconds before he looked at the resolve in my eyes and sighed "Are you sure about this bèta?"
I nodded "I can't let you go there alone now, can I?" I smiled at him, reaching forward taking his hands in both of mine "Especially when you are unwell, and anyway I think I want to take a tour of the hills in Kullu. Been years since I've experienced the lack of oxygen."
My enthusiastic voice did little to convince father of my excitement to visit the place again, but it did manage to show him that my resolve was set.
He smiled at me and squeezed my hand "Alright then Gauhar, brace yourself to take care of me. I'll make sure to thoroughly exhaust you with all my whims and demands."
I grinned at him, giving him my best 'bring it on' look.
"I don't understand!" our little bubble was rudely pierced by the highly unpleasant voice of my lovely big brother. I forced myself to turn towards him, his warm brown eyes were clouded with confusion as he furrowed his brows, clearly thinking out loud.
"Yes we know there are a lot of things you don't understand Muqeet, considering your appalling IQ. But you will have to specify what has currently mystified you so that we can furnish you with an answer."
I felt immense satisfaction as he directed an extremely irritated look towards me, making me offer him a sugary sweet smile that was intended to cause instant death by diabetes. He growled angrily before he took a deep breath and reminded himself that I was but an annoying and extremely tough speck of dirt that wasn't worth his attention.
Pity his disdain only fuelled my amusement.
"Well I guess I'll have to come along with you guys." He shrugged making me raise an eyebrow.
He pierced me with his gaze as he continued "To ensure that you're safe.
I felt a surge of warmth at his words. Since I didn't have any snarky reply at that I settled on smiling gratefully at him. He returned the smile, his eyes shining with what I was pretty sure was love.
The adorable Dumbass.
Silence engulfed us again, there were no sounds save my occasional sniffles. The serene expression on brother's face contorted into that of confusion as if whatever thought was going in his head was troubling him.
"Baba." He suddenly faced father, making sure he specified who was referring to so that any annoying female does not butt into the conversation and highlight his lack of intelligence "I thought we were profiting from the latest shipment, in fact I had calculated quite a significant margin of profit. What I don't understand is how we incurred a loss as huge as the one we did, it makes no sense, since it is even greater than the sum we had invested."
I furrowed my brows in confusion, this new piece of information changing my entire perception of the situation of the company "Huh? We had a profit?"