"Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man can invent."
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Trust is a strange thing, it lulls us into a false sense of safety...before pulling the rug from under our feet. When life goes too smoothly, it is time to get wary because you might slip any time. And there's a high chance that you won't be able to get up again.
When those closest to you betray you, and even trusting yourself becomes difficult. That is when you know that your life is truly messed up.... and there is nothing that can be done to make things better. No matter how much someone tries to prove that they love you, it becomes hard to trust their motives.
Because...deep inside you know that you are not worthy of being loved.
I wanted to trust that he was my happiness, I wanted to hope for a life that would bring me peace. But that was impossible, the idle wishes of worthless scum. I didn't deserve happiness....life had proved that to me time and time again, because what I had done was unforgivable.
My hopes had been crushed over and over and I didn't want to risk the last shreds of my sanity and put my trust in something that I knew was never going to happen.... because hoping brought me nothing but despair.
And so I would end what he had started, to protect myself and most importantly to protect him from me.
This was reality I was facing, and these papers would make sure that he didn't pay for the mistakes I committed. I didn't like the looming prospect of loss as I stared at the dotted line which would decide my fate.
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Gauhar's POV
The shrill sound of the bell roused me from my reverie. I turned around to see the pale and sleep deprived faces of my classmates looking at the board as if their death sentence was being written. My eyes widened as I saw our morbid fate reveal itself on the board in the curly handwriting of the professor.
"So students, I'd like you all to submit this by next week latest, or I'd have to downgrade you all." The portly old man announced in his wheezing voice, eliciting a collective sigh from the class…everyone being too tired to say anything. He bent down and gathered the blood, sweat and tears of the students in his hands.
In other words, our assignments.
I heard a pained groan from beside me. I turned around to see the tragic fate of the countless nights we'd stayed awake reflected in the slate grey eyes of Wilhelmina, my companion in facing this weekly torture.
"If anyone of us dies from lack of sleep, I'm going to file a case against this old bugger." Her grey eyes followed the portly figure of our professor out of the room. His slick grey hair gleaming in the artificial light of the room, the murderous thoughts running in her mind were clearly readable from her expression.
I couldn't say my thoughts were any more innocent than hers.
"I've always wanted to murder him, but studying to be a woman of law has its disadvantages." I sighed to myself as I gathered my notes, that were haphazardly spread across the table in my hurry to make note of the endless spiel of history that Professor Weatherby had spouted.
My table resembled a crime scene, but instead of dead bodies, the table was filled with pieces of paper that were butchered by my horrible handwriting.
Wilhelmina looked at me with sympathy in her eyes, as she stood up from her seat. "Woman, I'm counting on you to avenge my death if I get martyred during my war with history."
"Sure will do" I grinned at her, "Wilhelmina."
She narrowed her eyes at me, the look of murderous anger just now focused at Professor Weatherby was now focused on me in all its flaming glory.
It only made me smile wider at her. I wondered for the umpteenth time- did I really enjoy harming myself that much? Maybe I did….
"It's Bill for you, you madwoman." She reminded me through gritted teeth. "I hate being called that ancient name."
I chuckled at her annoyance, as I saw her tall figure walk out of the room, her dirty blonde hair shining like strands of gold in the light. Blending in with the crowd of tortured souls, escaping the room.
I thanked God, as I walked out of my lecture-- or ordeal depends on your point of view. I took in a deep breath of the fresh air, uncontaminated by the ghost of the torture students had to endure in the stuffy room.
I didn't know what had gotten into me, when I decided to take history of English law in my final year. I vaguely remember thinking that it would be interesting to know about the past, or something ambitious like that. The horrifying memories of trauma and long sleepless nights had kinda blurred my memories a bit.
'Learn history to know how the people before you messed up, so that you don't end up being as big fools as them.' Great words indeed, the did sound quite fancy but let's just say, it had not been what I had imagined it to be.(like everything in life)
It's always difficult to get what you expect in reality- I thought darkly to myself as I pushed my way out.
My spirits lifted considerably when I saw the petite figure of my friend Daniya standing outside, waiting for me. She looked as drained out as I knew I looked, though I was sure I looked a lot worse. Her hijab was askew, and the lifeless look on her face indicated that she had endured as much pain in her class as I had.
She was still looking around, her greenish-brown eyes were darting through the crowd in search of me. Her bag was hanging off one of her shoulders, the mountain of books in her arms was an indication of the muscle she had gained by studying finance.
She looked quite depressed, I understood the reason quite well—prolonged exposure to numbers and figures tend to do that to a person's mind.
I decided to make her day better by gracing her with my amazing presence. Being the bright ray of sunshine that I am, I knew that her gloomy day would brighten up instantly.
I stealthily sneaked behind her "Looking for someone?" I whispered in her ear, causing her to jump in alarm.
She placed a hand on her chest to calm herself down, as she narrowed her large doe eyes at me.
If the word over-dramatic was a human being, it would have been Daniya.
"Could you please stop doing that? You nearly killed me you fool!' she almost screamed. I winced at her voice, which had attracted quite a few annoyed glances towards us.
Sleep deprived college students didn't take kindly to voices that exceeded about 20 decibels.
I smiled sweetly at them, my heart dancing in triumph, it always made me happy to see a job well done. Annoying people was funny, childish I know but funny nonetheless.
I merely grinned at her "I'm happy to meet you too dear" I knew my politeness knew no bounds, I was such a well-mannered little girl.
She glared at me in annoyance, refusing to grace my politeness with an answer. "Oh, come on! Don't tell me that wasn't funny " I said bumping her shoulder with mine.
"One of these days I will choke you in your sleep, I'm sure that will be a good laugh." she said through gritted teeth. Her suggestion did seem quite interesting, I had never had someone do that to me.
Yet.
"Ooh kinky!" I said smirking at her causing her to groan in irritation, she gripped her mountain of books tightly and increased her pace. It was a pity when your best friend didn't get a good joke, but then maybe it could be the fact that I was laughing at her expense that annoyed her.... I didn't know.
"Don't worry, I won't despise you if you do that. If I'm left alive after it, that is." I reassured her. I watched her pink scarf sway in the breeze as she increased her pace. "I'm always open to try new things. And you're my friend, so if that's what you want to do, then I'm up for it. I'm amazing that way you know." I huffed running faster to catch up with her.
I caught up with her as we, got out of the campus. We were sweating like mad as we headed towards home, who knew short people could walk that fast. I looked around me to see the sad, lifeless faces of my fellow students heading towards their homes, reminding me of a zombie apocalypse.
I had always wondered what one would look like, maybe this was a good base to build my imagination upon.
The summer sun shone unrelentingly down at us poor mortals, I felt as if it were literally sucking the energy out of me with an invisible straw. As the water in my body literally evaporated under the bright sunshine and my mouth turned dry.
I wondered if this was how it felt to walk in a desert? I must say, it was quite an educational experience, the importance of hydrogen and oxygen was never as clear in my life as it was now. The only thing left complete the scene was some sand and a couple of hungry vultures