The biggest problem in having a rare gift is that you never get to use it freely. There are cautions, handful of forbidden things that has to be remembered, even consequences, so Lila S. Garcia never got to use hers out of fear.
It's unfortunate for her. She loves reading books and stories and fantasies that seem to offer a sanctuary, an escape. Seeing shelves overflowing with books or internet sites full of free ebooks makes her stomach tighten as if a rope is tied on her waist, knotting harder if she walks away. She is drawn to infinite possibilities of worlds and lessons and words, yes, even words: the way it sounds, how it builds tension, its impact and meaning.
Her gift. Now, that's something else altogether. It's an innate affinity. An inherited trait.
She was born to jump on different universes. To dance on adventures. Run with the danger. To witness the song of praises when fear threatens hope.
But no matter how much badly she wants to read a novel like someone inside her wants to crawl out, she can't. She is not allowed to do it. He won't allow it, not that he can stop her now.
Thinking of her grandfather, Lila never questioned his and her actions strongly until well, until he died.
And because of a letter that arrived two years late.
Leonard G. Cruz, her first-degree cousin, finally looks up from reading that same letter with a splitting frown on his forehead. Lila might have come in a wrong time.
"I have to ask, what am I supposed to realize from this?" Leo regards his cousin sternly as he leans back in his leather shod chair. Lila fidgets, peering more at the name plate on his desk than on his face.
She has grown, he could tell. Still the skinny girl he knew but she's taller now, five feet perhaps.
It strikes Lila then that what she would say probably, no, definitely would sound mad to her cousin knowing he was never 'in' on the secret. Telling him could change a lot though, she needs to try.
"Do you remember the story Newt used to tell us? One that was about a boy with certain abilities."
Leonard raises his eyebrow, confuse of the transition but his mind reels back to the moment their grandfather insisted on telling them a story about this jumping ability or was it a gift to travel… books yes, that was it. A book traveling gift of some sort where in the story that boy could go inside the book. An immersive experience. Literally.
Lila sees him processing, she knew he would remember. Her heart starts to beat faster, a drumroll for the main event. Here goes...
"I have something to confess," she blurts.
He sighs holding his patience partly because he has not seen her in about two years.
"Go on," he urges her.
"I am a book traveler." Lila says a matter-of-factly.
"A what?" He scoffs, surprised at the degree of deviance this has from a normal conversation.
Lila looks at him with expectant eyes letting him figure things out on his own than saying it herself. Leonard rereads the letter piercing the things she left in silence. His chestnut eyes grow serious, eyebrows furrow deeper.
"You're saying that your father as Newt mentions here is a book traveler and that you are one yourself…" Lila nods enthusiastically sending shoulder-length black hair out of order.
"And the story our grandfather told us was real, which would make the gift real as well?"
She bobs her head the second time feeling a bit funny like she just got exposed. The secret she locked up – they locked up, all her life is out and she is only beginning. Leonard rubs his forehead, thinking this is a waste of time.
"I don't have–"
"It's true," Lila insists. "Ok, this is where it gets really crazy. Papa..."
Pausing, she steps out of Leonard's office. Lila found herself on their grandfather's personal library. It didn't change. To her left, tall windows let the inclined light of an afternoon sun reach part of the remaining floor. The rest of the room is lined with rows and rows of bookshelves, almost reaching the ceiling. It still held hardbound books in an alphabetical manner. The smell of vanilla on paper so palpable she could taste it. Degrading pages and binding reminded her of the time she runs these walls, when Newt was still alive and he would read to her. Even the silly arguments she had with Leonard over something trivial.
"Is what?" Leonard asks as he follows her, leaning on one of the shelves beside Lila.
"Is alive. Maybe," she says barely a whisper.
Leo stiffens. Of all the things Lila said to him this afternoon, her father being alive is the most surprising albeit unbelievable and disquieting so far. Her father had disappeared without a trace twelve years ago. The possibility of him being alive is highly improbable.
Before her cousin could say something hurtful and bold, Lila snatches the letter from Leonard's hand. Reading, "'It was uncharacteristic of him to travel alone and so I waited but he never came back.'"
"I'm confused. Let's just say that he traveled or whatever, the letter doesn't actually assure me that he's alive either."
"Yes, but now there's a possibility that he is."
"It's more possible that his bones are somewhere buried in Sahara Desert or in the outskirts of Africa…" Leonard pauses.
He is being a bit harsh but Lila's father has been gone too long she's better off not having false hope. It was not what stopped him though. There is an expression on her face.
She is withholding something besides all she conceded.
"You were here when it happened Leo. You and I both know there was no force entry, no signs of struggle and his clothes, his things are in our rooms. Doesn't that seem suspicious?
"Grandpa... They were together when papa disappeared and they were here," she emphasizes the library with a flick of her fingers.
"He's here."
"Here? In the library?" Leonard says, sweeping his eyes around sarcastically. Lila just nodded.
"Lila. Lai, listen. It's been twelve years..." Leonard's concern eclipses his confusion. This is unhealthy for them both. Digging up old hurts that they should have moved on from. "He's not coming back. He's gone."
Her face falls hard. It's not like he was going to believe right away but it's still making Lila irritated. And determined.
"How about this, have you seen me read a book, ever?"
"Yes, when you were homeschooled, Newt read to you. All of us has read a book even once in our lifetime. Besides, we all need to read."
"To be honest Leo, I haven't read a non-academic book. Ever. Zero." She slings her frustrations.
He really is concerned. It is not uncommon for victims of trauma to have a degree of mental health issues. Leo have seen this multiple times in his line of work. Could this be stress induced hallucinations? Worse, schizophrenia.
"Lila, do you need someone to talk to," he says softly as he reaches for her.
Exasperated, Lila stumps her way to the shelf behind her, denying her cousin's hand and brought back a thin book. This is her last resort. If Leonard's not going to believe after seeing her she might go nuts herself.
She grips the book like a lifeline as her stomach juggles with fear. What ifs play on her head like a radio she can't shut off. As she inhales deeply she opens the book.
"Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away--"
The book falls with a thud. Lila vanishes along with her words, leaving a flabbergasted Leonard behind.
* * *
Lila was gone for an hour or so. When she finally came back she saw an unbelievable yet satisfying sight. Leonard is pacing, apparently thrown off. His stony composure is weak, his face pale, sweating furiously and his tie is crooked, something he would not ever want.
She never saw him like this before even when he is almost losing a case in front of the jury. He did not notice her right away but when he did he is speechless for a minute.
"You…"
"Yes."
"And Uncle James…"
"Yeah."
Leo snorts. Sweeping his face with his palms, he is even more astonished as to why he believes her. She did vanish in front of him and by vanish he means instantly like she was never there. He can't rule that out. He looked for her every nook in the house but she was gone. He almost called her mother but of course she wasn't home, she just commuted five hours to reach his house. Also, the letter makes more sense to him with what she is saying. The most rational thing he could do is to accept what he saw. Or he could lose it.
"You should see your face." Lila says, beaming.
"I have a perfectly good imagination, thank you." He snaps back. Leonard swallows, trying to soothe his dry throat. He runs a hand on his hair, loosens the tie around his neck and exhales.
"So, all these years…"
Lila shrugs. "Nobody knew?" he asks. Not even her mother? He wants to say.
"Newt did," she answers with a smile. "It counts. Besides I would probably get experimented on if information about my gift is readily available."
And I including Newt is already viewed as insane in our family, she thinks discreetly.
"I always assumed you are just both… weird." Leo glances to her guiltily. She appreciates the idea of Leonard trying to use the milder word.
"Apology accepted. I need your help."
"Your father, I know." He sighs. "How are you going to find that book exactly?" Leonard opens his arms wide to the whole library.
"As you said he's here, here being one of the more or less thousands of books at the moment."
"Oh. Right," she says. He narrows his eyes at her. She doesn't have a plan, he thinks.
"You know what, I actually don't have a plan, but…"
Lila points at the farthest bookshelf, deep in the corner. It was the least visited part yet it gives off this eerie vibe like it was pulsing with life; some unexplored territory on the collection of written words. Leonard was not interested since he wasn't really into novels, he wants facts and he deals with it, he devours it.
"I always wondered what that means but I think it kind of shouts traveling, right?" His cousin says as they reach the shelf.
There is a name plate on the upper left but instead of a letter to indicate the beginning letter of the title, it bears a drawing of a man in a cloak being blown by the wind. He is wearing a pointed hat and holding a walking stick.
"It looks like Gandalf eh?" she gibes.
"I thought you can't read novels?"
"It's the 21st century. We have movies." She grins. "You do know they have three movies for that book?"
Leonard ignores his cousin and run his gaze on the nine books the shelf contains. It was all hard bound, most are thick with varying height. He notices they don't have any title on the spine.
"I didn't look inside but I think they don't have any titles." Lila pipes in, reading his thoughts.
He did look and there is no indication that there is one or there ever has been a title. There's no author either. This puzzled Leonard but he can at least understand the reference. Judging from the quality of the paper, the binding, the cover, these books are not thousands of years old which means that a title would not be erased through time.
"You think that drawing means book…?" he asks.
"Book traveler. Yeah." Lila supplies.
As he regards the book he's holding a thought pops into his mind. "How come you got out? And Uncle James didn't?" Leo looks at her, raising his eyebrow.
"Good question. He's… stuck," she says. He notices the hesitation.
"Do enlighten me."
Lila dawdles for a moment unsure of how to explain. Newt deliberately drilled into her for seventeen years, eight months and six hours before he died– the consequences of traveling. The consequence her father suffered. The stigma if they tell others. It's the reason why she got cautious and eventually scared of her own ability to the extent of pretending it doesn't exist.
"There are things that needed to be considered when you travel. You will get out once you finish the whole book. Never ever alter a storyline in any way. If you do you will be wandering the pages for eternity." Lila says like a child reciting a rhyme.
"Charming. And?"
"That's it." She says flatly.
"You said things."
"Well you won't know what you actually need unless you get inside."
"Great. Hypothetically, your father made a mistake and he's trapped. How are we going to get him out then? What if he went into some war type books, he could be killed."
"No, no. Newt said we are invincible. And they can't see us," she says. 'They' being the characters I suppose, Leo reasons.
"Is that what it's like?" He asks, hint of curiosity on his words.
"Yeah. Like being in a 5-Dimensional movie, you're an extra but you got to see the action live or better yet a hologram with the characters doing their thing. Or a --"
"I - I get it." Leo stops her short. "So, if they can't see you then how can you have an effect on the storyline?"
"I don't exactly know…" Lila admits. "It's just, every book has a different world, and in every world, there are rules."
Leo's face is blank, Lila sighs. "Ok. To put it simply the more fantastical, the more possibilities there is, the more we could be you know, possible."
"This is one big existential headache." He breathes. "What do you want me to do?"
"Read," Lila says. "Read to me those nine books and if we get some clues I could go inside it and maybe find my father."
"I don't like it. There's a lot of unknown factors. We don't have substantial evidence–" he is cut off by his cousin.
"Life is full of unknown factors."
"Well, this is different. To you a book is like a loaded gun."
"Either that or," she glances to the almost infinite books behind them. Nuts and bolts on Leonard's head turn as he look at her. The thinking face as Lila dubs it or should she call it the typical lawyer's face.
"I need some air," he says after a pause.
Lila is glad he held out longer than she anticipated. What she said is difficult to swallow. No one in their own version of reality would believe her.
In the terrace facing a vegetable garden teeming with eggplants, Leonard contemplates on what he should do. Lila silently stands beside him after a while.
"That was the most informative fifteen minutes of my life." Leonard breaks the silence with his words. She smiles.
"Are you sure he could be alive?"
"I'm not even zero percent sure that he is," straightforward, she replies. "I just want to try, to know where he is or if he is alive. Doing something about this is better than the 'not knowing'."
Frustration makes Leo sigh. The sadness is evident as the hope in her eyes and he couldn't deny her. He is hoping as well.
"Call your mama while I sort things out in the office, call my clients. We start after that."
A grin brightens Lila's face a thousand fold. He works his way back to his office when Lila shouts at him.
"Hey Leo! Nice to see you again."