"Arjun" she hesitated not having any idea what to say. This was unexpected. She never thought Arjun would ask for marriage so soon.
"What? You don't want to marry me." He was so sure that Ananya will say yes. But her hesitation sent a red signal in his mind.
"Of course I want, but don't you think we are taking it a little fast? I mean..."
"Fast? I don't think so. Anu, I love you. And it's getting impossible for me to stay without you. I want you, you want me. So what's the problem? Is it, Dadi? Then I promise you, I will take care of her. She can stay with us too if you want." Arjun went on with his words.
"No" Ananya interrupted. " It's not that. Arjun, please don't get angry, it isn't long since we know each other. Don't you think we should know each other, and understand each other better first? And just a moment ago you didn't tell me that it's your mother's birthday and I can understand maybe you didn't feel comfortable..."
"So, was that all this is about? I was going to tell you. Yeah, I didn't at first but that's why I brought you here with me. If I wanted to hide you why would I take you with me? Ok, now that you know what else do you want to know?" Arjun asked not being able to hide the frustration in his voice.
"You know everything about me, at least as much as you needed. And I also know about you everything I needed." He said raking his fingers through his hair.
After a pause, he continued, "I guess or maybe I don't. Are there more things I need to know regarding you?" This time his words sounded a little cold to her. His eyes were looking into her as if he was trying to find something there.
"Arjun" Ananya held his hands and continued," you know it's not long since I had a broken engagement." She felt tears threatening to come out. "I thought I am going to get married to the man I love, but you know how that ended. It was not easy for me to move on but I did, with 'you'. So before I start anything with you I just want us to learn about each other more. Is that too much?" Ananya asked pleadingly taking his hands in her. She wanted him to understand, her dilemma.
"You don't trust me. You think I will do the same with you?" Arjun's voice sounded accusing, a little harsh but hurt too.
"Of course not. I do want to marry you. Can't you give me some time?"
"Yeah, of course." Arjun looked away. She can hear the anger in his tone.
"Let's go. It's late." He stated with finality and walked toward the exit of the home. Ananya followed.
She knew he was upset but decided to give him some time. Ananya's sudden disagreement to get married changed the mood between the young couple. Though he wouldn't show his frustration. The car stopped as they reached in front of Ananya's apartment building.
Ananya turned towards Arjun, the utter stillness inside the car pointing to the unsaid differences between them.
Ananya was stunned, would be an understatement of the year. Not being able to decide what to say she placed her palm on his which was holding the steering wheel tightly. Her touch made his hold go at ease.
"I love you." Ananya said in an assured tone, like telling him that no matter what she wants him, maybe with the hope that Arjun would understand her points, her dilemma, and above all 'her'. She neared his palm near her mouth and placed a small kiss on its back. This time he couldn't resist and looked back. A smile curved up at the corner of his mouth finally lighting up the mood and also breaking the unnerved silence between them.
"I love you too." This time he neared their joined palms near his mouth and in the same way, doted a kiss on the back of her palm. "I shall wait for your 'yes', it will be hard but I believe it does worth it with the hope that you will not make me wait too long."
"Thanks." She said smiling, while Arjun joined him.
"Goodnight." She was about to get off the car but was stopped by him. "Don't you think I at least deserve a goodnight kiss?"
"God, you can be dramatic," Ananya said in a teasing tone and quickly pecked him on his lips and came out of the car.
"That's called being romantic, darling." She heard him saying behind, "And hello, Ananya Roy I am looking forward to know you." She understood the last sentence was about her previous words. She turned back with a light smile playing on her lips and saw him winking while leaving.
"Me too," she whispered while gazing at the road as his car got smaller.
*****
It was midnight when a sudden gush of air caused Ananya's sleep to take a break. Her eyes opened, her face facing the darkness filling outside through the opened window. The silence except for the slow soothing sound of the ceiling fan spinning above like a lullaby. In the dark, her mind drifted to those moments she and Arjun shared for the past few days. After she confessed her love for him things have been smooth. They were two young people, deeply in love. For a moment, everything hoovered over her mind like a dream she is having like they were not real, and they would slip away any moment and she would wake up with a burden of pain, no, maybe not much physical pain but emotional, they were hard to be cured, they were fear of loneliness, of being abandoned, of drowning in a never-ending darkness and her ultimate fate, a girl to remain unwanted.
A lone tear slid down her cheeks without her knowledge. She suddenly failed a heaviness in her chest. What if she couldn't hold onto them, what if she loses him?
Was she seriously having anxiety in the middle of the night?
Was she wrong to refuse to get married right now? Would he start to love her less now? A hollowness filled her mind. She sat up on the bed restlessly. Her eyes followed the picture of her mother on the bedside table. She took it and hugged it tightly in her chest.
"He wouldn't leave me, right Mom? He will wait for my 'Yes', won't he?" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 'No, he has to.' If you love someone truly you wait for them.
She felt helpless, on one side her insecurities and experience were stopping her from taking the next step, and other hand the thought of losing him was clamping her heart with fear. She wished Neha was with her now but she's out of town, busy with her training and she can't discuss this with Dadi. Dadi seemed to have gone little quiet for the last two days for some reason. She had tried to talk but she kept on telling everything is fine. Hence, she couldn't bother her. She wondered what would her mother say if she was here with her today.
In the morning when Ananya came out of her room, she saw a guest sitting in their living room. A warm genuine smile tugged on her lips.
"Dheeraj Uncle?" Ananya cried out excitedly. "When did you come?"
"Ah, not long, half an hour," Dheeraj replied. "Come sit here. Let me see you, first. It's been long since I saw you." Dheeraj said with affection. Ananya touched his feet and took a sit beside him.
"Well, it didn't have to be that long if you came to see us often", Ananya said, complaint lacing his tone.
"Ah, I see you are quite upset with me. But I am telling you I will make it up to you."
"Of course, I'm upset. You were in Mumbai for quite some time. But only now you got time to come."
"I promise I always thought to come and meet you but you see, I got a little busy with all the conference and NGO work. But now I'm here."
Dadi followed by Neemri brought breakfast and coffee.
"Ah, and you two are started with your chit-chat." She said while taking sit on the sofa. After talking for some time Ananya got ready for the office.
"Uncle, ok I have to leave or my boss will kill me. You will be staying tonight?"
"Well, I would love to but I have some other business to attend. But don't worry I am staying in Mumbai for some time now so it's about time we meet again. Next time you will cook me."
"Oh you know, how bad I am but I am sure Dadi can do magic. Maybe I will make you something else. Now, bye. Please take care."
"You too."
***
After having lunch with Neemri Debjani got a call.
"Hello?"
"Ma?" The voice made her heart skip a beat. She forgot to respond. After a moment of silence, Dibakar talked again.
"Ma? Are you there?"
"Yes," Debjani responded in her shaking voice.
"I went to Kolkata. Ananya is my child, isn't she?"
"I think you have found the wrong number." Debjani knew the truth was out. He knew. She just hoped her son wouldn't hurt her grandchildren. She's had suffered enough with all the truth already.
"Ma please, I just want to know why didn't you tell me that Dipti was pregnant. Why?" He asked in a hurtful tone.
This one question made her lose her calm.
"Don't blame me, Dibakar. She went to tell but probably you told her that she's playing tricks to get you back. So, don't you dare accuse us? You have chosen a life. So, stay there. We don't need you. I believe you don't either."
Debjani cut the call. She couldn't believe that he was blaming them. What rights did he have? She's panting from the shouting. A decades-old pain came back to eat her again. The embarrassment, heartbreak, and this feeling of abandonment caused them so much sufferings that they left Mumbai.
Yes, she could have chosen her son over her daughter-in-law but she couldn't. Because she knew the pain of betrayal. Years back she faced the same pain. She knew what it's like to be betrayed by the person you love with everything of yourself. But at least she was lucky to get him back but insecurity, a black hole was always there. Some scars can never be erased.
*****
Ananya entered Arjun's cabin. Arjun was not there, had been out in a meeting. She noticed the photo frame of his on the table. He looked a little young, probably taken during his college time. In the photo he was smiling, the young Arjun with his charm and cuteness. There were his other friends too, Rahul, Vishal, and Shriya. This was his world when she was not there. She thumbed against his face in the photo.
But it was eyes that had a certain sadness in their depth. An incompleteness drew over them. Maybe in his world of completeness, there was this loneliness, just like her. Maybe in some way, they both were the same, searching for something.
She was missing him, missing his smile, his greetings full of love every day she gets after coming to the office. She hadn't talked to him since last night. Was he feeling the same?
The whole day she was restless. She waited for his one glimpse but he didn't return nor called. Was he ignoring her? In the end, she couldn't control herself and tried his number.
After ringing for some time he received. "Hello?" His deep voice filled her ear. She felt relieved but felt awkward the next moment. Couldn't decide what to say.
"Hi," she spoke out finally.
"Umm, I just called to ask how was your meeting?" Seriously Ananya! She wanted to hit on her head. Is that all you got?
"It went well," Arjun answered softly.
"Ok."
"Anything else?" He asked again.
"No, that's all." She felt stupid in her mind.
"Are you sure?" God, why his voice had to be so heartbreakingly soft?
"Yeah. Ah, actually, I was just wondering why didn't you take me. I mean I could help. Maybe if you need anything. Afterall I am your PA. But I can understand you don't need anyone's help. You are self-sufficient. You are the boss after all..."
"Is that all, Anu?" He suddenly interrupted stopping her blabbering.
"Hmm?"
"You are my PA only? Nothing else?" His voice had turned so hauntingly deep.
"Umm, no."
"Then? What else you are?"
"I'm-I'm..." she stammered."
"Yes?" Arjun urged again.
"I'm your girlfriend." She spat out breathlessly.
"You are my girlfriend, my lover, my partner, my soulmate." He paused a little, like giving her time to consume his words fully. " So, I will always need you in my life. No matter how self-sufficient I am. As for why I didn't take you it was a hectic meeting of long hours, you would have gotten bored. Ok?"
"Ohh" Ananya felt something heavy removed from her heart.
"I thought..."
"You thought I was ignoring you," Arjun asked in a teasing tone.
"Umm, nothing like that. Ok, bye." She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks.
"Anu" This time his voice sounded like a prayer. "I'm here," he said reassuring her.
"I know. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." She said feeling a peacefulness within her.
"Bye." The call went disconnected.
Ananya went home with his assuring words ringing like music in her ears. And, she couldn't wait to see him tomorrow.
She closed her eyes at night laying down on the bed at night. In the silence of the night, a smile played on her lips. It's not just him who needs her, she needed him too, with her every being. She sat up and stood in front of the mirror. She touched her face over her cheeks, her hair, neck, and collarbone while reminiscing every moment they spent together, every time Arjun took care of her. She wanted more such moments, more such memories. Yes, she wanted to be in his world too when he would keep their photo on his table. Yes, it's about time she said yes. Why not now. They shall know each other together like venturing on a journey of an unknown fairytale. She might fall, so what? How many people in the world are so lucky to find love again? Her mother hadn't been but she had been. She knew what her mother would say, hold it, Anu. Don't let it go.
Yes, she would accept his proposal. Tomorrow.