Chapter Six: Enter Professor Toad—er—Umbridge
Ron and Neville exited their compartment and were jostled onto the platform. Once there, Ron listened for the familiar, "Firs' years this way!" but it never came. Instead, they could hear a woman calling, "First years! Over here, please! First years! Hurry up!"
As Ron and Neville clambered into a carriage, Ron asked, "Did you see that Grubbly-Plank woman?"
Neville shook his head.
"Does this mean that Hagrid's left?" he queried.
"I hope not," Ron replied uneasily.
Meanwhile, the Slytherins were all seating themselves at their table and talking quietly amongst themselves. Hermione glanced up at the teachers' table and suddenly asked, "Who's that?"
Up at the table, Harish immediately noticed Dumbledore in the centre of the table. His headed was inclined slightly toward a woman who was sitting next to him, talking in his ear. She was a squat woman with a wide mouth, curly brown hair, and the most horrible pink cardigan anyone had ever seen. Her face was pallid and toad like with a pair of prominent, pouchy eyes.
"I know her!" Draco exclaimed. "She works for Fudge! Her name is Dolores something or another."
"Nice cardigan," Fred muttered with a smirk.
"She works for Fudge?" Hermione repeated with a frown. "What on earth is she doing here then?"
"I think it's because of Fudge thinking that Dumbledore's causing a ruckus. He wants someone in the castle to keep an eye on the old man," Draco theorized aloud.
Hermione, however, wasn't listening but was scanning the table through narrowed eyes.
"No," she muttered, "no, surely not…"
Harish was about to ask her what she meant, but his attention was caught by Professor Grubbly-Plank who had just appeared behind the staff table; she worked her way along to the very end and sat where the gamekeeper normally sat. This meant that the first years must have finished crossing the lake and reached the castle, and sure enough, the doors opened seconds later as McGonagall led a group of pale-faced first years toward the front of the Hall.
The first years' faces glowed palely in the candlelight. A small boy in the middle of the row looked as though he was trembling.
The whole school waited, staring at a stool in front of the first years that held a dirty old hat. The rip near the hat's brim opened wide like a mouth and the Sorting Hat burst into song:
In times of old when I was new
And Hogwarts barely started
The founders of our noble school
Though never to be parted:
United by a common goal,
They had the self-same yearning.
To make the world's best magic school
And pass along their learning.
"Together we will build and teach!"
The four good friends decided
And never did they dream that they
Might someday be divided,
For were there such friends anywhere
As Slytherin and Gryffindor?
Unless it was the second pair
Of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw?
So how could it have gone so wrong?
How could such friendships fail?
Why, I was there and so can tell
The whole sad, sorry tale.
Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."
Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose Intelligence is surest."
Said Gryffindor, "We'll teach all those
With brave deeds to their name.."
Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot,
And treat them just the same."
These differences caused little strife
When first they came to light,
For each of the four founders had
A House in which they might
Take only those they wanted, so,
For instance, Slytherin
Took only pure-blood wizards
Of great cunning, just like him,
And only those of sharpest
mind
Were taught by Ravenclaw
While the bravest and
Boldest
Went to daring Gryffindor.
Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest,
And taught them all she knew,
Thus the Houses and their founders
Retained friendships firm and true.
So Hogwarts working in harmony
For several happy years,
But then discord crept among us
Feeding on our faults and dears.
The Houses that, like pillars four,
Had once held up our school,
Now turned upon each other
And,
Divided sought to rule.
And for a while it seemed
The school
Must meet an early en,
What with dueling and fighting
And the clash of friend on friend
And at last there came a morning
When old Slytherin departed
And though the fighting died out
He left us quite downhearted.
And never since the founders four
Were whittled down to three
Have the Houses been united
As they once were meant to be.
And now the Sorting Hat is here
And you all now the score:
I sort you into Houses
'Cause that is what I'm for,
But this year I'll go further,
Listen closely to my song:
Though condemned I am to split you
Still I worry that it's wrong,
Though I must fulfil my duty
And must quarter every year
Still I wonder whether Sorting
May not bring the end I fear.
Oh, know the perils, read the signs,
The warning history shows,
For our Hogwarts is in danger
From external, deadly foes
And we must unite inside her
Or we'll crumble within.
I have told you, I have warned you…
Let the Sorting now begin.
The hat became motionless once more; applause broke out, though it was punctured, for the first time in Harish's memory, with muttering and whispers. All across the Great Hall students were exchanging remarks with their neighbours and Harish, clapping along with everyone else, knew exactly what they were talking about.
"Branched out a bit—" Fred started.
"This year, hasn't it?" George finished.
"Too right it has," Harish agreed.
The sorting hat usually confined itself to describing the different qualities looked for by each of the four Hogwarts Houses and its own role in sorting them; none of them could remember it ever trying to give the school advice before.
"I wonder if it's ever given warnings before?" Hermione pondered anxiously.
"Not in the years I've been here," Harish replied.
They fell silent at the sight of Professor McGonagall sweeping her eyes across the Great Hall with pursed lips. She had paused in the Sorting, obviously waiting for the Hall to fall silent again. The hushed whispers died out and with one last frowning look, McGonagall lowered her eyes to her long piece of parchment and called out,
"Abercrombie, Euan."
They watched as the boy was sorted into Gryffindor and clapped politely. Slowly the line of first years thinned; in the pauses between names, Harish could hear two loud growls on either side of him. The twins had a rather large appetite, after all. Finally, "Zeller, Rose" was sorted into Hufflepuff, and Professor McGonagall picked up the hat and stool and marched them away as Dumbledore rose to his feet.
"To our newcomers," Dumbledore said with a revolting smile, his arms stretched wide, "welcome! To our old hands—welcome back! There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Tuck in!"
There was an appreciative laugh, an outbreak of applause, and some eye rolling from the Slytherins as Dumbledore sat down neatly and threw his long beard over his shoulder so as to keep it out of his plate—for food had appeared out of nowhere, so that the five long tables were groaning under joints and pies and dishes of vegetables, bread, sauces, and flagons of pumpkin juice.
"Excellent," both twins said, seizing whatever food they could grab and dumping it onto their plates.
Everyone in the Hall dug in, making small talk and wondering aloud about the Hat's warning.
"Of course," Harish said after swallowing a large mouthful of chicken. "We already have that down, haven't we? House unity? I mean we are all Slytherins, and we also hang out with Angelina and Dean, who are Gryffindors, and Luna, who is a Ravenclaw. And those Hufflepuffs owe us a favour. You know from when I caught the culprit behind the opening of the Chamber of Secrets."
"That is true," Daphne said.
When all of the students had finished eating and the noise level in the hall was starting to creep upward again, Dumbledore got to his feet once more. Talking ceased immediately as all turned to face the headmaster. Harish was feeling reasonably tired from the amount of food he ate.
"Well, now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast, I beg a few moments of your attention for the usual start-of-term announcements," Dumbledore said. "First years ought to know that the forest in the grounds is out of bounds to students—and a few of our older students ought to know by now too." (Harish, the twins, and Hermione exchanged smirks.)
"Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me, for what he tells me is the four hundred and sixty-second time, to remind you all that magic is not permitted in corridors between classes, nor are a number of others things, all of which can be checked on the extensive list now fastened to Mr. Filch's office door.
"We have had two changes in staffing this year. We are very pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
There was a round of polite but unenthusiastic applause during which Ron and Neville exchanged panicked looks; Dumbledore had not said how long Grubbly-Plank would be teaching.
Dumbledore then continued, "Try-outs for the House Quidditch teams will take place on the—"
He broke of, looking inquiringly at Professor Umbridge. As she was not much taller sitting than standing, there was a moment when no one understood why Dumbledore had stopped talking, but then Umbridge said, "Hem, hem," and it became clear that she had gotten to her feet and was intending to make a speech.
Dumbledore only looked taken aback for a moment, then he sat back down smartly and looked alertly at Professor Umbridge as though he desired nothing better than to listen to her talk. Other members of the staff were not as adept at hiding their surprise. Professor Sprout's eyebrows had disappeared into her flyaway hair, and Professor McGonagall's mouth was as thin as any of them had ever seen it. No new teacher had ever interrupted Dumbledore before. Many of the students were smirking; this woman obviously did not know how things were done at Hogwarts.
"Thank you, Headmaster," Umbridge simpered in a high, girly voice, "for those kind words of welcome."
Several students, Harish included, were surprised when her voice didn't come out a croak. Instead, it was high-pitched, breathy, and little girlish. Though he did not know why, Harish felt a huge surge of dislike well up within him at the sound of her voice. All Harish knew was that he loathed everything about her, from her stupid voice to her fluffy pink cardigan. She gave another little throat-clearing cough ("Hem, hem") and continued: "Well it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled, revealing very pointed teeth. "And to see such happy little faces looking back at me!"
Harish glanced around sceptically. None of the faces he could see looked happy; on the contrary, they all looked rather taken aback at being addressed as though they were five years old.
"I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all, and I'm sure we'll be very good friends!"
Harish and the twins shared revolted looks.
Over at the Gryffindor table, Ron and Neville were barely able to contain sniggers as Parvati whispered loudly to Lavender, "I'll be her friend as long as I don't have to borrow that cardigan!"
Professor Umbridge cleared her throat again ("Hem, hem"), but when she continued, some of the breathiness had vanished from her voice. She sounded much more business-like and now her words had a dull learned-by-heart sound to them.
"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the Wizarding community must be passed down through the generations lest we lose them forever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge must be guarded, replenished, and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching."
Professor Umbridge paused here and made a little bow to her fellow staff members, none of whom bowed back. Professor McGonagall's dark eyebrows had contracted so that she looked positively hawk-like, and she distinctly exchanged a glance with Professor Sprout as Umbridge gave another little "Hem, hem" and went on with her speech.
"Every headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts had brought something new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that it is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation…"
Harish found his attentiveness ebbing, as though his brain was slipping in and out of tune. The quiet that always filled the Hall when Dumbledore was speaking was breaking up as students put their heads together, whispering and giggling. Over at the Ravenclaw table, some girls were chatting animatedly while Luna got The Quibbler out again. Ron had fallen asleep at the Gryffindor table and two girls in his year were giggling. Meanwhile at the Hufflepuff table, Ernie Macmillan was one of the few still staring a Umbridge, but he was glassy-eyed and Harish was sure he was only pretending to listen in an attempt to live up to the new prefect's badge gleaming on his chest.
Professor Umbridge did not seem to notice the restlessness of her audience. Harish had the impression that a full-scale riot could have broken out under her nose and she would have plowed on with her speech. The teachers, however, were still listening very attentively, and Hermione seemed to be drinking in every word Umbridge spoke, though judging by her expression, they were not all to her taste.
"…because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognized as errors of judgement. Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited."
She sat down. Dumbledore clapped. The staff followed his lead, though several of them only brought their hands together only once or twice before stopping. A few students joined in, but most had been taken unawares by the end of the speech, not having listened to more than a few words of it, and before they could start applauding properly, Dumbledore stood again.
"Thank you very much, Professor Umbridge, that was most illuminating," he said bowing to her. "Now—as I was saying, Quidditch try-outs will be held…"
"Yes it certainly was illuminating," Hermione muttered in a low voice.
"You're not telling me you enjoyed it?" Fred asked quietly, blinking the glazed look out of his eyes.
"That was about the dullest speech I've ever heard," George agreed. "And I grew up with Percy."
"I said it was illuminating, not enjoyable," Hermione retorted. "It explained a lot."
"Did it?" Harish asked in surprise. "It sounded like a load of waffle to me."
"There was important stuff hidden in the waffle," Hermione said grimly.
"Was there?" Draco asked blankly.
"How about 'progress for progress's sake must be discouraged'? How about 'pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited'?"
"Well what does that mean?" George questioned impatiently.
"It means," Hermione said darkly. "That the Ministry is interfering with Hogwarts."