Chapter Four: Mandrakes, Pixies, and Trees—Oh, my
The next morning Professor Snape went around handing schedules out to them. He paused when he handed Harish his. The sallow man's eyes swept up and down the table before resting on Harish, who was sitting dead centre. Harish narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Finally he moved on, handing out schedules to the three second years.
The second year Slytherins had Transfiguration and Charms first while the Gryffindors had double Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. Ron and Neville made their way down to the green houses. The class gathered outside the greenhouses and waited for Professor Sprout to show up. While they waited, a curly haired Hufflepuff walked up to Ron and Neville, sticking his hand out to shake.
"My name is Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said brightly, shaking Neville's hand. "I know who you are, of course. Neville Longbottom, The Chosen One." Neville nodded awkwardly and Justin shook Ron's hand. "And you're Ron Weasley, right? My name was down for Eton, you know. I can't tell you how glad I was when I got my letter for here instead. Of course, Mother was slightly disappointed, but since I made her read Lockhart's books, I think she see how useful it will be to have a wizard in the family…"
"What's Eton?" Ron mouthed at Neville. He shrugged.
"Green House 3 today, chaps," Professor Sprout informed them when she arrived.
Ron and Neville looked at each other excitedly. That meant that they were dealing with more dangerous plants. They all followed her into the greenhouse. There were rows of tables with four pots each on each table. Beside the pots were tufty greenish-purple plants in little cases of soil.
"Now, we'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Can anyone tell me the properties of a mandrake?" No one raised their hands. "No one? What about you, Longbottom?"
Neville started at being called on and struggled to remember what a Mandrake was. He was sure he had read about them.
"It's a…restorative?" at receiving a nod he continued more confidently. "You can use it to return people who were cursed or transfigured back to the way they were."
"Excellent. Ten points to Gryffindor." Ron thumped Neville on the back. "The Mandrake forms an essential part of most antidotes. It is also, however, dangerous. Can anyone tell me why?" A blonde Hufflepuff raised his hand. "Yes, Macmillan?"
Macmillan answered, "The cry of a mandrake is fatal to anyone who hears it."
"Precisely. Ten points to Hufflepuff. Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young." She pointed to the mandrakes as she spoke as some people moved forward to have a better look. "Everyone take a pair of earmuffs."
There was a scramble as everyone tried to seize a pair that wasn't pink and fluffy.
"When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered. When it is safe to remove them, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right—earmuffs on."
Neville snapped his earmuffs on and they blocked out all sound completely. Professor Sprout put the pink, fluffy pair over her own ears, rolled up her sleeves, grasped the stalk of one of the plants, and pulled firmly. Out of the soil popped what looked like a bawling baby with mottled green skin and leaves growing out of the top of its head.
She took the pot from beside her and dumped the mandrake in it, burying him in dark, damp soil until only the tufty leaves were visible. Professor Sprout dusted off her hands, gave them all a thumbs up, and removed her earmuffs.
"As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cry isn't fatal yet, but it will knock you out for several hours. I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back, so make sure your earmuffs are on tight while you work. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up. Four to a table—there is a large supply of pots here—packs of soil over there—and be careful of the Venomous Tentacula, it's teething."
She gave a large, spiky red vine a slap as she said so, making it draw in the long feelers that had been inching over her shoulder. Ron, Neville, and Seamus went to get themselves a table and they were soon joined by Justin Finch-Fletchley.
The four of them set to work immediately once their earmuffs were back on. Professor Sprout had made it look easy, but they soon discovered that it was far from simple. It turned out that the Mandrakes didnot like being removed from their soil, and when you did so, they would kick, flail, and bite. They also didn't seem to want to go back into the pots either. Neville spent ten minutes trying to squash a particularly fat one into its pot.
By the end of class everyone was sweaty, achy, and covered in dirt. Professor Sprout let them out slightly early so that they would have enough time to take a quick shower before Transfiguration. It was turning out to be a rather wild first day back.
TURN-THOSE-BEETLES-INTO-BUTTONS!
After breakfast Harish, Fred, and George made their way to the field near Hagrid's hut where they had Care of Magical Creatures. Professor Kettleburn, their professor, was already waiting there on them. Beside him, a large crate was rattling. There were round holes around the top of the box and Harish saw green fingers poking through them.
Kettleburn waited for the rest of the class to arrive and then he opened up the crate and pulled out what looked like a cross between a monkey and a bullfrog. It had smooth green skin and short horns on its head. Its mouth was wide and grinning. It had long arms with webbed fingers. There was a large pustule on its forehead.
"Can anyone tell me what this is?" Kettleburn asked in a gruff voice. No one raised their hand. "No one? Well, this is called a Clabbert. It is a XX rated magical creature." The Clabbert pulled itself out of his grasp, climbed up to sit on his shoulder, and leered down at the students. "The pustule on its forehead warns when there is danger (or Muggles) nearby. Today you get to handle these. Three people to a Clabbert, since I don't have enough for all of you."
Each student went up to the crate to pick a Clabbert. Harish picked up one of them and the class listened as Professor Kettleburn explained how to hold it properly. Then he let them look at their Clabberts. Harish was holding the one that he and the twins were sharing. The twins were on either side looking at it. The Clabbert wrenched itself out of his grasp and climbed up to his shoulder, onto Fred's shoulder, on top of his head, and then it leapt across and landed on George, who grabbed a hold of it. The Clabbert started sniffing at George's pocket.
"Do you want this?" George asked, pulling a banana from breakfast out of his pocket. The Clabbert grinned at him and snatched it out of his hand.
Fred and Harish laughed at the stunned look on his face and watched as the creature peeled the banana open. Then, a long pink tongue shot out of its mouth and tore a chunk of the banana away, pulling the food into the Clabbert's mouth.
The three boys laughed again at the sight of the creature's tongue zipping out of its mouth. The Clabbert finished the banana off and tossed the peel on George before it climbed back over to Harish and started sniffing at his hair. Then it grabbed hold of his head with its four feet and flipped its head down to look at Harish's face. It gave him a mischievous smirk before hopping from his head down to the ground and it scampered away.
"Wait! No!" he shouted, and began to run after it. He had no idea what Kettleburn would do if he lost one of the Clabberts. The twins dashed after him and soon the three of them were chasing across the field after the rather quick monkey hybrid.
It paused and leered at Harish and he dived, trying to grab it. The twins stopped short behind him, panting. The Clabbert hopped over to the trunk of a tree and looked at Harish. Before he could stand up, he saw its pustule glow red.
"Harish—"
"Why is that thing glowing at me?"
"Harish look at the tree!"
Harish rolled over onto his back to see that he was sitting right underneath the Whomping Willow. Before he could react, it swung a thick branch straight towards his face.
"ARGH!" he shouted and rolled to the side to avoid the blow.
Quickly, he sat up and did a kind of backwards crab walk, trying to avoid the branches that were now swinging wildly. Harish raised himself into a crouch, jumped over another branch, and the twins grabbed him by the arms and pulled him out of the mad tree's reach.
"Where did the Clabbert go?" he asked, looking around.
"I dunno," Fred replied as they glanced around for it.
"Last time I saw it, it was on a branch—"
"A branch that was swinging towards you."
"Do you think it went down the passage way?" Harish asked. The twins shrugged. "Oh, well. We will just have to tell Professor Kettleburn what happened.
And they did just that. Surprisingly, Professor Kettleburn didn't look angry. He simply said, "Oh, well, he probably scampered off into the woods. That's where they live anyway." He clapped Harish's shoulder. "Don't worry about it."
And he didn't worry about it. Soon, the class ended and they made their way up to the castle for Charms. After Charms class, they headed to lunch. Harish grabbed a sandwich and a banana. He ate the sandwich quickly and then opened the banana. When he did, a green head poked out of his school bag.
THE-CLABBERT—DUN-DUN-DUN!
"What do we have this afternoon?" Ron asked as they walked out to the courtyard after lunch.
Neville pulled out his schedule. "Um…Defence Against the Dark Arts."
Ron nodded. They went out to sit underneath a tree and Ron leaned against it. After a few minutes, Malfoy came outside and walked past them. Ron turned and watched as he walked over to where Blake and the twins were standing in a huddle, peering at something.
He shook his head and leaned back up against the tree trunk. After a few minutes, they left for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Lockhart was standing behind his desk, waiting on them. When the class finally arrived, Lockhart cleared his throat for silence. He reached forward and picked up Neville's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his winking portrait on the cover.
"Me," he said, pointing to it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award—but don't worry about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
He waited for the class to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books—well done. I thought we'd start today with a quiz. Nothing to worry about—just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in—" He walked around handing out test papers, returned to the front of the class, and said, "You have thirty minutes—start—now!"
Neville looked down at his paper and read:
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
What, in your opinion, it Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
On and on it went, over three sides of paper. There wasn't a single question that wasn't about Lockhart himself. Half an hour late, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through them up front.
"Tut, tut—hardly any of you remembered that my favourite colour is lilac. I say so in Year with a Yeti. And a few of you need to read more carefully—I clearly state in Wanderings with Werewolves that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between magic and non-magic peoples—though I won't say no to some Ogden's Old Firewhiskey!"
He gave them another wink and Ron and Neville stared in disbelief. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas were shaking with silent laughter. Lockhart bent down behind his desk and pulled out a covered cage, placing it on the desk.
"And so—to business—" he muttered. "Now—be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to mankind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can fall to you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm." Ron leaned forward for a better look at what was in the cage. Dean and Seamus stopped laughing now. "I ask you not to scream, or you might provoke them."
The class leaned forward eagerly, wondering what could be in the cage and Lockhart whipped the cover off.
"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies."
Seamus couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.
"Yes?" he smiled at Seamus.
"Well they're not—they're not really dangerous, are they?" Seamus choked.
"Don't be so sure," Lockhart admonished, waggling a finger annoyingly at Seamus. "Devilish, tricky little blighters they are!"
The pixies were bright blue and about eight inches tall, with pointed faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of crickets arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they had started jabbering and zooming around the cage, rattling the bars and making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.
"Right then," Lockhart said over the din the pixies were making. "Let's see what you make of them!" and he opened the cage.
It was complete, utter chaos. The pixies shot in every direction like the twins' fireworks. Two of them seized Neville by the ears and pulled him up into the air. Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom. Inks bottles were sprayed everywhere, books and papers were shredded, pictures were thrown out the windows, and trash bins were turned over. Soon half the class was sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the chandelier.
"Come on now—round them up, they're only pixies," Lockhart shouted. He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed, "Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
It didn't do anything at all. One of the pixies grabbed his wand and threw it out the window as well. Lockhart gulped and dived under his desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed as Neville came crashing down from the ceiling
The bell rang and everyone left as quickly as possible. Ron helped Neville up and they dashed out as well. "Can you believe him?" Ron roared as they got to the common room.
"He just wants us to get some hands on experience," Lavender Brown said.
"Hands on?" Seamus questioned.
"Lavender, he had no idea what he was doing," Ron replied.
"But what about all the things he's done?" Parvati asked, coming to her friend's aid.
"He says he's done," Ron muttered.
Neville had to agree that Lockhart seemed like a fraud