"Daddy!" Nick exclaims excitedly as his father comes in from outside. Almost instantly, I know he's Jack's dad. Jack is his spitting image. Same hair, same eyes, and same height. It's as if Jack is a younger version of him.
"Hey, little man," he chuckles as he comes into the dining room, his blue eyes tired, but happy. When he sees me, I smile and give a little wave, suddenly self-conscious.
"Dad, this is Riley," Jack is behind me, one of his hands touching my arm. His dad smiles broadly at me and comes around the table, holding his hand out.
"It's so nice to finally meet you, Riley," he laughs, his hand engulfing mine in a calloused grip. "I'm Peter, Jack's dad."
"It's nice to meet you," he grins at me, winks at Jack (who's face is as red as a tomato), before heading to the kitchen and smothering his wife's face with kisses. Jack groans, embarrassed, and I smile up at him. He gives me an apologetic look before taking the seat across from me.
Peter happily takes the seat on my right, at the head of the table, while Lilly places another dish on the table before sitting on Nick's left.
"Help yourself, everyone," Lilly says, and we all begin to serve ourselves. I place a breaded pork chop on my plate as well as a scoop of corn and mashed potatoes.
"This looks amazing, Mrs. Miles," I acknowledge, and she beams at me.
"Thank you, sweetheart, but please don't be so formal," she laughs. "You're practically family." My eyes meet Jack's, whose face is still red. I barely just met these people, and I'm already family? I do feel very welcomed, but family? A warmth I haven't felt in a long time settles in my chest, and I appreciate its brief existence.
"So, Riley," Peter says, sipping his water. "What classes do you and Jack have together?" I meet his curious gaze.
"Just history," he nods.
"I see," he takes a bite of his pork and chews it. "Lilly and I went to high school together, too. Been together ever since." He smiles tenderly at his wife at the other end of the table, and her cheeks turn light pink as she smiles warmly at him.
"That's really sweet," I say, looking between them before looking at Jack, who seems uncomfortable. Ever since we've been in the presence of his parents, his face has constantly been red. He's eaten most of his food, as if anxious to get this dinner over with. His eyes meet mine, and he smiles at me, but it doesn't erase the unease from his eyes.
~•~
Dinner is over quickly, and I help Lilly clean up the table while Peter speaks with Jack in the other room. I can hear Nick playing in the living room.
"Thank you for dinner," I say, stacking the dirty dishes and placing them for her by the sink. She grins at me.
"Of course! I'm glad you enjoyed it," she chuckles softly.
"My dad is usually out of town, so we don't eat together very often," I say, forcing a smile.
"What does he do?" She asks, handing me a clean dish. I grab the dish towel and begin to dry it.
"He works in business. He and my stepmom," I reply.
"You don't like her very much, do you?" She points out, her eyes open and nonjudgmental. I shrug.
"She's okay, but my stepsister is my real problem," I say, meeting her gaze and tapping my lip. Realization swells in her eyes, and she nods.
"I see," she says. "And where is your real mom?" Fear grips my heart, and I struggle to find a response. Sensing my hesitation, she takes the towel gently from my hands and dries hers.
"I lost my mother at a young age, too," she admits, and I stare at her, surprised. "It devastated my world, but I know she's always with me." She taps her heart and smiles warmly at me.
"Can I tell you something?" I say softly, and she nods, waiting expectantly. I look at Jack as Peter continues to speak with him. It doesn't appear to be a serious conversation, but Peter does seem to be concerned about something. I take a deep breath.
"I'm afraid I'm going to end up like her," I say, voice thick as I try to keep myself from crying. "She wasn't very strong and..." I trail off, afraid to reveal too much and ruin their perception of me. Lilly wraps me in an embrace, and I can't help but lean into her. Karen isn't very approachable about these things, and it's nice to be vulnerable to someone who is a motherly figure. Even though I just met her.
"Just remember to always be honest with yourself first," Lilly says as I pull away, wiping a few stray tears away. "Thank you for sharing that with me." I nod, and she smiles, her motherly warmth is something I haven't felt in a long time.
"Is everything okay?" Jack suddenly appears by my side, worry etched in his eyes. Even Peter looks concerned as he approaches.
"Just some girl talk," Lilly says, winking at me. "Nothing you boys need to worry about."
"Are you sure?" Jack's looking at me, and I nod, smiling reassuringly.
"Yeah," but he doesn't look convinced. I wonder how he can see right through me and still see the authentic me.
"I'll take drying duty from here," Peter says, holding his hand out for the towel. I hand it to him as Lilly laughs.
"About time you did something around the house," Peter feigns a hurt look.
"Now, why would you say such lies, dear?" He protests. Jack takes my hand and leads me out of the kitchen and towards his room, his parents still bantering in the background.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks again, outside his door. I nod.
"Yes," he searches my face, his hand coming up and brushing across my cheek. I can't help but lean into his touch, eyes closing as I let myself get lost in him. His other hand comes up, cupping my cheek. My heart races in my chest as his nose brushes mine.
"Can we play now?" We jump as Nick suddenly appears, looking up at us expectantly. Jack sighs, slightly frustrated. Before Jack can speak, I crouch down and smile kindly at Nick, who grins at me.
"What do you want to play?" He gasps excitedly.
"Come on!" He takes my hand and runs, leading me down the hall and into his room. Jack chuckles from behind us.
For the next two hours, Nick, Jack, and I play with cars, dinosaurs and pretend we're superheroes. It isn't until it's 7:30, and Lilly is getting Nick ready for bed when I realize I need to get home. My first instinct is not to say anything, to go back home at midnight, and to spend as much time with Jack as I can.
"Hi," Jack looks up from cleaning up the dinosaurs and smiles at me.
"Hey," I join him, tossing cars and action figures into Nick's toy chest. "Thanks for playing with him. You didn't have to." I smile.
"I had fun," he grins, and we stand. "But I probably should get home."
"Yeah, it is getting dark out," he frowns, as if me leaving was a bad thing. "I'll take you home." I smile and nod, following him upstairs to his room where I gather my things.
"I think we're finished on the project," I say, zipping up my bag. "I'll recheck it tomorrow before we submit it." I sling my bag over my shoulder, and Jack is leaning against the doorframe, watching me with a yearning look in his eyes.
"Sounds good," he replies as I approach him. "All set?" I nod and follow him down the stairs. He heads for the front door, but I take a detour to the kitchen.
"Thanks again for dinner," I say as Peter finishes cleaning up the kitchen. He pauses and smiles at me."Will you tell Mrs.- I mean, Lilly, that I said bye?"
"Of course! You are always welcome here," Peter says with a grin. "I hope to see you soon, Riley." I smile, nodding, and wave before I join Jack back at the front door. I'm pleasantly surprised when he takes my hand, intertwining our fingers as he leads me to his bike.
"Thanks for letting me stay over," I say, and he nods. "It's nice to get away sometimes."
"Agreed," he dons the helmet over my head and is careful of my now bruised but healing lip. I reach to fasten the strap when he clasps it for me, smiling warmly at me. He straddles the bike, and I get behind him, happy to wrap my arms around him. The engine roars to life, and I tighten my grip around him as we begin our trip back to my house. It's pitch blackout, and all I can see are trees. How Jack can navigate through this forest is beyond me.
My heart (and stomach) is full. I don't know what kind of relationship Jack and I have, but it's unconventional. It's different, but it's real. I quickly think about the few times that he's tried to kiss me, and my face heats up while my heart skips a beat. I wonder if he thinks of me as his girlfriend. Just at the thought, my stomach churns with butterflies, and I'm sighing to myself. That would be a dream. But is that what he wants?
"Because I don't want her; I want you."
He flat out told me I'm what he wants, but here I am, second-guessing his declaration, and my self-esteem takes a plunge. I might not be like everyone else, but that doesn't mean I can't be what he wants. Right? My head is spinning, and I sigh to myself as the bike slows, and we're pulling up to my house. Dread fills my body. I don't want to go. Jack stops and kicks the kickstand, disembarking the bike and helping me get off. He's eager to assist me in doffing the helmet, and he's gentle while doing so.
"Here we are," he proclaims, laughing softly to himself. "Home sweet home." I force a smile as an overwhelming amount of trepidation suddenly washes over me. I don't want to go. I don't want him to go. Jack follows behind me as I walk to the front door, and I notice my car is in the driveway. Great. I grab the hidden key from underneath the flower pot by the door and turn to Jack.
"Thank you," I say, lifting my gaze to his. "For today." He grins and nods, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.
"Of course," he says, eyes warm and soft. "Anything for you." My face heats up, and I take a deep breath. I don't want him to go. A ball forms in my throat as I now suddenly have to return to reality. A reality where I'm always the bad guy and where I'm constantly alone. As if sensing my distress, Jack touches my arm, his hand sliding down and taking my hand.
"What's wrong?" I avert my gaze. I can't cry in front of him! Not any more than I already have. Pull yourself together, Riley. I take another deep breath and shake my head, forcing a smile, but Jack doesn't look convinced. Don't go.
"Nothing," he opens his mouth to say something when I turn and unlock the door, returning the key back to where it came from. "See you tomorrow?" I don't mean to form it as a question. Jack smiles, though his eyes are concerned, he nods.
"You betcha," I nod and step into the house. Please don't go.
"Text me when you get home?" He chuckles and nods again.
"Of course," I smile. Please stay.
"Goodnight, Jack," I say softly. I don't want you to go. He grins and waves.
"Goodnight, Riley." I close the door and quickly look out the side window, watching him straddle the bike. The engine blasts through the quiet night, and then he's gone. Please come back. My eyes burn with unshed tears as I head up to my room. Once the door closes behind me, I feel myself break as loneliness suddenly overwhelms me, and I can't push it away anymore.
Through my tears, I change into my pajamas, plug my phone into the charger, and await his text. I can't stop the tears, and my chest aches so deep, I feel it in my thumbs. I roll over onto my side, hoping it eases the pain, but it just makes it worse. It's torture, wanting and missing someone you're afraid to have. Someone you think you don't deserve. The loneliness I fear will never leave hangs over me like a constant dark cloud that blocks the sun and drains my happiness like a black hole. It isn't but ten minutes later, does my phone buzz.
I'm home now. Goodnight, princess. I'll see you in the morning. :)
I choke on a sob, heart-aching, and I hate myself for it. I shouldn't be so sad about this! I shouldn't be crying. I should be happy. I have someone in my life who wants me when I don't even want myself. I should be happy. Yet, I still feel so alone. My heart aches in my chest because I know I don't deserve someone like him. Through my tears, I manage to send a simple message back.
Goodnight.
I can't seem to catch my breath as I tuck my phone away, covering myself with my blankets as I try and fall asleep. I barely met him but a few days ago and now here I am, sobbing because I miss him. Because I want him, but know I can't have him. But I can't help but think that he's the only thing that makes sense in my lonely world and the only thing I look forward to. It's like he's the light at the end of my very long and very dark tunnel. And he's standing there, that playful smile on his face as he waves me to him, welcoming me into his tight embrace.