July 10, 2020
__________________________
Everything was white, I could feel I was awake but my eyelids were almost too heavy to open. I was comfortable now, my back was against what seemed to be foam. I must've just had a dream. My hand felt weird, warm. Someone was holding it, I flinched in realization.
"Doc! I think she's waking!"
Katie was in the room with me, her voice was filled with urgency. Was I in the hospital?
Suddenly my eyes bursted open and I see her beside me, eyes and nose were both red.
What were we doing here? Was it all r-real? My chest suddenly ached, I got up to sit-
"Katarina." Someone held me up as they guided me. It was the doctor.
"Hi Kat, it's me, Doctor Jade." Doctor Jade? What was she doing here, I thought she was with mom?
"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be with Mom?" I barely managed to get the words through my head which was violently spinning.
"Doc? Does she remember?" Katie's voice didn't help with it. I was still confused.
"Kat? Your mom didn't make it."
The sentence stayed forever in my mind. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, my heart wrenched in agony, ripping as if it was paper-soft.
I could feel Katie's grip tighten.
"Huh? W-What do y-"
"It's okay Kat, she's resting now after months of war." Doctor Jade's voice faded across my head. Months? It was just months when we found out she had cancer?
My eyes immediately started pouring down. Nothing could stop me, but it wasn't enough.
"No! Please! How?!" Was all I could shout, say, speak, it didn't matter, she wasn't there anymore.
"Kat, its okay. Let it out." Katie started crying but I knew she was trying to hold it back.
I felt like ripping my body apart, I couldn't take this much pain. Not without her.
But everything stopped. I couldn't feel anything, as if nothing had happened.
"Kat?" Katie whispered, concerned.
"I'm okay now." My face was blank and my voice, flat. "Does dad know?" I tried to put concern in my tone but I failed
"Yeah, he knows. They called each other earlier this day." She answered quick.
"What happened? Why am I here? Why did this happen?" My voice became flustered as I try to compose myself from crying again.
"Let's talk about that later, okay?" Doctor Jade gave me a soft answer. Which, in my opinion, was best for me at this point. I look around the eerie room, trying to compose myself. My heart beat is starting to calm down, I no longer needed to take deep breaths.
"Is everything alright?" Katie's voice suddenly filled my head.
"Yeah." I assured her firmly. I look at her brown pupils, her brown hair all messed up, her eyes were redder as I imagined it to be. My vision strays away and I realized my little brother Chase wasn't with us.
"Where's Chase?" I told them silently, trying to avoid the situation.
"She's with Auntie Bella, Grandma just knew and she's on her way. I think they're out on a dinner with Uncle Phil." She said while fixing her hair, the room smelled of strawberries, her favorite shampoo and perfume.
"Dinner? What time is it?" My question referred to no one, I was just basically waiting for a response, any response.
"It's a quarter to 8 P.M." Doc Jade told me, her tone seemed like she didn't know either.
"8? How long was I out for?" It seemed like only a minute when I passed out, did I?
"Asleep actually. But it was a solid 3 hours, you woke up shortly but fell asleep." Doc Jade came quick with a reply. That kinda explained it, I guess I was just tired after not being able to sleep last night. My heart started to pump more, remembering.
"Jade?" A voice, followed by noise outside filled the room instantly when a lady in uniform opened the room.
"Yes? Oh, Kat's awake now." Her voice soothed me well.
"Kat? Oh." Her voice sounded anxious.
Doc Jade signaled her to come in with a finger, nodding at the same time at her and stepping aside for her to come. I was confused, I didn't know her.
Her footsteps trailed a path leading to beside me.
"Hey Kat, it's me, Nurse Emma, Ms. Rosalie's nurse, remember?" Her voice sounded more familiar now that she's nearer. Her round face made no resemblance to any in my mind. "Sorry for your loss by the way, she was a favorite of mine, to be honest." She added, laughing at the memory, the others joining in. I smiled back.
"No, it's okay, it was just a little, uhm, faster than I- yeah." Stutters filled my sentence, making me sound sadder than I was.
"It's okay, we understand." She took her gloves off and her warm hand caressed mine.
"Anyways, you called her?" I added at the realization of why she was here in the first place.
"Oh yeah, right. Mr. Demali had a slight allergic reaction to the shots we gave him earlier, I was hoping you could take a look at it?" Her voice sounded concerned. She was talking to her now, quite silently too.
"Hmm, that's strange. Yeah sure, I'll be there in a minute." She replied, Emma and I and Katie exchanged goodbyes as she went out and closed the door adjacent to where we were. It was only the three of us now.
"By the way, are you hungry, Kat? I told the nurses to get you some food." Doc Jade said.
"Oh yeah, about that, they got you some-" Katie joined the conversation as she turned back and reached for the tray to my left. "apples, they put some meat in here too, looks like fish and uh- that's it." She said.
"What do you think, Doc?" I asked her thinking she would know about it better.
"Hmm, I suppose go for it, the fish has no taste in my opinion, it's basically bland because people end up having allergies from the seasonings, the fruits are great." Her voice assured us both.
"Here." Katie reached me a red apple, I peeled the sticker in a second.
"Yeah, I have to go, Kat." Doc Jade reminded us.
"Oh yeah, don't worry, we forgot you were working." Katie spoke for me as I gobbled my apple, hungry.
"Take care, Kat, Katie! Also tell Chase to stop playing with the remote buttons, will you?" they laughed together, it must be when I was asleep.
Doc Jade left the room and the room became awfully quiet, the first time that there was an elephant in the room between me and Katie. I took the last bite of my apple when the blanket on my legs suddenly felt warm, too warm. I take it off quickly.
"Don't try to get up yet, they said something about your blood flow and something." Katie's sense of urgency showed through her words.
"I'm not, it's just hot." I chuckled, not trying to make things awkward. "Can you fetch me another apple?" I told her, giving here the apple I just ate.
My head became rampant with thoughts, I couldn't process what was happening, what had happened, everything. The white paint across the wall suddenly became too light to look at, I rest my head back against the bed. Then the light bulb above did the same thing. I get back up, unable to get comfy.
"Here." Katie gave me another another red apple. "Do you want me to adjust the bed for you?" She added, she must've noticed.
"Uhm yeah sure." She grabbed a remote under the bed. "Sit up for me." I follow her and she presses a button that made the head part of the bed go up.
"Thanks." I tell her. I take the blanket and wrapped my body in it and laid back comfortable this time. But something felt missing from me, someone-
Ava.
I reach for the right pocket of my jeans and find that it's empty.
"Katie, do you know where my phone is?" I asked in curiosity and slight panic.
"Oh, yeah. I have it here." She reached beside the tray on the table.
My phone. Ava. She's probably worrying so much.
"Thanks." I tell her as I sit up and unlock it.
"0-9-1-6" Mom's birthday.
8:01 PM, April 15th, Wednesday. Memos, Clock, Contacts, Cloud.
Texts.
I opened it hastily, not knowing how many texts she has sent me.
AVA - 17 unread texts, 2 missed calls. I rolled my eyes at the notifications. I opened her tab and read her texts silently by thought.
___________________________
12:09 AM
"Hey, it's been an hour, what's up?"
"Did you eat lunch already?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Things aren't going the way we wanted them to go, it's getting harder for her to breathe."
"I hope everything gets better. They don't know yet, I think."
"Good. Don't let them know."
___________________________
12:17 PM
"Kat, class is abt so start, sorry. I have to go."
"Don't worry, I'll let you know what happens."
__________________________
4:56 PM
"Hey, school just ended, how are things?"
This must be when I passed out.
"Kat?"
"Please respond, I'm getting a little anxious."
"Is everything okay?"
"Psst..."
"Katarinaaaa"
"Perhaps you're busy, I'm getting on the bus, you bethjer pick up."
"Better*"
__________________________
5:01 PM
One Missed Call From Ava, Call Back?
"Kat? Where are you?"
"Please get back as soon as you can."
__________________________
5:19 PM
"I just got off the bus, are you there?
"Katarinaaa please respond."
__________________________
6:04 PM
"OMG, I'm so sorry. I literally just heard from Katie."
"I'm literally so sorry. Did I bother you earlier?
One Missed Call From Ava, Call Back?
"I'm so so sorry, I literally didn't mean it. Take your time, omg omg im so sorrryyy."
__________________________
That was it. I didn't know what to feel, a part of me is hurting, a part of me is denying.
I pressed the call button.
My phone rang once, rang tw-
"Hello? Kat?"
I wasn't surprised it didn't take me at least three rings before she picked up.
"Hey, it's me." I responded, trying to assure her everything was okay now, i think.
"Oh my god, I was so worried. I'm sorry for disturbing you by the way, I literally thought-"
"Don't worry, everything's okay now." I added trying to comfort her.
"Are you sure? I talked to your sister earlier, I wanted to make sure everything is okay."
"Yeah, I passed out earlier and they said I accidentally fell asleep." I explained.
"Yeah, I thought so too but your sister told me why. Are you at home right now?"
"No, I'm at the hospital."
"Wait, for real?"
"Yeah. For real. By the way, did you tell anyone?"
"No, not really. I just said you had bad cramps."
"Oh okay. Good." I told her
I got off the phone, not hanging up.
"Katie, do you think they'll allow Ava to visit?" I asked her quietly.
"Yeah, I think so, go for it." She responded.
"Hey, Ava? Do you think you could come here?" I asked her, hoping her presence will help.
"Yeah sure! I mean, why not?" Her voice sounded enthusiastic as she answered.
"Really? Oh my god, that'll be awesome." I wanted to really convince her to go.
"Which one is it at again?" She was in. I felt the sense of victory already.
"Uh, Spruce Lake Med Center." I told her, kinda confused about my situation as well.
"Hey Katie, what room are we in?" I asked her quickly.
"214"
"Oh okay, thanks."
"Yeah, 214." I immediately told Ava.
"Sure, I'll let them drive me there, wait for me okay?" She said excitedly.
At least this day could get better.