Unfortunately things do not go back to the way they were before. If anything they only escalate further as the weeks go by.
Aosh is being spoiled, by wandering hands and pouty lips. Every day he wakes up with the love of his life in his arms, he is roused awake by whispers of his name followed by the soft press of his love's mouth against his. It's torture, a living hell he is reluctant to escape from.
Some days are easier than others. Some days he is granted a kiss or two, and the warm press of Tiza's body as they merely exist together in their home. On the couch or bed, at least the fleeting touches are bearable.
Other days Aosh isn't as lucky to retreat into the familiarity of what their friendship used to be. Most days he is thrust into their current reality, Tiza's hands leaving burning trails down his body. The Omega gifting him passionate kisses, love bites, and needy orgasms. He is too weak to refuse his love of what he wants to take; Aosh had already given himself to Tiza long ago, there was nothing that didn't already belong to him.
That doesn't stop his heart, as fragile as it is, from quivering when Tiza says his name when they are together. When it comes from that devilish mouth it's laced with lust and not love. To have his fated mate this close and to keep him there, Aosh would take what he could get. He would take lust and pray for love. He would drink lust down by the cupful if it meant he would get a single drop of love. But that didn't make things any less difficult.
Even now he finds it difficult to not see himself as just a tool for Tiza to release some steam, especially when said person is between his legs right now. Warm water streams from the shower head behind Aosh, the water cascading down his naked form. There's a chair in the shower that Aosh put there when Tiza moved in to lessen the chances of the other falling. Now Tiza sits in it, naked as well, his pretty lips wrapped around Aosh.
Most of the water is blocked by Aosh's body, but some of it rains down onto the Omega, making his platinum locks cling to his skin; water dripping down his hollowed cheeks. His head bobs up and down, eyes closed until they flutter open to chase up the expanse of Aosh's glistening stomach; meeting his heated gaze. Those gorgeous emerald eyes of his are alight with playfulness, despite how reddened the rest of his features are. If Tiza was embarrassed he hid it well. Aosh can feel Tiza's tongue tease him, and his breathy moans echo off the shower walls.
The tight, hot, and wet feeling around him is overwhelming, when it's accompanied with Tiza's eyes tracing along his body and his hands holding him in place by the hips; it's almost too much. Aosh is thankful they haven't gone further than this, because if they did he might lose himself. He might ruin everything. Vaguely he can picture himself making love to Tiza, his emotions running too high until they breach the dam of his heart, and he spills out all his love for Tiza in the form of words and tears.
The lovelorn Alpha can see the disgust on Tiza's face as if it were real, he can feel his stomach sink when the imaginary words of rejection follow, and then his heart finally shattering when Tiza inevitably leaves him forever. It's enough to make him flaccid if Tiza wasn't working his mouth expertly around him.
He should let himself enjoy this, Aosh should live and revel in the moments where he has Tiza in the most intimate ways possible; to live in the present. But it's hard when his entire life he's been looking towards the future. His future with Tiza. There was uncertainty before, whether or not he would even meet his fated mate, but now he would trade that blissful uncertainty for this nauseating one of if his fated mate would stay. Nevertheless he tries to live in the moment.
Aosh's hand softly lands on the top of Tiza's head, and the other hum's encouragingly against him. His tanned fingers rake through Tiza's short locks, trying not to pull on them; he was dangerously close, teetering on the edge. It seems like the Omega can tell because his lips drag off of him, teasingly slow. Pouty, pink lips smile; their presence on Aosh is replaced by Tiza's fist. Tiza opens his mouth ready to receive what Aosh is going to give him. The lewd image is almost too much for Aosh to look at.
Biting his lip hard enough to almost break skin, Aosh forces himself to watch as he finishes all over Tiza's face.
It feels like Aosh is drowning in all the lust, it was surrounding him, overwhelming him. It tried to quench his needs, flow into the cracks of his despairing heart and fix it anew, but no matter how much of it he drank down he would never be satisfied.
All Aosh wanted was a single drop of love.
..............................
Tiza felt like he was full to the brim with this new feeling.
With all of this love he had for Aosh.
It was different from how he had loved Valencia. The emotions with her, he has come to realize, were carnal and seeded in lust. After the fact he saw that she worshipped his body, wanted to put her mark on it in any way that she could; physically and emotionally. It didn't matter to her as long as the scar was made by her hands.
This feeling of love ravaged Tiza, to the point it almost hurt. He was barely learning to come to love himself and all of his faults; it seemed too much to ask him to love someone else.
Maybe that's why, even though he's come to realize that he cares for Aosh in that way, he has been skirting around the subject. The tender emotions that tugged at his heart were so forgien that he didn't know how to respond to them. So he just defaulted to what he knew; how Tiza had learned to show affection.
With being physical.
'It doesn't seem like Aosh minds all that much,' Tiza thinks as he licks Aosh's release from the corner of his mouth.
He also likes getting Aosh worked up, especially when he regards him with those obsidian eyes edged in fire. Tiza didn't know what they were yet, but he does know that he loves Aosh. That he feels safe and at home with him. And that although they were getting more intimate they were still taking things slowly, according to his standards anyway.
And that's ok. Tiza is currently playing catch up, trying to fit in seventeen years of love in the small amount of time he's come to recognize it. It's become a little game he plays in his head now, seeing the ways that Aosh loves him and how Tiza can do the same.
He sees it in the way Aosh carefully takes note of the things Tiza is and isn't willing to eat, and how he gently pushes the boundary in an effort to help. Tiza see's how Aosh loves him whenever his fingers stall before they touch his skin, his Alpha waits until he has permission and doesn't take what is assumed to be his; he lets Tiza have a choice. In all the things Aosh has done up until this point, Tiza can see his love. It's probably been painfully obvious to everyone except for him.
But now that he can see it and knows the driving force behind Aosh's actions Tiza appreciates it, cherishes it, and looks for ways to return it; but so far he can only do so in ways he knows how. Tiza hopes his touch can convey how much he cares until he musters up the courage to use his words. He wants to be as good to Aosh as Aosh is to him, if not moreso. For all this waiting the Alpha deserved as much.
Standing up, Tiza laces his arms around the other's neck, brushing his wet hair to the side. He thinks about all the marks that lie under Aosh's collar and how he wants to add more.
Maybe later tonight, when the two of them are on the edge of sleep and Aosh is easily persuaded.
For now the blonde settles on kissing his fated mate until Aosh's hands, as gentle and timid as ever, push him against the shower's wall. They lightly slide down Tiza's body, thumbs brushing against the sides of his stomach until they stop at his hips. Instead of going farther south, like Tiza wants, Aosh's arms wrap around his waist; pressing their bodies together as he breaks their kiss to rest his head on Tiza's shoulder.
'This was nice too, being held,' Tiza thinks.
Aosh heaves a sigh.
"What's wrong? You usually like it when I do that."
"No...you did great," Aosh mumbles against wet skin.
Then Aosh makes an annoyed sound, followed by something poking into Tiza's thigh.
Oh so that's what it is. Once wasn't enough, huh?
................................
The Alpha and Omega's heavy breathing permeated the bedroom after they have finished. Aosh covers Tiza with his body, both of them exhausted.
"Aosh...you're squishing me." Tiza mumbles.
After Tiza had asked Aosh to use his thighs to pleasure himself, things had gotten pretty heated . In the midst of their faux lovemaking Aosh had carried him from the shower to the bed, to finish what Tiza started; still between his thighs of course. Once Tiza climaxed Aosh finished soon after, letting his release cover Tiza's stomach. Aosh continues to pant against his mouth, while the discomfort in his hips worsens; Tiza lightly nudges at the Alpha's chest.
Being clingy was cute, but bending him in half not so much!
The Alpha doesn't say a word, but he does roll over to the side, snaking his arms around the other's waist to spoon Tiza, not even caring about smearing his release all over his arms. The Alpha has gone quiet, opting to bury his head into Tiza's shoulder like he did in the shower. Was it that good? Or was something still wrong?
Aosh can't stop himself from trembling, his cup was full, it was overflowing, he felt like he couldn't keep it in anymore, so his body shook as he tried to hold himself back. It was hard not to visualize that they were having real sex. The way Tiza looked, laid out on the bed, fingers in his mouth to quiet his moans, is exactly how Aosh had pictured it in his head.
"You're...you're shaking," Tiza turns his head as much as Aosh will let him, "Talk to me. What's wrong? Was it too much? Too soon?"
"I...I don't know if I can do this…" Aosh mumbles to himself, but loud enough the other can hear.
If things kept naturally escalating how they have been, Aosh will lose it. He was barely holding it together right now, when all he wanted to do was cry about how much he wanted Tiza to love him. Keeping Tiza this close was all he wanted, but it was wearing him down, to the point where he didnt know if he could keep up with this 'friendship' anymore.
Aosh was coming to realize that he wanted all of Tiza or nothing at all. The fact it had come to this point was terrifying to him, the hopelessness that he felt just inched closer and closer. His arms wrap around Tiza tighter, he didn't want to let go of his fated mate; a part of him was even willing to go insane with longing just to stay next to him.
But another part of him, a part he has never heard before, tells him he needs to do something for himself. That he had lived his life up until this point with Tiza at the forefront, but now Aosh needed to put himself first. Even if that meant ending this physical relationship they had.
Aosh's words made him panic, so much that a hole dug itself in the pit of Tiza's stomach. Aosh didn't know if he could do this? 'This' meaning being with Tiza? But he was in love. Not even falling in love anymore, Tiza had already hit the ground and was on the cusp of running with this love. Was it possible that while Tiza was falling in love, Aosh was falling out of it?
The two laid together in silence, each man running through their own scenarios in their head instead of using their words. Their minds keep going round and around in circles, until they both land on the same thought:
'I have to tell him I love him.'
For Aosh he needed to bear his heart, get this feeling of love that has plagued and infected his heart for most of his life out in the open; so he can see for himself how Tiza rejected him instead of imagining it in his head.
For Tiza, who was quickly swept away by this feeling of love, he didnt know what to do if Aosh didn't love him anymore. Because being loved like this was far from how he had been loved by anyone before, and maybe if he said that, maybe if he told Aosh of all the ways that he loves him, Aosh would reconsider.
Fate's a curious thing like that, being able to seed the same thought from two different perspectives. The Alpha and Omega agonize quietly, then in the same breath open their mouths to speak.
"Aosh I-"
"Tiza I-"
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Tiza's ringtone simultaneously cuts through the silence and cuts their confessions off as well.