Chapter 77 - Ancient History
Bringing Petunia Dursley to Hogwarts was an experience Sirius could have done without. The portkey took all of them directly to the Infirmary which was already beginning to fill up with sleeping Muggles. No sooner had they appeared than they were hustled away from the arrival area and into the main room to make way for more arrivals.
While Petunia Dursley shrieked and squawked about the manner of their arrival and the shocking sight of her husband and son being levitated out of the way, Susan Bones from Hufflepuff directed Sirius and Remus toward two beds near one of the tall narrow windows at the far end of the ward. While Petunia wasn't the only Squib present who'd had little exposure to magic, she was certainly one of the nosiest, and Susan gave Sirius and Remus a rather pained looked before she rolled her eyes at the woman's behavior. Sirius shot Remus a quick look and saw the twitch of his lips - it took a lot to annoy a Hufflepuff. The fact that Petunia was now shrieking about drafty old buildings wasn't earning her any friends.
As Sirius and Remus levitated the two fat Dursley men toward the beds, Sirius noticed the four Winter Land guards standing in front of the door that led to Harry's private room. A quick shake of the head from one of them told Sirius that nothing had changed. Harry had not awakened. Sirius' heart sank a little at that.
"What sort of hospital is this?" Petunia demanded when Dudley and Vernon were finally levitated onto the appropriate beds, and she'd had a chance to take a good look around. She was sneering up at the high vaulted ceilings overhead.
Sirius frowned, trying to picture how a Muggle might see this place. There were no electronic monitors or Muggle accouterments, and the long, narrow, bed-filled ward was lit with thick beeswax candles in wall sconces.
"This is the Infirmary at Hogwarts, Mrs. Dursley," Remus told her. He'd apparently recovered some of his calm manner though Petunia was still keeping her distance from him. Sirius wondered if the odds were greater that she had ever been slapped before or if Remus had ever struck a woman. He'd bet the former was far more likely.
"This is where my Dudley and Vernon are to be kept?" she exclaimed in outrage. "I demand a proper room - somewhere private!"
"It's easier to tend to everyone if they're all together," Remus explained.
"But you don't have any equipment," she protested. "Just beds!"
"They'll have what they need," Remus assured her, and a moment later Madam Pomfrey appeared with Anna Granger. Over the course of the next several minutes they set both men up with IVs and a monitor spell on each of them to watch their vital signs. Pomfrey explained that catheters and feeding tubes would be inserted later - Sirius shuddered at the thought. But he understood that the number of patients would prevent Pomfrey from using the usual spells for such things. It would exhaust her too quickly.
"And what about me?" Petunia demanded when Dudley and Vernon were settled. "Where am I to be staying?"
"We're setting up extra dormitories in Hufflepuff for the Squibs," Susan told her. "We thought you'd be more comfortable there than in the other dorms."
"Dormitories!" Petunia exclaimed, a sneer on her face. "I am not going to stay in a dormitory."
Irritated, Sirius glared at her. "You are more than welcome to stay with Remus and me," he offered. "I believe we have a cupboard you can sleep in - don't we, Remus?"
"Yes," Remus agreed immediately. "Under the staircase if I remember correctly. I'm sure you'll be very comfortable there."
Petunia paled at their words and fell silent. Sirius smirked. "No?" he asked.
"Just you wait until I call my lawyer," Petunia warned.
"You do that," Sirius grinned. "I'm sure there's a telephone around here somewhere."
It took them another thirty minutes to get Petunia set up in the Hufflepuff dormitory. She protested the entire way. But soon the sights of the many moving staircases, the talking portraits and the numerous ghosts floating around silenced her. When the Hufflepuff ghost, the Fat Friar, welcomed her to Hufflepuff, she paled and looked ready to faint. Sirius and Remus left her sitting on a bed with several other Squib women in a room on the ground floor. Sirius was rather amused to note that she looked like a fish out of water.
"Remind me to tell the first years to practice their spells on that woman," Sirius grumbled as he and Remus headed back to the main castle.
"Forget the first years, let's tell the seventh years," Remus suggested. They both grinned at the thought. "I don't imagine that the Dursleys will have an easy time of it if word gets out how they treated Harry all these years. I would imagine the Winter Land people would take it quite personally."
"I imagine a lot of people will take it quite personally," Sirius agreed. He and Remus might be newly proclaimed upstanding citizens of the Wizarding World, but they were both still Marauders at heart. Nothing was going to change that.
"Why don't I go check in with Dumbledore while you see to Harry," Remus offered. "And make certain that Severus has gotten some sleep." Sirius nodded in agreement and they headed off in separate directions.
When Sirius reentered the Infirmary, he paused to check in with Madame Pomfrey first. She was running around the room, frantically trying to maintain some semblance of order over her ward despite the people popping into the place every few moments. The beds were all quickly filling up and people were being directed toward the temporary wards in other parts of the castle.
Nonetheless, Poppy took a moment to speak with him, waving him into her office and shutting the door for privacy. The look she gave him was not encouraging. "Has his condition worsened?" he demanded, a spark of fear burning in his heart. He couldn't bear it if anything happened to Harry.
"Not exactly," she told him with a shake of her head. "I've had several colleagues look him over while you were gone. We're certain now that his brain is still functional - but his consciousness is no longer present."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked in horror. It didn't sound good.
"We think it's a form of Dreamwalking or Astral Projection. He's sent his mind someplace else; that's why his brain patterns are so odd. And unfortunately wherever he is, he appears to be in some sort of distress - as if he is suffering very violent nightmares. It's altering his blood chemistry - there's a rise in adrenaline and other chemicals in his body. Since there is no way to wake him up, we're having to filter his blood - even in this short time the chemicals were reaching dangerous levels."
Sirius' mind reeled with the information. He didn't know much about Dreamwalking, though he had a distant uncle who'd apparently been an expert on the subject and often gave his enemies very severe nightmares. "You remain tied to your magical core when you Dreamwalk," Sirius stated, trying to pull up all the information about the subject buried in his memory. It had been twenty years since he'd read anything about it. "That's how you find your way back to your body - you follow the connection to your magical core. If he's Dreamwalking, why hasn't he followed the connection back?"
Madam Pomfrey shook her head helplessly. "We have a dozen different theories about that. It is entirely possible that whatever he's doing - he's not done, and he simply hasn't tried to come back yet," she explained.
"You think that's the most likely?" he asked hopefully. Harry would return as soon as he was done with. . .well, he had no idea what he was doing, but hopefully he would be finished soon.
But sadly, the Healer shook her head. "We think it is far more likely that he simply can't find his way back - that he's lost his way. We are not certain he is connected to his magical core any longer - he drained it completely when he cast his spell. And then we believe he abandoned it and sought out another power source - one capable of doing what needed to be done. Albus has implied that Harry has the ability to see things that are hidden, energies that the rest of us can't see or use. We think that is why Harry's magical signature is so strange - he abandoned his own magical core and pushed his mind into the earth's magical core. We think he has become lost within it, lost deep within the earth."
Sirius stared at her in disbelief. A part of him wanted to deny that Harry would ever be capable of doing such a thing - that anyone would be capable of it. But then again, this was Harry they were talking about. He regularly did the impossible. But the idea that this time the impossible task he had succeeded at might also spell the end for him - it was unbearable. "But there must be a way to help him - to call to him!" Sirius insisted. "To show him the way back!"
"That's what we're looking into," she assured him. She motioned to the large stack of books behind her on her desk. "I'm going through all the books on the subject here at Hogwarts and we have people at St. Mungos researching it as well. Sadly, the obvious solution is not a possibility so we're searching for some alternative means."
The obvious solution . . . Sirius frowned in confusion until her implication finally sunk in. Then he paled and felt his whole body grow cold with shock. Oh, god. . . the obvious solution.
"Does Severus know all this?" he asked, a sick emptiness gnawing at his belly.
Poppy nodded. "He hasn't left Harry's side. I can't imagine what he's feeling right now. He's only ever wanted what's best for Harry."
Needing to see his godson for himself, Sirius thanked her and then headed back out to the main ward. As he approached the door to Harry's private chambers, the guards watching it nodded to him - he recognized two of them from his stay in the Winter Lands. One of them grabbed the door handle and pulled it open for him as he approached, letting him pass with a respectful gesture. Sirius smiled gratefully. Once inside, and the door firmly closed behind him, he paused to take in the sight before him.
Beneath the starch, white linen sheets of the hospital bed, Harry was lying unmoving, his skin unnaturally pale. On his left hand he wore what looked like a bright red glove. Sirius was familiar enough with the bizarre medical devices of the Wizarding World to know that it was in fact a blood cleaning device. Through the fingers of the glove, Harry's blood would be filtered and cleaned before reentering his body. Its presence brought home to Sirius the dangerous nature of Harry's condition - the chemical changes in the young man's body were potentially life threatening.
Seated on the far side of Harry's bed was an exhausted looking Severus Snape. The dark-haired man was holding on to Harry's other hand, gently stroking it with long, elegant fingers. Severus' gaze was fixed on Harry's face. He gave no indication that he was even aware that Sirius had entered the room.
A wave of guilt washed through Sirius at the sight - one that was a long time in coming. He stood there, unable to move, unable to speak as he thought of all the things that had brought them to this moment. There was blame and guilt and anger and rage - his eyes moved to his beloved godson. The obvious solution . . .how much blame for Harry's current predicament could be laid upon his shoulders? How much at fault was he for the way things currently stood?
He looked back at Severus - had it even occurred to the man to blame him for this? He rather suspected it had not - Slytherins in general never really understood Gryffindors. They had no idea how devious they could be when they wanted to be - or how vindictive. They probably ought to know better by now - especially after Charlie's rather masterful manipulation of the Malfoys. But then again, that was their greatest failing - they always underestimated the Gryffindors.
'And you always demonize the Slytherins', he told himself, knowing it was true. He believed them incapable of the nobler emotions such as love, friendship, loyalty, courage. And yet he'd seen ample proof they possessed all of them in spades over the last few weeks. He knew Severus loved Harry. It was written in every stress-ridden line of the man's body. Hell, he'd known Severus loved Harry ever since that boat crossing to the Winter Lands all those months ago. Severus had clutched Harry's cloak that night the same way he was now clutching at the boy's hand. Desperately. Needing some connection to the boy who was lost. Sirius felt tears pricking his eyes and he fought to keep them from falling. This wasn't fair.
"Poppy says he's having nightmares." The sound of Severus' voice startled Sirius as he realized that the man was indeed aware that he was present. He moved quietly toward the chair across from Severus and sat down. He said nothing and Severus continued, never looking away from Harry's face. "She said that wherever he is, he's frightened, in pain." There was a harsh quality to Severus' voice that only a few weeks ago Sirius would have mistaken for indifference. He knew better now. The idea that Harry was hurting was killing Severus. "I promised him I would wake him when he had nightmares. I promised. I tried to reach him," Severus told him. "With Legilimency. . .but his mind is empty. There's nothing to grasp onto. He can't hear me. Can't feel me."
A sharp spike of pain squeezed Sirius' chest. Of course Harry couldn't feel him. Not the way Sirius could feel Remus, certainly. If Sirius pushed all the way down to the center of his magical core he'd find Remus Lupin, just like Remus would find him at the center of his own. They were bound together, inseparable even by distance. But not Harry. Harry was alone. Harry was sixteen years old and was supposed to be alone - because his life was meant to be his own. He was meant to live free, make his own decisions, love whomever he wanted, marry whomever he wanted when he was ready. He wasn't supposed to be forced into a marriage he didn't want, with someone he didn't like, because a group of manipulative bastards couldn't leave him alone.
But then Sirius was biased - and his own ignorant prejudices rose up en masse to slap him in the face. Severus Snape loved Harry, and Harry couldn't hear him. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, briefly touching his own connection with Remus for comfort. How utterly alone Severus must be feeling right now.
"Why didn't you ever tell me what happened to my brother?" Sirius asked. He hadn't meant to say anything - certainly his brother Regulus was the farthest thing from his mind. But the moment it was out of his mouth he decided that now was as good a time as any to speak of it. If nothing else, Severus deserved to know why things were so strained between them.
Severus looked up, confusion in his eyes as he stared at Sirius across the width of Harry's bed. "What?"
"Regulus," Sirius said. "Why didn't you ever tell me what really happened to him? I couldn't really figure that out. You hated me back then."
"How. . .?" Severus asked before breaking off. His face was drawn, and pale.
Sirius knew what he was asking. "Narcissa," he explained. "Right after Harry cleared my name, I got a letter from her. She always was a vindictive bitch. She knew I'd change my Conscriptus so that I could marry Remus. She told me about the. . .Troll." His voice broke for a moment - he'd had almost two weeks to process the news, but even still the very thought turned his stomach. "She wanted to draw a comparison between me and Remus." He would never forgive Narcissa for that - comparing his beautiful, gentle Remus to a Troll.
Severus blinked at him and then looked away as if unable to find any words to say. Sirius didn't blame him - what did you say to something like that? 'I'm sorry your brother got himself buggered to death by a Troll. . .' words just didn't seem adequate.
"I remember Albus telling me about his death," Sirius continued, thinking back to those dark days just before James and Lily had died. "He said that his contact with the Death Eaters had informed him that Regulus had tried to leave the Dark Lord's service - that he wanted to join our side. But the Dark Lord found out and killed him. Of course at the time I didn't know that you were the contact, the spy, but I believed the story. I wanted to believe that Regulus had redeemed himself - that he'd tried to free himself."
Sirius shook his head at his own foolishness - even after everything he'd seen he'd still had faith that Regulus would change one day. "Why did you lie? Why didn't you just tell Albus the truth?" That was the one part of the story Sirius didn't really understand. Severus had hated him back then - and yet for whatever reason he'd passed up the opportunity to rub salt in an old wound - even from a distance.
"He was dead," Severus said simply. "Knowing the truth wouldn't have changed that."
It wasn't really an answer, but it was as much an answer as Severus was going give him. Still it told him enough - his own sense of shame increased. "You spared my feelings," he stated flatly, as if proclaiming something momentous. For them it probably was.
Severus just looked away. "I have three brothers of my own," he reminded him.
"I blamed you for his death."
Severus looked up in shock at that. "What?"
Sirius stared at him, thinking of all the years of violence and hatred that stood between them. He knew if nothing else, he owed this man an explanation, because he saw now that Severus had never done anything to deserve it.
"Did you know that Regulus was addicted to Enhancers?" he asked. He saw the flare of shock that moved through Severus' eyes; the man hadn't known. Sirius shook his head in disbelief at his own ignorance. All these years and Severus had never even known.
"Why would Regulus Black need Enhancers?" Severus demanded.
Why indeed? Regulus had been beautiful. If there was one thing he would never have needed it was magical beauty Enhancer. Such potions were typically only taken by the desperate. The side effects of such Enhancers were too severe for average Wizards and Witches to risk. Even the most innocuous tended to be addictive, and the ones Regulus had taken were far from innocuous. And ironically he had never needed any of them.
"It was Bella," Sirius explained. She had not been ugly either - their generation of the Blacks had been born beautiful. But Bellatrix had been afflicted with the worst of the Black family's madness. And she had been vain beyond comprehension. Couple that with jealousy and she'd been ripe for the addiction. "She was in love with Lucius Malfoy," Sirius explained. "But Lucius only had eyes for Narcissa. The more Narcissa ignored him, the more he wanted her. And the more Bella wanted him. She started using the Enhancers to attract his attention - not that it ever did her any good."
Sirius frowned at the memories. Severus needed to hear this - but it certainly aired a lot of the sordid details of the Black family. Still, what did it matter these days? Bella was a homicidal psychopath, and Regulus was dead.
"The summer before our sixth year my mother heard word that Bella's behavior was growing. . .questionable. Since the family was currently negotiating with Rodolphus Lestrange for her hand in marriage, Mother thought it would be a good idea to keep her isolated from society - away from men. She sent Bella and the rest of us to stay at one of our more isolated estates with Bella's parents to watch over us. Did you ever meet my Uncle Cygnus or Aunt Druella?"
Severus shook his head in response. Both of them had been affiliated with Voldemort, but had never been very social.
"Uncle Cygnus was. . .a typical Black, and Aunt Druella was even worse. She made Bellatrix look sweet and gentle," Sirius told him. He saw Severus' eyes widen at that. Making Bellatrix look good was no mean feat. "So there we all were - trapped alone for the summer in a drafty old castle. Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella avoided us. Narcissa and Andromeda locked themselves in their rooms and ignored us. I was busy throwing temper fits because I couldn't go stay with James for the summer. And Bella was left with only Reg's company - he was twelve. You know the main side effects of Enhancers?"
Severus just stared at him in disbelief. "She didn't!"
"She was taking some really strong stuff. It left her with such a voracious sexual appetite that within days she was desperate. She hit on me first, but I turned her down flat. It never occurred to me who she'd turn to next. Of course she had to first get Regulus addicted to the Enhancers before he gave in to her demands. After that he was so desperate himself that he didn't care who he was with," Sirius shuddered with the memory. "I found out about it one night when I walked in on them. Of course by then, twelve-year-old Regulus was not enough for Bella so she'd somehow convinced Uncle Cygnus to join them. I walked in on the three of them. When I saw what Bella and Cygnus were doing to Reg I went through the roof. I decided to go straight to Aunt Druella - which was quite a threat. I don't know what she would have done to Bella, but she would have tortured and murdered Cygnus for his part in the affair."
"What happened?" Severus asked, apparently fascinated in spite of himself.
Sirius shrugged. "Bella stopped me. I'm afraid this is where you come into this sick little story."
"Me?" Severus demanded, looking utterly baffled. It was obvious by his reaction that he knew nothing of any of this history. Sirius felt a self-mocking smile cross his lips.
"Bella told me about the Enhancers - that both she and Reg were addicted to them and couldn't help themselves," Sirius explained. "Then she told me where she got the Enhancers. How the resident Potion's Expert of Slytherin House had made them and gotten them addicted to them. She convinced me that all of it was your fault. I didn't like you prior to that moment, but that made me truly hate you. For the first time in my life I lived up to the name of Black - I went insane with hatred for you."
Severus stared at him in shock. "That's why you tried to kill me that year when you sent me to the Shrieking Shack!"
Sirius laughed mirthlessly at that. "Severus, I tried to kill you ten times that year. The Shrieking Shack incident was merely the last and the most successful in a long line of attempts."
"What?" He could tell Severus was thinking back on that year trying to figure out when the other attempts might have been.
"Did you ever wonder why my friends forgave me so quickly for what I had done?" Sirius asked him. It had to have confused him. "If I had been successful, Remus would have paid the price. As it was, I betrayed his secret. He would have been euthanized if it hadn't been for Dumbledore. And yet he and James both forgave me almost immediately."
"I just assumed they hated me just as much," Severus admitted.
But Sirius shook his head. "For them it was just a typical boyhood rivalry. I ran away from home later that summer and went to live with James. James and Remus both knew something was wrong with me then. When I said I went insane I meant that literally - and having spent numerous years in Azkaban I know what insanity feels like. I tried to kill you over and over again that year - my plans became increasingly elaborate and increasingly crazy. James and Remus spent the entire year chasing after me and stopping me, thwarting every attempt. They were terrified of going to Dumbledore for help because they thought I'd be expelled. That last attempt when I nearly succeeded - I realized immediately what I had almost done to Remus. That snapped me out of it, woke me up. James and Remus were so relieved I had finally come to my senses that they both forgave me for what I had tried to do. I still hated you, but I also figured that Bella and Reg could have said no."
"That's why you hated me?" Severus asked, looking stunned by the news.
Sirius nodded. "And when Regulus died, I convinced myself that you had killed him. I imagined that he had finally stood up to you and had tried to get away from the Dark Lord and the Enhancers. And you had killed him."
"I see," Severus sank back into his chair. "That is your opinion of me? No wonder you were so enraged when I married Harry."
No wonder, Sirius agreed silently - even though by then Remus and Albus had both tried repeatedly to convince him that he'd been wrong about Severus. He'd never really been able to let go of the belief that Reg was gone because of Snape. Narcissa's letter had make a lot of things clear to him - especially his own failings when it came to judging certain people.
"Why are you telling me all this now?" Severus asked. The man looked even paler now than he had before this conversation started as if Sirius' words had taken some last spark of life from him.
"Guilt," Sirius said simply. "Because I know I was wrong." It felt strange after all these years to admit to that.
Severus shook his head bleakly at that. "Don't bother. It's all ancient history to me. I don't care any more."
Sirius didn't really believe that. There were too many incidents recently that led him to believe otherwise - he couldn't help but remember the look of shock and relief that had flashed momentarily through the man's eyes when Sirius had agreed to stand as his second during the duels in the Ministry of Magic.
"But it isn't ancient history, Severus," Sirius told him. "It's still there. And now it's affected Harry."
Severus' head snapped up at that, and he stared at him, eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
Sirius swallowed uncomfortably. "I've been sabotaging your relationship," he said simply. "It wasn't hard - just a comment here and there, a joke told in passing. . . just enough for Harry to know that I disapproved of you, that your relationship was meant to be platonic, that anything more was wrong."
Something hard and painful glittered in Severus' eyes. He sat there frozen, as if unable to respond to Sirius' words.
Sirius' gaze flickered toward Harry and he noticed how utterly still his godson was. He felt a warm tear slip down one of his cheeks. "I know you love him," he told the silent man across from him. "I can't help think that if I had just kept silent, you might be able to wake him up right now." The obvious solution, Poppy had called it. "You might now be bonded to him - you'd have his magical signature inside of you. He'd be able to hear you, feel you, no matter where he is." More tears escaped his eyes. Poppy said Harry was suffering, trapped somewhere alone in the dark, dreaming about dreadful things.
He heard a gasp across from him, and he frowned at Severus through his tears. The man looked stunned.
"Black, you're a genius!"
For a moment Severus' words didn't register, and then Sirius replayed them over in his head. He stared in shock as Severus leaped to his feet and began fumbling with something at his neck.
"What?" he asked in confusion. "What do you mean? You're not bonded to him . . .are you?"
"No," Severus shook his head and then pulled a chain from around his neck. Dangling at the end of the chain was an emerald green stone lined with blood red veins. "I'm not, but this is!" He held the stone up in front of him.
Sirius recognized the size and shape of the stone well enough - they were common enough amongst the older students at Hogwarts. He'd made one himself when he was in sixth year. "A Heartstone?" he asked in confusion. "But Heartstones can't do anything!"
"Not just any Heartstone," Severus told him, excitement lighting up his face. "Harry's Heartstone - and the most powerful bloody Heartstone ever made! If this can't wake him up, nothing will! Stay here with him. I'm going to go get Dumbledore and Pomfrey."
Sirius stared in shock as the man strode swiftly out the door, moving as if given a new purpose in life. Numb and wrung out, Sirius turned to stare at his unmoving godson. "A green and red Heartstone?" he asked him. "You trying to tell me something about Gryffindors and Slytherins?" He smiled and brushed the tears from his cheeks before leaning down and kissing his godson on the forehead.
"I still don't think you should have sex until you're twenty-five," he told him. "But if he really can wake you up, I'll keep my mouth shut. I guess he's not bad. . .for a Slytherin."