Chapter 58 - The Meaning of Things
Harry tried to calm his racing heart as he moved through the corridors of Hogwarts. Severus had kissed him! Granted it wasn't the first time he'd kissed him, but for some reason this time felt different. This time it had seemed more . . . meaningful?
But what had he meant - 'before I forget myself?' There were a dozen different ways Harry could interpret that, and he wasn't at all certain which was the most likely, or which he most wanted. He wasn't certain at all what he wanted.
Severus wasn't going to see Andre - that was a good thing. That was one thing he could point to and say, yes, he wanted that. But after that all bets were off.
Fidelity - that was a good thing too, he decided. But what precisely did it mean? It had almost sounded as if Severus' opinion on that subject might have changed - like he hadn't expected fidelity at one point, but now he did. But that didn't seem right either - after all he'd certainly come after him quickly enough when he'd foolishly wandered off with Julius that one time. He'd shown signs of possessiveness early on in their marriage.
What did it all mean? What did he want it to mean? He liked being part of a family. He liked his home - and Severus was certainly a big part of that home. He definitely liked the way his body tingled in unexpected places when Severus kissed him! But was he really becoming involved in a romantic relationship with his Potions Master? Slytherins didn't do romance - what if it didn't mean the same thing to Severus? What if he wanted it to mean one thing, and Severus wanted it to mean something else? Harry knew for certain that he wasn't the sort of person to meet someone at a Potions Conference and have a brief affair with him, only to never see him again. But apparent Severus was. How could the two of them possibly be on the same page here?
There were days he despaired of ever figuring things out - why on earth did life have to be so complicated? It was bad enough his situation with the Ministry and Voldemort sent his life regularly into turmoil, but did his private life have to be so confusing as well?
Reaching the open doors to the Great Hall he paused before carefully peeking around the corner to see who was already present. He knew that the Prophet had already been delivered to the castle - Sirius had confirmed that. But he had no idea what sort of reaction to expect from his friends. He was only grateful that the rest of the students were not currently in residence. They would all be returning soon, but perhaps by then the initial reaction to that photo would have blown over.
Ron, Hermione and Ginny were seated on one side of Gryffindor table. Across from them were Draco and Charlie, all five of them deep in conversation. There were several newspapers in front of them and Harry sighed nervously.
He knew that Dumbledore had requested members of the Order to rotate in and out of Hogwarts while the Quidditch Pitch was being modified, and it wasn't surprising that Charlie had volunteered for one of the first rotations - any excuse to spend more time with Draco. But the addition of Draco to their little group left Harry unsettled. He could almost predict his friends' reaction to the photo - but Malfoy was an unknown.
Knowing he had little hope of avoiding the situation, he squared his shoulders and strode into the Hall, intent on simply pretending nothing was unusual. He'd managed Sirius after all - how hard could his friends be?
All of them looked up as he approached the table, their expressions - actually he had no idea how to read their expressions. Ron looked like he wanted to shout, but was forcibly restraining himself. Ginny was smirking. Charlie was. . .smirking too. Draco was. . .bloody hell! Also smirking. And Hermione - Harry frowned. Hermione merely looked pensive.
Unsurprisingly it was Draco who spoke up first, waving the paper in front of his face as he sat down. "My goodness, Potter, looks like you-"
Harry pointed a finger at the blond, glaring firmly at him as he cut off whatever it was he was going to say. "I will hit you again," he warned, reminding the Slytherin of his reaction that first day after his marriage.
Draco stopped talking, a look of utter disappointment crossing his face. He looked like a child whose favorite toy had just been taken away. "But what about that Muggle saying?" he pouted. "You know the one. Sticks and stones can . . .break glass houses, but names. . .are. . . irrelevant?" He smiled over at Hermione as if to say 'see, I said something Muggle'. She just sighed and looked down at her eggs with a pained expression. Instead Draco turned to Charlie for approval, and beamed when the man winked at him. He didn't seem to realize that Charlie was trying valiantly not to burst into laughter.
Ignoring the Slytherin, Harry calmly filled up his plate. He glanced over at Ron and Hermione. Neither of them said a word. How odd.
He glanced at Ginny. She was looking down at her plate rather fiercely; Harry could still see the smirk she was trying desperately to hide. He stole a look at Charlie, but he was staring rather pointedly up at the ceiling of the Great Hall, apparently utterly fascinated by the wispy clouds drifting across the sky-scape.
No one spoke, and Harry wasn't about to break the silence. He ate quietly wondering who would last the longest.
Finally Draco just couldn't take it any more. "Well, he won't punch any of you!" he shouted at the others. "Say something!"
Ron and Hermione looked utterly shocked at Draco's outburst, but Ginny just started giggling. "I'll say it," she broke in. "This is better than the leather!"
"Ginny!" Ron shouted in outrage, but his sister looked utterly unrepentant as she looked back down at the photo on her newspaper.
"It's true!" she exclaimed. "Who knew Professor Snape could be so. . .passionate? I'm thinking of starting a fan club."
"It's Snape!" Ron exclaimed.
"Snape and Harry," Ginny agreed enthusiastically as she studied the picture. "You really do look nice in green, Harry. So photogenic."
"Oh, for the love of Merlin!" Ron protested as he grabbed the paper out of his sister's hands. He glared at Harry.
Harry just shrugged. "Don't look at me," he replied. "It's a very long story." He was about to say he'd already gotten into it with Sirius when he remembered Draco's presence. He still didn't know how much they were telling the Slytherin these days. He supposed, married to Charlie, that he was considered an ally now, but still.
"Well, whatever the story is, I don't want to hear it," Ron decided with a firm shake of his head.
Hermione, who'd been remarkably silent up to that point, finally looked up. "Harry, there's something I need to talk to you about," she began, only to have Ron turn toward her in shock.
"Hermione!" he protested. "We discussed this! It's not proper to talk about this. Especially not in . . . mixed company." This time, instead of glancing over at his sister indicating he was referring to females, he shot a wary glance at Draco. Draco looked utterly intrigued.
Hermione glared right back at him. "I am going to discuss this whether you like it or not, Ronald Weasley. And I am going to use crude Muggle terms like DNA instead of prim and proper Wizarding ones like 'essence', so I would suggest that all the purebloods in the room vacate the premises immediately!"
Ron looked utterly horrified by her words, and a moment later he leaped to his feet, grabbing hold of his sister's arm. "Come on, Ginny," he urged. Grumbling, Ginny stood, while across the table a very amused Charlie stood up and pulled Draco away from the table as well.
"Let's give them some privacy," Charlie urged when Draco started to protest.
"But I want to hear about DNA!" the blond Slytherin complained.
"I'll explain it to you later," Charlie told him. "Let's go down to the Quidditch Pitch and watch the workmen."
That caught the Slytherin's interest. "Can we throw things at them?" he asked hopefully, receiving odd looks from Ron and Ginny.
Charlie just grinned and draped his arm across Draco's shoulders. "I'll think about it," he promised. The show of affection however seemed enough for Draco for he left without further protest. The four of them closed the doors to the Great Hall behind them, leaving Harry and Hermione completely alone. Nonetheless Hermione cast a privacy charm around their table before speaking.
"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this conversation?" Harry sighed.
Hermione just shrugged. "Well, you hate it when people don't tell you anything," she reminded him.
"Someone's keeping something from me?" he demanded.
She shook her head. "Not exactly. They're just not talking about it because it's considered rude to mention such a thing and because none of them - Ron, Sirius, Remus, the other Professors- realize that you probably don't know anything about the subject. It wouldn't occur to any of them to actually ask you because it's not proper to bring the subject up in the first place. They're all assuming you already know."
"Know what?" Harry asked, becoming alarmed now. What on earth was he supposed to know that Hermione was so convinced he didn't know?
Hermione sighed thoughtfully as if trying to figure out how best to approach the subject. "Harry, do you know what an annulment is?"
Harry frowned. That was the last thing he was expecting her to say - and seemed incredibly out of the blue. "Yes," he stated. "It's like a divorce only with everyone pretending that the marriage never happened in the first place. What does this have to do with what everyone else is not telling me?"
"I knew I was right!" Hermione said mostly to herself. "Harry, that's the subject no one will bring up because they consider it too private to talk about. But they're all assuming you know what it means, when you don't. You only know what Muggles think it means, and it's not the same in the Wizarding World."
"What are you talking about?" Harry demanded. "And why is it important?" He had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why did Hermione think he needed to know about annulments?
Hermione held up the paper with the photo of him kissing Severus on the page. "It's important because of this," she explained. When he continued to stare at her blankly, she sighed and set the paper aside. "You may or may not know this but divorce is pretty much unheard of in the Wizarding World. It's considered incredibly dishonorable. If two people don't get along they typically just live in separate homes but stay married. And there certainly isn't any possibility of getting remarried after a divorce unless your ex dies first."
"You can't get remarried after a divorce," Harry repeated, still not certain why this had anything to do with him.
"Not legally," Hermione agreed. "Well, unless you were marrying a Muggle, then I guess it wouldn't matter. An annulment is different though. It means the marriage was never valid to begin with so there is no problem with dissolving it. But there are very specific things in the Wizarding World that determine whether or not the marriage is valid. Do you remember your marriage vows? You swore to join body, name, house and power. Those things mean something very literally in the Wizarding World. Two of them are really important - body and power - and if you've joined those then an annulment is no longer possible. If three out of the four vows are fulfilled, then there can be no annulment."
When Harry just continued to stare at her, she pressed on valiantly. "You and Professor Snape have joined your names. I know everyone still refers to you as Harry Potter, but legally you are actually Harry Potter-Snape. And you've also joined houses. Your house has accepted Professor Snape - that would be Sirius, though I admit it was probably grudgingly. And Professor Snape's house has accepted you - that would be his family. But as far as I know you haven't joined body or power, which means that when you turn seventeen and no longer have to worry about the Ministry, an annulment is still possible for you. But this-" she held up the paper again, "is likely to worry a number of people like Sirius and make them think you're heading in that direction."
Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his stomach knotting up the longer this conversation continued. Suddenly all Sirius' jokes about monasteries took on a whole new meaning - had that merely been his way of hinting at a topic that was apparently inappropriate to bring up?
"So everyone is planning on giving me an annulment on my seventeenth birthday?" he asked stiffly around the lump in his throat.
"No," Hermione shook her head. "Not exactly. It's just that the option is there, in case you want it. Unless you do something to make it impossible - and unlike everyone else, I don't think you were even aware of the possibility let alone what might prevent it."
She was right of course - it hadn't even crossed his mind to ask such a thing. Why would he when the one thing in the world he wanted more than anything was stability? And now it sounded like even his so called family was no longer a permanent fixture. "Body and power," he said, as if trying to clarify the two things that could prevent such a thing.
Hermione nodded. "Body means sex," she clarified. "It means literally consummating the marriage. Remember those innuendos Professor Snape made to the Minister the night of your marriage - that was about confirming that your marriage would definitely be valid so that the Minister would have no reason to question it."
Harry felt his face heating up as he remembered the conversation in question. At the time he had understood the implications, but hadn't really known why they had been important. "And power?" he asked wondering what that was all about.
"That's usually a byproduct of body," Hermione explained. "It can happen automatically when two people with magic have sex - unless they take steps to prevent it. Your magic sort of seeps into one another to the point where you can actually sense the other person's magical signature. Sometimes it's something that happens slowly over time between a couple as they become more and more familiar with each other's magical signature. You know that feeling that comes over you when Dumbledore gets angry or uses a lot of magic, and everyone can sort of feel it - like electricity cackling in the air? You do it too sometimes and everyone can feel it."
Harry nodded, knowing the sense she was referring to.
"It's supposed to be like that only to a much stronger degree, almost to the point where you can influence each other's magic. Like with Molly and Arthur - they can use each other's wands as easily as their own. Sometimes it happens even without the sexual element - I've suspected Remus and Sirius have been able to perform tandem magic since they were children. Most bonds are not that strong - not strong enough for true tandem magic, but some overcome all limitations."
Harry remembered the conversation he'd had with Asgeir and Alrik in the Winter Lands about how difficult tandem magic could be. It occurred to him that this magical bond Hermione was referring to was likely much different for average Wizards and Witches than it was for those who had enough power to make them one of the elite. Unfortunately he suspected that also meant it would be different for him as well.
Immediately Harry thought of the chapter he'd read in Slytherin's journals about sensing other people's magic. He'd had a very similar conversation with Severus about sensing Dumbledore's magic, and he remembered the rather odd expression that had crossed the man's face. And later, in Slytherin's chamber he had impulsively reached out his senses to touch Sirius' magic and then Remus' as well. He'd been able to touch both of their magic - had been convinced at the time that he could have influenced it, moved it, changed it. He simply hadn't dared to try.
Looking now across the table at his friend, he could sense her own magic - quiet and contained, but powerful, ruled tightly by knowledge and logic. Salazar Slytherin had explained exactly how to do this - so easily. Was it not something that was common amongst Wizards?
"Hermione?" he said reluctantly. "I can sort of. . .sense everyone's magic."
For a long moment, Hermione just stared at him, her normally calm face tense and thoughtful. "That's probably not something you should go around telling people, Harry," she said at last.
"Then it's not-"
"Normal? No," she shook her head. "But then again, you're not normal, and I think you understand that, don't you? You're not like the rest of us. I think you're more like Dumbledore - he can probably do the same. I always wondered how he was able to read people so well, you know?"
He nodded reluctantly. He'd had that particular veil lifted from his eyes in the Winter Lands when he'd learned exactly where he stood in the Wizarding World. His power level set him apart for most everyone.
Harry glanced down at the paper lying on the table. Ginny was right; it was a rather passionate embrace. He felt profoundly miserable. "So you're saying that when I turn seventeen. . ." he trailed off, not really wanting to finish the thought.
Hermione impulsively reached across the table and took hold of one of his hands. "Harry, I'm not saying you have to get an annulment. I'm just saying you can if you want. You were forced into this marriage because of the Minister's foolishness. You can be free to choose for yourself if that's what you want."
"But the Marriage Stone picked him for me," Harry reminded her. Somehow it was important that he hold onto that fact. It seemed the only substantial thing in his life at the moment.
A faint smile touched Hermione's lips. "I know that, Harry," she nodded. "I'm just saying-"
"That if I want to be free, I can be," Harry finished. "And what about Severus? What if he's the one who wants to be free? What if he wants to be free, and I don't? Or what if I do and he doesn't?" Oh, hell, he thought, what if that's what Severus had meant this morning - 'before I forget myself' - before he did something that would prevent the annulment he was already planning? A sharp pain twisted his heart.
Hermione squeezed his hand tightly, drawing his attention back to her and away from the thoughts that were now racing in his head. "This was about you, Harry, not him. I doubt very much that he'll ask for an annulment. There would be no reason for him to do so."
He frowned at that. "Why not?"
She just shrugged. "He was raised in the Wizarding World - he grew up expecting his marriage to be arranged. And as marriages go, he couldn't have picked better than you. Unless he absolutely could not stand your company, he would have no reason to end your marriage. And I'd say it's safe to bet that he's grown rather fond of you."
"How do you know that?" Harry asked, his heart pounding.
Her gaze softened as if she heard something more in his words than a simple question. "You didn't see the look on his face that day in Hogsmeade when you were shot with those arrows, or the way he sat at your bedside until you were better. And that was months ago, Harry. And who was it who went into the Winter Lands after you - Sirius and Remus who love you, and Severus Snape."
Severus' words came back to him suddenly - 'duty was the last thing on my mind when I went into the Winter Lands after you' - those words had filled him with such warmth. He clung to them now almost desperately, for this new knowledge Hermione had given him made him feel like the rock upon which he stood had been yanked out from underneath him. This family he had insisted he had, this home he had come to crave - they could very well all be temporary. Just like everything else in his life.
"Are you sorry I told you?" Hermione asked him.
He stared at her. Was he sorry? He needed to know - he realized that of course. How much worse would it be if several months from now Severus surprised him with the news? Or maybe it wouldn't be Severus - maybe Sirius or Dumbledore would simply arrange things in the background and let him know after the fact.
"No," he told her. "It's better to know."
An odd look crossed her face and she glanced down at the paper again. "You know, Harry," she began slowly. "Being married to Professor Snape protects you from a lot of things. You needed to know about this not just in case it was something you do want, but in case it's something you don't want."
"What do you mean?"
"While you're here in Hogwarts, Dumbledore can keep people away from you. And since you're married there's a lot of people who won't approach you." She nodded toward the newspaper. "The gossip columns are always filled with stories about foreign dignitaries and other famous people - and your name comes up frequently. There's a good chance that when you turn seventeen some of those people may start to approach you if they think your marriage isn't real. People might try to separate you from Professor Snape if there's the slightest chance."
Harry knew immediately that this had something to do with those questions the reporters had asked him about the Pharaoh and the Shelong brothers. It sounded like there were more than just those as well. And he understood the implications Hermione was hinting at - that he could take steps to ensure that his marriage was valid before anything happened. And how hard would that be? Severus did indeed seem to be physically attracted to him - would it be that hard to talk him into something more?
The problem was Harry didn't feel ready for that - and besides it would be morally wrong to trick Severus into something if he didn't really want it. He sighed wearily, the weight on his shoulders feeling like it was growing heavier by the minute.
Abruptly, Hermione pushed aside the newspaper, and stood up. "Come on, Harry," she stated, holding out her hand toward him. "Let's go down to the Quidditch Pitch and watch the workmen."
Taking her hand he rose to his feet. "Can we throw things at them?" he asked hopefully.
She nodded. "Definitely!"
Hand-in-hand they walked out of the Great Hall - anything to keep his mind off the chaos that was his life.