Chapter 19 Bonds
Harry felt the familiar sensation of pulling and falling as the port key transported him back to Severus' rooms in the dungeon. He was only vaguely aware of being moved to the couch and pushed down onto the cushions. Bemused, he watched as the flames in the fireplace leaped into life, holding his attention completely. A few moments later he felt something cold being pushed into his hands.
"Drink that," Severus ordered. Harry raised his hands without thinking and drank down the contents in the glass Severus had give him. It reminded him faintly of the brandy he'd tasted earlier, but this had an almost soothing quality to it. He felt his body calming immediately, felt his mind coming back from the almost numb place he had sent it.
He shuddered, closing his eyes, feeling himself finally let go of what ever demon had gripped him earlier. "You're okay," Severus told him gently. "You're just in shock."
"I've been attacked before," he reminded the man. He knew shock - he'd been in shock just last weekend when his body had been turned into a pin-cushion by Death Eaters. The difference this time was that he wasn't hurt. He couldn't quite figure out why he was reacting this way.
"Not sexually," Severus said simply.
Harry's eyes flew open as he sought out Severus' face. That was it of course. That was the difference. Julius' attack had not been like any of the others, and yet his callous disregard for Harry's feelings or freewill had been no different than the Death Eaters'. Feeling Julius' hands on his body had certainly not hurt the way the Cruciatus did, but the feeling of helpless rage had been the same. What was perhaps even more horrible was the power of his own anger - he had wanted to kill him. Could so easily have killed him if Severus hadn't stopped him. He'd felt unable at the time to stop himself.
"Thank you," he whispered. "For stopping me."
Severus just nodded in understanding, some unreadable emotion flickering through his dark eyes. He was crouched in front of Harry where he sat on the couch, one hand resting lightly on Harry's knee as if to comfort him. He frowned suddenly, his gaze on Harry's forehead.
"Here, let me see if I can fix that," he said softly, lifting his hand to gently push Harry's bangs back from his face. Surprisingly, Harry felt no desire to flinch from his touch. He was aware of the fact that his head was pounding fiercely, and the Potions Master's fingers felt cool and soothing on his skin as they gently brushed against the bruise he'd given himself when he'd slammed his head into Julius'. He closed his eyes again, savoring the unexpected comfort.
Severus drew his wand, quietly uttering a simple healing charm. Harry felt the pain diminish as the bruise faded. The cool fingers lingered briefly, and then were gone. Harry opened his eyes, watching as Severus moved to a nearby chair.
"I'm sorry about tonight," the man told him regretfully, and looked genuinely distressed.
"It wasn't your fault," Harry assured him.
"He's my brother," Severus said with an angry shake of his head.
"Am I to blame for the Dursleys' behavior?"
Severus looked quickly up. "Of course not!"
"Then how can you be blamed for Julius' behavior?" Harry asked him. "You don't even really know him."
"I should never have brought you there," Severus replied. "You should never have been put in a situation like that."
"You wanted to see your sister," Harry reminded him. "I don't blame you. She's worth knowing. I liked her."
Severus smiled bitterly. "It's a pity about the rest of them." He looked up, catching Harry's gaze with his own. Harry had seen a lot of different emotions on Severus' face over the years, mostly negative ones like anger and irritation. He never thought he would one day see gratitude; it was strangely humbling.
"Thank you for what you said tonight," the man said quietly, and Harry knew he was referring to his defense of him at dinner.
Harry blushed uncomfortably, emotions gripping him that he couldn't quite define. "Look, I know you and I have never gotten along very well," Harry began. "Or at all," he corrected himself. "Mostly because. . .well, you've never been very nice . . ." Severus snorted in amusement at that and Harry found himself smiling. "But, regardless, I am aware of everything you've done for me. I know you've saved my life repeatedly. And I know the risks you've taken spying on Voldemort. And I've always respected you for that. . .even if I never said it."
Harry flushed again, feeling strangely vulnerable under Severus' intense stare. "And I know you could have said no when this whole marriage thing happened," he continued. "And despite everything, you've been real decent to me, and I didn't expect that."
"Because of who I am?" Severus asked, sounding more curious than anything else.
"Yes," Harry admitted, and endured Severus smirk of acknowledgement at the half-hearted slight. "But also because, I guess a part of me doesn't really expect anyone to be decent to me." He knew he was admitting far more than he intended to with that statement, and he found it odd that out of all the people in his life, Severus Snape seemed to be the one he opened up to the most.
"I know the feeling," Severus said, almost so softly Harry barely heard him. And that was the last thing he'd expect, that Severus would so willingly admit such a thing to him, willingly show him a vulnerability.
The tension was nearly too much for him; for both of them he suspected. He stood quickly, moving toward the fire. "Oh, God, don't tell me were having a bonding moment here," Harry joked weakly. "Call the newspaper. Harry Potter and Severus Snape have something in common."
"Merlin forbid!" Severus agreed with a nervous laugh. They fell silent for a long moment, Harry staring into the dancing fire. He could feel Severus' potion inside him, calming his nerves, which he suspected would be completely fried otherwise.
"Are you sure you're all right?" Severus asked after a while, and Harry knew what he was referring to.
"Yes," he assured him. "I'm fine." He smiled wryly at the man. "Though I must admit, I suddenly understand why the witch gave Snow White that poisoned apple."
Severus laughed openly at that, leaning back in his chair. "Gods, isn't that the most ridiculous story you've ever heard?"
"Pretty ridiculous," Harry agreed with a nod. He studied Severus' face. He would never be a match for Julius' beauty, but there was nothing wrong with his features. And Harry really did like what ever it was he'd done to his hair. It had long ago come free of the ribbon he'd tied it back with and hung freely about his face, soft and wild looking. And when the man laughed, he seemed almost like a different person. "Would you really burn down the maze?" he asked.
Severus' eyes hardened. "Yes," he stated emphatically. "I can't help wondering who else Julius has done that to. He seems to think his looks excuse his behavior. And my other brothers are just as culpable. They knew what Julius was doing. I won't let that go unpunished either."
Harry couldn't help thinking about the things Julius had accused Severus of doing. Minister Fudge had believed the same thing of the Potion Master. Even Sirius had expressed concern that Severus might try to force Harry into something he didn't want. He wondered if anyone truly knew the man at all. Albus Dumbledore maybe - he had trusted Severus implicitly right from the start.
"Well, as long as I don't have to see him again," Harry said with a shudder.
Severus looked up quickly. "You won't. I promise."
Harry nodded in acceptance, feeling the events catching up to him. He fought back a yawn, and was thankful he didn't have anywhere important to be the following morning. "On that note, I think I'll go to bed. Good night, Severus." He caught himself as he headed toward the bedroom, realizing what he'd just said, how naturally the name had come to him when earlier it had sounded so foreign on his tongue. He glanced back at Severus, noticing he was watching him intently. "Do you mind?" he asked softly. "Me calling you that, I mean?"
"I don't mind," he assured him, a faint smile on his lips. "Good night, Harry."
Harry smiled and shut the bedroom door behind him.
The absence of soft breathing beside him woke Severus from a sound slumber that night. Turning quickly in bed he confirmed that Harry's side was empty. A quick glance at the Wizarding clock on his night stand showed that the hand pointed to 'middle of the night' still several hours from 'time to get up'.
Alarmed, Severus climbed out of bed, swiftly glancing around the room for the missing boy. "Harry?" he called softly, looking through the open bathroom door. The room was also empty.
Moving swiftly through the bedroom door, Severus looked first in the common room, then moved on to the office. Next he pushed open the door to the library and found Harry kneeling on the floor in the middle of the room.
"Harry?" he asked, approaching him cautiously. Harry, still dressed in his pajamas, had his arms wrapped tightly around himself. He was rocking back and forth, tears streaming down his face, a look of horror in his eyes. Most alarming, the lightning shaped scar on his forehead was inflamed and red, standing out against his pale skin.
"Harry?" Severus asked softly, reaching out to touch one of his hands. The boy's skin was ice cold. "Harry, what's wrong? What happened?" He suspected that in all the excitement of the evening, he had forgotten to take his dreamless sleep potion. But that did not explain the swollen scar.
When Harry did not respond immediately, Severus touched his face, turning him toward him so that he could see the boy's eyes. "Harry, answer me," he all but pleaded, trying not to sound too harsh but growing more alarmed by the moment. "What's wrong?"
"Something's changed," Harry whispered his voice strangely hoarse. "Something's different."
Not a nightmare then, Severus guessed. Albus had told him that from time to time Harry had visions rather than simple dreams. Something about his scar connected him to the Dark Lord, enabling him to see glimpses into that evil mind. "What's different?" he asked. He himself could feel nothing coming from the mark on his arm. Albus' wards protected him from the Dark Lord's anger, but he still should have felt something. A twinge or a flash of pain - something.
"Severus," Harry whispered, and there was something terrible in his voice, as if he had discovered some dreadful secret he was afraid to utter. "He's happy, Severus. He's pleased."
Severus frowned. There was no doubt in his mind which 'he' Harry was referring to - but Albus had insisted that it was only the Dark Lord's anger and rage that effected Harry. Why would he be so upset by the fact that the Dark Lord was pleased - though that in itself seemed very unlikely. Lord Voldemort had suffered a terrible set back when this boy had stolen the Eye of Odin from him months earlier - since then they'd heard little from him. And certainly he would not be pleased by the fact that just over a week ago he'd lost several of his Death Eaters when they'd tried once again to kill Harry Potter. How could he possible be happy about anything?
But what ever it was the boy imagined he'd seen, or dreamed, his fear was real. Severus could see him trembling, his whole body shaking as he held himself together through sheer will alone. He found himself desperately wanting to pull the boy into his arms, comfort him with his nearness. But somehow he doubted his touch would have the effect he was hoping for, especially not in light of his brother's behavior earlier that night.
But he couldn't just sit here and do nothing either, couldn't just sit here and watch as the boy fell apart in front of his eyes. Harry had his eyes squeezed shut again and was rocking once more, as if trying to comfort himself. He wondered if anyone had ever taken him into their arms after one of his nightmares - certainly he'd never received the comfort a child needed from the Dursley. He had a sudden vision of the boy as a small child, locked in a dark cupboard while crying for someone, anyone, to comfort him.
But if he could not offer the comfort the boy needed, he knew someone who could.
He rose swiftly and moved back toward his common room. Throwing floo powder into his fire, he stated, "Remus Lupin's room," and then stuck his head through the flames. Instantly he found himself looking into a well-appointed Hogwarts guest room from the point of view of the fireplace. There was a couch only a few feet from him and lying on the couch sound asleep was a large black dog.
"Black!" Severus hissed. "Wake up!" The sound woke the dog instantly, as well as causing a gasp of alarm from one of the side rooms. Remus Lupin emerged almost immediately through one of the doors, suggesting to Severus that he had not been asleep despite the pajamas he was clad in. The dog, seeing Severus' head in the fire, instantly transformed into the familiar form of Sirius Black.
"What is it? What's wrong, Severus?" Remus asked in alarm.
"Come through to my room, " Severus ordered. "The boy needs you."
He pulled back immediately and stood out of the way of the fire. A moment later the flames flashed bright green and Sirius Black stepped through them, followed immediately by Remus Lupin. Severus pointed toward the library door. "In there," he ordered.
Hostilities aside, Sirius rushed immediately toward the library, followed more sedately by Severus and Remus. When Severus reached the library door he saw Black already sitting on the floor beside Harry, holding the shaking boy in his arms. Harry was clinging to him, face buried against his neck as Black gently rubbed his back and stroked his hair, whispering softly to him. A strange mixture of both relief and jealousy flared through Severus's heart. He knew of course that Black could offer Harry the comfort he needed, but he wished it could be him. No doubt the boy had turned to him the moment Black had said his name, no doubt he'd thrown himself into Sirius' arms. That would never happen to him.
"What happened?" Remus asked quietly, drawing Severus aside with a gentle touch to his arm. Severus allowed himself to be pulled away, unaware of the look of longing in his eyes as he glanced back over his shoulder at the two men in his library. "Severus?" Lupin's voice was gentle, the look in his eyes strangely sympathetic and Severus found himself flushing uncomfortably.
"Dream," he explained. "Or a vision. Something about the Dark Lord. I found him like that a few moments ago."
"Let Sirius talk to him for a bit," Remus said. "He'll calm him down - he's good at that."
Severus frowned, realizing then that there had been a full moon the night before. No doubt Sirius had done his best to comfort Lupin after his transformation - though he had noticed the mutt was still sleeping on the couch. A quick glace at Lupin showed dark shadows beneath his eyes, exhaustion in his face. With a sigh, Severus sank down on his couch, suspecting that this was going to be a long night.
It was nearly a quarter of an hour later before Black emerged from the library, Harry stumbling along beside him nearly asleep on his feet. Black still had his arms around the boy, seeming to be holding him up as he walked across the room toward the bedroom. Severus and Lupin both jumped to their feet and followed Sirius as he led Harry back to bed. While Black helped the boy back to bed, Severus moved toward his nightstand and found the bottle of dreamless sleep draught he'd made for Harry. Black said nothing as Severus urged Harry to drink a small dose. A few moments later Harry was fast asleep and the three men moved back out into the living room so that they would not disturb him further.
"Is he alright?" Remus asked Sirius anxiously.
Black ran his hands through his hair, looking somewhat ragged and on edge. "I don't know - I've never seen him like that. He's had nightmares before, but this was different. What the hell happened?" He glared at Snape as if it were all his fault.
Snape just shook his head. "I'm aware of his nightmares - but this wasn't like that. He didn't make a sound - I woke up and he was gone. I found him in the library just like you saw him. He said something had happened - something had changed. That the Dark Lord was happy or pleased about something."
Sirius nodded his head. "He said something like that to me too - but why would that frighten him so much?"
"Why wouldn't it?" Remus replied and both Severus and Sirius stared at him in surprise. "Think about it," Remus urged. "What would possible make the Dark Lord happy? He becomes enraged and angry when things don't go his way or when his plans are thwarted. For him to be happy something terrible must have happened - something good for him and bad for us."
It made sense, much to Severus dismay. "I didn't think Harry's visions worked that way," he said, and if the other two men found his use of Harry's first name odd they said nothing. "I though he only had visions when the Dark Lord was so enraged he let something slip. Why would positive emotions leak across the bond between them?"
"Maybe he wants Harry to know this time," Remus guessed. "Maybe what ever happened is something he wants us to find out about. Or something he expects us to find out about - or worry about."
"Then you're suggesting he's taunting Harry," Sirius asked, his voice dropping into a low growl at the thought.
"It wouldn't be the first time he's taunted us," Remus replied. "Albus should be informed in any event."
"I'll take Harry up to see him in the morning," Severus agreed. "After he's gotten some sleep - he's had a long night."
Black frowned at that. "Did something happen at your dinner?"
Severus shifted uncomfortably. He had intended to let Harry tell Black about the incident with his brother, but it occurred to him then that Harry probably wouldn't say anything. Harry was remarkably good at keeping such things to himself even though he ought to talk about them with someone he trusts.
"My youngest brother, Julius, attempted to assault Harry earlier," Severus confessed.
"What?" Black hissed, eyes widening in anger. "Assault?"
"Sexually," Severus confirmed. "Harry pulled his wand before it could go very far, but it shook him up."
He could see rage burning in both Lupin's and Black's eyes. "God damn it, Snape!" Sirius growled, his fists clenching. "I'll kill the bastard!"
"I took care of it, Black!" Severus informed him. "Harry's fine - and Julius has been dealt with. I intended to return tomorrow and see that he's not given another opportunity. Julius will spend the rest of his life on a very tight leash."
"There shouldn't have been a first opportunity," Black insisted. "How could you let this happen? You swore to protect him!"
"I did protect him," Severus insisted, though he found it hard to defend himself when he already felt guilty for what happened. "It won't happen again."
"You're damn right it won't," Sirius glared. "He's not leaving this castle again unless someone besides you is with him."
Black word filled Severus with rage and he found himself standing face to face with his nemesis, glaring daggers at the man. "Are you suggesting I can't protect my own bond-mate!"
"He's not yours!" Sirius hissed.
"He is mine!" Severus snarled back just as furiously, a wave of possessive jealousy flaring through him. A second later both men were pushed away from one another by an angry werewolf. The hard shove that came from Remus Lupin's hands sent both Sirius and Severus sprawling to the floor as they were reminded first hand just how strong a werewolf even in human form could be.
"That's enough," Remus glared at them, his amber eyes burning almost ferally in the firelight. "You'll wake Harry if you don't shut up." Both men calmed almost immediately at that threat.
"Moony," Sirius all but whined. "He's. . ."
"Stop it right now, Padfoot," Remus snapped. "He said Harry was fine and I believe him. Insults are not going to help anyone right now. I for one am grateful that he had the compassion to call you to be here for Harry tonight despite your lack of manners. Perhaps next time he will not be so quick to summon you."
His words had the desired affect as Sirius immediately stopped what ever it was he was going to say. Both men cautiously got to their feet, Severus giving the werewolf a wary glance. Remus Lupin always seemed so mild mannered; he'd forgotten that even in human form the man possessed a monster's strength.
"Thank you for calling us," Remus said to Severus. "We'll return in the morning to speak with Harry if that's all right with you?"
Severus nodded his head, choosing to remain silent in face of this oddly intimidating werewolf. Remus nodded in satisfaction, then caught Sirius's arm and moved him toward the fireplace and the floo powder. When Sirius looked like he was about to protest, Remus just glared, silencing him again. A few moments later they were both gone and the fire died down once more.
Worn out, Severus returned to his bedroom. He climbed carefully into bed beside the sleeping young man, moving slowly so as not to disturb him. Assured that Harry was sound asleep, he reached out and gently stroked his hair back from his face, running his fingers lightly over the still inflamed scar. The boy sighed softly, but did not wake. "I'm sorry, Harry," he whispered softly, regretfully. Then against his better judgment he bent down and pressed a kiss onto his pale forehead. He found the warm rich scent rising off the boy's skin both soothing and intoxicating all at once.
God, he thought to himself, how easy it would be to forget himself around this beautiful young man. How easy it would be to be the monster everyone, including his own brother, had accused him of being and claim what was his by right of marriage. He suspected that under the right circumstances, he might even be able to make the boy accept it - accept his touch. God knows he knew how to manipulate people, and the boy, hungry as he was for affection, would be little match for him. Legilimency alone would give him just enough of a glimpse in the young man's mind that he could figure out exactly which buttons to push without too much difficulty.
But it wouldn't be right. He's sworn to protect him - even from himself if it came to that. And for some reason, he'd come to the conclusion that though the boy did not like him all that much, he did appear at least to trust him. And nothing in the world would make Severus violate that trust. Not even his own desires.