Caity was silent as Eric drove her back to Eagle's Nest. She didn't know why she was feeling like this. She did her part. Section X did theirs. Back in the battlefield in World Alpha, Ava did hers. Everyone did their part of the deal, so why was she feeling so guilty?
Because sometimes, doing her part wasn't the right thing to do. She did her part, and now, a woman had to fend off cancer while suffering the pain of losing her daughter.
Her eyes lingered on Eric. She would feel a lot better if Eric told her 'I told you so'. This way, she would feel embarrassed. She would feel punished. In fact, as she turned to the window, she realized she was hoping that someone would try to assassinate her or something. That would make her feel much less guilty.
Unfortunately, nothing happened until Caity's car went all the way back into Eagle's Nest. Only when she approached her office did she run into someone she really needed to see.
"Ryan!"
Ryan looked up from his phone. He let out a small smile before standing up. "Colonel Hunter, I've been waiting to see you."
"Colonel?" Caity frowned as she said half-jokingly. "Please, call me Caity."
Ryan tilted his head. "We are on a military base, Colonel. It is only proper for us to refer to each other by our ranks."
Caity found herself getting even more annoyed. What was wrong with Ryan? They were doing so well a few days ago! A few days ago, he was putting up a smile and comforting her. Now, he was all distant and business-like. But in the end, she nodded.
"So, what's up?"
"I have a file to show you. A file from General Kennedy in regard to my appointment." Ryan waved a sealed file in his hand. Caity nodded before walking head-on into her office. Behind her, before Ryan could enter, Eric walked up to her and held his hand out.
"Hello. Eric Hemingway. And no. I'm not related to…"
"Nice to meet you," Ryan cut Eric off after a glance at his insignia. "Lieutenant Hemingway.��
Eric rose his eyebrows. He really didn't like Ryan, which was odd because there was no reason for that. Ryan was a hero and a brother in arms, but Eric just didn't like the way he talked and acted. All he could think of was one thing. You want to be all business-like and talk about ranks? Fine!
"If I may, Ryan, I don't see your rank." He glared at Ryan's shoulder and he made sure Ryan saw it. "What should I refer to you by?"
Ryan froze before giving Caity a glance.
"Commissar. You should call me Battalion Commissar Carlson."
That put both Caity and Eric frozen in surprise. They were silent as all three walked into Caity's office and sat down before Eric could finally ask a question.
"So, like the Soviet Commissars? You know, take a step back and I will personally mow you down with a machine gun? Forward or death?"
Ryan didn't answer him. He simply pushed the stack of files he has been holding on across the table to Caity. Caity didn't waste a second to open the folder and go through the files. Her brows darkened as she went. Finally, she looked up at Ryan in disbelief.
"Six Commissars in total?
"Correct. One for each company and the sixth for the whole battalion." Ryan discreetly bit his lips. "I will be the one for the battalion. I will be working right alongside you."
Why?"
"You don't seem to be so pleased." Ryan didn't give a direct response. "Keep reading. The files have explicitly explained why there need to be commissars."
Caity did keep reading. The file provided a list of reasons, but those reasons didn't justify her concerns. "The commissars have the right to punish any individual within their jurisdiction! Punishments include summary execution for those that disobey orders! That's…"
"That's a lot of power. Indeed," Ryan continued. "but that is also justified. Only with such power can the commissars ensure the battalion and the individual companies do their duty, as they themselves have promised."
"Ah, so if soldiers do fall back, you do have the power to mow them down." Eric mocked. "Yep. Soviets."
Ryan glanced at him. "We will only do so when our cause relies on them charging."
The Colonel's aid scoffed. "Hmmm...a cause that requires the blood of innocent teenagers. That's quite a noble cause indeed."
Ryan frowned. He really didn't like Eric's tone. "If you have a problem with how we are doing things, you should've left when you could."
"Yes...and condemn my parents and brothers back to poverty. Of course, the choice was all mine the entire time!" Eric's smirk didn't drop as he continued sarcastically. On one hand, Ryan was surprised by his courage. When most people knew they were talking to a commissar, they probably would pretend to be as brave as possible. Nope. Not this guy. On the other hand, he wasn't a fan of what he was saying.
But before Ryan could do anything to him, Caity spoke up once again.
"It says here that the commissars can remove from command officers who are incompetent. Does that mean if I make a mistake, you can relieve me of my ranks?"
"Only if I deem it is necessary."
"When is it necessary?"
"That's up to me to decide."
"And how do we know your decision will be a good one? In fact, how do we know the decisions of all the commissars will be the best ones given the situations?"
"You will just have to trust me. Trust us." Ryan was getting impatient. "General Kennedy did. That's why he appointed us. Chose us." He paused before deciding to give out another piece of reassurance. "Look, Caity. I can't tell you too much, but if we go over the board and use our authority for our own goals, then we will pay for it. Hard."
That was the benefit of the Shieldbearer system. Every commissar knew there was a chance there would be one or more Shieldbearers around them that they weren't aware of. If these commissars acted selfishly, it wouldn't be long until they were reported. At that point, they will be punished severely for their transgressions.
The anonymity of most of the Shieldbearers was as much a threat to the common Phasewalkers as it was to other Shieldbearers out there in the open.
Of course, Ryan himself was an exception. He knew every Shieldbearer inside the Phasewalker Corps and had power over all of them. He was the person who everyone reported to, but he wasn't too worried about himself using that power for wicked purposes. He has always been all about self-control.
Caity sighed before resting the files to the side. She knew what she really thought didn't quite matter. She might be the head of the 1st Phasewalker Battalion, but this was Earth, and back on Earth, the government and Section X were the ones making the key decisions. Instead of focusing on the whole commissar thing, she turned back to Ryan.
Before she spoke, she glanced at Eric. It took the aid two full seconds to realize it was his time to get the hell out of here and leave the room for the other two. When he finally did just that, Caity sighed deeply. Her voice turning soft.
"We haven't gotten a chance to talk much after that day." She tilted her head. "Don't you want to know how my parents reacted?"
"No."
Caity almost wanted to swear. Really? Were they back to this? Back to the time where she was trying to start a conversation with Ryan and got single-word answers. Nope! She wasn't gonna let that happen!
"Well, too bad! Because I'm saying it anyway!" She threw her hands up. "They weren't happy. They threatened to kick me out if I don't quit, and when I refused, they kicked me out. Welp, that's what I got for telling the truth. And when I told Ava's mom the truth, it didn't go well either..."
At this point, Caity was pretty much just venting. She has had a series of bad days. As much as she acted like she didn't need her parents, the fact was being kicked out really hurt her. Add that to the responsibility as the Colonel and the guilt toward Ava's mother...she was really troubled, and she needed someone to voice those troubles to.
Ryan's answer lit up the pile of explosives that was Caity's mood.
"I merely gave you a suggestion. I never forced you to follow it. You're not pinning this on me."
"Rrrrrr!" Caity growled as she slammed her fists into the table. "I am not placing blames...Ahhhh!" Finally, she settled down and stared into Ryan's eyes. "Tell me, Ryan. Are we together or not? Actually, scratch that. Are we friends or not? Because sometimes, I really don't know what's wrong with you!"
Ryan sighed before lowering his head. "We are comrades."
He didn't fully answer Caity's question, but his response was clear.
But Caity wasn't so satisfied with just letting Ryan off, just like that. She pushed on despite Ryan's intentions.
"Well, why not? We have been through so much! Why are you always trying to be so business-like?" Caity leaned forward into Ryan's face, forcing him to slowly fall back. "Live a little! Share some jokes! Why are you always so serious with me and everyone else? What are you even afraid of? You know you want to loosen up a bit!"
"I don't want to…" Ryan trailed off in frustration as he held his lips tight. "look. We are marching through the Portal soon. All of us. The entire battalion. And at the end of the day, some of us will die. Maybe all of us will die. You said it yourself. There will be losses."
"Yeah, so? More reasons to enjoy life now! And when we go out there and fight and die, do you really want to do that alone? If you're going down, you might as well do so with a friend by your side!"
Ryan voluntarily skipped the second question. "Exactly. Why would I want to get close to you if chances are you'll be dead by tomorrow?"
"Wait…" Caity leaned back in her seat and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "are you seriously choosing to ignore your feelings and not be attached to anyone because you're afraid you'll get hurt?"
"I'm not afraid." Ryan turned away slowly. "I'm just...it will be stupid. That's all. A waste of time when we have so much important matters on our hands to deal with."
Caity sighed before reaching her hand forward and holding onto Ryan's. Ryan bit his lips, but after a moment of hesitation, he didn't pull away, but he kept his cheeks stern.
"You like me, yes?" Caity pushed on.
Ryan sighed. "Maybe. I respect your strength."
"Then go for it!" Caity exclaimed as she leaned closer. "Forget about all the risks and consequences! Be brave! You were going to sacrifice yourself to a bunch of beasts, for god's sake! What are you possibly afraid of? Just live a little!"
Ryan was slightly taken back as a soft look appeared on his face. Just before he was about to speak up, Caity added something.
"You only live once, Ryan."
As if that hit something, Ryan's expression suddenly turned stern once again.
"Indeed, we only live once." He slowly pulled his hand back and stood back up. "Colonel Hunter, if you don't have something else, please excuse me. I have other businesses to attend to."
With that said, he turned and walked out of the room. In the hallway, as he brushed past Eric, he suddenly snapped around.
"As the Battalion Commissar of the 1st Battalion, I have found reasons to question whether it is appropriate to put you in such a critical position, right beside the Colonel herself."
Eric paused before turning around and smirking. "Well, question all you want, but I work for the Colonel, and if the Colonel doesn't want me by her, all she has to do is tell me. Before that, I will keep doing my job. Unless…" He grinned. "unless you want to have me arrested now for treason...just because I said a few words."
He pretended to have come to a sudden realization.
"Oh wait, where are we again? The United States of America? Oh...for some reason I thought we were back in time and all the way across the planet in the Soviet Union! I wonder why..."
Ryan was unfazed.
"This is America, and you do have the freedom of speech here, but once we cross the Portal…" He said quietly. This wasn't a threat. This was simply a statement. "when the fate of our world is at stake, no sacrifice is too big, and no treachery is too small."
As the commissar walked away, Eric smirked before walking back into Caity's office. Inside, Caity stood in her seat with obvious dissatisfaction on her face. As Eric sat down beside her and was about to go on to other work, Caity suddenly asked a question he didn't quite expect.
"So, Eric," She stood up. "what are you planning on doing tonight?"
On the other side, Ryan walked straight into a bathroom. He stood in front of a mirror and stared into his own reflection.
"Indeed, I only live once," He whispered, almost as if he was trying to convince himself. "and it will be a damn shame if I let myself be hindered by things that are so...trivial."
He leaned forward and started washing his face with ice-cold water, but no matter how many times he felt the cold brush on his cheek, he couldn't get Caity's image out of his head, nor could he forget the words she whispered into his ears.
You only live once.