I keep fucking up my life so bad I think I'm cursed or something. Every time there's a chance for redemption for myself and I take it eventually I can't keep up and fuck everything up. I constantly feel that I don't deserve anything that I have in my life. I try for some time to do better but in the end I return to my not giving a fuck self. I keep procrastinating and just not doing anything even when the project is due tomorrow. I try but in the end I don't do anything. And when I do anything it's like I'm not even trying. I know why does it keep happening to me. It just because I'm a shit irresponsible person. I can't love, I don't have any passions. When I find something, someone that interests me, I forget about it after some time. Yeah, maybe I haven't found that something, that someone, but why do I have to suffer. Everyday I'm in constant agony and it just doesn't end. Even when everything is seemingly fine and cool and great, there's a punch waiting for me. I'm trying to be optimistic, but every engine shuts down when there's no fuel.