Monica
Adjustments
I see so many familiar faces. Even after all those years, they're still here. The memories of the past only live on in my heart.
"Good morning, Signorina." Familiar faces greet me.
'Signorina' was my title back then. It means 'young lady' in English. It's flattering that they call me 'Signora' now, which means 'madam or lady'.
I could not speak and my tongue seemed to recede because I could not hear what I was going to say.
"Monica," my cousin snapped at me "-they are greeting you," he said.
I immediately confronted them and gave them my miserly smile. I still don't really know how I'm going to feel now that I'm stepping again into this mansion.
Francis somehow snatched the attention of all the people in this lobby as he walked in my direction. All eyes were turned to him as he started to speak.
"I'm sorry for being late. The whole mansion is preparing for a party tomorrow." Francis proclaimed.
He has so much authority in him.
"That's okay. We just arrived. But Monica looks tired from the trip so if possible I'll take her to her room first." My cousin Matteo said so.
Francis just nodded and my cousin didn't hesitate and guided me up the fancy stairs.
We stopped at the familiar door. It is indeed familiar because this was my room before, and in irony, this is where I will be staying from now on until I am here. My chest was pounding hard and I feel like I'm going to faint. I don't know how long I can keep this up but I'm not gonna last if I will keep this to myself. I held Matteo's arm as we entered the room. He sat me down on the bed and looked at me worriedly. He put his hand on top of my hand that was holding his arm and touched my forehead suddenly. He still looked worried.
"Do you want to be checked? You are burning up." He whispered.
"I can't- can't stay here. I- I'm going to die." I cried.
I don't know why.
"You're safe here. No one's going to hurt you unless Francis and I are here. We're going to protect you, alright?" He assured.
"No, no, no! I can't stay in this room. I can't be alone here. I'm going insane!" I can't be bothered anymore.
Inside this room is the engraved past. They seemed to be glued to the wall and its four corners. Everywhere I looked, the pictures seemed to be moving as if only I could see.
"Francis!" Matteo's voice was receding as I examined the room with my eyes.
"Francis!" He called again.
My anxiety is killing me. And I am letting myself suffer for staying in this room. I am still not letting go of Matteo's hands, holding it tightly as if it's gonna fade away.
"Can she transfer a room?"
"The other rooms are not yet thoroughly cleaned, I'm afraid. But she can stay in my room in the meantime. I will order the room next to mine to be cleaned for her."
"It's gonna take one more day?"
"Probably, they still need to move some furniture."
"And she can't be alone, at least for now. Until she adjusted."
"Yeah, I know. I'll take care of her."
I never overheard my cousin and Francis talking about finding my new room. Suddenly, I felt weakened and it was as if my surroundings were getting dark.
"Monica!" The last call I heard before I could blackout.
I don't know how long I slept but I just found myself laying on somebody's bed. As I opened my eyes, the light from outside the window was the first I noticed. I turned to my other side only to see Francis looking keenly at me.
"You're awake. Do you need water?" He asked.
I ignored his question and look for my cousin instead, that is nowhere to be found in this room.
"Where's Matteo?" I forced myself to sit up.
"He left just fifteen minutes ago. He needs to go back to Manila for the other case he's working for his client." Oh! I was not informed.
"Leaving me alone here?" With such anxiety that I am feeling right now?
"I am here to take care of you and replace him for a short moment if you would permit. I can assure you that I am capable of taking good care of people." He said. It sounded so arrogant.
What am I? A five-year-old child that needs parent's support?
"Leave me alone," I said.
I faintly lay down on the bed again and wrapped my body in a thick comforter. I looked like I was splurging my way to darkness again to the idea that Matteo left me alone. As if he is not coming back. I don't know if I could trust Francis right now. I don't know his true motive. So maybe he sent me here to torture me. To torture me by reminding me of my past.
"Just call the maid if you need anything. I'll check the next room if it's cleaned already so you can transfer tomorrow." I heard the rustling sound from his movement.
I just remembered that this was not my room but his.
I heard the door open and closed, a cue that he left the room. I lay on my back and pulled the blanket up to my waist and stared at the ceiling.
Papa, what is happening? Why am I here? I need you to come. I am so hopeless.
Now, where is my phone? I need to call my cousin and scold him for leaving me here by myself. I agreed to the idea of coming back here with him but I don't think I was prepared that I had to get used to the fact that sometimes they will disappear because they have a life of their own apart from my problem.
Why am I always the problem here? I do not wish to be protected, by the way. And this was not the plan I presume. How can I carry it out if I'm here?
"Ugh! Così frustrante!"
I don't know where my tiredness is coming from but I fell asleep again waiting for Matteo's reply to the messages I sent. I awoke from the knocking on the door of the maid carrying a tray of food.
"Good morning, Signora. Sir Francis wants me to send this because you didn't eat last night." She said as she put the tray on the bed.
"I could go down to eat. You shouldn't have served me food here. But, thank you anyway." I said nicely.
"I really offered myself to bring it to you because I want to meet you. I always hear from the old maids here that you are the former owner of this mansion." I really like to be talked about by people. That was sarcasm, really.
"Why do you want to know that?" I was suddenly curious about the things they have described to me.
"All good things! Your father is said to be a very kind and caring boss. At the end of the month, all workers received a bonus, especially when the sales of their products are high. It is said that a happy family used to live in this mansion. This was specially built for Signor Massimo's late wife when she was still alive. His death was painful and unjust so they lost everything. " Her litany.
I was just listening and as I listened to her speak, I couldn't stop myself from crying. The memory of my father returns to my mind. And I just realized that I have taken him for granted so much. If I could just turn back the time, I would have listened to him more.
"Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm really sorry. Here's the tissue." It was no longer comfortable when the tissue was handed to me.
"It's okay. I'm fine. No need to worry about me." I said.
She trembled in front of me as she could no longer look at me directly. Francis suddenly entered the room and found out about the current incident.
"What have you done to her? Why is she crying?" The authority of his voice. Even just calmly asking it is still scary.
"She did nothing wrong to me. I just had a bad dream, that's all." I'm sorry.
Seems like he believed it.
"Go to the next room now. Make sure it's all cleaned so she can transfer." He commands her.
She immediately obeyed and left the room like lightning.
"You scared her," I stated.
"No, I didn't." He answered.
I wasn't even asking him a question.
"You are scary enough for them," I said to him.
"Am I scary to you?" He asked.
"I wouldn't have liked you before if you were scary," that just slipped out of my mouth suddenly.
I always wanted to be straight to the point. And I'm not going to lie about how I feel about him. I have always been infatuated with him before, especially when I saw him passionate about wines. That's how we started to get closed to each other.
It's just that, we're not the same person anymore.
How have we come onto this?
My life was so simple before. I am just existing, living and celebrating my life as a Carluccio but everything changed since they have got interested in my family. And I still don't know who they were but I am not giving up.
When I came out of this mansion, there was a party being prepared for later. The other helpers do a lot of chores and I shouldn't bother them.
"Hi! Just want to ask. What is the party for later?" I approached a gardener cutting plants.
"It's good that there's a lot of harvests this week. The workers just asked for a party for the celebration. Sir Francis agreed so we're preparing now." The answer is this.
Oh really? He listened to them.
I continued walking to the vineyard to see if the news was true. I would only be sadder if I locked myself in the room. I also need fresh air. I'm here again, so I'll take advantage.
I was not prepared to see that my favourite hammock was not there anymore. There is only one sturdy tree standing here. It hurt for me to see that so I turned my body back to the mansion.
"Good morning, Signora."
I ignored their greetings to me because I could think of nothing else but to confront Francis about my hammock.
"Where is my hammock?" I found him in the kitchen with the two maids helping him with the cooking of something I don't want to know.
"Why is it not there anymore? And the tree!" I hysterically asked him.
He removed the apron he was wearing and laid it on the counter. He approaches me while not cutting off the gaze.
"I had to remove it because it might be broken. A lot of typhoons had hit this place for eight years so the tree was also destroyed. But I hid the hammock at the storeroom for safekeeping." He explained.
"That hammock was the only memory I have with both of my parents that I can accept without breaking down. I was just shocked that it wasn't there on how I left it." Trembling, I wiped the runaway tears from my cheek.
"I can reinstall it again if you like. I just have to call some person to do the job." He offered.
"I want it the old way. But I guess, it's not gonna happen sooner. Just leave it."
It's not going to be the same hammock I used to like anymore.
"Do you want some tiramisu to stop you from crying?" He crossed his arms from his chest.
"How would a tiramisu be of help for me right now?" I copied his movement.
"Matteo informed me that's your comfort food. You have a sweet tooth." He stated. And it's not a lie. I do have a sweet tooth.
"And you believed him?" Matteo and I need to talk about this.
"He knows you better. And to have peace in this house, I have to learn everything about you." He said.
"Am I a problem that you always need to solve? That requires you to study my behaviour?" I don't want to start it again.
Eventually, I still accepted this dessert offer. I found out that he made it himself just for the party that would take place later. I saw the one truck arrive at the facade and the helpers assembled the rented karaoke for the farmers and other stuff. It's gonna be a fun and loud evening. Luckily, we don't have neighbours.
"Son, could you please help reach that big bowl at the top of the cabinet?" I heard an old maid in the kitchen say.
"Thank you, Francis."
Hmm, she's not calling him Signor or Sir. She must have been special.
"Nothing to worry about, Manang Ophelia," Francis replied.
I heard that name before. And if I was not mistaken, the woman with that name was once my nanny. To my curiosity, I went back to the kitchen and explored the whole place only to find out the oldest woman in the wheelchair mixing something in a bowl on her lap.
"Nanny?" I called her to confirm.
My voice was still clear, enough for her to hear so she turned in my direction. I was right! It was her! I was so relieved when there is still someone that stayed here despite everything that has happened. I ran in her direction and hugged her from behind her wheelchair.
"Nanny, it's me. Monica." I sobbed on her shoulder.
"Monica?" She repeated my name.
"Yes. It's me. Do you still remember me?" I asked softly.
She didn't answer. Seems like she thinking. I hope she remembers.
"She's having a hard time remembering due to old age. Bear with her." Francis said.
I broke my hug with her and wiped away my tears. Before I could go any farther, I lowered my head again to kiss the top of his head.
I just can't believe that she's still here. She stayed there as she promised.
I went back to the vineyard and took a short walk even though the sun was shining straight. It's windy because of the surrounding trees so it's not bad either. I should have brought my har tie, my hair is swaying through the direction of the wind blows that is covering my face. And if you look at it, the laces of my shoes have been removed.
Now I have to look for the spot where I can tie them back again.
I growled from frustration. I just want to spend this day in peace but simple things like this irritate me.
"Let me do it for you, Signorina." A man suddenly showed up from my behind and bend over to reach my shoes.
"You don't have to do it," it's too late. He's tying them up now.
He was carrying a black umbrella that had not been opened because he was still tying my shoes.
"You can now run again, Signorina." He tapped my shoes.
As he rose back, I am looking at his face. I needed to thank this man for his chivalry so I need to see his face. And he keeps calling me 'signorina' which annoys me even more.
What's up with people calling me that? They confused me. One calls me Signora, and others call me Signorina. Can't they just stick to one name?
"Thank you- Carter?"
Is he really Carter?
His face, the scars, his built. Just the way I remembered him.
"Still in the flesh, signorina." He chuckled.
"Dio Mio! It's really you!" I gasped.
I can't contain the happiness inside of me that I extended my arms for an embrace to him. Two special persons that I met today for not seeing them for eight years. Thankfully, they are still alive!
"I'm glad that you're back," I patted his back while still embracing him.
"I still need to fulfil my promise to Signor Massimo," he said.
"Oh, enough of that! I'm happy that you're here. Are you working for Francis now?" I let go of my hug.
"Yes, and he took me to protect you." He answered.
"So you're still a bodyguard?" And I was the one he had to watch over again.
"This is my job. And I love to do nothing than to do something else. Which will not require me to see you." He stood beside me and we walked.
"Oh, come on! There are enough men here who can do that job. And besides, you should have escaped after that incident. It's not vague that they are after you as well." I said. I started to get worried for him.
"I should have been dead a long time ago if I'm the one they've been after," he has a point though.
We continue catching up while walking at the vineyards. We have talked so much because a lot has happened for the eight years that I'm gone. And I have come to remember that there's still Helga that I didn't meet today. I hope she's fine now.
"I forgot to ask you... about Helga." Carter stopped walking. "Is she still here? Is she still working here?" I asked.
He stopped walking as soon as he heard Helga's name. I got curious even more because of the silence he's been giving me.
"Sh-she died. When I went back to the house after I escorted you to the airport, she was not breathing anymore. And she got shot right straight to her head." He said while stuttering.
What? How?
"She was shot by the head? How?" It could be- no!
"They still followed us all the way home. Fortunately, we got ahead of them. They only caught up with Helga-" I don't want to hear it anymore! It has to stop.
I turned my back on him to hide my tears. My knees weakened as I sat under a tree. Another person lost her life because of me. If Carter and I hadn't left, we would still be able to protect her. But they are just so ruthless. Helga could barely open her eyes and they still shot her. They no longer felt sorry.
"I'm sorry, Monica. We just need to keep you safe." He apologized.
Keep me safe?
"For what? If the replacement is your life." I wiped my falling tears with my palms.
I am not worth saving. I did not contribute anything to make them do this.
And first of all, I did not ask for this.
This is too much.