Tsunades disastrous life

Long day. I am exhausted, I feel like I could drop dead any second now, back then when I was only 5. Here, I stand in my first year of school, It is hard standing around without any knowledge, My dad and I have been grieving. my mom ended up hanging herself on my birthday, it really sucks to be celebrating my birthday while mourning my dead mother. Too much, too little, I can't seem to understand the things that everyone tells me, I don't want to understand cause it only leads to me being upset. I feel let down every time I let someone else into my life, Which is why I result to pushing them away, It makes me feel secure like I'm not pushed or thrown over an edge I, myself cannot climb back up, I do not feel like talking if I do it's cold, But I know, I take it too far, I'm stupid, arrogant and stubborn, cold and can't relate to anything positive. I am someone who hates his own birthday, no girlfriend, friends, or anything to love. But I am happy that I'm led into a new life, with people I can trust, relate to, and most of all, love.