That night, MingYu fell into a deep sleep. In his dream, a tranquil, soft voice of a woman spoke to him.
"TianLan, where did you put that hairpin I sent you?"
She was beautiful, eyes of a phoenix, lips the colour of cherry blossom. Whenever she smiled, her eyes were two crescent moons, sparkling against her milky skin.
Wu TianLan smiled up at her as she ran the comb through his hair.
"It's in the second drawer, mother."
The Queen fished the small bamboo box out with her slender fingers and brought up a large hairpin. Strands of pure white pearls dangled from a golden peony flower.
Wu TianLan looked at it with minuscule apprehension. He didn't outright hate his 14th birthday gift, but he didn't want to use it either. It was too pretty, too feminine. Still, he sat motionless as his mother placed it in his hair, marvelling over how beautiful her son was as the pearls framed the side of his face.
"Like mother, like son." She mused. Her laughter was like tinkling crystals, soothing to the ear.
Wu TianLan's smile wavered slightly, but his mother hadn't noticed it.
As beautiful as his mother.
He always heard that, no matter who he met, where he went. He hated it, to be reminded of it every second of his life.
A sudden sting of pain flared in his cheeks, pulling him out of his thoughts with a startle. Blood rushed under his skin, burning through his face.
His mother looked down at him with a loving smile.
"A little pinch to get those cheeks rosy."
Wu TianLan tightened his fists under his long flowy sleeves as he mustered a simper through the pain. He had to look presentable. Today was his 14th birthday. It was also one of those rare occasions in his life when his father allowed him to step outside the palace walls.
His mother had persuaded his father for months on end for TianLan to see the plum pavilion of the largest monastery in the Imperial City.
Wu TianLan wouldn't miss it for the world.
Carriages waited for them at the gates of the palace, servants lined up by the vehicles, offering a helping hand as the royalty climbed inside. Stepping up the two wooden steps after his mother, a hand came to rest over the small of Wu TianLan's back, lingering there longer than needed.
Wu TianLan's spine froze. His steps faltered as he felt the hand slid over and around his waist, gripping onto him. He glanced over his shoulder, too shocked to react in any other way but to stare at the servant who was having a stupid, blushing grin on his face.
"Your highness should be careful. Let me help-"
Wu TianLan pushed the servant off him, sending the man stumbling backwards. With his jaw wound tight, Wu TianLan stepped into the carriage without a word.
He hated it. Hated men and women touching him without permission. Running their hands wherever they wanted...
His darkened mood caught his mother's attention, and she leaned forward, brushing the tender skin of his cheek with her fingers.
"Is everything alright, honey? Are you not feeling well?"
Her touch was comforting, not at all disgusting, and Wu TianLan relaxed his tense posture, offering his mother a bright smile.
"It's nothing."
How could he tell his mother that the servant had touched him inappropriately? He was soon a man, not a damsel in distress. Biting his tongue, he kept the issue to himself. The servant only touched his waist, he would be laughed at if he dared to complain.
His father glared at him, seeming to see through his little white lie, but said nothing.
As they arrived at the temple, Wu TianLan was already in a much better mood. He had never seen a blooming plum tree before in his life. From what his mother had told him, it was to be very memorable.
The moment the carriage slowed to a stop, he bustled up and flicked the curtain aside in a hurry.
Whatever traces of a bright smile he might have had on his face, melted away in a flash. Why were the officials here? His mother had said that this was a trip for only the three of them and the guards.
All ten pairs of eyes had landed on him as he pulled the curtains close and sunk back inside the carriage.
"TianLan, you were the one who demanded to come with us. Get on your feet and out." His father's warning voice worked like a whip, and Wu TianLan slowly crawled up from his little corner.
Taking in a deep breath, he pulled the curtain aside. His head was held high, eyes in a slight squint under the glaring sun. A forced little smile was unwavering as he descended from the carriage.
"Young prince!"
Instantly the men had surrounded the carriage. Wrinkled hands caught onto his shoulders, pulling him towards the temple steps.
"It has been a while since we have had the honour to gaze upon you. You have blossomed even further." The old geezer had brought his face so close, Wu TianLan could feel his breath against his skin and smell the fatty pork he had eaten that morning. Wu TianLan shrunk back, raising his shoulders in defence. He wanted to gag, but his polite smile stood its ground.
Shooting a helpless look towards his parents, he realised they were too busy to pay him any attention. He couldn't make a scene, he was the crown prince. Turning back to the beady-eyed man, he muttered, "Yes, official Li."
Wu TianLan tried to step out from under the sleazy man's hold, and to his surprise, the grip relented with little resistance. Before he could take a breath of relief, that same hand smoothed down his spine, lingering over the curve of his lower back.
"The beloved prince is so beautiful, you must already have a lot of marriage offers-"
"TianLan, come here."
The hand was instantly pulled away as his father's words hit the air, and TianLan scurried over to his father's side. The blood had escaped his cheeks, turning him sickly under the warm hue of the sun.
"TianLan, stay close to me, understood?"
TianLan only nodded as he clung to his father, keeping his eyes away from the hungry looks thrown at him.
"Next time, if I tell you to stay home, you do as I say." His father said with a low voice only for him to hear. TianLan didn't need to be warned twice. The Queen had promised that only their family would be here. Who would have thought these old farts would arrive too?
The day just kept turning worse. TianLan had stood beneath the multitude of plum trees since early morning. Dusk was already setting, but not even one of the flower buds twitched. TianLan had refused to go home. He got out of the palace only once a year, he would see the flowers bloom even if he had to stand there till sunrise!
The monks had been standing nearby, waiting for them to leave, not daring to move before it. Finally, as the last rays of the sun disappeared behind their temple walls, one of them stepped forward and dared to say,
"The young prince must be so beautiful, the flowers shy away and dare not to bloom."
The seemingly innocent words fuelled the anger within Wu TianLan as he looked at the flower buds with hatred. Beautiful! It was always because he was beautiful! He didn't ask to be beautiful!
His fingernails dug into his palms as he looked around without a target. The pearls of his hairpin swayed before his eyes.
Being locked in the palace, the looks that were thrown his way, the hands that lingered over him for a moment too long, were all because he was beautiful.
TianLan relaxed his wound up posture as his mind settled on a perfect solution.
As long as he wasn't beautiful, he would be free to enjoy the world and all the little things in it. He reached up and pulled out his 14th birthday gift. The hairpin's sharp end glinted under the lanterns weak light.
Time seemed to slow down as he aimed it at his face. Just one line across his face would satisfy the world and his heart.
The surrounding people moved in unison. Slender fingers wrapped around his wrist and tried to wrestle the weapon away before he could touch his features.
"TianLan! What are you doing?!" His mother was screaming beside his ear, but his hand didn't relent.
The needle was so close, he could almost feel its cold edge on his skin. Strong arms caught his shoulders, and TianLan fought back, trying to shake them off of him.
"TianLan!"
"Let me go!"
"Hey!"
"Don't touch me!"
"MingYu! Hey!"
MingYu blinked his eyes open and jerked up as he felt powerful arms holding him in place. "Let me go!"
"MingYu, calm down. It was just a dream." ZhiYi whispered in the dark.
MingYu took sharp breaths in, his numb arm draped over his stomach as ZhiYi held him tight against his chest, so he couldn't thrash around and hurt himself.
"Did you have a nightmare?"
Words lodged in his throat. He wanted to tell ZhiYi the truth. That he had seen a memory of Wu TianLan. But TianLan's pride carried over the dream, into the waking world. His shame of being too weak to defend himself from the surrounding people kept him quiet. Instead, MingYu only nodded against the groove of ZhiYi's neck.
"It's ok, I'm right here. The sun has not risen yet. Try to get some more sleep."
He closed his eyes, leaning into ZhiYi, but he couldn't fall asleep again. The hatred Wu TianLan felt towards his own beauty back then was still bright and burning within him. He hated it, every last bit of it.