In his dream, MingYu was standing on a little hill, watching over the golden crops as the Sun was making its way behind the horizon, smothering the field in an amber hue. The four brothers were still weaving through the crops, laughing and smiling as they joked around.
PingZe was clinging to LongHai's shoulders, flailing his arms in grand gestures as he was telling them about something spectacular. LongHai looked like he rather died then was there under PingZe's hold.
LongHai's father, old man Chen, stood next to MingYu, watching over his land and the boys. The serene silence was interrupted with a heavy sigh as old Chen turned his gaze from the field to MingYu. "I'm sorry, Ming'er. I didn't mean to lecture you."
"It's ok. It's not your fault, old Chen." MingYu said with a humourless smile, but his eyes never strayed from the field before them.
Old Chen shook his head as he cast his eyes downwards.
"I just want you to stay safe. After what happened to the Liangs, I don't want you to get hurt the same way. People don't and won't understand, Ming'er."
"I know, old Chen. I will treat him like a brother, nothing more, nothing less."
Old Chen turned around, taking slow steps towards the tiny house on top of the hill. After a few steps, he stopped and turned back around. "ZhiYi is a good kid, he will one day be a wonderful husband to a lucky girl and a doting father to a bunch of little rascals. You could, too, Ming'er. Think about it, won't you?"
"I guess I could. Goodnight, old Chen."
"Goodnight, Ming'er." Old Chen said as his hunched figure disappeared into the house.
MingYu's smile quivered and his lips curved downwards, pulling a veil of sadness over his face. A man would never cry, MingYu reminded himself as he shook the grief away. He put on a pleasant smile as the brothers made their way up the hill.
"MingYu, is everything all right?" ZhiYi said as he stopped before MingYu, dirt still clinging to his face and hands in streaks.
"Just a little tired." MingYu shrugged. He stopped himself from reaching out and wiping away the soil on the other man's body. ZhiYi was not a child anymore. He could take care of himself. MingYu's smile wavered on the edge of crumbling, and he coughed to seal it.
"I can give you a piggyback ride home." ZhiYi offered with a mischievous smile. He was rewarded with a swat over his head for the remark.
"You should offer that to your future wife!" MingYu snapped a tad too harshly, but ZhiYi merely chuckled and rubbed his sore head.
"I just did, but I was turned down."
PingZe and ZhouYan were snickering on the side. Only LongHai grumbled, "Ugh, take it somewhere else. I'm too tired to watch you two exchange sweet nothings in front of my face. I was planning on eating something before bed, now I just want to gag."
The words were innocent and playful, but they stabbed their way through MingYu's facade, crippling his breath. MingYu hurried past the brothers, and in his hasty manner, tripped and lost his balance. Strong hands took hold of him and pulled him back.
MingYu snapped awake as ZhiYi's hand took hold of his shoulder, holding him in place. He was half lying on top of ZhiYi, half on his way to roll down the bed and face-plant on the wooden floor. His hand was fisted around the front of ZhiYi's undergarments. MingYu had pulled them off the other man's body, revealing a deep scar that ran around ZhiYi's left shoulder. It looked like ZhiYi's arm had been cleanly sliced off, then sewn back together. There was another, smaller scar situated right over ZhiYi's heart.
MingYu both frowned and blushed as he pulled himself up and off ZhiYi. Blood was pounding in his ears as he tried to calm down his heart. It must have been due to him lying with his head drooping towards the floor. The blood had pooled in his head, causing him to blush like a tomato. Yeah, that must have been it.
MingYu straightened his clothes as he watched ZhiYi pull his undergarments back in place, hiding the scars beneath the white fabric.
MingYu had never seen these scars before in his life. Where had they come from?
"Where did you get them?" MingYu blurted out as he fanned himself, trying to tone down his flaming cheeks.
"What?" ZhiYi said as his eyes studied MingYu with a strange expression. It wasn't an ominous look. To MingYu's surprise and discomfort, ZhiYi looked disappointed in him. MingYu shuffled on his side of the bed, turning his eyes away. The awkward silence seemed to create a wedge between the sworn-brothers.
"The scars." MingYu finally said as the air became overbearing to him. He shot a careful glance ZhiYi's way, but the man had already moved over to the edge of the bed to fish AhXin out of his little dwellings.
ZhiYi moved with experienced gestures. Lifting the boy in the air, ZhiYi gave him a quick sniff to make sure the boy was clean and comfortable before he placed a loud smooch over AhXin's round cheek. The boy squirmed and giggled as ZhiYi tickled the bottom of his foot.
MingYu nearly let out a high-pitched 'awe' but he cleared his throat instead. A man didn't make such weird sounds! MingYu scolded himself silently. But he had to admit, old Chen wasn't wrong, ZhiYi made a pretty damn good father.
ZhiYi was cradling AhXin in his arms when he turned back to MingYu with a weak smile.
"The bigger scar I got from the battle outside the imperial city. The smaller one - it doesn't matter, not anymore."
MingYu's brows crinkled as he hitched himself closer to the duo. He ran his hand over AhXin's cheek and gave it a little squeeze. The boy looked at him with apprehension, and MingYu stuck out his tongue in response. AhXin turned his brights eyes up towards ZhiYi as if questioning if the baldy was out of his mind.
"If they don't matter, why do you keep them?" MingYu said nonchalantly as he kept annoying AhXin as payback for all the screaming and crying. He had now turned his attention to the boy's toes and was tickling them relentlessly.
Demons could regrow flesh and mend any wound or scar. Their spiritual energy was solely attached to their ashes. As long as their ashes were safely put away, they could regrow a body again and again, with a catch.
If they failed to withstand the pain of their body being ripped apart and mended back together for thousands of times. They wouldn't be able to successfully obtain a body of flesh and bone. They would either end up braking their spirits or cultivating disfigured bodies, which they were stuck with for the rest of eternity.
That was why as long as their dead bodies were still in good condition, it was better to reattach the body and cultivate to keep it intact rather than cultivate an entirely new body. ZhiYi and PingZe were the far and few who had been successful in it.
ZhiYi seemed surprised that MingYu knew of this. His eyes softened. The disappointment seemed to fade away, leaving an endearing glint behind. MingYu found himself smiling in relief.
"I guess it's for sentimental values." ZhiYi mused aloud with a smile and turned his attention back to AhXin.
Cold hands seemed to claw at MingYu's heart. At that moment, he wanted to pry into ZhiYi's mind and see what memories made him smile and look on so longingly. What was it? What made ZhiYi so happy and sorrowful at the same time?
None of these questions mattered. In the end, MingYu only made up questions in his mind to hide the one true question that was painting his world with nothing but gloom and grey.
Why can't it be me?
MingYu turned his eyes down to his palms, studying the intricate lines with the focus of a person, who didn't want his mind to be clouded with thoughts anymore. A bitter smile graced MingYu's lips as he turned his face away to hide his expression from ZhiYi.
Why should it be me?