11:11
It's always at this time of the day.
I always hear her voice.
I always hear her sobs.
I always hear her thoughts.
And with this happening daily, I found myself unconsciously waiting for her.
And I liked it.
I loved it.
It was during the blood moon eclipse. We were all at the rooftop waiting for the total lunar eclipse to end. Constellations were clearly seen. Drinks in my right hand. Body rested in a black beanbag. Yoongi arguing on how sleepy he was. Hobi being excited on every passing shooting star. Tae and Kookie capturing moments, our unofficial photographer and director. RM staring on the dark sky formulating ideas on his head. And Jin munching on the mozzarella sticks like an unfed child.
'Jimin, how are you?'
I heard a soft voice whisper in my right ear. Eyes wide open, I looked around trying to find where the voice was coming from.
'I'm watching the eclipse. Are you too?'
The voice continued. 'Yes I am.' I can't help myself but answer her back.
'I hope you are having fun. I hope you are resting. I hope you're fine because… I'm not. I know you can't hear me and I know you don't care but please be safe.'
The whisper went to a soft end. I smiled. 'Wherever you are, whoever you are, thank you. Thank you for thinking of me. I hope you're fine too. Everything will be okay.'
And it went on and on. She speaks of her rants, her insecurities, her stresses and it makes me feel loved. It makes me feel that even though we are far from each other, I can help her by just listening her speaking her heart out.
The tour was getting nearer. Practices are becoming more intense and exhausting. Anxiety attacks every night. What's worse? Her voice was starting to fade. The whispers were not as loud as before. What is happening?
It was the night of the concert. I haven't heard anything from her these past two days. I felt empty. I post consecutive photos in Twitter just to try to get her attention. I bother ARMYs on the fancafe. But still, no whispers.
'Chim, your watch doesn't go along with the outfit. You need to remove it.' My stylist reprimanded me when I grabbed the silver watch from the make-up table.
'It's fine. I can manage to pull this off. Please, just this once. And, the ARMYs will love it.' I pleaded her with a pout on my face gaining a giggle from her and an eye-roll from Yoongi.
We're back to the stage, in front of blinding lights and a crowd of family. I felt pressured. There is no room for mistakes now. This is a big comeback.
The performance went on smoothly. We started from the carrier song, Idol followed by the contrasting ones, Save Me and I'm Fine. I constantly check my watch for the time. I know, I'll hear her voice tonight. Optimistic and hoping, I patiently waited not realizing the show is about to end.
11:10. One more minute.
'Jimin, I'm happy for you. I know you enjoyed your performance. I can't stop myself from smiling seeing you just in front of me now, doing what you love. You have reached so far and thank you for always being down to earth. I have a lot to say but for now, I love you.'
My heart fluttered. I missed your thoughts. I missed you voice. I missed you.
'Thank you for coming here tonight despite the outrageous weather. We are very happy for the warm acceptance of our comeback. We all know that we didn't reach this platform now if not because of your never-ending love and support.
Now, I want to share a story. Do you believe that if you wish during 11:11, your wish will come true? They say that this is a way to send out an intention to the Universe or your Angels. Then, I didn't but now, I certainly do. To someone who always talks during this time of the day, I know you blend in this crowd so well, I know you're here. I'm fine, we're fine. We may not always eat in the right time, but we eat well. We take care of ourselves, so please take care of yours too.
ARMYs please don't stop talking to us, I don't know if the others do, but I hear them. Speak your heart out, I don't mind. Tell me all your insecurities, let's accept them together. Your stresses, you can do it. Your rants, it will be okay. I'm here to listen. But what I want most? I want to know your name. I want to know you. So please, don't stop… for you will always be my 11:11.'