One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will be someone else's survival guide.
Have you ever wondered what would happen if everyone knew their future? Interesting concept isn't it? Sadly, the future does not come with pre-warnings of the unforeseen disasters, nor exhilarations but one day, you will tell your story of how you overcame what you've been through and it will become someone else's survival guide. And do you even remember when you last thanked The Almighty, for simply waking up each morning? Because every single night, our soul is taken away and every single night the Angel askes "Ya Allah, what about this one, shall we send it back or keep its soul?" and every single night, Allah will repeatedly give His reply to the Angel to allow us to live on.
Remember Allah because he never forgets you and even though He puts some of us through hardship and some of us through none, it is only to test your patience and dedication towards Him and Him alone. You see, everyone is tested at different levels in their lifetime; some are fortunate and some are unfortunate? Do you even remember when you last showed your love and devotion to Him prostrating in prayer, when struggling through hardship? Or even thank Him in prayers when He's given you everything you'd ever dreamed of? Well, have you?
****
Zainab Hassan:
I cannot begin to describe how I felt when I lost my family. How everything and everyone around me changed once I stepped foot into my uncles' home and how my life completely changed; the day he came…
****
I felt disoriented, lonesome and distraught and my heart ached every time I thought of them. I considered running; running somewhere far in search of them but to where? How do I search for my family when they're no longer in this world?
I snapped out of my reverie and faced the bitter reality of having to start my new life without them; single-handedly and unaided.
"You're all in a better place now Insha'Allah but I miss you all so terribly" I said out loud "Ya Allah! I miss them so much! How am I going to live without them by my side?" and bawled into my hands.
imagine having your parents and sister by your side since birth, then in a blink of an eye lose them. In receiving their loving care and protection one day, to receiving none the next. It hurts so bad to know I no longer have a loving and supportive family to turn to; to protect and guide me through life's maltreatment and evil.
"Oh Allah, please help and guide me, help me to accept my fate in living alone and independently" I silently prayed.
Life is short; really short and one day we'll all leave this worldly life we live in but until then, fight each day by being humble and Taqwa. (God fearing) Appreciate the people around you and stay humble because you never know when you may need them.
You'll face obstacles; that's life but it'll be up to you to learn how to overcome them and to learn to become stronger each and every passing day.
My family gave me so much unconditional love and happiness… why did I stupidly take advantage of the freedom and trust they bestowed upon me? …
"Damn it! Why did I go astray? Why did I take things for granted?" I shouted out tearfully to myself; in our empty home
"Why!?" I sobbed regretfully
I didn't even know I was heading up the wrong path until it was too late, until that day when everything sorrowfully changed.
I stared at the photo frame on the wall, displaying my family and wiped away my tear drops with the backs of my hand and silently prayed for them.
"I am sorry…" a sob escaped
"I am so sorry mom, dad for disappointing you, for not being able to repent for my mistakes in front of you… I am so very sorry"
I knew I needed to stay strong but the pain I was struggling with just couldn't stop the tears from falling. I wanted so badly to air out my hidden guilt to someone but there was nobody here; not anymore.
"Aaargh!" I released an agonising scream; expressing my pain and collapsed to my knees crying my heart out.
Hugging my knees tightly against my chest, I didn't realise I was rocking back and forth until I felt my eyes becoming overly tired, sore and puffy and my whole body feeling lifeless.
"Why did I go about and hurt them with my stupidity?"
"Why didn't I realise my mistake earlier?"
"Am I becoming senile? Is this what is become of me or is this all part of grieving?" I thought to myself. I don't know anything anymore; I'm so lost and alone.
Why is it we realise our mistakes when it's too late eh?
****
I never met my so-called relatives, who moved away many years ago, with the excuse of furthering their children's education but I'm sure it was relating to something other than what we were informed. Nevertheless, I loved the simple life my family and I lived over the years but as time flew by, things began to change and now; well, I didn't have a choice but to go with the flow and see where life now takes me.
I don't know… maybe, just maybe this was my destiny and something wonderful will come out of it; you never know but first, I have to begin to have patience and faith. To learn to be strong and face obstacles, only then will I achieve what I want Insha'Allah.
I still can't get my head around why this agreement was ever signed in the first place; by both families without my knowledge but it was and I have to accept it. It just comes across really strange that it was agreed that if anything ever happened to my family, which it has. Now, I'm to move in with a family I don't even remember so well but I guess it's for my betterment. Allah knows best.
Being the only daughter left with the Hassan name and the fact that we were all once very close, there was nothing I was able to do about it now but to go with whatever they had planned. Maybe it was for a better future; maybe not. Only time will tell.
"What happened?"
"Why were we separated?" so many questions ran through my mind, yet no answers sprung to mind
"Oh dad, mom" I miserably spoke out
"Why did you leave me so soon?"
My eyes began to build with water, informing me the tears will soon start to flow "…and why was this agreement ever setup in the first place eh?"
WHY!??" I yelled, the tears starting to fall
"Was it because you were suspicious of deceitfulness?"
"Ya Allah! I wish I knew… I wish I knew all the answers. Who's going to provide me with them all now?" I cried.
I curled myself up on the floor and cried and cried for hours, until I could cry no more. I felt weak; lack of energy within and so alone. I looked around; at the memories of my family, of the life we built. The love and laughter we shared; I could still smell their presence.
I'm really going to miss this place, I'm going to miss my thoughtful and caring neighbours and their girls who have been making sure I was okay each day and night, since losing my family.
I'm going to miss the time spent going to the borehole to fetch water and sharing countless stories with my sister. I'm going to miss my dear friends who have been there for me throughout, during my stay here in this small town.
I forced out a smile as I remembered my countless singing spent under the town's beautiful trees; the lonely ones and unharmed ones. The tall and short ones and even ones that flower in spring time. I will miss the freedom of going anywhere; whenever I liked and knowing I was safe. Living in a small town had its benefits, it was so peaceful, safe and unspoilt. It held a natural beauty of its own and everyone knew each other.
As I recollected countless episodes of my past life, I wiped my tears away with my sleeves and realised how cruel people can become in this worldly life, for their own selfish needs but I guess that's life eh?
You can't stop people's greediness, acquisitiveness and hunger for more power; sadly, they'll always want more but do they forget that bricks and stones are not acquired when their soul is one day taken?
Nevertheless, I know I have to become strong-will and independent and I have to start with finding work but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help ponder; will I ever have a family of my own in the future? Will anyone ever want to accept a girl with no family, wealth or home?
A knock on the door brought me back into reality that made me quickly get up and wipe my tear stained face. Ensuring I looked presentable and the room was tidy'ish, I opened the front door to see my two closest friends Aisha and Asya. Even though I was so happy to see them both, I couldn't smile. I watched their cheerful faces turn from all smiles to sadness with their brows knitted together with concern over my well-being, my appearance of puffy eyes and a rundown state of dress; I couldn't fight back the tears from falling – again.
"Oh Zainab, please don't cry" Asya said, gathering me in her arms "You're going to make yourself ill"
"Yes, she is right" Aisha said. Coming into the house and closing the door behind them "your suffering will end soon Zainab, Insha'Allah. Every person, every experience and gift. Every loss and pain are sent to your path for one reason and one reason only and that is to bring you back to Allah. You have to remember that my friend" she added
They both stood there watching me curiously; waiting for some kind of response from me, knowing something was about to be said
"I love you both so much, do you know that" I said and they both nodded their heads in agreement "…and it hurts me to say this" I looked at their anticipated faces "…but I will be leaving…"
"No! you can't go Zainab! We will miss you! Where will you even go?" Asya cried out
"I have to Asya and I will miss you too… the both of you but I have to leave to stay at my uncle's home…"
"WHAT!?" Asya cried out in shock, interrupting me from saying anything further.
"Your uncles' home? But none of your family even bothered attending your parents and sister funeral!" she replied; not believing what she was hearing
"She's right, how can they pretend as if nothing has happened? I can't believe you're going" Aisha exclaimed
"I know, I know and I agree with everything your both saying but I have no choice" I said desolately
"No! I mean yes! Yes, you do have a choice Zainab, nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do" Asya said infuriatingly
"I know that Asya, I do but I've only recently received this envelope" I said desolately, holding it up for them both to see and their eyes questioned me confusingly
"Who's the letter from Zainab? What does it say?" Aisha; the God fearing and wisest of my friends said
I began to open the envelope again and said "It might be easier if I just read the letter out to you both" and directed my hands for them to take a seat on the sofa
All the while I read the letter, they both remained silent; listening, without one single word being said and it was only after I finished reading, did I realise why. They both had a look of utter shock; a look of total disbelief displayed on their faces.
"You gotta be kidding right?" Asya said, tears forming in her eyes
"I don't know what to say Zainab" Aisha said
"How can som… someone be so heartless?" Asya said, her voice becoming emotional.
I couldn't help noticing Aisha give Asya the 'don't you dare cry, be strong for Zainab' stare and I tipped my head down to privately smile. I have so much love for these girls, they've stood by me through thick and thin.
I looked up and saw pity in their eyes and decided there and then, this wasn't how I wanted them to remember me and it certainly wasn't how I wanted our farewell to be; tearful and emotional. So, putting on a brave face, I said "It's fine, seriously"
"My parents obviously had their reasons, so who am I to judge. It's what they wanted. I should go, shouldn't I?" Zainab asked
"If its what your parents decided, then you should go but will you promise us you'll remain brave, keep your faith and always have patience?" Aisha said
"But I'm going to miss you!" Asya cried out
I went and sat by her; embracing her in my arms "Hey! I'll be fine but I won't be if I knew you'd be crying over me Asya" pinching her chin.
I moved position, so my arms were around both their shoulders; me in the middle, Aisha and Asya on either side of me and pulled them towards me, "Besides, I'll only be a phone call away. You won't be able to get rid of me that easy girls" I joked, doing my best in removing the tension in the room.
Without these girls, I wouldn't have reached this far. They've really supported me in the past week, as well as their families. If I had told them the truth, the truth that I was truly petrified of spending my future alone, without them, family and friends, they would've found some way in preventing me from leaving.
"Will you at least try and remember us and call us whenever you can?"
"You try stopping me Asya" I joked
"And don't let other people's words hurt you Zainab… promise me because I'll seriously come down to sort that person out, you hear? Your beautiful in your own way with a heart of gold Masha'Allah that is so rare" Aisha commented
"Aww, such sweet words Aisha, thank you"
"Straight from the heart hun… only, isn't it high time you actually bought yourself a damn mobile? How you going to ring us otherwise?"
They both were aware of how insecure I've been since the death of my family, the state of mind I was in and how distraught I was. They both witnessed me throwing my mobile against the wall that shattered into large pieces. It was that day I never bothered replacing it and buying a new one. I mean, can you even imagine not having a mobile phone these days?
"Insha'Allah. I have your numbers, as soon as I'm able to buy myself a new mobile, I'll contact you; I promise"
We spoke for at least two hours, remembering the happy times until they realised how late it became and said their tearful goodbyes. They nearly even forgot to hand me home baked snacks that their mothers gave them to give to me.
"I pray it won't be too long before we meet again Zainab. Take care of yourself, we'll miss you" Asya said, fighting back her tears
"Remember us, we're always here for you if you need us okay" Aisha said, staying strong
"I'm going to miss you both so much. Don't ever change from being the caring and loveable girls you both are, it's what I adore the most about you both and I promise, I'll stay in touch Insha'Allah. Say thank you to your parents for the snacks"
Our long-lasting cuddles and our tearful farewells were torturous for the three of us; a lot worse for me because I was leaving everything and everyone I loved behind; even my memories and the spirit of my family. I did my best in remaining strong but as soon as Aisha and Asya turned their backs to head home to their families, I rushed back indoors and let lose all my crumbling emotions, sorrows and torrential crying, until I felt my tears were no more.
****
Rinsing my tear stained face, I started to pack all my belongings and stopped as that letter caught my attention.
"Why?" I asked no one in particular
I reread the letter my uncle sent and it saddened me to know that my own relatives wanted me in their home; not as a family member but a degrading maid. I have nothing against maids, I actually love housework but to be paid…
The only reason I agreed and accepted the position was because I needed the cash. There was no way I wouldn't have been able to survive for long with the limited amount of funds I currently have. You see, my uncle and his family are filthy rich; billionaires in fact and I needed the job desperately to survive. Earning money will provide me with what my heart desires and the best part is earning to survive.
Sadly, we all have to make difficult decisions and sacrifices for the sake of having a better future and regrettably, this is mine.
Dear Zainab Hassan,
You are ordered to be at work by 8:00 am on the dot. I will send you a driver to collect you. Do not delay; not even for a few minutes.
Yours truly,
Uncle Fawad Khan
I couldn't help wondering whether they were even aware of what happened a few weeks ago. Is it just labour and money that matters to them?
8:00 am sharp? Uncle Fawad couldn't even spare a single greeting of "how are you?"
What is wrong with some people these days, especially family
I don't know how I survived the weekend in completing my packing; it was tortuous to store away fond memories and filling my suitcase with what I needed. However, the next day I woke up at my daily time of 5:30 am, so I can pray fajr (before sunrise) prayer but not today; today I actually felt exhausted, mostly because of my grieving, red and swollen puffy eyes.
Stretching out my arms, I thanked The Almighty God (Allah) and recited some prayers before hopping out of bed when I realised, I'd be late if I keep idling around and daydreaming.
I quickly did ablution, dressed and prayed fajr then took down the last framed portrait of my parents and sister. Kissed it and slipped it into my bag and hurriedly said my goodbyes to my neighbours who have always supported me during unpleasant and propitious times.
****
Let my new life begin…
When a shiny black Mercedes Benz C-Class pulled up, I knew without a doubt that it was my ride to uncle Fawad's house. As I stared at the opulent, comfortable and luxurious car, the driver opened the back-passenger door for me to enter. Knowing about cars has always been a fascination of mine since I was a kid.
After entering, the driver closed the door behind me and picked up my luggage to load into the boot. When done, he resumed his position in the driver's seat and began his return journey. Taking a last long look at the home we rented, I sat back and stared out the window; at the passing trees and folks going about their daily tasks and recollected my earlier life with my family. We weren't always poor, my father was once a very successful business man until an occurrence befell and we lost everything; our business, our house and the extravagant lifestyle we once lived.
Our old life was left behind and we had to start all over; from the bottom. Never trust anyone blindly… what's the saying? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
We soon reached my uncle Fawad's house, or should I say his huge mansion Masha'Allah (what God has willed) and I was completely taken back by its beauty. The friendly driver opened the passenger door for me and smiled before heading to the back of the car to collect my luggage, then asked me to follow him towards a long wooden door at the back, where he knocked thrice.
My eyes widened as soon as the door opened, they had a massive beautiful garden with thriving plants and energetic flowers, that were so well maintained and smelt like the scent of perfume that has escaped from a bottle.
I couldn't help noticing the amount of security guards safeguarding the mansion; carefully watching the surroundings with their earpieces.
"I love gardens and especially the smell of roses and jasmine" I whispered to myself, while the driver was busy checking the time. I glanced at my watch too and noticed it was nearly 8:00 am. As I waited, I continued with my observation and noticed five cars parked in the parking area; 1 red sports car, 2 4x4 Range Rovers and another 2 Mercedes Benz C-Class.
"I wonder who they belong to?" I mumbled to myself
When the door of the mansion opened, we were welcomed by a mid-aged Asian man. Light skinned complexion with a really kind face. He was introduced to me as the Head Chef, who welcomed and greeted me in with a huge smile.
"I hope this is how uncle Fawad will welcome me too Masha'Allah" I hoped.
"Where is everyone else?" I said looking up at the driver but the driver pretended like he didn't hear, which I found very peculiar but I guess this is just the beginning of my journey eh?
"How welcoming" I murmured sarcastically to myself.
With a glance here and there. Sideway glances to my right and left, I noticed the expensive golden coloured cushions that matched the pearl white curtains with thin gold lines perfectly; covering each large bay window. Gaping ahead, there was an open freehold room divider door system, which fashioned a fundamental flexibility for any living environment.
I loved it! I loved the idea of opening all the doors, merging it into the long and wide hallway, with the beautiful crafted staircase; creating one large open space, making it picture-perfect for entertaining a large number of guests or closing the doors, to create two separate living spaces.
The room contained a large carved wooden table with at least twelve matching solid chairs and on top laid a breakfast feat, fit for a king and two maids going back and forth, carrying a mixture of various juices and fruits and a butler overseeing their duties.
"How spoilt for choice they are. Even when we had wealth, we did not live in this poshness" I privately thought.
The room had small dim lights, giving it a feeling of warmth but the main thing that caught my attention was the extravagant crystal chandelier, which was carefully and superbly hand crafted into millions of jewels cut in different sizes, with a cutting-edge that sparkled vibrantly like a star in the sky.
"You should have changed your clothes and started work by now, instead of drooling around!" I heard an elderly man's voice command from behind.
With a surprised gasp, I suddenly felt terror forming in the pit of my stomach and stood frozen; not looking back.
"Everyone! Back to work now, instead of being nosey… now!" he snapped again
I suddenly saw the poor head chef, the maids, driver and butler leaving with their heads down, leaving me all alone with my luggage beside me and the angry man.
"Now what?" my inner thoughts said. I guess I'll be talking a lot to myself from now on. I didn't dare turn around to see the person who made everyone flee. My hands began to shiver with fear and by the time I was brave enough to turn around; he was already gone.
"Great! He was late showing up and when he made his grand appearance, he just snapped at his employees and me" I mumbled to no one buy myself.
"Where was everyone?" all bosses are the same, be it elderly or youthful.
What was my mother's brother like and his family? When I lived at home with my family; at the time we had our wealth, we never treated others so disrespectfully. This family expected me to know every detail of their house and immediately know their timing to get things done. I mean, where do I even put my luggage? How will I do everything by myself?
"Who will give me the grand tour of this overwhelming mansion?" great! Now I'm talking to myself again… Ya Allah!
****
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