Point of view: Alpha Ryan Damison
My knuckles bleed ruthlessly, the bones are easily visible but I didn't care. My eyes connect with my reflection in the glass cupboard. My face has turned red and veins are popping out outrageously from my forehead.
My eyes are still flickering from black to golden then back to black again. I raise my fist and punch the glass. Small brittle pieces get stuck into my knuckles and fingers making them bleed more.
I see Jack Daniels and Old monk bottles on the shelf. Robotically, I grab it, open the top and turn it up to my lips. It burned my throat as it went down, but not like my enraged heart.
Though werewolves don't get drunk easily as they have a high tolerance level for alcohol but it does slow down their body system. Like their wolf.
And that's what I want right now. I want to feel numb. Away from my wolf. Away from the world, it is exactly what I need.
I need to be numb to the world, because if I unleash the chaos inside of me I know I have the potential to do a lot more damage in some form or another. I look around for a place to sit. I can't even recognize my own cabin.
What a mess I am!
I gulp down rum until the bottle is empty. I throw it on the floor watching it break into million pieces in slow motion. I see the couch is untouched, I settle there with the Jack Daniels 700ml bottle. I wince as I feel something hard poking down my butt. I grab to throw it but I see it's my phone. Oh!
I open the lock and start to dial Ethan's number. I remember his number since I saw it on his resume. I want to hear his voice. His sweet angelic voice. My rational brain has officially left me just like my wolf. No voice comes from my head, so I press the call symbol.
*Ring*
I wait... And wait... And wait...
A sweet, mellow voice comes from my phone, "Sir? Is that you?" My stiffness instantly leaves my body and I melt on the couch like butter. I gulp some more whiskey before speaking.
"Ethan. I miss you. You have no idea what I did." I humorlessly laugh at myself. I have never felt so fucked up in my life. I again hear his pleasant melody, "Sir are you alright? What are you saying?"
"Listen carefully…" *gulps down whiskey* "For what I am going to say." I speak through my hoarse throat though it is hard to make a sentence. "Sir? Where are yo-" His tender voice again comes through the phone. "I would love to hear your voice but for now listen to me, please. I beg you. Listen. Ethan."
I heard him breathe, no words came so I continued speaking, "I am a werewolf, Ethan. A wolf. A dangerous wolf. A deadly feral wolf. I have killed many people and I will kill many more." I say the truth. The absolute naked truth.
"Ryan I-" Before he could speak I continue, "Ethan. Listen. Every werewolf gets a soulmate as a gift. And my gift is you. You are my soulmate, Ethan. You are my mate." I tell him my deepest darkest secret.
"I am-" He speaks but I cut him off, my voice weary I say, "You are amazing Ethan. If you were a girl, I would go crazy for you. Hell, I am crazy for you right now. I FUCKING HATE RITA. Sh-she is trying to steal you from me. I can't see this. I can't. Ethan, listen. I am a mess. Only you can save me, baby." My throat gets dry so I gulp some more whiskey.
I can't go through this every day. I am turning into a maniac. Like a crazy old cat lady.
"Ethan. I love you but I love me more. I am sorry. Sorry for," I wipe the tears from my cheeks. I feel a sharp sting as my tears touch my bleeding knuckles.
Fucking salt in tears.
"Ah! Listen carefully. I, Alpha Ryan Damison," I gulp down more whiskey as I need balls for what I am going to say next.
I remind myself that it's for the best. This is the only way I can save myself. I take a deep breath, my tongue feels like it is rolling in acid. "Ryan, wait-" Before Ethan could speak, I say the most painful thing in the world,
"I, reject you as my mate."