Once you started something is really difficult to let go of it, you just wanna hold it until you are able to reach it because if you fail then the feeling is gonna be there again. The feeling that you are not able to reach anything but a failure, or when you already are about to reach it that you can feel it, but then it is gone and it is impossible to feel it is your own fault, then you think that maybe everything bad that has happened to you is anyone's else but your own fault. You started thinking your life is miserable because you are the one who allows everyone to abuse from your own person.
It is bad thinking, it automatically consumes everything inside you and then you are nothing but empty inside. I realized when that happens is also my fault, because I let the feeling consume everything inside me, but I cannot stop it and I can not hold upon life.
I started thinking about all the things I have left in life, so I can find a real reason or someone that really values me. I am losing myself into my own mind and then I heard his voice calling my name and I think "Maybe, I am not alone at all."
I started thinking about what is gonna happen when I get totally alone and nobody could be there for me...
I came up to all my senses and I was just drawing in the sand with a stick, and Remy was looking at me while biting a mango "Where did you get that mango from?" I asked.
"I have been watching you for a long time. I have another mango if you want some." He just offered.
I slightly laughed "It would be really rude of me if I reject you a mango."
We were there watching the sea and thinking while biting a mango. "How much time do you think we had been wasting time?" I asked.
"Probably a month, but that is fine we got nothing else better to do," Remy said.
I looked up to the clouds and realized something, I had been a month stuck somewhere I do not know because I am ashamed and probably scared that if I left I might not do anything. I realized everything was my fault, I got totally blank and totally mad, I thought about how tired I was of this feeling, it was not laziness but related because I was doing nothing. I stopped myself during my whole life just to not be controlled by my anger, but this time I lose control and let the angry in fire shaped goes out of my body, the sea started to run and big waves got out of control, a thousand of birds left all the trees around the place, animals left their cave and some others got to hide under it, I was slowly raising my hands and Remy was trying to stop me when I said: "Open for me!!!"
Remy grabbed my should and then a portal opened "What is that?" he asked.
I looked inside and there was an island, but outside were only water "I do not know, I guess another dimension?"
"I do not know what you did, but you gotta solve it," Remy exclaimed.
I grabbed his hand and said "I am going inside of it" and smiled.
"Then I will go with you!" He was so decided.
"I wanna do this alone, personal issues and insecurities that I wanna solve. I just want you to wait for me" I smiled.
He hugged me and said "Please, come totally complete. I will be waiting for you," then he kissed me.
I went on the other side of the portal and then it closed, I walked into the island, there were a lot of different types of plants and animals, as well. The more I walked into the island the smell of ashes and herbs got stronger, and suddenly a bird talked to me "Hey!"
I looked at it "What is up?"
"What are you doing here?" it asked.
"I came for something" I rolled my eyes.
"You came to talk with Circe?" and added, "if so, then you should know she prefers to be called as a goddess, instead of a witch or anything that could be offensive to her."
"I understand, thank you." I started walking.
"Also, if you do not mind to exchange something for whatever you need from her, she really loves unknown magical inventions or anything she asks for."
"Thank you" I just walked away.
I kept walking for an hour until I saw a rabbit. "Follow me," the rabbit said.
"Uh... fine" so I followed the rabbit.
In the middle of my trip following the rabbit, I decided to eat a banana that I found inside of the island until I saw a woman in front of me "Hi. My name is Circe, this is the hidden island of Aeaea where only certain people can get into. How did you get in here?"
"I am sorry. My name is Mileena. I open the portal with only my hands and my inner strength. I repeat I am sorry I just want something so I can swim deep as the Kraken" I explained.
"What can you offer?" She asked.
"What do you want?" I was inquiring.
"I want to love or something that could help me to do it" she just explained.
"I cannot help you with that. I only can tell you that you are gonna met someone someday."
"If you can not help me, then I can not help you" she just turned her back.
"Love is not real at all! I just gotta say, love, can be painful and also it can be beautiful. Also, it is better to wait until this comes instead of forcing it" I explained.
"Do you know Scylla? The sea creature" she asked.
"Yes," I responded.
"We were in love with the same person, his name was Glaucus and he preferred her over me. I just got so mad, so I infected the water where she took showers and transformed her into what she is now. I know what Love exactly is, but only in my anger shaped." She explained.
"I had no idea, I just used to be married and another guy just fucked me then stopped talking to me like nothing, but after a long time love came to me again and he is waiting for me" I gave an explanation to her.
"How do you know it is love?" she wondered.
"I do not know, I guess because I feel different from him and he makes me feel good, he is always trying to understand instead of fight or rush me." I was trying to explain, but I did not know at all.
"Do you love him? How does it feel?" she was getting closer and pressured me.
"I do not know" I closed my eyes and started thinking about Remy "He just makes me feel a thing, he is always supporting me and trying to protect me. I am afraid when I think about what could I do if someday he leaves, I started thinking about my fear of being alone or without him."
She got closer and touched my chest, closed her eyes, and said "You gave me what I was looking for, so should I ask what do you need from me?"
I did not understand, but I kept it "I need something that could help me to reach the Kraken in the deepest water of the ocean!"
She took a flower, put it inside of a bottle and prey until the bottle got blue and white, it kind reminds me of the waves of the ocean, so she said: "Drink this before to go inside of the deepest water, it is more than enough for two people."
"Thank you!!" I exclaimed.
"Do not mention it, instead you could say that I am a terrible goddess since I converted Scylla into an aquatic monster." She smiled.
"Yeah, I can do that." So I walked away.
The bird was still in the middle of the island "Oh, you are still complete. I am surprised, now you gotta go home."
"Yeah, Thank you anyways."
I walked to the same place where I was when I trespassed, I just concentrated and raised my hands "Open for me... Open for me... Open in front of me for me!!!!"
I got stuck of Aeaea for a couple of hours until I was able to finally open the portal, the bird got closer and said "You should trespass in less than 10 seconds or it will be closed. The portal works differently from here because nobody is supposed to leave. Run!"
I jumped out and Remy was in front of me "Hi! Are you ok?"
"I am completely fine, I just jumped out because it closed really fast" I explained.
Remy hugged me "I missed you!"
"I missed you, too" so I hugged him.
"Oh, Did you get what were you looking for?" He asked.
"Yes!" so I show him the bottle "She also explained that it would be enough for both of us, but we should drink it before to get in the deepest area of the ocean."
"Are we gonna transform into sirens??"
"I guess, I got no other idea" I laughed.
"It is fine to me, I just wanna help you finish everything" He smiled.
"Then, I guess we can go" I smiled.
"Nope, we gotta rest before to go!" He exclaimed.
"I am good" I insisted.
"But I demand it"
"Well, fine. I am hungry anyway." So I laughed.
Remy prepared delicious food to me and it was almost impossible to contain myself, so I ended up eating everything until I fall asleep.
Remy patted my head and said, "You really like to get into trouble, but that is fine, you just hate to feel stuck in only one place."