Emperor Arya Lian finished his work and left the study. Walking back to his bedroom he could not help but follow the familiar yellow stone path. With each step another memory surfaced in his heart.
"Why does your room make my wound ache like they are still fresh? As if it was just yesterday. You sacrificed your life protecting me godmother I promise to never let you down."
As emperor knelt in front of his godmother's chair remembering every moment they spend together his vision turned hazy as warm droplets of tears slowly made their way down his cold face. This place never fails to melt his ice armour. As if all lies and struggles melt away and only remains are the feelings of warmth and love.
Past years he spent without her made him realize how much she protected him from the world. She was the only reason he was still alive and ruling.
"Your Highness the bath is ready." The servant bowed deeply. He dare not look at his master.
The tears that seemed to have carved permanent path down the ice sculpted face froze midway and with a swift movement disappeared like they never existed.
He lived too long in this palace that even his emotions followed Emperor's commands and the Emperor in him knew never show your weakness to anyone not even your own people.
As usual Emperor sent all the servants away as soon as he entered the bathroom. Over the years Emperor never liked anyone assist him bathing or getting ready. When he was young God mother Luna used to help him get ready and then he grew and got used to do it by himself. No one was allowed to touch him even when he was sick except his most trusted imperial doctor couple of Lin family. As the Lin couple got older their daughter Lin Fie took on the duties to serve the Emperor as imperial physician.
She was the only women except Consort Ning who was allowed to touch him.
Not only women but men too were prohibited from touching him. Even when he got deadly injured in the war they had to wait for Lins to arrive and treat him. Emperor was a very secretive man indeed even for his own subject he was like a unsolved mystery who no one dared to think about. As long as their Emperor work for their betterment why should they be worried about him anyways.
Also any women who tried to get any close to Emperor met the same faith by hands of Consort Ning as the women earlier. Even before when Ning was not Royal consort but she still was Emperor's childhood friend and she had always "protected" him from such women.
...
18 years ago fate of Emperor Arya was written.
The late Emperor Seok was assassinated weeks before late Empress Mei's poisoning. Thankfully she was able to deliver the future of the kingdom, now emperor Arya safely before she took her last breath. At that time late emperor Seok's trusted general Nan's wife Luna who was also late Empress Mei's twin sister had already given birth to General Nan's twin sons Jin and Kim.
After the death of Empress Mei, Luna took her sister's baby under her wings and became it's godmother. And as per Emperor Seok's wish his General Nan took over the working of the kingdom temporarily until the Emperor's blood Arya grows strong enough to stand against vicious court. He protected the royal hire for 12 years till Arya Lian ascended the throne as the rightful emperor.
Emperor Arya Lian wasn't lucky when it came to his loved ones. His Godfather and teacher General Nan died in war when he was 15 and his dear Godmother and aunt Luna was schemed against and assassinated when he was 16 years old.
From that day on Emperor was always weary of the people that surrounded him. Only the most trusted ones were let in...let in on a deep secret.
The secret that can change everything, destroy his hard earned dominance over his kingdom and the court officials.
So far only few people who the Emperor trusted with his life knew and they will die to protect this secret of his.
All the luxuries and all the riches in this world were thrown at his feet. He could get anything that he wanted but he was oddly hateful towards this lifestyle. His entire life he had lived in fear. Fear of being found. Fear of being exposed. Fear of loosing everything. Fear of loosing his loved ones.
Even the stray dog lived better life than him. He couldn't even eat in peace. Every so often his food would be poisoned. After taking all the measures he still end up so close to death often.
But the heavens always hated him and always found a way to not only keep him alive but to make him more miserable. They always play this cruel jock.
'Why don't you let them end me?'
The ever increasing stress and sleepless nights. What could hell do to compete with this torture?