No matter how much I love breakfast food, I don't seem to have the appetite to eat now. I'm not sure how long I've been stirring my coffee but it's not hot anymore. My head still hurts from too much liquor last night. Across me, Dean seems to be fine but eating slower than usual.
Last night, after Dean fell asleep on the table, Darren confessed things that made me feel awkward. I faked being drunk so much I was knocked out. I appreciated what Darren did after that - he carried me to my room and even left a glass of water on my side table. As soon as he left, I fell asleep for real.
"Ami, are you here with us?" I was surprised by the call of my name.
"Huh?" I asked Megan.
"We were saying we're going to the mall today to buy some groceries and stuff. The others are coming as well," she explained.
"I don't really feel good," I said with a smile.
"Okay, you can stay here with Dean." I immediately looked at Dean. He's just wearing a poker face. "You two drunk so much last night, huh?"
"Honey, maybe we can leave Ash with them?" Luis said.
Dean and I dropped the spoons we were holding and then looked at Megan and Luis.
"Oh yes. We can't bring Ashley with us today since we're going to buy many stuff. Sadly, her babysitter isn't available today. Is it okay if we leave her with you?" Megan pleaded.
"She's a really nice girl. She won't give you a hard time," Luis added.
Luis and Megan have really been good to us. I could not turn them down with a simple favor like this.
"No problem."
"Thank you so much, Ami!" Megan smiled.
I looked at Ashley who's playing by herself. She looked like she could take care of herself, I just need to watch her and make sure she doesn't kill herself.
***
"Ami, my breastmilk's in the fridge. If Ashley cries like this," Megan said and then cried, "it means she's hungry. But if she cries like this," she cried again but with a different tone, "it means she's sleepy."
I followed her around the kitchen as she pointed where to find the stuff. "Let her burp after she finishes her milk. She eats everything she gets hold of so be very careful of what you give her. Your lunch is also in the refrigerator, you just need to heat the food. Ashley's lunch is beside yours."
We went out to the living room. Dean is holding Ashley while Luis plays with them.
Megan continued, "We have a pretty big mat here which you can unroll and use as playground for Ash. Hhmmm, what else?"
"Megan, it's fine. You've told me everything. Just relax, go and have a good time," I patted her back.
She smiled at me and then approached Dean and Ashley. "Goodbye baby girl. Be a good girl okay? Okay?" Ashley laughed at her.
"Alright we'll get going," Luis said as they went out the door to the garage.
Dean and I started following them.
"You don't have to send us out. Ashley can sense when we're leaving and she'll not be in a good mood anymore," Luis stopped us from our tracks.
"Ohh," Dean and I said in unison.
"You two get well, okay?" Megan bid goodbye.
When they got out of the door, Dean turned to me and passed Ashley to me. "Your turn. My arm's already numb from carrying her." He lied down on one of the sofa and played with his phone.
Ashley's a really cute baby but my body is just not in the best mood right now to baby sit. I slumped down on the sofa. Right away, Ashley bawled her eyes out. "Hey what's wrong?" The tone she's using is different from the ones Megan demonstrated earlier. I stood up and consoled her by swaying a little. She stopped crying but I'm getting more dizzier.
"Hey Dean!" I shouted. "I'm starting your 48 hours of slavery now."
Dean looked at me with big eyes.
"Starting now you can't say no to me anymore."
He pursed his lips while looking annoyed at me. "Can I pass?"
"No."
Ashley started crying again so I doubled up my energy on swaying her around. My stomach started gurgling, like its contents are being prepared for a big explosion. My head was buzzing and the more I swayed around, the more dizzy I got. I knew I was going to vomit any time now. I abruptly stopped moving. The baby still did not stop crying.
"Dean," I called his attention. He looked at me and like some telepathy happened, he quickly stood and grabbed Ashley from me. The moment he got the baby, I ran for the bathroom.
Once I positioned my head on the toilet, I retched. My intestines twisted then pushed the contents to my stomach and to the esophagus. I retched again, but nothing came out. If there's one thing I hate the most in the world, it is vomiting without spilling out the contents from my intestinal tract.
I sat on the toilet floor and rested my head on the wall. Dean and Ashley appeared by the door.
"Look at her Ashley. When you grow up, do not be like her okay? Do not drink and try to appear so strong. When your body says you can't drink any more, stop drinking. Okay?" He talked to the baby.
Ashley had stopped crying and now looking at me like I'm some alien. I cannot muster enough energy to fight back Dean's words. I was not trying to appear strong. It's just that the effect on the alcohol on me was delayed.
Dean and Ashley disappeared. I stood and washed my face on the sink.
When I got back to the living room, Dean was walking Ashley around the house. I sat on the sofa and eventually lied on it. Retching did not help at all on the overall state of my hangover.
Dean suddenly started throwing Ashley on the air, each round a little higher from the previous. Ashley was so happy, her laugh resonated the house. "Hey, be careful. We can't replace the baby." Dean stopped.
I turned the television on using the remote and cartoon network was on. Ashley was entertained for a few seconds but eventually started crying. "She must want milk now." I propped myself up to go to the kitchen.
"I got it," Dean said while walking to the kitchen.
I lied again and closed my eyes. I focused on the sensation in my stomach, and prayed it will go away. I paced my breathing so I can relax.
"Hot water, Ma'am," Dean suddenly said. I opened my eyes and he was putting a glass of water down on the table. He's still carrying Ashley who's now holding a bottle of milk while drinking it.
I sat and reached for it. "Thank you." I drank the water. Its warmth perfectly soothed my throat down to my stomach. Dean is now carrying Ashley like he's putting her to sleep while singing a lullaby. He looked really good carrying a baby like he's a pro in it. The way Ashley's gulping down her milk makes it seem she's going to finish it in no time.
"She's getting sleepy," Dean whispered to me. He swayed Ashley around.
A few moments later, Dean removed the milk from her mouth and started swaying more slowly. I got up to unroll the big mat so he can lay her down. I arranged her pillows and blanket.
"Dean, put her here," I called Dean. He slowly went and bent down to the mat. The moment he removed his arms from around her, she cried. We both froze for a second but I immediately carried her again. I stood up and she stopped crying as she rested her head on my shoulder. I swayed my body slowly.
Dean stretched his arms then lied on the mat and closed his eyes. Ashley's kind of heavy for a baby. When I felt she's deep in her sleep, I sat and leaned my back on the sofa; might as well sleep while the children are asleep.
***
I woke up with stiff shoulders and arms. Ashley's still sleeping soundly on me. I'm afraid if I move a little I'll wake her up.
"Dean," I whispered at him who's also sleeping soundly on the mat. The man did not budge. "Dean," I called again with a slightly higher volume. There's still no movement. "Hey, Dean!" I shouted and threw a pillow at him. Ashley shifted her head on my shoulder.
"What?" Dean finally responded.
"I'm hungry. Prepare our lunch now," I whispered.
Dean opened his eyes one at a time. He rolled and stretched his body.
"Come on, you just need to heat the food in the refrigerator."
He sat and finally got up. He started walking towards the kitchen.
"Hey, do you know your way in the kitchen?" I asked, a little concerned.
"Dude, the kitchen's my kingdom. The kitchen loves me. I own the kitchen," he declared with arms up in their, like in a proud way. I rolled my eyes at him. I don't have any idea about what he meant by that. As long as he does not break plates and does not burn the house down, everything's okay.
A few minutes later, Dean came out from the kitchen.
"Let's eat," he said. He looked at me and realized we have a baby to look after. He walked towards us. "You go ahead. I'll eat after you." He slowly removed Ashley from my body.
My arms and shoulder hurt from not moving for so long. I slowly walked to the kitchen as Dean laid Ashley down the mat.
I sat on my usual spot on the dining table. I proceeded to get rice and soup into my plate. Not long after, Dean appeared in the dining area with a wide-eyed Ashley.
Ashley's in a good mood and making cute giggles while Dean's face is a mixture of disappointment and despair.
"Come, let her sit here," I said as I pulled the high chair towards my side.
Dean walked and placed Ashley on her sit.
"Her food's in the fridge as well, just heat it," I ordered Dean. He looked at me with confusion. "You will do everything I say for 48 hours, yes?"
He let out a deep annoyed sigh and did what I said anyway. I started eating the soup. My stomach's a little better now than this morning. I played with Ashley every now and then. Soon after, Dean gave me Ashley's lunch.
"Alright, you can eat now," I smiled at Dean.
I gave Ashley a spoon of her food which she ate excitedly. She's such in a good mood it was so easy to feed her in between eating my own food.
It was a good lunch. It may be because I was not able to eat breakfast with my upset stomach. I was done with my meal when I noticed Dean was just watching me eat and feed Ashley while his arms are crossed on his chest.
He raised an eyebrow at me, "Are you done... Ma'am?"
"Yep," I answered nicely.
He started collecting the dishes from the table. "Wow, good job for having an initiative." I clapped my hands. He glared at me. "Hey, I'm being sincere here."
"Sincere your face."
"Maybe next time you should be more careful on who you challenge," I replied then I carried Ashley. We went back to the living room. I put her down on the mat and gave her toys to her. Just like any simple baby, she would stare at the toy then eat it, then look at it again. Sometimes, I just want to be a child again and be able to do what I want to do without thinking of other people's opinion. Celebrity protocols are a bit overbearing at times, you know? I miss having a personal life. Wait, did I ever have a personal life? Ever since, all eyes were on me already. I can't make a single mistake or my career is destroyed. I did not even have a normal childhood. Every step I take, I have to consult my momnager - even my posts on social media. I grew up in this field. I don't know how to live otherwise.
Dean appeared in the living room. He approached Ashley and played a little with her.
"Hey Dean, what is it like to have a private life?"
"Huh?" He asked shocked.
"I'm just curious what it feels like to go to the supermarket without people recognizing you," I explained to him. I suddenly felt sentimental.
"Well... I don't have to go out wearing a mask," he started. "I can wear anything I'm comfortable with. I can peacefully go through my grocery list without people interrupting me."
I nodded my head. "Well, I always wear comfy clothes when I go out, with that I can relate," I laughed.
"Why are you suddenly asking me about that?"
"It just came to my mind... that I'm actually tired of my job," I told him without looking at him, just watching Ashley. "I'm sorry, now I feel silly talking to you about this. It's just that it's really silent today and I do not have work to think about so my mind has some space for thoughts like that."
"Don't you love what you're doing?" He asked.
"I do. It's my life. I don't know what to do without my career."
"But you're tired of it."
"But I'm tired."
"As long as it's your passion and it fills your heart, just do it," he said. I looked at him surprised that these words are actually coming from him. "You know, it's okay to get tired. Everybody gets tired. You just need to rest."
"Not really. In our field, if you rest, you do not know if you still have a career once you go back," I explained to him.
He looked at me and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again.
"Hey, thank you for your words. I realized I need to re-evaluate," I smiled at him.
Ashley started crying, probably bored with our topic. Dean was quick to lift her up from the bed. He walked her around the living room. I sat in silence watching them.
"Ami, look at this," he gestured me to come. "It's blinking red. Does it look like a camera to you?"