The psychological benefits of reliving your trauma over and over again in order to overcome it can certainly be argued, but in the case of Kaid this was a very effective method.
At this point he was finishing his 1,119 cycle through the entirety of his memories relating to all events that happened on the Artieus. He relived himself arriving aboard the ship and continued all the way until his hospitalization after the rescue team found him amidst the destruction of the ship. Before his rebirth Kaid already had an exceptional memory, being able to vividly remember everything that had ever happened to him since he was three years old. So, the 2 years of memory he had relating to the Artieus provided him with a lot of information to comb through. Further still the mind space he was in further enhanced the memories to an astonishing degree. He could replay the memories as if though they were a recording, further still he could maneuver himself around the 3D reconstruction of the memory moving as he saw fit when necessary. In this way Kaid had spent what felt like weeks in his head while only a few hours had gone by in the real world.
[Willpower +1]
[Intelligence +1]
[Intelligence +1]
Kaid would periodically notice the notification in what felt like every few hours. He stopped paying attention to them at this point because a rather jarring thought had entered his mind after the 131st time he relived these series of memories. Although Kaid began this procedure looking for peace and understanding he wasn't able to find any of that, but that's not to say that this ordeal was unfruitful. He was able to overcome his own traumas of the incident and was finding acceptance in the thousands of deaths that occurred. During the process he decided to see if he could gather any information from his memories regarding the incident and see if he could uncover a clue in regards to the members of the Forgotten Red-band Revolutionaries that were involved with the incident.
The initial reports from the empire stated that the Forgotten Red-band Revolutionaries had caused the explosions aboard the Artieus. They'd discovered a few members of the crew had direct links to the FRR and was able to further link them to destruction of the ship. Kaid had known a good number of them and he himself had suspected that they were involved with some sort of secret organization even before the incident, so he didn't find it implausible that they'd been members of the FRR. However, he had never once believed that they were involved with the explosions aboard the ship in any sort of way. After reliving his memories for so many times he knew for certain this was the case because he could so the terror on their faces as the world around them crumbled. There was no way something of this magnitude could have been planned by the FRR and they wouldn't have informed their members accordingly, especially the ones who were supposedly helping them from the inside. No, something was wrong about the whole ordeal. This wasn't the first time Kaid had felt this way about the whole ordeal. He'd also found it rather strange when the initial reports first came in having had firsthand experience with the accused members. But of course, who was he to go against the empire? However, now he was certain of it.
'The bombing was definitely an inside job, but it wasn't done by the FRR,' Kaid concluded. He already had an idea of who the true culprits were, but he didn't dare even entertain the thought without first absolutely confirming his suspicions. That's why he was now going through his 1,119th cycle but of course there was nothing left to confirm he'd already found the evidence he was looking for. If he hadn't had the system with him there was no way he could have amassed the amount of evidence he had, which spanned years, bringing them together to create a complete and rather treasonous story.
'The empire was responsible for the downfall of the Artieus. But why?' And with that treasonous thought Kaid snapped back to reality. He sat there quietly contemplating the implication of the years of information he'd just scoured through. He was still led to the same conclusion in the end.
There were three major pieces of evidence that implicated the empire or at least someone high within the ranks of the empire was involved.
The first was how the explosions had perfectly targeted all the critical areas of the ship ensure that the minimum level of people survived. People had debated this issue when the initial reports were put out, arguing that it would've been nearly impossible to collect all the information necessary about the ships schematics in order to accurately hit every critical infrastructure.
The Artieus was a one of a kind ship that had been built through the efforts of three different organizations. No single organization had the full schematics for the ship's critical infrastructure as some elements of the ship construction were company secrets. However, a few days later it was found that the CEO of one of those organizations had been in league with the leader of the FRR. Apparently their relationship had been ongoing for decades. This helped clarify a number of things for the general populous as the biggest concerns were now addressed. However, the issue had stilled plagued Kaid because of a conversation he once had with the Captain that contradicted the theory that the FRR got a full set of the schematics from the collaborating CEO. The captain had once told him that a good number of the work had been outsourced to the elven empire. Although officially only a few parts of the ship had been worked on by the elven companies, in order to keep face with the Gragarion empire, the elves had actually had a major role in the construction of the ship's engines. None of the three companies had any information regarding the workings of the engines as that information was never divulged. This was apparently part of the deal with the elven company in order to ensure the Gragarion empire could still maintain appearance while still getting the full benefits of the elven engines. Normally this would have implicated the elven company but there was absolutely nothing to gain for them from this high-profile catastrophe. Kaid was still surprised to this day when the Captain had told him this information without hesitation when he asked about the engines of the ship years ago. When he asked why the Captain had divulged this information to him the Captain merely looked at him coyly and stated, "You just seem like a trustworthy person." The answer always puzzled Kaid. He could never tell what the Captain had in mind.
However getting back to why the empire had to have been involved with the destruction of the eleven engines, it was because the empire was the only one's besides the elves who knew anything about the engines to be able to cause a critical failure within the extremely stable engines. Furthermore, a series of events regarding an unusual increase in the amount of inspections of the ship by the Aircraft Safety Administration leading up to the incident created an air of suspicion he could not disregard.
Although he hadn't been around for all the inspections of the ship, Kaid remembered having briefly ran into a few of the ASA agents during their inspections and found them strange at the time. Now having relieved those memories more thoroughly he could remember why he found them so strange. The way they walked, talked, and the look in their eyes were not that of regular ASA agents. Kaid could always sense the intent behind someone's eyes, especially back then, and he could feel how dangerous they were at the time.
The empire had ample time and the access to create the system wide failure seen within the ship that day. However, the biggest issue going against this train of though was intent. It wasn't clear what the empire got out of destroying a rather prestigious ship built by three of its own homegrown companies. However, Kaid knew one thing for certain and that was that the empire was definitely involved to some capacity with the incident. This was because of the second major evidence.
After the crash of the Artieus, the first to locate the ship wasn't the ORO or the ASA as the reports had later claimed. Amidst the carnage Kaid had still noticed a group of individuals who had flown to the scene seemingly searching for something. Initially Kaid was unable to identify them but with the help of the system and program he was able to reconstruct the scene and give greater details to the hidden individuals. From what was able to be constructed he picked out a crest on their clothing, it was the emblem of the royal knights. Kaid found the realization baffling, further still was their behavior during the whole ordeal. They quickly went through the whole wreckage seemingly looking to confirm something. Once they had found what they'd been looking for they quickly left without saying a single word. The whole ordeal lasted in the span of about 3 seconds.
Kaid would have normally been unable to notice the quick interaction if it were not for the systems help in pointing out the strange phenomenon within his memory. With the systems help he was able to conclusively confirm that those individuals had been members of the royal knights. This was the second reason he had believed that the empires involvement in the incident was a sure thing.
The final evidence he had pointing towards the empire's involvement was the list of survivors. Only 34 people had survived the incident from the thousands of crew and passengers aboard. This had truly been a very fatal incident but for some reason the list of survivors was a bit disproportionate. First, Kaid had been the only surviving member from the lower classes, to be honest his survival bordered on a miracle considering the level of damage his body sustained.
His was the only injury received among the survivors, but it initially made sense considering that the rest of the survivors had been wearing protective accessories that helped them survive the series of explosions. Although this was expected from members of the high-class, what was surprising was which members of the high class survived and which didn't.
The staunch loyalist of the empire had survived while those that had been publicly balled as being dissident had died within during the incident. Although they also had protective equipment that they'd wear with them, it was not enough to help them survive. It was surprising that the survivors had powerful enough equipment to let them survive the whole ordeal. This was another discrepancy at the time that had turned heads. It was too bizarre to be considered a coincidence but also there wasn't any logical reason why the empire or an empire loyalist would go to such extremes to target the few dissenters aboard the ship considering that they weren't major influencers within the empire.
However, now that Kaid had all this new information he'd been looking through he knew for certain that the list of survivors was merely a bonus for whoever had orchestrated the incident. They weren't the main goal, but their survival certainly helped the perpetrator in some regards.
With all these revelations rampaging through his mind Kaid sat there completely lost. Only one question ran through his mind, Why?
Kaid knew the moment he went down this path and tried to uncover the truth there'd be no turning back for him. He'd become entangled in something he might not be able to get himself out of. But he also knew finding the truth was the only way he could find peace. Besides what did he have to worry about, 'am I not a god?' though Kaid as snide smirk made its way onto his face.
[No. You're a God candidate.]
'Thanks, you just ruined my moment.'
Kaid sighed before getting of his bed, stretching his legs. The com system in his room softly came alive and informed him that he'd be arriving at his destination in an hour.
'Just enough time for a quick shower,' thought Kaid.
------------------------------
As the warm water gently fell on his skin Kaid felt his worries and thoughts being washed away. Slowly but surely he was regaining peace within his mind. There was nothing quite like a shower to leave the mind at ease. Kaid would have much preferred to take a bubble bath but he knew he didn't have the time to take one at the moment. He made a mental note to take one next time he had the opportunity.
As he stood there letting the day's events once again wash over him he came to realize just how fraught his mental state was. He'd just addressed one of the biggest issues plaguing him but there was still more to go. However, he was now more invigorated to finally address the rest of his issues. His current status also validated the path he was now on as the right one.
[Analysis.
God Candidate
STR: 162
DEX: 153
AGI: 152
STM: 161
INT: 92
WILL: 161
Additional information.
Life force: 961
Energy Source: 77
Abilities:
Absorption {3.9%}
Sacrifice {1.3%}
---Ascension 1.08/100---]
Kaid wasn't sure why but having had gone through that ordeal and overcoming it not only had his mental strength increased but also his physical strength increased as well. The system had attributed his increase in strength to the progress that was made regarding his ascension. When he asked the system why his level of ascension had increased so much the only response he got back was that there was interference in regard to his bridge of ascension. Although he wasn't sure what that meant or the implications, Kaid understood that addressing all the issues he'd long cast aside would only help to strengthen him.
With that Kaid found his resolve. He would continue down this path no matter where it led him.
His struggle against the neurosis of his mind continuing.