Ji Yun knocked on the door of Su Rong's room. She just waited for a while before she heard footsteps approaching and opens the door.
"Mommy's here again. Can I sleep here?" Ji Yun asked, looking at her son who peeks behind the door.
Su Rong stunned calm before momentarily opened the door wider for her to go through. His hair is still dripping wet, turned his tousles to curls, as he just gets out of the shower.
"Do you want mommy to help you dry your hair?"
Su Rong happily nods. "Yes, please."
Ji Yun helped her son dry his hair. Instead of rubbing his hair with a towel, she gently squeezes all the moisture out by using only her fingers. She tenderly pats his hair continuously until it is air dry, before reaching for the brush to comb his hair into place. The process was long and laborious. For Ji Yun, this is one moment she only imagines every time she was in a trance, so she cherished it as if she was living on borrowed time. She did it yesterday; she did it today, and if given a chance, she will do it again tomorrow.
No one speaks during the process. Both mother and son were in deep reflective thought. Su Rong like this 'new' mommy but still skeptical for how long she will behave like this. He wanted the moment to last, but he knew everything has an end, and in no time his mommy will return to the way she used to be. He was reluctant but decided he will just savor every moment before it becomes a memory.
"Let's go to bed?" Ji Yun asked after finishing drying his hair.
"Okay."
The bed is spacious so there's a gap between them when they just lay on it. Ji Yun moved towards Su Rong and closed the distance between them. She puts her hand on his side like a small hug while her son snuggles in her warm embrace.
"Xiao Rong, did you have fun today?" she softly inquired.
Su Rong nods. "How about mommy? Did you have fun?"
"Yes. I didn't notice the time because we have so much fun. Mommy's overjoyed. Mommy..." Ji Yun's smile faltered "Mommy realized that there are a lot of fun things we didn't enjoy back then because mommy is so strict. I didn't see you laugh that much before." she hesitates "Xiao Rong, do you really not hate the old mommy?"
Su Rong ponders for a moment before concluding, "No. Mommy before and mommy now is the same," he shows his thumb and index finger as if it was pinching something. "But just a little different."
Ji Yun grinned at his cuteness, "Really? Mommy's the same?" she had a broad smile plastered on her face, but soon it gradually stiffened because of the thought that briefly passed on her mind. "What do you mean, Xiao Rong?" she couldn't help but read between the lines and overthink. "Tell mommy more. Hmm?" she pushed a smile as if she doesn't have the previous thought, appearing clueless.
Su Rong's bright eyes stared at his mommy with a confused look. She already knows what's different but still asking for an elaborate answer as if making fun of him. The look in her eyes further made him feel uncomfortable. His hand inconspicuously clenched, supporting his giggles.
"You know it already, mommy. Why still ask?" he said in a cheerful tone, but the flash in his eyes shows a dismissive look. This slightly startled Ji Yun. She further smiled to ease his tension, but her insides already have a bad hunch.
Children, at Su Rong's age, always like to express their thoughts and feelings. You will know their emotions through their facial expressions or body language. However, because she regarded these expressed emotions as a weakness, Su Rong managed his feelings from a young age.
Ji Yun wished to have a healthy relationship with him and to do this, communication is essential. She wanted him to open up, but since her son was a baby, she forbade him to give unnecessary information that might be a weakness, so he rarely speaks if he deems that it can use as a tool to attack him.
As Ji Yun observes from the brief time she had with her baby son, she noticed that he still couldn't entirely contain his feelings. She will be angry if she saw this in the previous life, but Su Rong then differs from the Su Rong now. She nurtures her Ah Rong to hide this weakness wholly. This young Su Rong — Xiao Rong is still not fully trained, untainted.
Again, the image of the glint in his eyes flashed in her mind and overlapped with her knowledge about the future.
'Is he faking it?'
Ji Yun immediately dismissed the thought. Her son, now, is young and innocent. Sociopathy can only be started to diagnosed in the teenage years. She's just thinking too much. The knowledge of the future clouded her mind and affects her analysis.
Ji Yun wanted to let go of the idea, but the sinking feeling in her gut keep evoking a thought. 'No.' She still has time to change the course of his path. She will not let him go through with that misery again.
"Xiao Rong, have you heard about the story of mother and child crossing the bridge?" she asked. The determination was lurking in her deep black eyes.
Ji Yun knew to have him repressed his voice was one factor that leads to that future. She wanted to encourage him to express his sentiments more and let him know his feelings won't minimize or dismiss anymore. However, when she thinks about how she can properly convey her thoughts to a child without provoking the hornets, the only idea that comes into her mind is an old tale.
"I haven't heard of it." Su Rong was glad when his mommy let go of the topic. He could hardly able to contain his anger, and act in contrast to his sunny disposition if she insists on the question. Smiling, he said, "Tell me, mommy!"
Ji Yun looks at her son's eyes, observing, while she started narrating. "It's about a mother and son's journey on the long bridge."
"One day, when the mother and son were in the middle of their travel, the winds suddenly became fairly strong. The mother asked her child to hold her hand. She said, 'I will be at the front to lead you while blocking the winds. My dear child, grasp my hand or else the wind will sweep you.'"
"The child disagrees. He said, 'Mother should hold my hand as my hand is still small and weak. Even if I try to hold on to you tightly, the wind might still blow me away.' The mother decided that they can only survive if their hands clasped together. She then holds the child's hand and the child also holds her hand. Together they face the harsh winds and live happily alongside each other."
"Xiao Rong, we should also face the harsh wind together, right?" she asked, worry reflected in her eyes.
The sound of his mother's inquiry roused Su Rong from his reverie. He thinks for a second before answering. "Yes."
"Then we should be honest which each other," she said while she pats his head softly. 'I will definitely change your future.'
Su Rong remained silent. His eyes were gazing at her, clouded with thought.
"Xiao Rong," Ji Yun said, her eyes were peering a distant past. "Before, mommy believed that we can only trust ourselves. We didn't know if the person who smiles is a friend or an enemy, so I told you to protect yourself by hiding your thoughts and emotions. Mommy is wrong. Sometimes we can also trust other people…" she stopped for a while before continuing, "But only trust people who you think deserve your trust."
For the first time, Ji Yun was having a hard time parenting. She knew the negative side of humanity and experienced being exploited. She doesn't want her son to experience the same thing, so, in the past, she trained him to trust no one. The scars of the broken trust are so deep that they can embed in a person's mind forever. She hopes her Xiao Rong to believe in others and trust them, but a little part of her heart still wanted him to stay vigilant when interacting with people whose hearts so difficult to unravel.
"Who do you trust, mommy?" Su Rong asked, his hawk eyes observes her micro-expression closely and thoroughly. "Grandma?"
Ji Yun smiles at him, "Who else? It is my lovely Xiao Rong" and gently touch his sides. The tickles send Su Rong into fits of laughter. Both have a grin from ear to ear, trying to mask what lurks within.
"Then, how about dad?" he asked, "Do you trust daddy, mommy?"
Looking at her child's innocent face, Ji Yun couldn't respond in an instant. "Yes. I trust daddy. Do Xiao Rong trust mommy?"
Su Rong lifted the corner of his lips, "I trust mommy," he said.