Having arrived back at the lodge and his distraction now gone, Cyrus begins to quickly make his way towards his room so that he can quiet the voice in his head at once by acting out what it compels him to do so. That was, until Fauve commented
"You know, I have been putting this off but you are… different today. I saw you with the mask on once before, when you fought Gabriel and saw how you change with it on… like a sharp unsheathed blade, cold and merciless. Right now though you remind me more of a beast of instinct rather than a weapon. What exactly is that mask?"
This stopped Cyrus in his tracks as he considered the words and understood that they indeed rang true as it clearly described what the voice within was... an instinct.
"Damn. I was led by the nose once again by failing to question my own certainties. While it appears that the way I am now may be in many ways better than my normal self, it also has massive flaws. Without fear or self-doubt I can move forward unhindered…but it also means that I fail to notice many things that simple self-doubt or fear would easily show. I will not allow myself to be controlled by…instinct" thought Cyrus in extreme revulsion.
"It is a side effect of wearing it for too long. Today was so hectic that I forgot about it, as the state it puts me in causes me to focus more on other things. Come with me to help me when I take it off, there is always a backlash when it occurs which may result in me passing out" said Cyrus, back to his calm and cold self.
Fauve nodded and followed behind into Cyrus' room. Upon arriving inside Cyrus sat on the bed and gestured towards the only chair in the room, indicating for Fauve to sit in front of him.
"This mask was a gift to me given by Cato. Its main function is to slowly help me grow to get used to things that I ordinarily would not be able to do, such as fight in the heat of battle against many human opponents. Whenever I am in a situation where I ordinarily would struggle, I merely have to use the mask to get through it and then later when I take it off a backlash occurs depending on what I did when I was wearing it. This backlash will slowly acclimate me to acting in the real world, but still at a far faster pace than anyone and with little consequences such as insanity, depression, or becoming broken" explained Cyrus, choosing to reveal the most basic of what he knew in order to not draw Fauve's unneeded suspicion and to keep him as a useful tool.
"What an interesting thing, I was not aware that Cato had something like that in his possession. Hmm, he must have found it somewhere in the wasteland. I wonder if it's a relic from the country that used to stand there before it was destroyed..." wondered Fauve aloud.
"Who knows, I did not have enough time to ask him as he gave it to me right as we were being pursued when travelling north. After that there was my meeting with Mundus which knocked me out and then the immediate departure. Rather, its unimportant right now as it is just another useful tool in the end. Still… I made a mistake by leaving it on for so long as even the most useful of tools can be harmful if not used properly. These harmful effects, you will be witnessing them yourself" ended Cyrus as he unceremoniously ripped the mask off his face and throwing it onto the bed next to him.
The moment the mask left his face, even while it was still in midair, all of Cyrus previously suppressed emotions came back one after another. His empathy came back first, which caused his stomach to immediately start doing flips as he recalled how mercilessly he slaughtered humans. Even worse was the utter horror that was the undead ripping out the spines of people and impaling others with it. After his empathy was his shame and guilt. These emotions caused his memory of manipulating Imran to become a 'tool' of his a great amount of both, not to mention his extremely short yet detailed plans of creating a massive undead army and severing all of his human relationships for good. That's not even mentioning how he thought of Lily and Fauve not too long ago… All this combined made his intense emotions easily affect his body. His heart rate increased, his stomach started in extreme pain, his blood pumped like mad and his eyes went bloodshot. If this had continued he no doubt would have slowly reduced himself into a former husk of himself, perhaps into some kind of infantile state in order to shed all the terrible emotions causing him to not even be able to move.
The sudden change that Cyrus was exhibiting alarmed Fauve to no end, but he did notice that the bestial air that Cyrus had on him dissipated the moment the mask was removed. Ignorant of Fauve's shock and alarm, Cyrus began the process that he had long become accustomed to whenever he removed the mask.
The first thing he did was struggle to reach into his jeweled sack and control enough of his strength to produce a jar of wine. Seeing his struggle, Fauve immediately went to help him only to realize that he could not open it as the crystal on it was not charged as Cyrus would always just expend a bit of will to operate it.
"What do you need?" asked Fauve in slight desperation, as he could easily visibly see the pain that Cyrus was in
"W…w..wine" said Cyrus with much difficulty.
"Wine? Why would you.. oh whatever" said Fauve as he reached for his own storage equipment and produced his own alcoholic beverage.
"I have my own wine here but it's a bit stronger than the usual stuff so be careful" warned Fauve as he poured a large amount into a jug Cyrus.
Not caring one whit about the warning, he drank several mouthfuls in one go which had an interesting side effect of burning intensely as it went down. Ordinarily it might cause one to cough and sputter about, as going from a weak alcoholic beverage straight to an intense one is quite the harrowing experience, but in this case it was more of an added benefit instead. The burning sensation, coupled with the psychological and soon physical easement of drinking some good wine, allowed Cyrus an easier time in getting his emotions back under control.
Inwardly he reflected on all his kills, considering the moral implications of each and every one as he had learned in his books about the pursuit of morality in life.
"I first killed several death-row prisoners, who from their description that the Legionnaire gave me definitely deserved to die. Allowing innocents to die for such a selfish reason as mere greed will never be acceptable." This caused the backlash to lesson ever so slightly, which earned him more breathing room to continue the process.
"Next I killed the insane bandits, who I have no doubt had committed more crimes than I could perhaps think of in the moment. Even so it could even be regarded as a mercy to put them out of their misery, finally free from their insane delusions and physical sufferings… the problem truly lay in how I killed them. I am no fool, I know I cannot decide against the most efficient way of killing my enemy simply because it is unpalatable. Perhaps if I was born in a peaceful land and never knew hardship I could possibly think like that, but thankfully I was made keenly aware of how silly an idea that is from where I grew up. If only… if only the undead were not so gruesome in what they did. If I can find a way to control them rather than leave them as some kind of natural disaster that I can create I would definitely have them go about their kills in a bit… cleaner manner." With that the majority of the backlash faded, along with the physical symptoms that his intense emotions were creating. All that was left was the guilt and shame that came from his treatment of other humans in regards to his relation to them.
"I am quite antisocial with the mask on and take Cato's words on people being useful tools way too far. This is not really helped by the fact that even without the mask on I have little close relations with anyone. I have read stories of people travelling the world with their close companions at their side, sharing in both victory and defeat. Congratulation one another and living in the moment for the former, while consoling one another and letting out the inner demons they have for the latter. While I do have a mentor and have now a decent relationship with my mentor's own close friends, I have no one like Gabriel and co. are to Cato for myself. With that my insecurities, doubts and fears seem to be translated straight into full on paranoia, disdain, and complete disregard with the mask on…" wondered Cyrus a little bit before he collected himself, as he was still in the presence of Fauve.
Putting on a bright smile, much different to the cold or sarcastic one that is found on when he is of his other half, Cyrus says:
"Thank you for the help and for the wine, it was quite helpful. Although I will agree that it is stronger than what I am used to" said he as he began to notice the result of drinking a decent bit of powerful wine quickly. Although it did help to push down his anxiety even more than usual which was a nice feeling indeed.
"No problem at all! Being virtuous and generous are merely two of my many great qualities" said Fauve as he reached over and hit Cyrus on the shoulder, perhaps pleased that Cyrus was no longer so obviously tortured.
Fauve then put the chair back where it originally was and made to leave whilst waving to Cyrus,
"All right now that you are in a decent state I will leave you alone, no doubt you have a lot to think about. Today was a busy day now that I think about it huh. Who knows if someone will find trouble with you for what I did to those Umbral freaks as well, indeed, quite a bit for you to think about" exited Fauve with a laugh, having realized he may have made things difficult for Cyrus with his actions.
The one in question, however, merely shook his head in resignation at Fauves odd character and thought of the long list of things he had to do in the coming month before he officially left off for the Academy. First and foremost, though, was to carefully create a plan of action for a few new problems that had just come up with todays usage of the mask.