I can't and won't trust anybody, they'll just take advantage of me and throw me away after they're done with me.
"Trust no one but your self" I had to learn that the hard way.
Brazil
My life was perfect. I had everything I desired but day by day I lost everything that was dear to me.
My brother and I used to live with our parents before they ..., then we had to go live with our entitled aunt in Mexico.
It was horrible. The only reason she took us in was so that she could collect money from the state intended to help her with raising us, she spent it all on drugs.
At the time my brother and I lived at my aunts I was 16 my brother was 10. I left after 2 years. It was me, mom and dad, we were poor but smiling and giving our best day by day. Dad had a popular restaurant so he made good money compared to our neighbors in the favela. Mom had a small flower shop. My parents were well known and liked by our community. Mom was especially well-liked because of her good looks, everyone admired her beauty, dad didn't bother it at all. I didn't feel envious at all as a matter of fact I looked up to her a lot. My appearance was compared to her by everyone. It didn't bother me as much she thought it would because I really didn't care about how they judged my appearance and I couldn't judge them for it, I would have done the same. And I know that they are not trying to offend me. I don't resemble my mom at all. I look more like my dad even though I'm a girl. I'm more like a tomboy, not your average girly girl.
So right before my mom met my dad she was supposed to get married to a family friend's son but right before the wedding she met my dad and they ran off together from Mexico to Brazil where my father lived. Her ex-fiance was devasted and ashamed and even after 10 years, he was still looking for her for embarrassing him.
My mom knew that she was going to be married to him even though she had no feelings for him. "It's just the way it is," she thought, she would have had to "love" a man she never wanted.
Until the day she met my dad. It was like love at first sight.
My dad was in Mexico to met a friend of his, he had heard stories about how a lot of dudes were sad because my mom was going to be married. My dad didn't believe that a woman could be so beautiful that so many people were upset that she was going to be married until they met.
It was just like in the movies. Not really.
My dad went out for drinks with his friends at a restaurant bar where my mother was working. As my dad entered the bar their eyes meet, they stopped right in their tracks. Mom almost dropped the drinks that she was about to bring out to the guest. They both got red. "Miss, miss my drinks!" They snap out of it. Mom: "Yes, coming!" Red-faced she runs over to the customer. Dad's friends turned around to see where my dad ran off to when he saw them staring at each other. As dad snapped out of it as well his friend came up to him with a huge grin on his face. Dad's friend:" Didn't I tell you that she is a beauty" Dad: "She is beautiful, Ill go talk to her." Dad's friend: "Don't forget, she is engaged!" Dad stood there when he replied optimistically: "Don't worry"
My dad made his way to the side my mom was attending to and sat down.
As mom made her way to my dad to take his order she tried to avoid eye contact while blushing.
Mom: "Hello welcome to "Drink Up", you must be new here my name is Gabriela. What's your name?
Dad: My name is Eduardo Morenos, nice to meet you.
Mom tried to figure out where he was from by his name when she asked: are you from Brazil?
Dad surprised answers: Yes, your right, how did you figure it out?
Mom: I don't know I just guessed. Well, what can I get you?
Dad: Can I have a .... and as a side dish your number.
When I heard that I cringed so hard, anyway...
Mom: I'm sorry but I can't do that, I'm engaged.
Dad: I know but are you really happy, as you said that you were engaged you suddenly looked unhappy.
Mom: I have to admit that you aren't wrong.
Dad: Let's make a deal, I have 2 weeks left here, let's spend some time together in secrecy, at the end of the week if you decide we can go live in Brazil together.
Mom: You are very brave, I like that. I'll think about it. What's your name again?
Dad: Eduardo Morenos remember it 'cause I will be the man who will marry you.
Mom: Alright big guy, I'll go get your food with your special order.
As my mom turned around and walked away they both turned bright red and their hearts were racing.
After that day they met up every day at a field behind a hill at night. Soon my mom decided that she wanted to be with my dad.
My dad booked a flight to Brazil for her.
On the morning of the flight, she left her engagement ring on the kitchen table with a note explaining why she left but not to where nor with whom.
When her ex-fiance found out he went into rage mode, he was obsessed with her. He swore that hed get revenge for humiliating and him abandoning.
A week later after they arrived they married to make their love official. 2 years later I was born "Michiko Morenos" that's my name I was named after my Grandmother. We were a happy little family.
When I was six my parents gave me the news that my mom was pregnant. I, no we all were overjoyed but that joy wouldn't last long.
One day, as usual, I made my way back home from school on the way back I had to pass the flower shop from my mother. As I was nearing The flower shop I heard a big commotion and a huge bang I didn't think anything of it. A crowd was gathered in front of the shop people were crying and covering their mouth in disbelief, I got an uneasy feeling, I started running towards the shop. I had to squeeze myself through the crowd. When I got through there I saw it, my mother covered in blood lying on the floor in front of the shop. She got shot, once in her stomach, and once in her chest. I let the most blood-curdling scream out. I tried to get to her but a neighbor picked me up and carried me away from the scene. I cried uncontrollably and started hyperventilating, I shouted for my mom. The neighbor tried to comfort me to the best of her ability.
I saw as my dad sprinted towards the crowd right behind him were the paramedics. He was white as a ghost and he had the most concerned face I have ever seen. I don't remember anything else because I passed out.
I a few hours later I jerked up from my "sleep" drenched in sweat, I wasn't home, I was confused. I looked around the room, I was on a sofa I looked at the wall next to me there was a photo of my neighbor. I wasn't concerned, I knew that she was a good friend of my dad. I burst into tears, I remembered what had happened at the shop.
The neighbor rushed into the room.
Neighbor: You're awake.
"Where is mommy," I asked.
Neighbor: She is in the hospital, your dad is there as well.
She assured me that everything was going to be fine, she held me close for 10 minutes until I calmed down.
In a soft tone, she said: You will stay here with me until everything is sorted out, is that ok?
I nodded. Do you want a cup of tea? I nodded again.
I stayed there for about 2 weeks. My dad came over 2 times to check on me, he tried to act normal but I could see in his eyes that he was hurting inside. I assume that I had to stay there for 2 weeks so that I wouldn't see him cry in front of me.
When I went home my dad told me as calm as he could that mom was going to stay in the hospital much longer than I thought. Then he mentioned the baby, he told me that the baby was delivered and that the baby will stay in the hospital for about 3 months since it was born prematurely. He looked me in the eyes and said: From now on our lives will change drastically, I need you to be strong and help me when they come home, can you do that Michiko?
"I will be strong daddy, I promise. I will protect you, mommy, and the baby."
He had a relived face: Thank you, Michiko.
I started cooking and cleaning around the house since dad was working even longer hours to pay off the medical bill. We visited mom and the baby every Sunday after church.
She was still in a coma after we brought my little brother home. I knew the moment he came home that he was special.
Soon with time my friends distanced themselves from me, I didn't have time since I had to take care of the house. I was known as the girl whose mother got shot. Every time anyone mentioned the accident I'd get angry, I didn't want any once sympathy nor their pitty and didn't want to be known by an accident. Soon I lost all my friends and anyone who just stared at me the wrong way would get shouted at. The only thing that mattered to me was my family and nothing else. My friends all talked behind my back badly, they wanted me to be an outcast so I became one on my own.
Slowly but surely my mom woke up, the doctors and my dad warned me that she might behave differently and or won't remember me. I understood what they meant, I just wanted her to come home.
As I went up to her bed where she was sitting I just knew that she had forgotten me, I could see it in her eyes.
"Mommy, you don't remember me, do you?"
Mom: I'm sorry, I don't.
... "That is ok, I'm glad that you are doing well"
My dad was surprised by my reaction, he expected me to cry but I didn't, I had accepted the fact that she had forgotten about everything. My dad gave my mom my brother.
Mom: What's his name?
Dad: Christiano
Mom: What a beautiful name. Did I name him?
Dad: Yes you did
She smiled and looked at me: Tell me, what's your name?
"My name is Michiko"
Mom: Michiko, what a wonderful name. Come here let mommy give you hug.
I climbed on her bed and gave her a big hug while she was holding Christiano.
Mom: Michiko, I may have lost my memory about you but what I didn't lose is the love I have for you, all of you. I love you.
"I love you too, mommy"
I could see that my parents were holding their tears back.
Dad had explained to her right when she woke up the situation and what had happened.
The doctors explained to us that my mother's spine was damaged by the bullet, she wouldn't be able to walk and that she would have to start rehab to build up her mussels but since we didn't have enough money to transfer her to another hospital and the rehab we couldn't do that.
She had to stay there for about a week to make sure that she was stable.
At that point about a year had passed.
When she came back home she was very cheerful, she did look a bit pale. Dad and I stayed home for a few days to make sure that she got used to the house. The problem was that she was wheelchair-bound which made it hard to move around, so it was my responsibility to get her the things she needed, I choose on my own that I'd take care of her when dad wasn't home so that he wouldn't stress about anything.
I'd wake up at 5 am to make breakfast then when my parents woke up we would eat together. I'd prepare food for Christiano and food for mom for when she got hungry when I was at school. After school, I'd go to the local market to buy fresh ingredients for lunch, dinner, and breakfast. When I got home I'd make sure that my mom was doing well, then I'd start cooking for both of us. After lunch, I'd start cleaning around the house. When I was done with cleaning I'd go rest for an hour than my dinner after dinner I'd make my homework. When I was finished with homework it was usually about 10 pm. I would have rather taken my mom and brother for a walk instead of sleeping but there was no way for her to get out of the house since there were only stairs. That was my daily routine from the age of 7 to 16.
Day by day I could see in my parent's eyes how miserable they felt for putting so much pressure on me and making me grow up to fast. Dad felt stressed about paying the medical bill of and mom wanted to be independent and experience the world. I could see how stressed and sad they were even though they tried acting happy in front of me.
With time their love for each other faded and mom got even weaker.
At the age of 6, Christiano got diagnosed with down syndrome.
When he started school he'd get bullied all the time. One day when I came to pick him up from school he came crying and running my way, he told me that he got stones thrown at him. I didn't need to hear any more. I told him to wait for me, I was going to deal with them I told him.
He didn't see it but I got so angry that I couldn't think straight.
I ran the way back to his school, on the way I saw a group of kids laughing.
I asked as calmly as I could: Tell me do you know Christiano?
Kid 1: Yeah of course. You mean that weird down syndrome, right?
The two other kids began to giggle.
"Weird? Now tell me this, do you know who made him cry?
Still giggling kid 3 said: He is so weird, so we thought him a lesson.
I had tried to avoid eye contact but when I looked them in their eyes, they knew that they were in trouble.
In a shaky voice kid, 2 asked: Who are you?
"I'm Christiano's big sister"
Then I shouted while walking towards them" Who do you think you are? Are you trying to be though? Let me tell you one thing, don't you dare look nor talk to or about my brother in a bad manner. I swear if I hear that he got bullied I will do very very nasty things to you."
I picked the first kid by his t-shirt "Am I clear?"
Kid 1 terrified replied: Yes
"Now go. I dare you to talk to anybody about our conversation"
Kid 1, 2, and 3: Yes, Mam!
After the adrenaline left my body I almost fell to my knees. I hadn't felt that angry in a while since I didn't have the strength to do so.
When I was 16years dad still wasn't able to pay off the medical bills, mom looked horrible and I was mentally falling apart from the stress. I just wanted it all to end, I wanted to put an end to our miserable lives so that we could rest in peace and be happy.
The only person who was remotely happy was Christiano, whenever we were around him we would put up our best happy faces to try giving him a normal happy family.
He is the only reason why we haven't ended it.
Sunday was the day when we would go out for walks in the evening since that was the day that dad and I could rest.
One Sunday evening dad and mom went out by themselves. Christiano and I stayed home since he didn't feel good and dad and mom looked especially miserable and sad that day, I could see that dad was stressed out and that mom was sad, they probably needed each other to talk and vent their emotions out I thought.
6 pm, they weren't back yet. I wasn't too concerned, maybe they just took a longer way.
7:30 pm "Weird they never stay out this late. I'm sure they're fine" I tried to convince myself.
9:30 pm I was feeling uneasy, I couldn't sit still, my mind was going to the worst scenarios. "What if they ..... No, I shouldn't be thinking like this". I looked out of the kitchen window when I saw my neighbor enter his house still dressed in his work clothing.
I made sure Christiano was asleep before I went to my neighbor's door.
"Knock, knock"... "Good evening"
Neighbor: Oh, good evening Michiko. What brings you to my door at a time like this?
"Uhm ... well... I wanted to ask if you have seen my parents. They aren't home yet, I'm getting worried."
Neighbor: I'm sorry Michiko, I haven't seen them. What I did notice was that around your mother's old flower shops I heard a big commotion. I didn't investigate since it so late.
At that moment, my heart sank, my heart started to race and I felt sick to my stomach.
This feeling feels familiar I thought.
Neighbor: Are you alright? You suddenly turned
pale.
"I'm alright, thank-you. Sorry for the inconvenience. Goodbye."
Neighbor: Okay, goodnight.
At 10:20 I had a full panic attack, walking around the house trying to calm myself down. I had short flashbacks of the day mom got shot, that didn't help at all.
At about 10:45 the doorbell rang. My heart almost jumped out of my chest than I called down, "their finally home" I thought until I heard "Polícia. Open up, please."
"Oficial, how can I help you?"
Polícia: Do you know Gabriella and Eduardo Morenos? Do they live here?
"Yes, I know them, the life here."
Polícia: How are you related?
"I'm their daughter"
Polícia asked: I don't think that it would be appropriate to talk like this in the open, could we talk inside? while looking concerned.
"Yes, of course, come in"
At this point I felt very nervous, I didn't want to hear what he had to say.
He asked me how old I was, how everyday life was for me, and how life changed after the incident.
Polícia: What I'm about to say will not be good news at all. Are you ready?
"Yes"
He hesitated before he said: This will probably be hard to grasp. Your parents... Your parents got shot, by an unknown person at about 9:30 pm.
Deep down I knew what he was going to say but when he said it out loud I didn't know how to react, I was more shooked.
Polícia: It's okay if you want to cry, this type of news is hard to digest for anybody.
"Tell me, where were they shot and how many times"
Polícia: Where? How many times? Ehm, they were shot only once, each in the head.
"Thank god" I let out a sort of sigh of relief.
Polícia shocked asked: What do you mean?
"They have suffered so much over the past 10 years, knowing that the didn't suffer when they died makes me feel kind of relieved. Were there wearing their wedding rings?
Polícia: Yes, I think so.
" They might have grown apart but at least they are going to be together forever without worries. Thank you, Oficial?
Polícia: You are welcome? Anyway, do you have any family that can take care of you and your brother?
"I don't think... wait a second, I do remember something. I'll go get it"
Polícia: What are you looking for?
"A wedding invite from my aunt, I don't remember her name, it must be on it" It took me a while to find it but eventually I did.
Polícia: Can I take a look? Have you ever met her?
"No, I haven't. We couldn't attend the wedding since it would have been too expensive and a lot more stressful to fly up there."
Polícia: Do you mind if I take this to the police station so that I can contact her and inform her of the situation?
"Take it, I have no use for it."
Polícia: Okay, thank you. I think it's time for me to go. Goodbye.
"Goodbye"
Before he left he said to me: You know, I have to say that I have heard what has happened over the years to your family. I'm very sorry that you had to go through these hardships. I'm sure that your parents were proud of you, for holding it together for so long. You're very strong, in a situation like this I would have broken down. Stay strong!
"Thank you"
After he left I couldn't stand anymore, I collapsed on the kitchen floor. There were so many emotions. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I knew that they were finale happy, but what is with me I thought. I didn't want the stress anymore, the fear of running out of money I just wanted it all gone.
When I fell asleep I had flashbacks, I heard a familiar conversation and It felt as if I was in a never-ending void falling deeper and deeper.
.....: From now on our lives will change drastically, I need you to be strong and help me when they come home, can you do that Michiko?
"I will be strong daddy, I promise. I will protect you, mommy, and the baby."
Ah, yeah I remember. I made a promise to dad, did I fulfill that promise?
Am I strong?
Did I really make a difference?
Was I helpful to them?
Michiko! Michiko! Don't you remember?
"This voice, who is it, I can't see. Remember what?"
Don't forget, you made a promise to me too.
"Mommy?"
You are my sunshine, you are the brightest star in the night sky. Even on the darkest days, your light shines through.
Shine for me, be the brightest star in the sky, Michiko. Protect.
"Mom! Dad! Come back!"
I woke up on the kitchen floor with tears in my eyes. "It's already morning".
I forgot my dream right after waking up but I had a change of heart. I felt refreshed and I found a new purpose.
I needed to protect Christiano and be strong for the both of us. I will have to tell him eventually but that time hasn't come yet.
I hope that the Polícia contacted moms sister I hope she takes us in as fast as possible. I want to start over - I thought to myself.
It didn't take long before Christiano started asking about mom and dad. I made up excuse after excuse like :
"Dad comes home late and he has to go to work even earlier than before, that's why you don't see him" and "Mom went back to the hospital to start with therapy, she will stay there for a while." That seemed to make him worry less but I knew that I had to tell him eventually.
One night I woke up in the middle of the night to the TV on and Christiano watching on low volume.
"Christiano, what are you doing. Did you have a nightmare? You can come sleep with me.
Christiano: I'm waiting.
"It's the middle of the night, what are you waiting for?"
Christiano: I'm waiting for daddy, I want to see him.
"Christiano... You should really go to bed, you have school tomorrow."
Christiano shouted: NO! NO! NO! I WON'T GO TO SCHOOL UNTIL I SEE DADDY!
Then he started crying: I miss daddy and mommy a lot, I want to see them. He said.
I knew that it was time for him to know the truth. I sat down next to him on the sofa. I explained that they got into an accident and that they are in heaven now.
Christiano in tears said: I don't understand, what do you mean? Are they dead?
I nodded. He burst out crying.
Christiano: STOP! YOU ARE LYING! NO! NOOO!
I held him close, comforted him, and told him that they are much happier now that they can rest. I held him through the entire night, just like dad's friend back then.
Soon later we got the news from the Polícia that our aunt was going to adopt us. We were happy again. Christiano and I packed our bags and flew over to Mexico escorted by the same Polícia.
When we met her she seemed nice, that didn't last long. She lived in a small house, just enough space for the three of us.
After a week she started treating us like slaves. I wasn't doing anything that I wasn't used to until she started screaming and cursing at us. I didn't go to school when I was there she didn't want me to meet people and make friends. I don't know why but she hated us from the bottom of her heart, especially me. She made me wear these ugly clothes while she took my mother's hand sown clothes.
I had to do the same chores over and over again since it wasn't perfect in her eyes. I took most chores over and took most of the yelling and blame since I knew that Christiano wouldn't handle the yelling and stress well.
After about a few months she asked me why Christiano was so weird.
"What do you mean with weird?
Aunt: He can't understand simple instructions and he can't hear well. Maybe I should take him to the doctor or something.
"You don't have to do that, we already did that."
Aunt asked in a bratty tone: And what did the doctor say?
"Well, he has autism. Weren't you informed?
Aunt with a disgusted look on her face replied: Eww no if I knew that before I wouldn't have adopted you.
"Did you just say eww?" I could feel how my face got red in anger.
Aunt: Oh are you getting angry, I'm sorry that I hurt your little ego. I never thought that your beautiful and smart mom could bring two disappointments to the world. The one an ugly tomboy and the other a retarded kid. Ugh, I can't believe that we are related.
I felt a fist form in my hand. I wasn't angry that she insulted me but that she insulted my mom and brother.
I shouted: "RETARDED? RETARDED? HE IS PERFECTLY NORMAL. YOU CAN INSULT ME ALL YOU WANT BUT DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE."
I swung at her but I missed and hit the wall behind her. We were both surprised.
I was good at hiding my anger but that day I couldn't, I'm glad that Christiano was at school at that time.
Aunt: I'm surprised Michiko ( She slapped me in the face, I fell to my knees) I never thought that you could get angry like. (She pulled my head up by my hair) Then she shouted: YOU LITTLE BITSH, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? A GAVE YOU A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD, BE GREAT FULL. You are very lucky that I took you in. (She kicked me in the face) GO TO YOUR ROOM, I WISH THAT YOU WOULD HAVE GOTEN SHOT IN THE HEAD AS WELL.
She looked down on me as if I was nothing worth.
I got up, got in her face, and said: "You're lucky that I won't go down to your level to feel good about myself" then I turned around and went into my room. She stood there stunned in disbelief.
After that day she beat me on a regular for the smallest of things. I would have a swollen eye at least every 3 weeks.
I tried to protect Christiano as best as I could but one day he was just gone. About 5 months after the big fight. There was no trace of him, they must have gone in the middle of the night since I never left the house, I thought. I feared the worst that he got abducted.
When my aunt came back home I confronted her immediately.
"Where is he?"
Aunt: What are you talking about?
"Don't play dumb, where is Christiano? What did you do to him?"
Aunt with a slight grin on her face said: Ohh, you mean the retarded kid. I gave him up for adoption.
In disbelief, I said: "You did WHAT? WHERE IS HE? BRING HIM BACK NOW!
Aunt: Sorry, can't do. The adoption is finalized and he is on a plane to meet his new BETTER family in Canada.
I began to cry. "I AM HIS FAMILY!"
Aunt said while laughing: You should have seen him when he realized that he will never see you, it was priceless.
"STOP! STOP! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH ALREADY?
Aunt: SUFFERED? YOUR MOTHER PUT ME THROUGH HELL. I wanted to hurt you the way your mother did to me but it didn't matter how much I beat you, you would still have the strength to smile for your disgusting brother. I knew that if I wanted to hurt you deeply I had to take the one thing away that you loved the most.
At that point a collapsed to the floor and cried without listening to another word.
Aunt: Mission accomplished.
I didn't have the strength to be angry anymore. All the pain, stress, loneliness, and fear came flooding back all at once with all the repressed memories.
After crying myself to sleep I woke up feeling empty inside. "I've lost everything."
I fell back into the black, empty void in my heart but this time nobody saved me.
A year later that emptiness never faded and the dark empty void in my heart grew. I knew that the moment I turned 18 I would leave to search for Christiano. I had a plan. I would take and sell my aunt's Jewellery the day I left so that she couldn't get to me when she noticed. Then I'd buy a plane ticket to Canada and try to find Christiano. I didn't think about how I would get around the guards at the airport.
(2018)
Finally, today is the day I leave, I'm 18 now. I packed my bags and got the jewelry ready to sell.
My aunt is pretty cheerful today.
Aunt: 2 Fucking years I had to "care" for you, now is the time has come for you to get the fuck out and rot on the streets. Fuck off, she says all that with a big smile.
"Glad that I don't have to see your ugly Voldemort looking ass face no more. See ya bitch." I walk out the door.
Aunt: Rude. Hmpf. Hey wait, I got something very important for you. I'm sure that it will be for your interest.
"What the hell do you want?.
Aunt: Nothing really. Just wanted to give you this information.
"What is written in the letter?"
Aunt: You will know. I snatch the letter out of her hand.
"Bye"
In a cherry voice she says: Bye, bye don't you dare show up at my doorsteps.
I know what my new purpose is, I have to find Christiano so that we can be together again.
*I guess my journey begins now.*