Yu Yanlin had to angle his head down to kiss him, and Zhang Wang was struck with the instinctual desire to push the demon king down.
He moved back, to take in the view of Yu Yanlin's flustered visage. Under the soft glow of fire that sparkled in his eyes the bright red that colored his cheeks, Zhang Wang found the whirl of desire that sparkled in his pupils to be the most alluring. Lips have been sucked into a plump rosy state, glistening.
Zhang Wang wanted to kiss him even more but he licked his lips and held back. "Yanlin," his voice was barely above a whisper. "I want to know what you want."
The Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms prided himself in treating his partners well. Some girls had been shy in their admittance but he was luckily a person who could read expressions and body language. While he was certain that he never infringed on Yu Yanlin's desires, it didn't mean that his actions were exactly in line with the demon king's fantasies either.
It was for that reason that he ignored the anxious rapping in his chest and braved the question.
Blue eyes widened at him before softening. Yu Yanlin had that shy look about him, slightly looking off to the side with a gentle little smile. "Well I…"
"It's okay, you can tell me."
"I wish to be the one to hold Zhang Wang."
Zhang Wang's heart stuttered but he wasn't particularly surprised either. It didn't change the fact that he feared hearing this very line and still chanced the question anyway. The Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms gulped, his body going tense.
Yu Yanlin observed him quietly before pressing a chaste kiss into his forehead. "It is only what I desire. Not something that we have to consider, so please don't worry so much about it."
But this response did not satisfy Zhang Wang. His heart stiltered and his face pulled into a grimace, "Did you even listen to what I said earlier? Of course it's something we have to consider!"
The rage had the demon king stunned for a moment. But his expression was quick to quell as it always did, "I'm sorry, I'll try to understand it better."
And then Zhang Wang was hit with another pang of guilt, of embarrassment. He didn't mean to burst out angrily, and he didn't intend to startle the person who was ultimately stuck with him.
Alas, he had to remember that this joining was one born out of necessity. And even if they laid out their feelings, he couldn't keep his mind off of that single thought, like a ghost that refused to leave no matter what method of exorcism he used.
Zhang Wang drew in a deep breath, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."
"But you had a point."
"That doesn't excuse my shitty behavior."
"Hm." Yu Yanlin tilted his head. The smile on his face was strange because even he could not pinpoint its origins. Was he amused by Zhang Wang's words? Or perhaps he was enamoured with his sense of morality, his stubbornness.
"S-So…" Zhang Wang took in another breath and trembled.
Ah, he was cute too. Yu Yanlin chuckled, "Alright. We shall consider it. But it doesn't have to be now, or today. Let's do it slowly, okay?"
Some of the tension unwound in Zhang Wang's gut, but he was still struck with a keen sense of disappointment. The feeling of anxiety swelled in his gut, but it was entangled with other feelings as well. Affection, lust, frustration and inadequacy.
There were a lot of things that Zhang Wang was inadequate at. He whined at the thought and allowed himself to be comforted with a kiss, melting into the heat of Yu Yanlin's tongue, welcoming the hand that felt up the lines of his abdomen. Zhang Wang trembled under that touch as well, aware of the fact that his muscles weren't nearly as defined, his body not as powerful as Yu Yanlin's.
This did not go unnoticed. Yu Yanlin pulled away from the kiss to pull the Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms in a hug. He didn't understand why he was doing it but he thought that maybe if he pressed Zhang Wang flush against him, the human might quiver less. Maybe it was just cold for him. Maybe they should have sex another time.
Zhang Wang was wrought with polarizing feelings. He grumbled miserably but was unable to articulate his feelings because even he didn't have a good grasp on them. A part of him wanted to bed Yu Yanlin, wanted to pleasure him and seem favorable in the demon king's eyes. But another part was shy and pathetic. It rejected Yu Yanlin's shows of affection. His insecurities ripened and debilitated his desires.
The Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms awkwardly circled his arms around the demon king's waist, allowing himself to bask in the other's warmth. With a sigh he apologized again, "Sorry, I guess I'm not ready for it after all."
But Yu Yanlin was hardly upset over the fact. His smile was slight, eyes beholding nothing but warmth. "There's no rush, truly. Our souls won't be untangling from each other anytime soon."
The words that were meant to comfort him only made his anxieties flare even brighter. But Zhang Wang kept those feelings within, cursing in his mind and nuzzling his face into Yu Yanlin's shoulder. He selfishly drew in the demon king's body heat.
The lazy drawl of self-hatred erupted and engulfed him for the first time in years. Feelings that Zhang Wang once believed that he overcome swung back at him in full force. Again, he felt the visceral jab of inadequacy and powerlessness. Why was it that fruit never bore from his labor? Why was it that no matter how hard he tried, the results he gained was only the pathetic fraction of another's accomplishments?
He despised these feelings, and their generally useless nature. For the world was never one created equal in the first place; the fact that he couldn't achieve absurd greatness was one reality that he would just have to live with.
But even if such a thought resonated with reality, it had made him complacent.
And now, he felt that once again, it was his own fault for being so lacking.
Not only did he deny Yu Yanlin the chance to be on top, Zhang Wang had successfully destroyed any wanton mood that would have marinated between them otherwise. He felt a fool. Unworthy and lame.
Yu Yanlin, though a demon with little comprehension of morals, still kept his hold gently around the Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms. Above them the constellations glittered with wonderful magnificence. The lust that he felt earlier had yet to completely subside, especially when the Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms was pressed so tantalizingly against him. He could smell of fragrant smells he began to associate with the human.
Yu Yanlin wanted him, more than the necessity of maintaining his disguise or power or whatnot. Those things, he could care less about.
To call it love would be a bit of a stretch. But the excitement, the attraction and inexplicable allure were all things that were new to Yu Yanlin. They captivated him and left him both curious and wanting.
His mind narrowed upon that single thought. He wanted the Immortal of a Thousand Blossoms. This desire of his was slowly but surely making it up the list of things that Yu Yanlin wanted. It wasn't a long list, but it something that he coveted.
Although Yu Yanlin and Zhang Wang did not entangle that night, their souls knotted together even tighter.