Harlee POV
I paced the living room again, rubbing my stomach, my mind was running a million miles a minute and my body was trying to keep up.
"Could you sit STILL!" Sam hissed.
"Bit me." I growled.
"Don't tempt me girl. While I am not like your lower class Bonded Demons, do not forget, you have been Bound to me for a time, and have neither offered me sustenance nor attempted to complete the Binding process with me. You still hold me at a distance." Sam snarled back.
"And you don't? You act like you hate my guts! That you hate being Bound to me-but let's not forget whose fault all this is in the first place Mister High and Mighty!" I shouted. "YOU kidnapped me, YOU tortured me, then you saved me, Binding yourself to me and act like YOU'RE the VICTIM?!" I let out a mind-numbing screech.
"As if looking at your face everyday isn't torture! As if part of me doesn't want to claw your eyes out while the other part wants to run and hide! As if my soul doesn't feel the Bond like a freaking anchor weighing me down!" I tossed a decorative bowl filled with Ash's candy at Sam. "Oh, I see you Sam. I see you, I acknowledge you, I want to KILL you, but I recognize our Bond and all the pain it brings with it." I let all of my pent up anxiety and fear rage out of me and suddenly sobered, gritting my teeth and turning away.
"Do you really?" Sam asked softly behind me.
"Really what?" I replied with exasperation, not looking at him.
"Want to kill me?" Sam answered, his voice was almost a whisper, prompting me to turn to face him. He pegged me with an intense gaze that probed for an answer. I ran a hand through my hair. "I.. uh, yes... And no." I sighed and flopped down on the sofa next to him.
"I don't want you to feel that way about me." Sam murmured. "I.. would like to see you treat me as you do the others.. You are all very close and I can feel the Bond between you thrumming with mutual admiration and respect."
"Love, Sam. What you're feeling between us-them and I, it's love." I sighed. "But tell me: How am I supposed to love someone who has done what you have to me?" I leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, watching the strange shifting in it, the constant reminder of our first Angel battle. Sam leaned back as well.
"Would it ever be possible for you to forgive me? As you have Zeev? And Ash? Or perhaps, is there some way I can make it up to you?" Sam asked quietly. I scoffed.
"Like how?"
"Punishment, or tell me what I can do to make you forget it, or ease your mind that it will not happen again. Harlee. You have to know that being Bound to you is just as much torture for me, and the longer I go without your acceptance, the stronger my need is to rectify the situation, the more.." Sam's anguished voice trailed off.
"More what Sam?" I requested cautiously.
"The more pain I'm in!" Sam burst out angrily, jumping up from the couch to pace the living room himself. "You talk about the torture I've put you through, well have a little taste of this!" He rounded on me and gripped my arms, looking me directly in the eyes. A his fingers came in contact with the gold band-his Mark, my head jerked back and I was blasted with his raw emotions. I had experienced something like this before-with Zeev, but this was worse. I was rejecting the Bond between Sam and I, and Sam was already a Fallen, still being forced to work for Heaven. It was like being told twice you were unworthy, but still being made a slave to two masters. Being kicked when you were already down. Sam's raw need for family, attention, praise, love, all of it, came blasting through to me. He was like an orphaned child who'd been tossed to the curb by the orphanage where he thought he'd be safe. It burned, the strength of his emotions. It burned and stung at me in ways I didn't think possible. He walked around every day feeling like his chest was full of glass and every breath was torment. Every smile, touch, and kind word I offered to Sands, Ash or Zeev was like one more shard I'd shoved within him. And through all that, that ridiculous Bond was taking him over. He adored me. Like a puppy dog that just kept getting kicked. He followed me with his eyes, waiting for a kind touch, a word, ANYTHING. It was like an extra kick to the face when I ignored him, but the Bond kept him waiting... He would do anything for me, even if it meant waiting an eternity for me to acknowledge him. I pulled free of him with a curse.
"Aw shit. Your guys' Demon Bond thing is fucked up." I complained.
"Yes." Sam replied bitterly. "It is like a diluted version of the love and service we were designed to give our creator before the Fall. And I'm capable of recognizing that, but incapable of changing how it makes me feel." I sighed.
"And I've held all of you at arm's length during the first of your Bonds. Not that you all didn't deserve it. Hell all of you tried to kill me. Sands is the only one who hasn't. Yet. And we just have a Contract." I crossed my arms. Sam winced.
"Demon relationships are.. complicated." He murmured.
"No, they're f'd up. 'Complicated' is I really like this guy, but he wants kids and I don't. You guys try to kill people and then expect them to love you. Talk about Stockholm Syndrome. No, it's probably worse than that!" I griped. Sam growled.
"Most Demon Bonds aren't like the one with you." Sam released my arms almost roughly. "You aren't cruel or driven by hatred or a desire for power. You're not trying to conquer or control. You're weak." He growled, then his gaze softened. "And soft, and although you are fierce and determined, you wish only to survive, on your terms, unhindered. You love. It changes, changed, us all." Sam ran a gentle hand down my cheek and I suppressed my desire to flinch. "Demons aren't used to that love." He whispered. "One taste and we're hooked."
"I don't understand-then how do most Bonds get formed?" I asked just as quietly. Sam's face lost the gentle expression and he moved away.
"Usually, a Demon Contracted to help aid some human on some foolish quest for power or wealth acts as a shield as one of its duties. Comes to truly admire or worship their Contracted, maybe even some distorted version of love if they're capable, like your Incubus. Sacrifices themselves when the human overreaches, becomes Bound, and they go on to wreck havoc." Sam sneered.
"But.. I'm not like that!" I objected. "I haven't tried to take over anything! I've only ever defended myself when someone came after me!"
"I know, sweet one, I know. But you have to understand: Most Bonded are out looking for trouble, motivated by greed. That's why they're so reviled. They soon set their sights on ruling in one capacity or another. Heaven, Hell, earth, whatever, and there are always people who will fall in line with them to back them up." Sam responded.
"Is that why you exiled us from Hell?" I whispered. Sam nodded grimly. "If only we could get Hell to see I have no desire for ruling." I made a face.
"They'd never believe you, sadly, because if they were in your shoes, it would be exactly what they would want, or do."
"So f'd up." I complained. The Nephilim kicked as if in agreement. I rubbed at my stomach.
"Even your child would be viewed as a tactical measure to gain power-not as the symbol of love you meant it to be."
"Whaa-ok, that's enough. Here." I thrust an arm at him. "Will blood suffice, or does a Prince of Hell need something more substantial?"
"A blood offering will do quite nicely." Sam replied, licking his lips. He turned my arm slightly, and a knife appeared in his hand. He gently probed along the underside of my forearm and then with a satisfied huff, slid the knife quickly along my skin in a two inch slice running from elbow to wrist. The blade slid into my skin like I was made of softened butter and I didn't feel the pain until several seconds after the blood began to well up out of the wound. I hissed as Sam moaned slightly and I noticed the knife had disappeared to be replaced by a simple golden chalice.
"What the Hell?" I mumbled as Sam turned my arm delicately, letting the blood pour into the wide opening of the cup until it was nearly full. Setting the chalice aside, he brought my arm to his lips and licked the trail of blood off with a moan and then I felt heat as his lips latched over the bleeding vein. I squealed slightly, but Sam held me still, and as he moved his face away, I saw flames eating into my skin, leaving behind fresh, unmarred flesh.
"What?" My head was a little dizzy, so I leaned back against the couch, watching as Sam smirked at me while he lifted the chalice to his lips and toasted me slightly before drinking from it.
"Damn Demons." I muttered, placing a hand on my head. I felt the Nephilim move restlessly and placed the other hand on my stomach. A tendril of thought came from the Nephilim. "Shh, I'm alright baby. It's alright." I whispered.