I eat my lunch outside with Jade beside me. We sit on a bench outside the cafeteria under the gentle warmth of spring. The breeze kept blowing her long dark hair in front of her face. I reach my hand out and push her hair behind her ears. She turns towards me, reaches out her hand, and ruffles my hair, making it messy. She giggles and continues eating. Jade makes her own lunch every day; peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a variety of cookies and snacks. I can't help but laugh as I see her package of Scooby-Doo fruit snacks.
"What's so funny?" She asks.
"Oh, nothing. It's just that I used to eat those all the time," I try to hold back my laugh, "when I was 7."
She rips them open and flings one straight at my face; hitting me square in the forehead.
"Oweee. What the hell!" I reach for the package in her hands but she pulls away.
"I don't think so buddy," she says smiling.
I look down at my school lunch tray and select the weapon that does the most damage with the smallest mess. I pick up the baby carrot and hold it above my head threateningly.
"You wouldn't dare," she says, narrowing her eyes.
"Hand them over, or else," I hold out my open hand.
"But you'll eat them!"
"No, I won't. I promise." I make the most serious face I can.
"Fine, just put down the carrot." She puts the fruit snacks in my hand and I drop the carrot. I dump the fruit snacks onto my tray.
"Hey!" She exclaims.
"We're sharing. It's what you get for attacking me." I grab two blue fruit snacks from the tray.
"STOP! Give me one of those right now."
"Why? I ask with a confused look on my face.
"You know exactly why."
I smile, "I have no idea what you're talking about," I shove them into my mouth.
She gasps, "YOU ASS!"
I see a hand fly through the air aimed at my face. My smile drops and I feel a wave of fear overcome me. Memories flow into my head, I can almost feel the pain returning to my body. However, I promised myself that I would never feel that pain again; I spent all this time making sure it wouldn't happen. I had built so much over the last five years and I was not going to give it up. My fear explodes into animosity and hatred. I reflexively grab the attacking hand by the wrist. I ready a counter abdomen strike with my left hand.
"Cato?" I freeze at the sound of her voice. I see Jade with a look of surprise and fear. She glances down at my balled fist aimed for her.
"Ow, Cato you're hurting me," I stare at her in confusion before my head clears. I release my grip and she grabs her wrist, wincing in pain.
"I-I ... I didn't- I'm- I wasn't..." I couldn't believe what I almost did. She was the only person I could never hurt and I was going to hurt her. If she hadn't spoken sooner I would have seriously harmed her. I couldn't even look at her; the guilt was already overwhelming.
"Cato it's okay, I know you didn't mean it," I feel her grab my hand.
After a few minutes of silence, she holds out half of her PB&J.
"Huh?"
"Just eat it. You have a detention today so you can't not eat anything.
I realized that I had knocked over my lunch tray; my food spilled all over the ground.
"Ah, thank you," I say, taking the sandwich.
"No problem, but you are so paying me back tomorrow."
I eat the sandwich in silence. The two of us speak very little for the duration of lunch. The bell rings and Jade immediately stands up.
"I have a test next period and I didn't study so I'll text you later," she hurries off without looking back. I clean up my spilled lunch, including the Scooby-Doo fruit snacks that I had dumped onto my tray.
I stood waiting at Jade's locker where we meet every day after 5th period. She hadn't texted me at all during class and I wondered if I should've come at all. I look down the hall and see Jade turn the corner in my direction, walking with one of her friends. I feel the happiness grow inside of me. She walks closer and closer still talking with her friend. I get ready to say something but she doesn't stop walking; she doesn't even look at me as she passes by.
"Hey, wasn't that Cato. Why didn't you say something?" I hear her friend say as they walk further away. Jade pauses before responding. She glances back at me with a saddened and worried look in her eyes then turns back to her friend. They turn the corner before I can hear her reply. The loneliness swells inside me. I have numerous friends but I feel no joy being around them. I smile and laugh and they believe it. I turn and walk towards my class, staring at the ground. While walking I bump shoulders with someone. Hey, can't you watch where your goi- oh, hey Cato," I pause for a moment and continue walking; ignoring him. "Not gonna say hi? I see how it is,"
I reach in my pocket preparing for the impending conflict. I feel his hands plant into my back, sending me flying forward. I fall on the ground and pause for a moment before continuing.
"What the hell Dillion, that hurt!" I say feigning injury.
"You know Cato, I've always hated you. You're so annoying, you think you're better than me? Why would jade ever choose someone like you? WHEN I LIKED HER FIRST!" He charges me, swinging wildly with his right fist. I deflect his punch easily and throw my knee up into his gut.
"FFFOOOO."
I hear the air escape him. He collapses onto the ground gasping for air. I pull my cellphone out of my pocket and play the recording of his voice. He immediately looks up at me in shock, realizing the situation.
"Pl-please don't tell anyone," he says pleading.
I stand In front of him, looking down on him as if he were an insect that'd just been stepped on.
"Listen, I've always hated you too, so you shouldn't feel bad; you're a pathetic excuse for a human. But I won't say anything," I kneel down, staring into his eyes and smiling, "And you won't either." And with that, I left.
-
I walk towards the library; where detentions are held after school. Jade still hadn't texted me even though I sent her a message hours ago. I was irritable, to say the least. I step into the library and hand my detention slip to the woman at the desk. She reads my slip and hands me another, different one. "Ok hun, just take a seat anywhere. Schoolwork only and if you're caught with your cell phone it will be taken away." The slip told me how long my detention was and I was to hand it in before I left.
The library and the distinct smell of a brand new book; it was calming for me since I've read numerous books in the past. It was nearly empty, with only a few kids here and there. Thankfully there's none of my 'friends' here. I pull a book from a shelf and sit down near the back so I'm less visible to teachers. I split open the book and set it on the desk in front of me. I'm not going to read it, but I need to seem busy. I cross my arms on the desk and rest my head on top of them. I think of Jade and how I almost hurt her; I could still see her expression, her fear of me. My thoughts drift to my past and how I had gotten the scars on my chest, but I quickly bury the thoughts.
I feel the warmth of the sun through the window on my neck. The darkness of the corner of the library makes me weary. I closed my eyes ... and let sleep overtake me.