Nakita na kaya ni Jervien ung tula na sinulat ko sa index paper na pinalagay ko kay Violado sa bag nun? Naalala ko tuloy nung sinusulat ko ung tula na un...
"Ano yang sinusulat mo Tagum?"
Tanong sakin ni Lyla habang papaupo na siya sa tabi ko dito sa library. Wala pa sila Violado, Chin, Juliana at Christina kasi ang aga ko pumasok ngayong araw.
"Wala… tula."
Sagot ko sa tanong sakin ni Lyla sabay tingin na sakaniya habang nakangiti na ako sakaniya.
"Tungkol ba yan kay Jervien?"
Nakangising tanong sakin ni Lyla habang tinitignan pa rin namin ung isa't isa. Mas lalung lumawak ung ngiti ko at tinignan ko na lang ulit ung index card na pinag susulatan ko.
"Ikaw, ha~ Bibigay mo ba sakaniya yan?"
Pangangasar at tanong ulit sakin ni Lyla, dahilan para mapatingin ulit ako sakaniya.
"Hindi ako sigurado, eh."
Sagot ko sa tanong sakin ni Lyla habang nilalaro ko na ung daliri ko at unti-unti ng nawawala ung ngiti sa mga labi ko.
"Bigay mo na lang sakaniya para mabasa rin niya ung tula mo sakaniya."
Sabi sakin ni Lyla habang nakatingin pa rin kaming dalawa sa isa't isa.
"Sige."
Yan na lang ung sinabi ko kay Lyla sabay ngiti ko na sakaniya.
"Maiwan na muna kita dito, ha, ieedit ko pa kasi ung mga forms ko sa work immersion, eh."
Sabi ni Lyla sakin sabay tayo na niya sa pagkakaupo niya sa tabi ko. Tumango na lang ako sakaniya habang nakangiti at tinignan na lang siya na maglakad papunta sa desk ng nagbabantay ng library.
Ilang segundo pa ang lumipas ay ibinalik ko na ung tingin ko sa kinokopya kong tula na natapos ko na kanina pa.
"I fell.
I fell from where I am.
Since the day you talked to me,
I fell on the spot.
I fell for you from the start.
I'm not expecting you to come pick me up,
Because in the beginning,
I was the one who fell for you,
And it made me wish to the stars.
I wished that you'd feel the same way,
But then I realized…
It wasn't fair.
So I let myself fall deeper.
Even though I knew that I'd be hurt,
I still let myself fall for you."
Mahinang basa ko sa tula na sinulat ko para kay Jervien… bigay ko ba talaga 'to sakaniya? Nagdadalawang isip ako, eh.
Madrawing na nga lang si Jervien, sa index card ulet hehe. Dami ko kasing index card, eh. Sayang lang kung di gagamitin.
"Si Jervien ba yan?"
Tanong sakin ni Lyla nung naupo na ulit siya sa tabi ko. Agad akong napalingon sakaniya at saka tumango at ngumiti na sakaniya.
"Sabi na, eh."
Nakangiting sabi ni Lyla at saka inayos na niya ung mga gamit niya. Malapit na kasi magsimula ung klase, eh, kaya mag-aayos na rin ako ng mga gamit ko.
Lumipas na ang mga oras ay natapos na ung dalawang subject namin ngayong araw at ung subject naman na susunod ay creative writing~! Another fave subject~!
"Okay, class! Kunin niyo ang mga libro niyo ngayon at buksan un sa page…"
Sabi ng teacher namin sa creative writing pagka pasok na pagka pasok niya pa lang sa classroom namin. Pagka lapag niya ng mga dala niyang gamit ay lumapit si sir kay kuya Regit para heramin ung libro niya.
"Page 4XX. Mamimili kayo dyan ng topic and ideas para sa gagawin nating activity for today."
Pagtutuloy ni sir sa sinabi niya samin kanina. And since kaming tatlo nila Christina at Violado ay hindi dala-dala ung mga libro namin, kani-kaniya kaming picture sa libro nila Juliana at Chin para makapili na kami at ganun din sila.
"Ano ung pipiliin mo, Bon?"
Tanong sakin ni Violado habang nakatingin lang ako sa phone ko at busy mamili ng idea or topic na gagawin ko para sa activity namin ngayong araw.
"Hindi ko pa alam, eh."
Sagot ko kay Violado habang binabasa ko ung mga ideas and topics na makakuha ng atensyon ko.
"Sabihin mo na lang sakin kung ano iyo para hindi tayo magka pareho."
"Sige."
Yan na lang ung sinabi ko kay Violado at nagpatuloy na ako sa paghahanap ng idea or topic sa phone ko. Makalipas ng ilang minuto…
"Violado, eto sakin."
Sabi ko kay Violado sabay pakita na ng phone ko sakaniya habang tinitignan ko na siya.
"Eto naman sakin."
Sabi ni Violado sabay pakita na rin niya sakin ng phone niya. Then after ay nagumpisa na kaming magsulat na pareho.
My Biggest Mistake.
We were in grade 9 when I met this guy that I've loved so much. At first, we're seatmates and are too shy to talk to each other. And as the week passes by, I don't know how but we became so close to each other that our classmates always mistaken us as a couple. My silly classmates continued to tease the both of us to each other and that was the time my feelings slowly developed for him.
As months passes by, because of my naïve and immatured mind was controlled by my emotion, I made our friendship complicated. A year passed by and my feelings for him grew much more stronger and deeper. Each and every day of our grade 10 years, we chatted each other. I was the one who's always updating him about the happenings in my everyday. Then there are those times when I am dealing with my problems related with my family and whenever I share it to him, he always makes me smile even when I'm on the verge of crying.
In my younger years, I was really happy and I don't want to change what we had at that time. We couldn't avoid arguing with each other and that is why there are times we ignored each other even though we're in the same class. But after a week, I couldn't help myself but to make up with him. And the cycle continues. It goes on and on and on and on. Every jealousy that I've felt. Every pain that I've kept. Every anxiety that I've suffered from. Every tears that I've shed was mostly because of him. My first love.
When our retreat came, that is when I've decided to confess. And that was the first and the last time I've told him that I've loved him. The only response that he said was he only sees me as a friend. I've loved him with all of my heart because I thought he was the one. And that was my first biggest mistake. I gave all of my love to him. I let my emotion depend on him. i let myself depend on him. I forgot to leave enough love for myself. I forgot that the most important feeling in our lives as a human being is to love ourselves enough to teach other people how to love us.
I was lost for a whole year. I almost commit another mistake again, an even more worst mistake, because I still don't know how to love myself. But when our christmas break came, that is when I've realized that I shouldn't have search the love I craved for from others. I should have spent all the love that I gave to him for myself. I should have love myself first instead of giving all the love to someone who couldn't love me much more than I deserve.