The two of them kept drinking, tipping their heads back as their goblets grew low.
Near the end Vaien reached out his arm, unhooking it from Zhang Han's and offered his own cup up to Zhang Han's lips.
With a faint smile, Zhang Han let him feed him a sip, the liquor still burned his throat, and the rest of his body was warming with the heat of alcohol.
Vaien just chuckled again, their arms still linking them together like chains. Vaien stared at the flushed tone of red that seeped onto Zhang Han's face from the alcohol, the strands of black hair that framed his face, wondering how he got himself so attached to an other-worlder. Recently, he felt so dumb for only being able to think about that.
He averted his eyes a moment, then asked slyly, "Do you know the meaning behind this ritual?"
Zhang Han finished his own cup of wine, then countered, "Of course not. How would I?"
Although it was not a telling sign, he was more
"Linking arms and drinking from their cups simultaneously is like a vow of companionship. When you see people doing this at the banquet, it tells that those two have a deeper bond. One where you'll fight through whatever you face together, two souls that match in sync."
Zhang Han was once again confused.
Why was Vaien saying this, smiling with his eyes painted into crescents?
There was a kind of insistence that offset him from this conversation. He was not entirely certain what it was, but Zhang Han was uncomfortable with the thought of him and Vaien slowly transitioning into anything like lovers.
Why?
Because of his life on Gaojun for over twenty years, Zhang Han knew that relying on people besides family was too risky. Everything was about having your own power to take care of yourself. Look at what happened to him for giving a bit of trust to his superior, Commander Russel; All his commander did in return for his loyalty was giving him false orders to make a treaty, leading him to a lonely death in outer space.
He'd shared tales of his childhood and drinks with his commander over the years, but it must have been such cheap experiences that it was worth nothing.
Zhang Han's distrust did not allow him to rely on Vaien fully. He stubbornly kept the viewpoint that their relationship was nothing more than a deal in exchange for his protection. Thus, he was unable to fall for Vaien's recent sweet actions towards him. He didn't notice the puppy dog love emitted...no, he did, but refused to acknowledge its existence.
But now Vaien was talking about rituals between lovers.
Zhang Han did not want Vaien to hold false hopes and misunderstand. And now that he felt the alcohol in his veins making him more reckless, decided to make things clear.
"Vaien," his words were both calm and harsh, cutting into Vaien's previous happiness. "What's the deal with you lately? ...why are you insisting that we be like affectionate partners? "
"That, I'm…" Vaien was stunned.
After a moment of shock, he recoiled. The cup in his hand slammed down on the arm of the couch within his grasp, then it gained cracks along its ceramic edge as he clenched it until it broke into chunks and fell onto the ground.
He fiercely bit out the words, "You don't get it?"
What Vaien wanted to imply was clear...or at least he thought it was.
This stubborn bastard called Zhang Han was his favorite partner, he liked him more than anyone else before. Wasn't that plain and obvious to see? It was impossible that Zhang Han would be confused.
And yet, Zhang Han was asking about it directly as if he had no idea.
Vaien wanted to try and say something. A way to describe how he felt, his affections, but an ugly feeling simmered in his chest from the way Zhang Han said 'why are you insisting that we be like affectionate partners'. It was as though Zhang Han thought all of that was silly.
Vaien was very prideful by nature and inexperienced in feeling attached to someone else in this way, so he wouldn't be able to openly express it. His actions were what he assumed spoke the most.
"Get what?" Zhang Han finally asked after Vaien's outburst. He gave a faint sigh of exasperation. "We already have a deal. Don't press yourself to go above and beyond it."
Vaien narrowed his eyes, letting anger get the better of him. "Yeah, we have a deal. If you want to think of it that way so badly, why don't you just play along with what I want!"
Zhang Han's expression darkened.
Vaien knew he should shut up at this point, that he wasn't even saying the things he wanted to, but was too annoyed and bitter. He continued with arrogance in his tone, "Do you have something you want to say? Are you thinking of ditching me for someone better, or that you think how I acted towards you was unnecessary and silly?"
"..." Zhang Han kept his expression unchanged. "Not particularly."
Well, Zhang Han had no real interest in leaving him, but not for the reasons that Vaien hoped. It was because Vaien had already proven a strange kind of loyalty to him. 'Ditching' him for someone else would be more likely to get Zhang Han into trouble. He wasn't the kind of person that sunk into the 'grass is always greener on the other side' mentality.
So no, he hadn't ever really thought of 'ditching' Vaien. That is, unless Zhang Han somehow gained the power to protect himself, then he certainly wouldn't continue his shameless behavior of depending on him to survive.
Zhang Han never wanted to have to rely on other people to survive. There was a certain freedom and charm to independence.
Vaien could only give a sharp frown at Zhang Han's clear lack of guilt.
He was crestfallen because he expected Zhang Han to understand his intentions by now. Even when drinking wine together, hints of playfulness danced in Zhang Han's usually serene eyes. Had it all been an illusion? He bitterly turned his head away and grumbled to himself. This irritation made his heart feel stifled with an emotion he hadn't known before.
Frustration, dissatisfaction, rejection.
This was basically a rejection.
He, the great warrior, was rejected!
Well, not completely...he still could sleep with Zhang Han. He was not deprived of sex. But still, did sleeping with him matter as much when he wanted something more...more...Vaien didn't know how to describe it.
"I suppose the banquet will be starting, we should go," said Zhang Han rather heartlessly.
There was a moment of silence. A gust of wind blew through the leaves of the trees nearby, and the lotus on the pond looked beautiful in the fading purples and oranges of the sunset. Nighttime was upon them.
Vaien stood, much colder in demeanor than before, and walked off without giving a reply.
Of course, Zhang Han followed several paces behind him as they went to the banquet.
The smell of roasting meat had been assaulting Zhang Han's nose for a while now, to the point that he could almost taste the meat that was cooking. But...surprisingly he wasn't too distracted by it.
Not when he stared at Vaien's cold figure walking ahead of him.
Heh. After all, he made him upset.
Well, ZHang Han didn't think he was in the wrong. He would feel worse if Vaien went around assuming the wrong idea about them. It would only hurt more later, so better to keep things shallow. Inconsequential.
Or so Zhang Han thought, a slight pang resounding in his heart.
The massive bonfire was the first thing that caught his eyes when he rounded the bend of a house with Vaien. It flared up towards the blackening sky as though trying to touch it. Heat radiated far, and glistening meat with dripping oil and sauces cooked over the flames from all the constructed racks.
A crowd of people were gathered below.
Alcohol was held in their hands and empty platters lined out as metal wires and knives sliced off thin and tender pieces of meat.