I got home that evening to find my mum waiting for me on the couch. I had frozen at the glimpse of her figure that was barely revealed by the dimly lit room.
"Where have you been?" She asked coldly.
"I was with my friend's ma," I answered as I walked into view of the room and tried my best to avoid eye contact as I did.
"Since? And you took Stanley with you?" She yelled springing to her feet.
I was tired, I was frustrated and most of all I was in shock. I was used to her shouting, her usual way of dealing with her stress was transferring her aggression from work to me. But I couldn't take it now, not tonight.
"And who was I supposed to keep him with? No one else was at home."
"What about Sylvester?"
Veronica had made me rehearse what I would tell my mum over and over during the ride back home. It was supposed to happen while she was relaxed and calm, the direct opposite of what was going on.
Oh well, no time like the present, I thought.
"He is gone, mother! Your boyfriend abandoned you."
My statement seemed to take her back. She was silent for a while, analyzing what I said.
"Huh? How? Why?" She asked, stammering.
"I don't know? Probably because he had gotten everything he needed from you and decided you had nothing to offer him any more."
"What? But..."
"But what? You thought he was going to stick around like the other ones?"
"No. I, He... I saw his phone charging upstairs." She said after a brief pause to gather herself together. "Why would he decide to leave without his phone?"
I was frozen in shock immediately. Out of all of Sylvester's belongings, we forgot to bury his phone.
"How am I supposed to know the logic behind his actions, am I a prophet?"
She stared at me with a searching look.
"And how are you so sure he left? Did he tell you himself or what?"
There was only one thing I had to do to avoid this, pin everything back to her, and her poor choices in partners. But first I had to lie.
"I caught him while he was... But I couldn't stop him, I could only stop him from taking Stanley with him."
I wasn't surprised by my response but it seemed she bought it. I wasn't a bad liar, I just preferred not to. I continued with my next plan.
"So don't you start transferring the aggression from your bad taste in men. I don't know my father and now Stanley is going to go through the same thing because of you. It's all on you so stop, just stop." I said finally.
Baby Stanley jerked and let out a cry at my outburst. Mummy stretched out her hands to carry him and started rocking him as soon as I did.
Mummy was like me. Keeping all the emotions she felt on the inside. Everything except the anger. But I know she was hurt.
"I'm sorry ma," I said not knowing what else to say.
She gave me a glance with no expression on her face then walked towards the kitchen with Stanley.
I watched till she was out of view then decided to head up the stairs to my room.
* * *
Nothing was ever going to be the same after that night. Not after what I did. I couldn't sleep that night and for the other nights that followed.
I saw him each time I closed my eyes. The way his dead eyes stared at me. And I could still feel his blood all over me. Altogether it made my skin crawl and I badly wanted to feel something else and my friends all seemed distant.
I had called them all later that night but none of them picked. They had deserted me when I needed them but only came back at their own convenient time. I decided not to pick their calls and also told my mum to tell anyone who visited that I wasn't at home. I wasn't going to wait and beg for their sympathy. I chose to distract myself with my books, not that it worked though.
School resumed back on Monday and we all decided to pretend everything was normal. Veronica was back on her own, sitting with her books. Joana was either spending time with John or with Grace who looked like they were planning something. And June did her best to hide her feelings by playing around with everyone.
I was the only one left behind. I had to find or make a distraction for myself. And one had been lurking around for about two months now.
Kunle was transferred to our school around the same time Veronica did. He wasn't as weird as her though. He was more jovial and playful and popular in the school. He was a bad boy and a girl chaser basically and he used his looks and his swagger to play the role well.
He started asking me out the moment he noticed me but I wasn't interested at all so I turned down his offer, multiple times. It didn't stop him though as he used every opportunity he could get to woo me.
I was sitting alone, watching him as he made his way teasing and flirting through the girls alongside Henry and Bobby, two of my other classmates who decided to become his followers to get more attention from girls when the idea came to my head.
Our principal would sometimes warn us during assemblies about boys and how they were a distraction from our main focus in life no matter how they sweet-talk things. It always seemed funny to us then but right there looking at Kunle and the world of distraction that would come with him and I thought 'Why not?'.
He somehow noticed I was staring at him and started walking towards me. I quickly sat up and pretended to be reading the book in front of me.
"Hey." He said to me.
"What do you want Kunle?" I asked with my head still buried in my book but could tell he was smiling.
"Stop acting corny, I saw you watching me back then. You were jealous, admit it."
I scoffed. Boys could be so clueless sometimes.
He gave a killer smile that could smite most if not all of the girls in my class.
"Okay look, I know you are shy. I get it... And it's alright. But..." He said sticking out a finger. "I'm a patient guy, and I am ready to give you one more chance."
I gave him a confused look. If there was anything I admired about Kunle, it was his confidence. Something I couldn't find for myself.
He leaned his face closer to my side and I froze for a moment, wondering what he was up to but just as his lips were about to touch my cheek, he shifted to my ear.
I sighed in relief as the tension between us dropped.
"Meet me under the stairs during our free period. The one close to the sports closet." He whispered to me.
I didn't reply and he didn't say anything else either.
He withdrew himself backward and left to join his friends.
I gulped. What I was searching for just offered itself on a silver platter. But yet I was still afraid. What if this doesn't change anything? Will it be worth it when I am all done?
I shrugged at the thought. It doesn't matter, I had to feel something else.
I adjusted myself and looked around the rest of the class to see if anyone was staring. Only Veronica was.
Our eyes stayed on each other for a moment before Veronica turned her attention back to her book.
Free period came and I hadn't had enough time to think of Kunle's offer. He had winked at me before he walked out of the class and I was still silent. Something kept telling me it was the only option I had. And Grace, my advisor, was nowhere to be found.
"Hey, where's Grace?" I asked for June.
"I don't know, she probably snuck off with Joana or something." She answered quickly as she got up from her seat, clearly in a hurry to leave as well.
What the heck. If they wanted to be alone, I didn't need them either.
I got up from my seat, took a deep breath, and started walking towards the right stairwell.
* * *
On getting down the stairway, Kunle was nowhere to be found.
I sighed.
I decided to give this guy what he wanted and he stood me up. What a jerk.
Just as I was about to turn back, I was gripped by arms from behind.
I was about to scream when I heard Kunle's voice.
"Shhhh, it's me."
He pulled me closer towards himself.
"You didn't think I'd leave you hanging, did you?" He said as he moved his hands down my arms slowly. Soon, they advanced to my hips and he made a chucking sound as lips teased my ears.
Feeling his breath on my neck made me feel uncomfortable.
No way, if I was going to do this, it wasn't going to be on his terms.
I pushed his hands off and turned around.
"What?" He asked in confusion.
"Nothing."
"Did I do something wrong or--"
"No no, it's not you," I said then fell silent for a while. "I don't just like the way it's going."
Kunle laughed.
"You know we are not having sex right? I mean I am down if you wanna but not in school and not without a--" He said raising his shoulders.
"No, I know..." I said, interrupting him again. "It's just, I don't want to be feeling like a slut while we do it," I said finally.
"Okay, so how do you want us to do it?"
I stared at his eyes for a moment before drawing his head closer to kiss him. It caught him by surprise but he went along with it. It was so deep and sensual and it was clear that Kunle knew what he was doing. His body drew closer, making me move backward till I was leaning on the wall.
I noticed Kunle was trying to respect me by not touching my body. He would go for it and withdraw at the last minute, placing them on the wall instead.
I reached for his hands and let him lead him tracing down from my back down to my butt. He grabbed me so firmly then his lips left my mouth down to my neck.
I raised my head, giving him more room, and moaned softly.
I was finally feeling something. Feeling something other than the terror that gripped me for the past few days.
I was already getting lost in all Kunle was doing to me. But along came a nosy friend who would mess it all up.
"Margret what the fuck?!"