The look in her eyes when she realized we was at a wellness retreat. The person who wouldn't even think to talk to anyone about their marriage. I was taught that what happens in the house stay in the house. So I know this is a shock. What made me realize I was being an ass wasn't because Etta changed up. That happens in a marriage we are still individuals so we do change. It was when I walked in my office and saw Anita sitting at her desk. When I spoke to her and the others I realized I had to make it right. The thought that people are going though their day 5 days a week 8 or 9 hour days. Dealing with people who feel justified in treating people like dirt. That's not right. As I usually do I reflect on my own actions because I can't hold somebody else accountable even in business. if I won't hold myself accountable personal as well as business. So as I'm listening im thinking. And I realized I needed to take care of that situation immediately. And get all my work in order So I could take time off. Immediately searched for the the best wellness retreat for marriage as well as individual counseling. When I saw the price I figured I better get the best package not because I needed all the extras. I wanted to show my wife I'm in it and I didn't want to say it with words. I wanted to show her with actions. Wanted to show her I love you and I'm willing to do the work. The hard work I'm willing to take a total of almost 8 months off work. To complete a 6 month program because I know I have messed up and hurt my wife. It wasn't on purpose. I know right I just got lost in the hustle. yes I'm 100% wrong for playing with Kim. It didn't start like that. It was just working late and going out with clients. Just tying to make that money. I wasn't spending money like most people making what Im making. I had saved so much money and brought so much property. Just taking care of my responsibility. Not asking or even thinking someone would have me if I needed them. that why I save so I can always take care of mine. Somewhere in there I forgot I had a wife. I started treating her like another business partner. Yeah I was a great dad , friend , brother, business partner,boss. Now ask me what I'm like as a husband? I used to be that light in her eyes. I used to care about her day. I mean I always care and loved and was in love with her. When it happened I don't know. I forgot to see her as the woman she was. Yeah we had sex but I couldn't tell you the last time I made true detailed love to my wife. I stopped paying attention to her basic needs. I didn't even do the simple shit. Man my homeboy told me I need to get my shit together before it's to late. Stop being a bitch like my father and yours. My father and me are not the same at all. I take care of my family I discipline my kids yes I'm not raising no entitled jerks. I don't beat them and their is a different between letting your kids know you not going act like that.You got me fucked up. without beating them. My dad used to do so much it was abuse. I don't treat my kids or my wife like my father did. I take care of their needs as well as their wants. I have never belittled my kids or my wife. Let alone walked in the house and walked up to her and whisper in her ear something. And my dad wouldn't say anything to us you would hear the shower. When it stopped we would see my mom finish whatever she was doing. Make sure we didn't need anything. Then she would go in the room with my dad. Depending on what mode he was in my mom wouldn't come out the room for hours. Remember the time we was out of town at family reunion. And my dad came up to my mom and whispers in her ear. She look up at him and gave him a look that let him know he got her fucked up. once almost the entire family had left and course my siblings and me was the one cleaning up. my mom and uncles are cleaning the kitchen and my aunties got the bathrooms. My dad is supposed to be cleaning the living room and dining room. He's not as soon as we walk in he makes us do it. Once all the work is done he gave us each some money to go to the store. One problem we need a ride to go to the store we in the country. Well we knew not to say anything and become apart of the backdrop. He soon forget we are in the room. He goes in the kitchen and reports that the kids have cleaned the living and dining room. They all laugh. What? nothing we just all knew you wasn't going to do your share. That's not your thing you know working as a team player. Whatever it got done. He turns to his wife an ask her can she come in the living room for a second. she sits down and he asks her what wrong. she looks confused and says I'm fine. So we are good? Yes. Then how come you not playing with me? Bitch I'm not your personal hoe. I try to take care of you because that's a part of being a wife. Plus it's fun and that's probably the only time you consider me. Wow so let's do it right now! right in your parents living room. how do you want it? As she walked always my father's brothers was asking her if she was alright. They came back and went off. Once we got back home things went back to normal. Then my mom didn't respond to his whisper she told him later. After she put us to bed that night. I hear my mom screaming we didn't know what to do. we knew that if it wasn't something you needed or wanted. you didn't go to that door if you saw the sign. my dad had a sign that said stop. The next day my mom didn't come out the room. my dad stayed home got us ready for school told us he pick us after school. When we finally saw our mom she looked hurt no bruises. She was walking very slow and my dad was laughing. as he laughs at her he helps her walk where you headed. Back to bed. She always said my dad didn't fight her. He would wrap her in blankets and give her blanket party. I opened the door and saw him kicking and punching these blankets. I thought it was weird so I closed the door. I never would've thought it was my mom wrapped up in all those comforters. She was right he didn't fight her. What my dad did is much worst. She couldn't get away . Your wrapped your wife in comforters and then your punched and kicked her for hours. she would ask him you can't be serious. He would laugh it is other ways I can work off this energy. But I don't think you will enjoy it. So I always thought this little time I'm spending with Kim . is ok because I'm still coming home doing my part. So I realized that I got to work on me before it's to late. Why because if sharing myself with this lady who is a great friend. But other than that she just some one to try new stuff with. Truth I do and then when I Master it I bring it home to my wife. I mean I'm good man I made a mistake. I'm been distancing with Kim because I believe she happy being the other woman. And I have seen to many lifetime movies to know how this ends. I also must give it my all so I had to end it. So I'm done with her. I will meet up with her after I get back and explain 3 months was long enough. See I don't count it as cheating tell we crossed that line. When I saw that light in Etta eye I know this is about to be hard as hell. It's going to be worth it like I told the associate who called to finalize the last of the arrangements. I broke my wife in million pieces and I don't know if she even knows that she's lost herself. but I want to put her back together and our marriage as well as me.