It was pretty late and all the excitement from the announcement had settled down a bit when someone knocked on Val's door, "Come in!" They called out and turned to see the door creak open.
"Hey, Val, I'm not bothering you or anything, right?" Fenix asked, poking his head into their room.
They turned to look at him, smiling as they straightened out some of their clothes, "Not at all! Hold on, why don't you go sit down? I'm just going to put these clothes on the shelf, then we can talk."
"Oh, it's nothing that important!" Fenix said, but he seemed slightly nervous, "Just wanted to talk to you about something, we can talk while you're doing that. I just have a few questions."
Val shrugged, "Alright, if you say so, then go for it. What's up?"
"How…Okay, you absolutely don't have to answer this if you don't want to," Fenix prefaced, "I just…How did you know that you weren't just…Just a girl? How did you realize you also like using neutral pronouns and not just feminine ones?"
They stopped for a moment, but then continued putting clothes away, "It wasn't really some great revelation. When I first came out as trans and used only feminine pronouns, it made me feel a lot better, but I still felt like something was missing. I did identify with being a woman and a girl, but that wasn't all it was. I always felt like there was more to it, but it was kind of missing? It's hard to describe but it was like…I always felt like I was whatever wasn't a boy. At first, I thought that only meant being a girl, until I found out that it was more than that. That was when I first came out as nonbinary. There's a sub-label for how I feel, but I prefer identifying as just nonbinary," As they put the last of the clothes away, they approached Fenix and sat on the bed next to him.
"I see," Fenix said thoughtfully, "So it felt like there was more that was missing?" He asked.
Val nodded and touched his shoulder, "Is this…Is there something you're trying to tell me, Fenix?"
He sighed, "I…I don't know. It's strange. I didn't really realize it till now but some days, I don't really feel like a boy? Or I don't want to feel masculine? But I don't want to feel feminine either. Some days, it just feels like…Gender just doesn't feel right to me? But it's not always, it's only sometimes. Most of the time, I feel like a guy, but sometimes I don't feel like any of the genders work for me…"
They hummed, "You say you don't connect to any gender some days, right? So, let me recount this. Most of the time, you identify with being a guy, but some days, it just doesn't feel right, but being a girl or any other gender for that matter doesn't feel right either?" At this, Fenix nodded, "Hm, Fenix, have you ever heard of the term 'demiboy'?"
"I feel like I have, but I'm not sure exactly what it means."
"It's basically what you've been saying. It's someone who identifies with being a boy but also identifies as nonbinary in some way, and in your case, it seems that you identify along the agender-spectrum. Honestly, I think Hyunwoo or Elliot would be better for you to talk to since they both identify as agender—"
Fenix looked surprised, "Hyunwoo? I didn't even realize—Oh shit, what pronouns?"
Val smiled, "Don't worry, he uses masculine pronouns. He's mostly gender apathetic, but I'm guessing he's been leaning towards masculine recently and it hasn't really come up. Sometimes he doesn't like being referred to with masculine terms but he does prefer only masculine pronouns. He'll mention it on the days he feels that way. But you should definitely go talk to him or Elliot, I think both of their advice might correlate more to how you're feeling than mine. Although, I should ask now, are you considering different pronouns?"
"Hm, right now I'm fine with masculine ones but…Sometimes I think I would prefer neutral ones. And yeah…Yeah, I guess you're right. Um…" Fenix fidgeted, "I was wondering if…Never mind. It's nothing."
"Hey, whatever it is, I won't judge you," Val pressed gently, "You can ask me for anything, trust me."
Fenix still looked nervous but he seemed a bit more relaxed at that moment, "I was…I wanted to try wearing a different style of clothing and I…was wondering if you'd help me find clothes I like?"
Val's eyes lit up, "Oh, I'd love to!" They grabbed his arm and pulled him up towards their closet, "Now, I tend to have super feminine clothes but I've got to have something in here that might be similar to something you'd like!" They rifled open the closet wide and pushed to the side some of their more feminine clothing, "I know you're much taller and skinnier than me but the fit isn't what matters, see if there's a style or design you like!"
They stepped back and let Fenix look at the clothes, gently moving them back and forth to look at them. A few moments later, he pulled out a tight, striped crop top and a loose short-sleeve top, "Do you mind if try something?" He asked.
"Go on, I'm excited to see!" Val urged him, pushing him towards the bathroom as he laughed.
"Okay, okay, I'm going!" He closed the door and Val could hear some shifting as Fenix was changing. A few minutes later, he stepped out and Val let out a little excited clap, "So, how does it look?"
They rushed over and hugged him, "You look wonderful! It suits you so much, little emo boy!"
Fenix looked vaguely offended as he patted their back, "Firstly, thank you. Secondly, little? Thirdly, emo?"
Val grinned, "I'm only willing to take back one of those, and it's not that you look great or that you're emo. Anyway, now that I kind of have a grasp of what kind of clothing you like, you should come shopping with me! We could find some more clothes for you that make you feel more comfortable on the days when you don't feel as masculine. Oh! Here!" Val ran over to their desk and grabbed what looked like two bracelets.
"What are they?" Fenix asked as they handed it to him.
"I've had these for a while, but they're bracelets that kind of tell other people what pronouns you're going by so you don't have to keep clarifying," They explained, "So whenever you're wearing blue, people know to use masculine pronouns, and when you're wearing green, people know to use neutral ones."
Fenix looked surprised, but they hugged them, "Thank you, Val, this means so much to me. You're…You're a really great friend, I hope you know that."
"I'm glad you feel that way. How about we go shopping tomorrow? We can invite Owen as well…Have you told him yet?" Val asked, realizing they hadn't actually asked that before.
Fenix looked down, "I was actually going to tell him tonight but I was still unsure of how to put it into words, so I wanted to ask you first. And then, of course, Xander and Kaedan's announcement threw things off a bit longer, and then…Ah, well, it's nothing. I still have to tell him."
Val nodded, "Just so you know, you don't have to tell him right now. You can take your time, this is yours to tell."
The boy smiled and shook his head, "I'd really been considering it for a while already, but talking to you just helped me put it into words. Thank you for that, really. I should get going though, don't want to keep him waiting too long. I told him I was going to talk to you for a bit."
"Alright, shoo, out, don't leave your boyfriend alone!" Val shoved him out their door, but smiled softly, "Good luck. I know he'll love you no matter what."
Fenix smiled back, "Thanks, Val. You're amazing, you know that?"
"I know," They grinned, and Fenix began to walk toward his and Owen's shared room. As he walked away though, Val called out, "Fenix? Both of you should keep the noise down, hm?"
The boy blushed red, "What—What are you even on about, we haven't even done anything."
Val raised an eyebrow and pointedly stared at the hickey, "Are you absolutely sure about that?"
Fenix pulled the top over it and flipped them off before taking a deep breath, stepping into his room, and then closing the door behind him. Val waited a couple of minutes before moving down the hall, waiting outside the door. They just wanted to make sure things went well.
"Hey, love," They heard Fenix's voice, a little nervous.
"Hey—Oh my god. You…You look gorgeous, mi sol."
"Thanks. I…I have something to tell you."
"Of course, I'm always here to listen."
That was Val's cue to leave. They knew all they needed to know.
It seemed that Owen would be joining them on their shopping trip. Now, maybe, if they pestered Nia enough, she would join them too.