When my sixteenth birthday came, Aunt Marie called me to her room to talk about something... private, as she said.
"Come in." She responds after I knock on her door.
I enter the room and close the door behind me. Marie's bedroom is as messy as always. Several empty bottles of wine lying around her room together with all sorts of books and weird wooden artifacts.
"What did you wanted to talk about, Aunt Marie?" I ask after she signals me to sit beside her on the bed.
"I've never had to talk about this with none of my daughters before. So I'll cut straight to the chase." She says putting her wine bottle aside.
"When a witch comes to the age of sixteen, she begins to have certain… Needs."
I am confused for a moment. But when I start to connect the dots in my head, I can clearly see where this conversation is going. My face slowly adopts a crimson color as I reach the obvious conclusion.
"I'm pretty sure you understand what I'm trying to say here. So, the next time I go to the village, I'll take you there too. The best way to learn something is doing it yourself."
There is a human village nearby. Aunt Marie goes there once or twice a month. She never tells us what she does there, but Stella once told me that she goes there to care for certain 'needs'. I guess this is what she was talking about...
I start to get more and more flustered thinking about what she said. Is she going to be there while I… DO it?
"A-Aunt Marie…" I say in a sheepish voice "I-I always thought… this is something y-you do w-with someone special to you and a-all that…"
I can barely speak thanks to my embarrassment.
Marie looks at me in confusion. I know that this idea of finding someone special to you and dedicating your life to them is a very childish way to look at a relationship. But it's certainly better than doing it with someone you barely know, right?
She seems to realize something and lets out a big sigh.
"Clara what were you thinking…" Marie with a frustrated tone. Making me as confused as she was before.
"Male witches virtually don't exist, Alice." She says calmly. As if this is something as normal as sleeping "A male witch can be born, but it is so rare that some of us can spend a lifetime without meeting one."
For a moment I just sit there trying to process the ramifications of this. But the only thing that comes out of my mouth is:
"Why?"
"The answer to that question will depend on who you ask. For some, it is the result of a spell that went wrong. Others think this is just how our kind was made to be. I just don't try to think too much into it…"
"But then… how do we manage to still exist?" I ask.
Marie's face adopts a very serious expression.
"We simply do what needs to be done." She says with a very ominous tone.
Considering how normal humans treat us, I don't dare think what that means.
Aunt Marie stands up, grabs her bottle of wine and takes a big gulp.
"I better tell you this now before you learn it the hard way: That kind love doesn't exist for us. It is just a necessity to keep our kind alive… After all, I doubt they would do it willingly…" She says with a fait smile "You may think that you've fallen in love with a man. But that is just your survival instincts telling what you need to do to keep your bloodline alive."
She takes another big sip from her wine letting me process what she said. After that, we both fall silent for a while.
So that's it? I am incapable to love someone else. It's just my body saying "you need make some babies. Find a man and do it" …Knowing that is just so… Frustrating.
"So… that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Sorry if it ended up being a bit depressing. But well, that's life-"
"You're wrong…" I say, cutting her off.
"About what?" Aunt Marie asks with a serious tone. She doesn't like to be contradicted. But this time, I must tell her how wrong she is.
"You say that love doesn't exist for us. But I do feel love." My statement puts a confused expression on her face "I love my sister... I loved my mother… And I love you, Aunt Marie… And I'm sure you loved your daughters and Clara, too."
"You and I have different concepts of love, then…" She says while turning her back on me. Her words digging deep into my heart. I understand that loving your family and a partner are two different things, but even so…
Not knowing what to say in response, I let out a sigh and exit her room.