Why do I always believe in myself but no one believes in me?
When I wanted to get my first job when I was 16
My mama said no because she thought I was too childish and not ready to start working and she wanted me to prove to her that I could work
Im going off to college for real in the fall and my grandma thinks im gonna drink, party and im not gonna have time to have a job and do my work
Everyone thinks im childish.
I went with Tori when she got her first car and witnessed the entire process-the paper work, the drive, the work that went into it, the tips that I should remember when I get a car one day
But my grandma took me out of the entire process. She just up and left the house one morning and we didn't know where she was and then she came home giving me keys. Got my car in June and my license in august. She still didn't let me drive it until September almost.
Grandma thinks im easily influenced, gullible, too trustworthy. If only she knew all the trials I have had to encounter and all the fun I passed on to make her and my mother happy. I never had a real relationship and a real break up. I never had real friends except for Tori. I didn't go to any parties in school. Im scared to death of what my mama and grandma will think of the decisions I make.
Grandma thinks im gonna go off to school and get home sick and depressed and not do any work. She thinks im so close to my people im gonna hate being away.
She won't let me drive to school cuz I got my license in august and the road to school is a 2 hour highway and poor old five foot three Desiree doesn't have the common sense to press the breaks and not hit a car.
I got my first job at 17 and also at 17 I held 2 jobs for two months and it would've been longer if I had a car.
You see? I believed in myself. I always do. I believe I have the common sense to go to school and do all my work and be just fine away from these people in my family. I know im not even that family oriented. There are plenty of people that I know that went to college and did exactly what they said they would do. They were even honors students. There is one guy I know went to an actual 'party school' and did exactly what he was supposed to do.
Grandma thinks im gonna go to school and just wild out cuz it's different. Like I don't have any awareness of what goes on at MISSISSIPPI state University.
Yes. They party.
Yes. It will be tough but there are plenty of people that have gone and graduated just fine.
Yes. There are a lot of white people there but that doesn't mean anything and doesn't have anything to do with me.
I can't never say what I really wanna say.
She just thinks im gonna be just like my mama. And so what? Everything about my mama ain't bad.
She just doesn't want me to up and leave the way my mama did and uncle did. I hate this shit. I gotta get the fuck outta here.