The further we continued forward (I think) into nothingness, small intersecting stripes appeared on what I could now tell was the ground. The stripes eventually curved upward to form walls, then a ceiling, then a never ending pathway forward into more stripes.
I sighed. "... Seriously, how many things are wrong with me?"
A voice was heard in a nonexistent wind, "Everything is wrong with you..." it whispered.
A large wall shot up around me, separating me from Lolita once again. "Everything isn't wrong with me!"
Another whisper passed through my ears, "If nothing's wrong with you, you wouldn't still be here..." It snickered.
"Well, what do you suppose is wrong with me? How can I fix it?"
Another whisper, "Besides you being unnecessary, unwanted, unloved and uncared for, heehee... EVERYTHING is wrong! There is no changing it! Accept your fate! Accept your flaws... Accept that no one wants you and that you serve no purpose to anyone!"
My eyes darkened and I fell to my knees. "You're right... No one wants me... I am only a burden to everyone and everything I know... An ungrateful bastard who will not be able to receive the love of others... Only hate."
The whispers formed into a cloud, laughing in agreement.
"Yes... So true. You were made to hate and destroy. You cause pain and suffering and sorrow to those around you... Have you ever noticed that? Everyone would be better without you..."
I agreed, almost coming to tears. "Yes, yes... Everyone hates me... They will always hate me..."
The whispers began again, "What do you plan to do about this? Nothing, I bet. Wallow in your own sorrows and depression... Or, you could... Kill them."
I shook my head. "What about the ones I love? Even if they are very little..."
The whispers continued, "Don't kill them, then. Hide from them... Distance yourself, and you will be fine... Or, alternatively... Kill yourself."
My eyes darted about. "It's... a possibility..."
The cloud wrapped around my head, hindering my vision. "Yes, it is! An easy possibility... Maybe I can assist? I will cause your pain to leave... Let me just... seal your fate."
My eyes were filled with tears. "But if I die, the girl I love--"
"AS IF SHE REALLY CARES. You've brought her here, and now there is a risk that she might die... Who wants you? No one wants a selfish, disgusting, malicious, hateful, emotional, ungrateful parasite such as yourself! Hell, I don't even want you. I want you dead more than you do... But to be kind, I am trying to assist... It would be my pleasure to erase you, lonely little bastard..."
I curled up, only able to think these negative things.
The thought continued on, "Your death will bring happiness to everyone you know! You make everyone around you have a miserable life just by your existence... My dear boy, I just want to help you! Unlike yourself, I cannot stand seeing people suffer... I want to end all of your misery, and everyone else's misery by ending your life. Again... Let me Seal. Your. FATE."
These thoughts... They all sounded so true. They were true. I was convinced that they were. How could they not be true? If I end it all now, I can end the misery of everyone I know... I cause all problems. I cause all negativity... It stems from me and me alone. This cloud of negativity... It was suffocating me. Why? Only these thoughts when I am alone. That's the only time they come out... Because I am weak. Unstable. Insane. Alone. I knew that it was the Fate demon trying to kill me... wanted to 'Seal my fate,' and I just wanted to end it all and leave forever. The best conclusion...
But wait, deeper thought in this...
Lolita. She doesn't hate me. She is quite fond of me. She latches to me, stays by my side and I can tell she enjoys my company in this wretched world of myself. It was apparent from the beginning. It's like that for most of the people I know. They truly love me, and I love them... Some more than others... Specifically, Loli--
The cloud started to fade from my face. "You... You've realized something, haven't you? Heh... heh heh..." t laughed nervously. "Heh... Well. I assume you've realized that your fate is sealed, hm? Let me just --"
I interrupted it. "Your conviction is amusing, negative thoughts of mine. I can't stop you from coming into my head, but I can damn well see through your delusions."
The cloud screeched "FOOL!! You are a hated FOOL!! I LOATHE how cocky you are, impudent little wretch!"
I swayed my hand a bit, waving the cloud away.
"NOOOO!! My weakness, a small wafting breeze!! KYAAAH!!!! I will be back! Your mood always drops. You always end up being alone, eventually, and when you are, I WILL BE THERE TO KILL YOU!!"
The cloud disappeared.
I sighed. " know I cannot get rid of those evil things forever, but understanding them is what helps me overcome them..." Then, it hit me, like some sort of cat with poison for blood and acid rabies. That right there is what this journey was all about. Everyone, everything asking me 'Do I Understand?' Well, yes, I finally do understand. "Ah, my brain works best when I am alone." I smiled for a bit, then realizing something important... I was alone. Being alone in complete silence was not a good thing for me... Made me crazy. I don't want to be alone. How will I know everyone else exists? How will I show love to another? How will I experience happiness and fun i I am... Alone.
Alone. Solitary. Confined. For eternity. With nothing. With no one. No one but myself. Myself, a being which cannot thrive in eternal solitude. My head... Was it spinning? I could feel something.. My comprehension, my understanding. Were these things being undone? The screws were being undone... The screws... my sanity. All being undone, lost forever. The Wall.. Became a giant purple wall with screws in it, a few missing and some halfway out...
Under me, the largest screw appeared. My body merged with it. My head drooped. It wasn't screwed onto my body tightly anymore. My eyes... melancholy, lonely screws. 3 screws of varying sizes penetrated my skull, screwing themselves in until they ripped through the other side. My eyes... they did nothing but turn. Everything I could think... It wasn't right. My grip on sanity... on reality... on stability... on me... They were all fading. What was I to do? The screws... would keep coming undone. They would keep unscrewing and falling down... My sanity will rain down into a pit of darkness.
All of the screws began to turn on the wall simultaneously. They seemed synchronized with my thoughts and feelings, my insanity in general. Was there no stopping them all? My screw eye fell from its socket, down in front of me. I cared naught to pick it up. I was lifeless, paralyzed by my ever growing insanity. The screws turned faster. Slowly, the ones in my head turned.
One fell from the wall CLANK!! My vision was becoming distorted. I saw things that made no sense to me...
Another fell, CLANK!! My organs spilled from my body. I reached to touch them, and they melted into a pile of screws. Hallucinations. Or, perhaps it really happened? It was hard to tell here, where anything could happen.
The screws in my head began to turn faster, but I realized now that they were not trying to come out, but go farther in... I grasped my head and shook about violently.
"Trying... Your... Method... Obscures... Nirvana...
Keep... Head... Real... Or... Never... Awaken..."
What did it mean? Nothing but insane gibberish. My hands and face were beginning to melt. My eye socket had a small, glowing orb inside of it. My mouth disconnected from my face and melted into a puddle of liquid. The mouth smiled, then frowned, then sucked itself down into a nonexistent drain.
My eye socket grew teeth and blinked sideways, gnashing voraciously. Many mouths grew on my body, some happy, some sad. They all opened up and released blood, as well as the eye mouth. I tried to cover my eye mouth with my hand, but on my hand was just another eye, crying blood that eventually merged with my flesh. My flesh stretched and contorted in random places, sometimes just to converge with a different body part. My head lit on fire and it burned a greenish black flame. It just burned...
The screws in my head were almost all the way done. I coughed up black sludge, which turned out to be what had become of my internals. Through all of this crazy shit, I could only think of Lolita. Did I truly... love this girl? We just met, but she was the only thing on my mind... "Lolita... Lolita..." I was experiencing a great amount of pain now, physical and mental. "Lolita...! LOLITA!!" I fell on my face and writhed with this intense pain.. lack of organs, except my heart, which I could feel hurting me on the inside. The screws that penetrated my brain went deeper... deeper... deeper... "Lolita..."
In a flash, she appeared before me. Everything stopped. The screws ceased.
The ones that were falling out of the wall began screwing themselves back in. Being alone and having no one to love were parts of the reason why I was insane. Lolita remedied both of those. My vast emotional thought process and 'other sides of me' must make up the rest, the ones that loneliness and a forlorn love do not. An apathetic approach should be appeasing, but it cannot hold forever.' I realized these things now, just by looking at Lolita... Gazing at her beauty... She didn't seem to care about the grotesque and hideous deformities of my body. She... She just hugged me and I had no choice but to return the favor.
She whispered into my ear, "Khrona, I lo--"
The screws in my head finally went as far as they could, making a small 'click' sound. Everything was white once again, another abyss of complete white nothingness.