You sat in the room rubbing a cold rag over the little girls forehead. Her breathing grew uneven and stale by the minute it was hard not to notice in the quiet room. To fill the silence and hopefully put her more at ease you decided to sing a little song.
you: I wake up in a castle... In a blossoming garden...Feeling so lonely... I hung myself in this mess filled with thorns
Tell me what do they call you?... Where are you running off to?... Oh, could you tell me?... I found you kept away in this garden
And I know your warmth is...The closest to reality... The flowers that you picked for me... Reaching for your hand
But this is my fate... Don't smile on me... Light on me... No, I can never take another step to you... Don't have a name to call me by anymore
You know that I can't... Show you me... Give you me... The weaknesses that I hide you can never see... I wear a mask again so I could see you... But I still want you (want you, want you)
From this lonesome garden... Want to give you a flower... Reminding me of you... To give you all and take this foolish mask off
But I know that I can... Never give you more than that... Forever may not be for us...Hide the ugly now
And I'm so afraid... That in the end, you'll leave again... I know that it's pathetic, what was I to do?... I wear a mask again so I could see you
I'm crying, my soul... I'm all alone... The walls won't hold... The castle made of sand is falling from within... I'm taking off the mask to go and meet you... And I still want you... But I still want you... And I still want you... And I still want you... And I still want you (BTS- Truth Untold english version)
when you finsihed singing the room seemed to slip back into silence but her breathing was more steady which you were thankful for.
you: I first heard this song when I was younger living at an orphanage.
you started to tell her a bit of your story
you: It made me feel less lonely and afraid at night. Made me believe that there was hope out there for me. I hope it gives you hope as well that you will get better. Because I wont leave you behind I will stay with you as long as you are breathing no matter how agonal it may be. So dont give up because I hate giving up.
You squeezed her hand. While talking to her you hadn't noticed a person standing at the door. Time seemed to pass when there was a knock. when you turned it was jisoo
jisoo: how long have you been here
you didn't bother looking at her as you heard her come further into the room. you kept your focus on the little girl in front of you.
you: a while
jisoo: have you done rounds yet
she took a seat next to you
you: Yes I was just waiting for you.
jisoo: I am here what do you need
you could hear the excitement in her voice
you: i need ice
jisoo: ice
you: yeah and lots of it enough to fill a tub or a bog bucket
jisoo: for na haeun
you: yeah
jisoo: i dont think we have that much
you: get me as much as you can
jisoo: do you have that much points
you: chanyeol does take it out of his
you looked at her and she nodded and got up to leave the room. you turned your attention back to the girl in front of you.
you: i promise by the end of today you will be awake.
but is this a world for a little girl. isnt it better for her if she just slips off peaceful so she wont have to face monsters everyday without a family or anyone to look out for her. you looked at her sad. I would have wanted the same thing if I was an orphan during this. But that would be selfish she deserves better.
Jisoo: i got as much ice as i could
you: thanks put the buckets over there.
you pointed to the corner of the room
she placed multiple big buckets down
jisoo: what now
you: come on the other side of na heun and grab the corners of the sheets under her.
you moved off the blankets and put her drip bag on the sheet.
jisoo: are we moving her
you: yes on the ground now lift when i say
she got in place gripping the corners of the sheet. slowly we lifted her and moved her to the ground
jisoo: what now
you: wrap the first sheet around her and then we will place around her and on her then wrap the next sheet to keep it in place. its usually used for heat casualties to bring down their core tempteratures. Targeting the major hot spots arm pits, torso, upper legs, and her feet.
you began doing exactly that and when you finished she looked like a burrito
jisoo: how long will she stayed wrapped
you: we will check her temperature every 5 minutes no later than that and when it drops to 97º then we will take her out start to dry her off. But as she is in the ice sheets she need to continue to hydrate and take medicine
jisoo: what medicine
you: nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory. your basic ibuprofen or Advil along with antibiotics. I already put some in her Iv the next dose should be in about 3 hours
jisoo: you want me to do it
you: its really easy
jisoo: but
you: just remeber to check every 5 minutes when it hits 97 take her out of the sheets and dry her off and then place her back in the bed. when administering the medication put it in her Iv the needles are already in the cabinet at the correct dosage for her. I will be back after I finish Lisa.
jisoo: your gonna clean her lungs. wont you need help
you: no I got this. You focus on Na Heun take good care of her. and while you wait i left a note book next tpo her bed with things you should memorize. this is you task for today nurse
jisoo: nurse
you blinked a few times taking you out of your routine
you: sorry I am so use to giving orders and ending it with nurse it was a force of habit
jisoo: i dont mind I like it Nurse Jisoo
you smiled at her
you: well nurse jisoo i will check back in a relieve you when I am finished.
jisoo: okay
she was already looking through the notebook. You smiled leaving the room heading to lisa's room.
lisa: so we are gonna start on the cleaning
she looked a little worried which sent you into doctor mode
you: it is a very simple procedure nothing to be worried about. I have seen it done plenty of times
lisa: but you havent done it before
you shake your head
lisa: its okay I trust you. you would bring me back just to kill me. plus that would never win chanyeol
you: i dont want chanyeol
lisa: sure you dont so how does the procedure go
you: to flush the surfactant build-up from the lungs I will insert twin endotracheal tubes into your lungs while you are under anesthesia. Then stream saline into one while the other receives oxygen to keep you breathing. Then I will keep you under strict watch for 18 hours.
Lisa: that seems easy in theory and your sure you can do all of that
you: I can place the tubing and I can do the saline for sure
lisa: and the anesthesia
you: i have never done anesthesia before it is a whole separate profession from doctoring and takes even longer in medical school.
lisa: okay well whats the worse that can happen
you: 1 in every 100,000 people die when the anesthetist knows what they are doing but are just a little neglectful so it is possible that you could die, or lose blood fluid during surgery, which leads to a loss of blood flow to the brain. As a result suffer strokes to both side of the brain leading to irreversible brain damage, then there is the basic Nausea or vomiting. Respiratory distress. Hypothermia. Hallucinations.
her eyes were wide
you: but my time in captivity i read books on it and the formula of how to give it maximum allowable dose (mg/kg) x (weight in kg/10) x (1/concentration of local anesthetic) = mL lidocaine. Thus, if maximal dose is 7 mg/kg for lidocaine with epinephrine, using 1% lidocaine with epinephrine for a 60-kg patient: 7 x 6 x 1 = 42 mL lidocaine.
lisa: oh
you could tell she didnt understand
you: how much do you weight
lisa: its been forever since I have weighed myself
you: take a guess and I will round down from there to not overdose you
lisa: but if you use to little what will happen
you: you will wake up and i will give you more and you will go under again until i am done
she nodded her head
lisa: i would say 46 kg
you: if you weigh 46 kg then 4 mg/kg x 45 kg = 180 mg total can be used. As 1% Lidocaine contains 10 mg of Lidocaine per mL, this means that I can use a total of 18 mL of anesthesia the whole procedure. But since that is your rounding I will round down to 42 to be safe so 4 mg/kg x 42 kg = 168 mg total can be used. 1% Lidocaine contains means a total of 16.8 mL.
lisa: thats not a huge gap
you: it may not seem like it but you can trust the math. I have a notebook with the passage in it. I can go get it
you went to get up but she grabbed you
lisa: I said I trust you. its just a lot of math that I dont understand
you: i can show you later
lisa: please
she smiled
you: of course. to get started you need to be calm and rested. while I get everything ready lay down and rest a bit
lisa: okay
you left the room. across the hall was chanyeol
you: what are you doing here
chanyeol: i have the day off
you: you just got back I doubt you would take a day off
chanyeol: okay i wasnt given a day off so much as kicked out of the office
you laughed
you: what did you even do
chanyeol: nothing all I did was ask for your list and he got angry at me
you: did you get it
chanyeol: of course I did. I dropped it off at the desk
you: thank you
chanyeol: you dont have to thank me
you: well i got you in trouble with suho didnt I
chanyeol: you could never
you: he deosnt like me
chanyeol: he doesnt like what he cant control
you: deosnt explain why he like you then
chanyeol: he does not like me
you: if it was anyone else he would have fired them instead he set up a whole community with you. if that doesnt say he like you then nothing does
chanyeol: we are just friends
you laughed
you: i wasnt accusing you of dating i just meant that you were close that is all
chanyeol: right
you: so what do you plan on doing for the rest of the day
chanyeol: I was just gonna head out
you: wait head out where your not going back out again you cant go out
chanyeol: oh I cant why is that
he looked at you catching you off guard making you turn away
you: just that you just came back you should rest a few more days
chanyeol: i doubt you will let me go out even after that
you: what
chanyeol: nothing. and i wasnt going out I was just gonna do a sweep around the perimeter and check out the breach area see if there was anything that needed to be done.
you: so you could have just dropped off the paper and left without being noticed why were you waiting out here
chanyeol: oh I uh
he looked around nerviously
chanyeol: i was gonna talked to lisa
you: so you stopped outside the door
chanyeol: i caught part of your conversation and it seemed very serious I didnt want to interrupt anything
you: just prepping her for her procedure
chanyeol: yeah I got that part
you: you can go in and talk to her before i start just nothing to serious that will anger her or raise her blood pressure
chanyeol: then i most definitely should go int there and talk to her
you nod your head
chanyeol: I still have time until I planned to leave
you: jisoo is also busy if you were gonna go talk to her. she is watching na heun and studying on top of her own patients she is caring for. I dont think she will be any better
he nodded his head
chanyeol: anyone else
you: few kids you can play with I guess if your that bored
he sighed
chanyeol: what are you doing
you: me
chanyeol: yes you
you: getting supplies for the procedure, setting that up, doing the procedure, watching lisa as she wraps back around, conduct more rounds, check on na heun, and start with the list. so i will be busy all day
he nodded his head saddly
chanyeol: anything i can help with then
you: you just said you were going out
chanyeol: I dont have to neccisarily go out it was just something to fill the time. But if you need help that would be a better use of my time
you: even though you hate medical
you raised your eyebrow
chanyeol: as long as i am not get poke prodded or stuck i am good. so what do you need help with
you: if you really want to help you can help me get the supplies and set up, conduct a few rounds while I do the procedure if you want, and thats about it
chanyeol: you wont need help for the procedure
you bite your lip
chanyeol: whats wrong
he gets closer to you
you: i havent done this before and if something goes wrong...
chanyeol: hey nothing is gonna go wrong
you: but some many things can
chanyeol: i heard you list them. But i also heard how much lisa trusted you
you: she doesnt even know me enough to trust me. thats probably how this whople thing started. A person trusted their doctor and ended up dying and coming back to life killing millions.
chanyeol: that is wow
he was speechless
you: its a possibility
chanyeol: how this all happened has nothing to do with you. but what does is that patient in there waiting for her doctor to come and help her the best she can. I know your a fantastic doctor there is no doubt about that so you will help her and there wont be anything going wrong
you: how can you be so sure. you heard my whole monologue about it. this is why people sign wavers that if they die under its not the doctors fault. but I cant do that cause if she does it will be my fault. because i could just leave it alone and hope she clears out on her own but no i decide to do this procedure in which i have only seen be done and administer medication in which if you give the wrong dose can lead to brain damage and death
you were panting he just sat there nodding
you: do you finally understand how much pressure that is
chanyeol: You suggested the procedure cause your a doctor that wants what is best for their patient. You reasearched everything you are about to do so do it exactly the way you plan to do it, dont worry about the medication cause you math was perfectly correct i went over it while you were in there talking and it is correct. so you got this your gonna help lisa and everything will be fine.
you: those are nice words but
chanyeol: but nothing. this is what is happening and i will be with you every step of the way
you: you are
he smiled at you re-instilling you with confidence.
you: then lets go get everything
you went and got everything ready and started on the procedure. after administering the anesthesia you sat there waiting for it to take effect
lisa: how do i know when it is working
you: start by countng backwards from 10
lisa: really
you: just do it
lisa: 10...9...8
her eyes started to get heavy
lisa:7....6....5....
she shut her eyes without opening them up again
chanyeol: does this mean she is out
you: yeah lets get started
chanyeol: what is the first step
you looked around at all of your supplies
you: the tubing will go in her throat and all the way down into her lungs
chanyeol: and you can do that
you: yes just hold her head back and I can start with the tubing
you reviewed each step in your memory before doing it. since you were unsure things went slower than you want them to but you kept a steady hand a good pace. when you used all the saline and everything was done you pulled out the tubing and turned off the anesthesia
you: chanyeol i finished
you looked back to see a sleeping chanyeol.
you: its only been 8 hours and your asleep really i have been in longer surgeries there was one that lasted so long we had to switch out surgeons cause it was so long.
you sighed and began cleaning the room. when you put the last tube up you walked past chanyeol to leave. but he grabbed your wrist
you: chanyeol
he just stared at you
you: are you okay
he didn't say anything
you: chanyeol
he then fell out of the chair