"Cheers!" The two of us exclaimed, excitement evident in our voice, as we click our cans together. I placed the tip of the can to my lips, feeling the cold metal and drank.
"Wow!" I exclaimed, the ice-cold beer making me shiver in delight. "It's the best!"
"Right?" Ansel replied, a huge smile decorating his face. "I missed this."
I got accepted to my first job today, and Ansel and I thought that we should celebrate it by drinking some ice-cold beer. He also cooked ramen for the both of us for our dinner and topped it with cheese and a fried egg.
This is the best.
We just got our own apartment, and since the deposit and the monthly rentals took a toll in our pockets, we cannot spend much on unnecessary stuff, beer included. We thought that we could use the extra money as our savings and only splurged a little today in order to celebrate my acceptance.
"So my wife is finally a working woman." Ansel teased, nudging my shoulder with his. "You know that I'm so proud of you."
"It's just an entry-level job." I shrugged. "But I guess, it's a start." I grinned widely at him.
Even though we almost have nothing to our name, a simple joy like this is enough. As long as we are together, I don't need to have a lot of material things.
And right now, the mere fact that both of us have a job and that we have our own small apartment, makes me feel like everything is finally going our way.
I tilted my head against his shoulder. "I love you," I whispered, happiness swelling deep in my heart.
Everything that I need is right here in this apartment.
Ansel suddenly grabbed my chin and kissed me on the lips. I was stunned for a moment but closed my eyes when I felt his lips move against mine. I could taste the bitterness of the beer on his lips.
A shiver went through my whole body when he licked my upper lip and unconsciously, I opened my mouth for him. He took this chance to deepen the kiss and pulled me by the waist towards him, making our upper bodies touch. I raised my arm and placed them around his shoulder, moving even closer to him. I could feel his back muscles under my palm.
Ansel pulled away shortly and pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you so much." He whispered, his ragged breath fanning my face. I smiled back at him and pulled him in for another kiss.
Why did I become so lucky?
***
I slammed the refrigerator door closed when I was suddenly reminded of the past. The sight of that green can of beer made me remember the day I got accepted to a job. Ansel and I celebrated by drinking some beer which was quite a luxury for us at that time.
Why do I have to remember that?
I just saw him today and that already made me feel so miserable. What happened to the wall that I tried to build all those years? Is that wall so fragile that they began collapsing the moment I saw him?
He even hates me right now.
Groaning, I opened the refrigerator door once again, and instead of getting the green can, I chose another brand of beer, not wanting to remember another memory from the past.
After getting the six-pack beer, I bought some chips to eat with and proceeded to pay at the counter.
Let's just drink this all away and forget. I have to leave again sooner or later, so I don't have to dwell on this anymore.
Once I got my items, I left the convenience store and started walking back to the house, feeling the cold night air against my skin. It was just a mere five-minute walk back to my parents' house and I wanted to take this time to do some thinking.
If we lost this contract with the Chadwick group, I have to work double to get more clients in order to match the estimated profit that we could have if we ever won this bid. Although I still need to get more clients even if we got the contract with the Chadwick group, the benefits that we'll get from this contract is enough to give our start-up company a boost.
But after what happened today, I guess, this contract is just a lost cause. Why did I ever think this will be good? It was the company owned by my ex-husband's family. That is enough reason for me to give this contract up.
That family is filled with devils that won't stop until they see their enemy fall into ruins.
I arrived at the house sooner than I thought. I guess I was too caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice. I have to report to Luke how the bidding went and tell him that we need some back-up plan if ever we couldn't get the contract this time.
Sighing, I took out the keys to the front door from my messenger bag.
Upon opening the front door, I was welcomed by a dark lonely house. I searched for the light switch on the wall just beside the front door and the whole living room lit up after I pressed the switch on.
My parent's house is just a small house enough for three people. I remembered being so happy as a kid when we moved in since we don't have to stay in a cramped apartment anymore and I get to have my own bedroom.
Even though our house is small, it was always filled with a happy atmosphere.
I miss those times.
I decided to take a shower first before I began drinking. I might get too wasted and forget to remove my make-up and take a shower. After getting into some comfortable clothes, I suddenly had a craving for something spicy and since I'm too lazy to cook something complicated, I decided to cook some ramen.
I love drinking while eating something spicy and ramen is just perfect. I added some grated cheese and a fried egg. "Wow!" I squealed when the delicious smell of the ramen filled the whole kitchen.
I took the pan off of the stove and placed it on the dining table. Before I started eating, I opened a can of beer and took a long sip, the bitter taste filling my whole mouth.
"The best!" I exclaimed excitedly.
All of a sudden, pictures of the past flashed before my eyes. I suddenly imagined seeing Ansel on the empty chair in front of me, smiling happily at me. He would pat my head and look at me with a sparkle in his eyes as if I'm everything he could see.
I shook my head and placed the can back on the table.
That's never going to happen again.
Right now, I'm all alone. The chair is empty, and Ansel will never look at me like that again.
I remembered how Ansel looked at me earlier. His glare almost made me cower and run away from the conference room. And when he spoke to me after the presentation, his voice was so cold that I thought he was another person.
I knew I left without saying anything to him. Heck, I left when he was still lying unconscious on a hospital bed, unsure if he's ever going to wake up.
I'd hate myself too if I were in his shoes. I ran away when he needed me the most.
But that was the only thing I could do for him.
I don't care if he hates me. He can even hate me for all his life.
I deserve that much.
But you only did that for him.
I shook my head and took another sip of my beer. I should forget him and move on. I can't keep doing this to myself. After emptying my first can, I opened a new can and took another long gulp.
I sighed and slammed the can back onto the table.
But how could he treat me like that? Did he forget everything that I did for him in the past? Did he forget all the sacrifices I made for him?
Can't he even find it in his heart to forgive me?
I don't expect that we'll get back together, but I hope we could have a civil relationship and not let our past ruin the present. He even told me, or impliedly said, that he would not accept our bid. My presentation was perfect!
Well, minus the fact that all I could think of at that time was him.
I spent so many nights brainstorming what to do with the bid and many nights making that presentation. I think our offer is competitive enough, but he just up and told me that I'm someone who uses connection just to get a deal and even told me that I'm thick-skinned.
Wow.
I remembered the first time we saw each other during college. He was two years ahead of me and we met when I was a freshman during our organization's meeting. We clashed at that time because we have different opinions and he called me callous because I didn't respect him as someone who's older and a senior in the organization.
And I told him that I don't need to respect someone who can't accept that their plan is flawed and needs to be reassessed.
After that, we became partners in one of the programs of our organization and the story goes on.
I placed my arm on the table and rested my head on top of it. My heart aches whenever I remember the past, and now that I'm certain that he hates me, I feel like my heart would burst.
I want to go back to Japan, leave this behind, and continue what I have started there. I'm just like this right now because I'm back here and I saw him again, but before all of this, I was finally doing fine.
I started my own company, I've been doing better and not struggling for money anymore.
But still, I can't leave my mother here alone, especially with her age. She would stubbornly reject every offer I have for her to move to Japan with me, saying that she doesn't want to go to a foreign country and that she can't leave this house.
I wish everything was easy.
My eyes felt heavy with sleep, and before I knew it, I slipped into unconsciousness.
***
I was once again awakened by a loud ringing noise. I suddenly sat upright and realized that I fell asleep in the kitchen. My muscles felt sore at the unnatural way that I slept and my neck felt stiff. I groaned and reached for my phone on top of the table.
From the screen, I saw that Luke was calling. After hitting the answer button, I placed the phone beside my ear. "Hello?" I greeted, my voice rough from sleep.
"You just woke up?" Luke said from behind the phone. "If I'm right, it's already afternoon in there."
I frowned and looked at the clock on the screen of my phone. It was already 11 am and I just woke up. "It's just eleven. I had a drink yesterday."
"So you met with your friends there?" Luke probed.
"Yeah, myself," I replied as I massaged my temples. My head aches from the hangover.
"Oh yeah, I forgot you are such a social butterfly," Luke replied, his voice filled with sarcasm.
Luke and I met in Japan and we hit it off immediately. We were both in Japan for a reason, and being in an unfamiliar place made us bond. He is the kind of person who easily befriends others. He approached my unsociable self and said that he wants to be friends with me.
"How was the bidding?" Luke asked, changing the topic. "It was yesterday right?"
I forgot to report to him yesterday about the bidding. He probably called because I didn't call him last night about it.
I didn't know what to say. Should I tell him that since it is my ex-husband's company and we didn't separate on good terms, we probably won't get the contract?
"I presented our bid as best as I could," I said. It might not be a good idea to tell him about Ansel and me. "I think our offer is competitive enough for them to consider, but still, there were some big companies there and I don't think it's good to keep our hopes up."
I heard Luke sigh from the other line and he spoke once again. "I knew it was too good to be true to get an invitation from a big company like the Chadwick group. Anyway, I just got off the phone from another company and they want me to e-mail them a proposal."
"That's good then."
"By the way, how's your mother?"
"She's getting better now," I replied. I got up from the dining area and went to fix some coffee for myself. "She might get discharged tomorrow."
"That's good news. I hope she recovers soon."
"I hope so as well. And Luke," I trailed off. I wanted to tell him that I'll be staying here with my mother for a while, just until I'm sure she's well enough, but I'm quite ashamed because even though we can always have our meetings through video conference, we will have to work with a time difference between us, and it might become an inconvenience for the both of us.
"You want to stay there with your mother, right?" Luke spoke, taking the words out of my mouth. He knows me too well. I nodded, even though I knew he can't see me. "It's fine, don't worry. There's the internet anyway and I'm also worried about her. If you're not there, she might overwork herself again."
"Thank you so much," I said and I'm really thankful that I have a friend like him.
"And what if a miracle came and we got the Chadwick group," Luke spoke with enthusiasm in his voice. "You can oversee it yourself personally since you're already there."
Well, that won't happen.
***
After fixing myself some brunch, I took a shower and prepared to visit my mother in the hospital. Since I don't have any other schedule, I chose to wear comfortable clothes. I picked a loose white shirt, a light-wash ripped jeans and a pair of white rubber shoes.
Before I went straight to the hospital, I stopped by a coffee shop and ordered some donuts for my mother's nurse as a thank you gift, and also bought some pastries for my mom. I also got myself an iced white chocolate mocha.
When I got to the hospital, I saw my mother's nurse just leaving my mother's room.
"Good afternoon." I greeted with a smile. I met my mother's nurse the other day and she was a sweet woman in her fifties. She and my mom hit it off and became friends right away because of their common love for dramas.
"Good afternoon. Just visiting your mom?" The nurse replied smiling.
I nodded and queried, "How's her condition?"
"She's doing great and if her doctor gives her a go signal, she can go home tomorrow."
"Thank you so much for taking care of her. Please take this," I gave her the box of donuts I bought from the coffee shop. "Please share it with the other nurses."
"You didn't have to, she's a lovely lady." The nurse reluctantly took the box. "By the way, your mother has a visitor."
Visitor? Who might it be?
I guess it might be a relative of ours or someone from our neighborhood. My mother is quite sociable unlike her daughter. She has a bunch of friends I don't know of.
After bidding our farewells, I opened the door to my mother's suite. "Good afternoon, my dearest mother." I greeted cheerfully.
I stopped in my tracks when I saw that there was a person sitting on the chair beside my mother's bed. The back of the person was oddly familiar. His dark grey button-up shirt fits perfectly on his shoulders.
I turned my gaze to my mom and saw her smiling widely at me. "Good afternoon. Come here."
I started walking towards her again and when I finally saw my mother's visit, the coffee I was holding almost fell out of my hands.
I stared, wide-eyed, at the person I never expected to visit my mother.
"Ansel here stopped by during his lunch break to visit me." My mother said cheerfully.
I can't speak. My mind is blank right now.
All I could do is stare at those piercing blue eyes.