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[NSFW] - Taking the Easy Route (Waifu Catalog, RWBY Start)

"Thanks again, you have no idea how much I needed this after just how shit this week has been." My Rep grumbled as I passed him a beer, "No worries, man. I understand the pain of the grind. Feel free to rant, you know I love hearing the dirty details." We were slumming around my manor, just drinking and chilling. I'm pretty sure he only feels the effects of the beer because he lets it affect him. Just like me and my guinness.
I learned in my last life the benefit of networking. If your boss and your coworkers like you? Life starts getting a ton easier. I made it a point to call my Rep every Friday to give him an update on what I've been up to and chit chat. It helps that the guy always has interesting stories and highly useful advice to give. The practical benefit of being on good terms with your boss is damn useful too.
At my old job I hated my boss' guts, and I still had that fat, toupee wearing jackass convinced we were best of friends. We'd go out golfing on Saturdays. If I felt lazy one day and want to take a day off? No muss or fuss, just a quick call to my boss pretending I came down with something, and I was set. He wouldn't even make me use a sick day or get a note from a doctor. A coworker my old boss disliked but can't fire wanted to go on leave for a day to attend a wedding? He better be prepared to jump through all the hoops.
My Rep took a long sip of his beer before letting out a sigh, "I had a new contractor forced on me, no one else in the office wanted him, and I got the short end of the stick." He shook his head before looking at me, "Let me set the scene for you. 18-year-old male human born 2004 in Munich, Germany. This kid is a history buff, and he feels just awful about what his homeland got up to in the 30s and 40s. Kid is a complete 'white knight' type, a few friends, feels like just being a generic nice guy means people must like him and doesn't understand why they don't. Kid's naïve like that."
I nod along, "So this kid on his 18th birthday is alone, lying-in bed thinking about a WWII documentary he just finished watching, and he says, 'If I were around back then, I'd change everything.'" The Rep snorts into his beer, "So of course one of our Patrons hears him and decides, 'Fuck it, let's see happens.' One contract later, and this dumb brat is on his way to a historical variant of Germany in 1938 one year before Germany invades Poland and kicks off WWII."
My Rep scoffs, "When I get to the kid, I try and make suggestions, be helpful, you know? I tell the dumb brat he needs Communications Talent and a couple of Lures if he wants to affect any kind of wide-spread societal change. I tell him that Adolf will already have been in power for years at this point, so he'll have an upward battle trying to change things."
My Rep angrily tosses back the rest of his beer, "Of course the stupid little shit didn't listen. He wasted his only 35 credits on some talents, a couple defenses and some of the sex perks. Why would anyone need Wild Defense on historical earth? It wasn't like he was planning on being in the front lines invading Russia during the Winter. But no, Great Mother forbid he listen to The Company's evil slaving monstrosity."
I nod along, "So he made some bad starting choices, he can still bounce back, but somehow I don't think you'd be so annoyed if that was all this kid did." My Rep chuckled bitterly, "Oh no, that's just the start. So, the thing about this variant? It's identical to earth canon, all the players are the same. Same thought process, same actions, same history but for one difference."
My Rep looks me dead in the eye, "Adolf Hitler by now has already taken over Germany for the better part of five years, his Nazi party is stable, Kristallnacht happened earlier that year, and the Concentration Camps are in full swing. The one singular difference is that instead of being an average Austrian man with an iconic mustache, Hitler is an attractive goth looking chick with a pair of big honkers in a military uniform she fills out rather well. You see where this is going, right?"
I start coughing into my guinness mid-sip, "Oh, God. Are you serious?"
My Rep snorts into his drink for what feels like the tenth time since he came to visit, "You have no idea. So, this kid has some talents and he puts them to work, he tries to help people, tries to change minds, but he just doesn't have the charisma to undo a dictatorship five years in the making. What he does end up doing is attracting the wrong kind of attention."
"This kid is a blonde haired, blue eyed god-fearing Christian, with abilities that he shows off and unintentionally convinces everyone around him that he is the Ubermensch the German's have been looking for. Kid is literally everything female Hitler wants in a man, and naïve enough to easily manipulate. It isn't like female Hitler could just get with Eva Braun again, and every political leader needs a spouse to show just how stable they are."
I start coughing, trying to hold in my laughter, "Pfft, this is actually happening?"
My Rep chuckles, "Monkeys and typewriters, the wonders of infinite worlds. Oh yes, the dumb brat takes one look at goth Hitler and decides that he needs to save her. That she needs to be 'fixed', that she can be changed for the better, and he's just the one to do it! More than that, the dumb brat refuses to use anything that might affect free will. I'd think it funny too if I wasn't the idiot's handler."
I chuckle too, "So what happens next?"
My Rep shakes his head, "About what you'd expect, the kid sleeps with her, thinks he's in love, and starts listening to pillow talk. That wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that this is still Hitler, that she's still just as manipulative as she was as a man. Instead of the kid changing her, she's changing him, and of course the Patron thinks it's hilarious and keeps giving the dumb brat a single credit here and there, incentivizing his toxic relationship further."
My Rep sighs, "So I see the writing on the wall, this kid is going to fail his contract at this rate. He has to stop Germany from being comic book levels of evil, contractually obligated to, and he's being manipulated into going along with things. I call him up, try and convince him to see reason, and the brat starts yelling at me about how he loves Hitler, how he's changing things for the better right from the source…"
My Rep stares at the ceiling, "You just can't help some people, you know? That kid is going to default on his contract, and I can't do anything about it." He takes another swig of his drink, "You humans are just ridiculous. Take an objectively horrible human being, someone that a human would swear up and down they'd go back in time to kill a baby of, just make them an anime girl with a nice uniform and an eccentric personality and suddenly they need to be saved."
It was my turn to snort, "I don't know why you're surprised. Look at Oda Nobunaga, terrible person, committed war crimes everywhere, and the Japanese, the very people who are most aware of the screwed things he got up to, have made multiple gender bent versions for their media. And the people simp out for female Nobunaga like crazy."
My Rep shook his head, "I'm not surprised at all, as you said, I'm the most cultured alien you know. I am fully aware of just how hypocritical you humans get. Most delusional species I've ever had the displeasure of working with."
My Rep let out another sigh, "I wouldn't even care if the little bastard wasn't souring my reputation. If he wasn't my problem, I'd be laughing right alongside the Patron and my coworkers. Instead, I might lose employee of the month for the first time in decades to that piece of shit Ygllrbl because I got stuck with the short end of the stick."
My Rep smiled, "That's what I like about you, you listen to advice. I cannot tell you how rare that is in my contractors. Enough about my job, how've you been doing? I noticed you got the ticket from capturing Saitama, but you've been sitting on it for the better part of a week now. Not sure what to get?"
I shook my head, "Nah, I'm cemented on snagging the dragon capstone. I'm just iffy on what I want my third concept to be. It's a big decision and I don't want to be impulsive. I've got all the offense prowess I could need in Destruction. I can manipulate fate, reality and other stuff with Chaos, but I'm not sure what else to pick. Do I take something that synergizes with the first two, or something contrary to fill out gaps in my abilities?"
My Rep nodded, "Personally? I'd say go for synergy. Trying to combine similar powers might take a few decades of work, doing the same with completely contrary concepts? It's either the labor of millennia or just not possible. Folks should focus on what they're good at. Isn't that the whole reason you picked out the companions you've got now? The Hashshashin for espionage and assassination, Medea for magic, Da Vinci and Ambrosius for making things, and Jinn for all your answers in a bottle?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I was already leaning that way. My problem is that there are too many concepts similar to Chaos and Destruction that I'm not sure which to pick. Like, what is really the difference between Void and Nothingness manipulation? How much time am I going to need to invest in figuring out how to use these high-concept powers? Ugh, just thinking about it is giving me a headache."
My Rep shrugged, "Well then, I got nothing, ultimately that kind of thing is a personal choice at the end of the day. I don't want to steer you into something you might regret picking later."
I took another sip of my guinness and sighed, "Thanks anyway."
I paused a bit, "Speaking of needing advice, I still can't figure out a way to get access to 'God', figured I'd need to sell off Saitama and use the ticket for a T11. I'm having trouble deciding who to pick. Ideally, I'd want a T11 outsider specialized in Destruction or Chaos so I could have a tutor, but I'm a bit… Hesitant in taking literally any of them. For obvious reasons."
My Rep snorted his beer through his nose for some reason before choking, "How the f-… You know what, no, I should've expected this when dealing with them." He shook his head.
Raising an eyebrow, I had to ask, "Something I should know?"
My Rep nodded, "Yeah, a certain… Patron… has an avatar they wanted me to nominate to you when you asked that exact question. Word for word. Your defenses should be able to block out that shit…"
My other eyebrow raised to join the first, "Huh… Well. That's… flattering? Also a bit unnerving. Scratch that, incredibly unnerving. On a scale of one to ten, how scared should I be?"
My Rep snorted, "1,000. The worst part is, I can't even argue against them joining up, they'd be a great teacher, your personalities seem to match (which is terrifying), they'd be perfectly happy just watching things go so you wouldn't have to contend for leadership, and there's the bonus that you in no way shape or form want to scorn them."
I sighed, "Is this something that happens often? Patrons watch contractors and just… what, decide they want to get in on the action?"
My Rep chuckled, "You have no idea. Haven't you ever watched a TV show and wanted to interact with the cast?"
I felt a migraine coming on, "Great, so I have a fan. Do I at least get a T11 ticket from capturing them?"
My Rep let out a deep belly laugh, "Hah! No way. You'll be spending a ticket on them, actually. Only benefit you'll be seeing is having them on call, and their support if another Patron decides they want to mess with you."
I rubbed my brows in irritation, "Fantastic. Can I at least meet them first before deciding anything?"
My Rep chuckled some more as he sipped his beer, "Sure thing, kid. Hey, at least now you know how it feels to have someone you don't want to deal with foisted on you without any real ability to say no! You really are my favorite contractor! I feel better about my Hitler Youth poster child already!"View This ThreadUnread Watched Threads
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