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Shadow Play by Noodlehammer
 Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Words: 11k+, Favs: 51, Follows: 68, Published: 1h ago9
But Noodlehammer never starts a new story before finishing his current one, I hear you cry!
This is normally true, but see, I'm being bribed. Or if you want to be polite about it, I've been commissioned to write this one. It shouldn't impact my update speed for "Metagaming?" if you're worried about that.
Joe Lawyer still gets all the kudos for his diligent work in beta-reading. He is also writing a Star Trek Self-Insert story called "The Adventures of Augment Gothic" if you want to have a gander.
XXXXX
"AWAKEN!"
He jolted into awareness with a feeling similar to missing a step or dreaming of falling, only without the physical jolt.
Which made sense, because he appeared to be missing a body.
"What?" He asked… somehow.
"You are dead." The booming voice explained helpfully. "Your identity has been stripped from you for ease of processing."
Well, that answered several questions and raised many more. The most prominent of which…
"Optimus Prime?" He asked, 'staring' at the giant mech. At least he still felt male… vaguely. It was weird not being able to connect any of your memories to a firm sense of self.
"No, this is merely the form you perceive when you think of the divine."
That didn't sound right. While he might not remember his name right now, he was pretty sure that he had never been a big fan of the Transformers franchise. Certainly not enough to consider Optimus Prime a god. Calling the being out on it seemed like a bad idea, though.
"Okay… so I'm dead. Now what?"
"You have lived an unimpressive and inoffensive life and died an equally unimpressive and inoffensive death, your passing barely noticed. Your karmic balance is sufficient to allow you some input into your reincarnation."
"Cool." He said, taking no offense at being called unimpressive. People underestimated how much effort went into flying under the radar. "Then I'd like to request rebirth into a wealthy family that won't expect me to put much effort into anything."
"That request is within your karmic reach. Prepare for insertion."
Already? Celestial bureaucracy sure did run smoothly.
XXXXX
He felt himself 'settling in' and expected awareness of his past life and brief time in Limbo to fade, but… it didn't.
Rather worrisome, insofar as he was capable of worrying right now. From what he was able to discern during his moments of lucidity he was currently in his new mother's womb and spent most of his time drifting in a haze similar to that pleasant state in between sleep and wakefulness. The circumstances were rather reversed, however. Whereas being pleasantly sleepy in the morning was a state that was easily broken and almost impossible to grasp once lost, now it was incredibly hard to focus and he kept slipping into the haze.
Sometimes, he could hear muffled conversation around him, but for the most part time passed in a fluid haze. It seemed like no time at all before he was feeling a strange urgency, something pushing him down a slimy tunnel.
The whole experience was horrible. Nevermind the knowledge that he was being squeezed out of his new mother's vagina, everything was too bright and cold and hard. His baby brain couldn't process the sensation overload and went into shock.
It was only the smack across his bottom that snapped him out of it, being so unexpected that he immediately began crying on sheer instinct. Then he was cleaned and deposited into his new mother's arms.
"He's beautiful, Yoshino." A woman said softly in Japanese… which he somehow understood. "What are you going to call him?"
Am I in Japan? He tried to squint at the speaking woman to see her, but his baby eyes weren't up to the task. He was as blind as a bat and the light was still painful.
"Shikamaru." His new mother said softly. "That's what Shikaku told me he wanted to name his son, before…"
Shikamaru?! Shikaku?! The infant froze in place, no longer listening to the conversation around him. The name 'Yoshino' hadn't really rung too many bells, but the addition of Shikamaru and Shikaku definitely did. Combined with the being in Limbo taking the shape of Optimus Prime, who he now realized could transform into a truck…
THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE GOD-THING ISEKAIED ME! AND HE WAS MOCKING ME THE WHOLE TIME!
As it turned out, the electrochemical system of an infant was not good at handling rage either, so he burst into loud, teary wails again.
"Oh my, he sure is energetic." The other woman chuckled. "How out of character for a Nara."
Well, that settled it beyond all doubt. He'd been reincarnated into Nara Shikamaru, who did in hindsight, technically, fulfill the parameters he had given the Optimus Prime impersonator. Son of a bitch.
"Maybe he's hungry?"
And then his mouth was filled with titty, so maybe things could be worse. As the ancient wisdom went 'world hard and cold, titty soft and warm'.
XXXXX
Shikamaru – he didn't bother fighting the name, seeing as his past identity and all earthly attachments connected to it had been thoroughly wiped by the asshole god-thing – stared contemplatively at the ceiling, finally able to think clearly.
An infant brain simply could not support the complexity of a full grown adult's thoughts. Shikamaru had to reinforce his own brain with what little chakra he was able to muster just to keep his undeveloped neurons from firing off signals like an Ork with a brand new shoota at the slightest distraction.
He had no idea how long it had taken him to muster enough lucidity to manage that one, but suspected that it was more than just a few days. His memory since his birth was basically a Swiss cheese collection of fleeting moments.
Getting a handle on his Chakra, at least, had been almost absurdly easy. Even if his identity had been scrubbed clean, he did still vaguely recall what his old body had felt like, and both the chakra coils and the Eight Gates in this new one stood out like a beacon. While he had no interest in fooling around with the latter, he absolutely was interested in chakra superpowers.
Recalling that the secret was to combine spiritual energy with physical, he had focused all his limited and often flighty mental capacity on that goal. The task was fortunately easy, as the balance was heavily skewed in favor of the spiritual for obvious reasons, which roughly translated to 'easy to do, hard to power'.
There was no telling how long it took him to figure out that and then basic chakra reinforcement, but he was at least able to think at an adult level again. Feeling your thoughts slip away no matter how hard you tried to keep hold of them was fucking scary.
Of course, that meant that he was now an infant with adult cognition, which equated to serious boredom. Shikamaru wondered if a baby with enough motor control to master walking soon after being born and enough skill at chakra reinforcement to pull it off would be too suspicious.
Yeah, probably.
XXXXX
"Aren't you going to open it?" Yamanaka Inoichi prompted gently.
Nara Yoshino took her eyes away from the envelope that held answers to a burning question she'd had for months, ever since it became undeniable that she was pregnant.
"I don't even know what I'm hoping this test will tell me." She admitted.
Women did not spontaneously get pregnant without sleeping with a man, yet that seemed to be what had happened to her. Either someone had messed with her memory or something even stranger was going on.
"No matter what it says, we'll be there for you." After Shikaku's death, he and Chouza had made sure to look after their teammate's young widow, and this whole situation was extremely strange.
"Alright…" Yoshino breathed out and opened the envelope, reading over the results of the paternity test done on Shikamaru.
"What is it?" Inoichi asked with concern after seeing the shocked look on her face.
She silently handed him the papers to read.
Inoichi had been expecting all sorts of things. Konoha kept a medical record on all of its shinobi, so if one of them had gotten Yoshino pregnant, the paternity test would show it.
He had been bracing himself for news that some Uchiha had hypnotized her with their Sharingan, or that even one of his own clansmen had used their mental techniques to suppress her memories. It might have even been something else entirely.
But what he had absolutely not expected was to see the test saying that there was a 99% genetic match between Shikamaru and Shikaku.
"This is impossible." Inoichi said, bewildered. "Shikaku died two years ago."
Yoshino had regained some of her wits by then and could only scowl angrily. "The test has to be wrong."
"Konoha's doctors and medic-nin are very good at this stuff, they wouldn't make a mistake like this." Inoichi denied with a frown. "We'll have it done again, of course, but something tells me the results will be the same."
"So, what? Did my dead husband impregnate me from beyond the grave or something?" Yoshino demanded.
"I don't know." He really didn't, but whatever the case may be, he and Chouza were going to need to keep an even closer eye on Yoshino, especially if Shikamaru really was their fallen teammate's son.
XXXXX
Shikamaru was absurdly pleased when he finally managed to start crawling without the need for chakra reinforcement. Doing it only in secret in the dark of night, the times when most infants were obliterating their parent's sleep schedules with their incessant crying, was perhaps a bit too ninja.
Speaking of parents, his father had apparently died two years ago, which he was quite sure was not what happened in the anime.
His new mother talked to him a lot, one of the things she mentioned being her baffling pregnancy.
Fucking asshole god-thing had pulled an immaculate conception type of deal on him. Small mercies that the Elemental Nations had no equivalent to the Christian mythos or else he might have accidentally usurped Naruto's place as ninja Jesus.
That would have been, in the tradition of the Nara family, a real drag.
Almost as much of a drag as trying to pretend that he was having fun on this arranged playdate with Chouji and Ino. They might be cute kids, with the slightly older Chouji being hilariously pudgy and Ino being almost unbearably adorable with her bright blonde hair and huge teal eyes.
Clearly, the three of them were already being groomed as a team for their future as child soldiers.
Shikamaru would have happily settled for life as a civilian, despite his inner edgelord demanding that he master Shadow Manipulation. Fighting superpowered lunatics did not at all sound like his cup of tea.
Alas, he rather doubted that was in the cards for him. His mother frequently received visits from Yamanaka Inoichi and Akimichi Chouza, and they said all sorts of things around a baby that they didn't think could understand them.
Such as the fact that news of his inexplicable existence had reached the Konoha Shinobi Council and the Hokage, or the fact that he had an unusually large chakra capacity for such a young child.
Yeah, no duh! Even aside from his head start as an apparent isekai character, all the practice he'd been doing just to stave off boredom had some effect. Although to be fair, not all of it was out of boredom. For a powerless shut-in from a world with no powers, the lure of chakra superpowers was just a bit too much to resist.
Anyway, the Yamanaka and Akimichi clans had immediately closed ranks with the Nara – who were very zealous indeed in their protection of him now that it was known that he was somehow the son of their late clan head – to prevent any old farts from getting too curious about him, with the support of first the Yondaime and now the reinstated Sandaime Hokage.
Oh yes, the Kyuubi debacle had also happened in the meanwhile. That had been fun.
In any case, Shikamaru wasn't in immediate danger of being whisked away to some secret underground facility and having the humanity beaten out of him, but a life of ease and leisure was not in the cards for him.
Plus, there was that whole thing with Madara and Kaguya… Naruto could probably use a bit of a leg up on that to make sure he won that fight. Sasuke, too, with how much of an emotional retard he was.
He strongly suspected that the Optimus Prime impersonator had deliberately made his birth so attention-grabbing so that he wouldn't be able to dodge out of the excitement. Son of a bitch.
"Look at him go." Chouji's mother said admiringly. "Never thought I'd be seeing a Nara baby so energetic."
Maybe you should try it yourself sometime, fatso. Shikamaru thought unkindly. It was petty and unfair, but he was already sick to death of being a toddler and insulting people in the privacy of his mind was one of the few ways he had to vent frustration.
What was that quote again? 'Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in your thoughts'?
Ah well, as long as he didn't mean it, then it should be fine.
"It's really strange." His own mother shook her head. "When he was born, he was a very quiet and calm baby. He never cried unless he was hungry or needed a diaper change and rarely woke me up at night."
There was a palpable aura of pure jealousy radiating from the other two women.
"But as soon as he was able to lift himself up, he started moving around like his life depended on it." Yoshino continued obliviously.
"Looks like Ino doesn't want him getting away." Said baby's mother giggled, noticing the determined look on the tiny blonde's face as she tried to emulate his crawl technique.
Shikamaru started crawling circles around her to taunt her further, not that anyone realized he was taunting her.
It was something to do.
XXXXX
Age seven, the age of enrollment into the Shinobi Academy.
For Shikamaru, it was the age when he received conclusive proof that he was not going to be able to take it easy. His mother had enrolled him without so much as mentioning any alternatives and he had overheard enough conversations about the Council's interest in his 'development' to know that no real alternatives existed.
Plus, there was a rather large amount of expectations being levied on his shoulders as the heir to the Nara Clan. You'd think that with Shikaku's death, the line of succession would have shifted to someone else and that they would be upset at having it stolen from them by the freak appearance of a magic baby that shouldn't exist.
But this was the Nara, the clan of notoriously lazy bastards. They were all too happy to dump the responsibility on him.
"Come on, Shikamaru, stop daydreaming." Ino huffed, poking him in the side. "We have to find our class."
"We still have plenty of time." He replied calmly and snatched her hand when she tried poking him again. "I was just admiring the architecture."
It was singularly unimpressive architecture.
Ino huffed again and pulled her hand away with a blush. "Well, are you done doing that?"
Shikamaru gave the front of the building an unnecessarily intense look and slowly nodded. "Yes. Let's go."
He had never actually stopped messing with Ino for his own amusement.
To his left, Chouji snickered, but quickly shut up when the blonde girl shot him a scathing look.
Once they made it to the classroom, Shikamaru scanned those of his future classmates that were already there. Only a few stood out.
Two timid-looking girls, one pink-haired and the other with the distinctively creepy white eyes of the Hyuuga. Sakura and Hinata.
A boy wearing sunglasses and a high-collared jacket. Shino.
A boy with black eyes and dark hair that spiked in the back. Sasuke.
A very distinctive blue-eyed blond with whisker marks on his cheeks. Naruto.
The others all seemed like irrelevant extras, which meant that Kiba was probably not here yet. That seemed in character for the Inuzuka.
"Let's go sit over there." Shikamaru said and led the three of them towards Naruto. In accordance with the rules of shounen manga, the stronger the protagonist, the less work had to be done by the support cast. He would be perfectly happy just staying on the sidelines and commenting about how powerful everyone was, so it behooved him to make the Jinchuuriki as strong as possible.
Ino and Choji didn't object, automatically following his lead. That had always been the case with them, Shikamaru taking command by simple dint of the fact that he had an adult's maturity and composure.
Funny, because he hadn't been a terribly responsible and charismatic man back in his previous life.
"Hi!" The Jinchuuriki nearly shouted in greeting before they even sat down. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage!"
Shikamaru suppressed a cringe. So loud… Even if he knew that this kid was starved for attention, it was still annoying as hell. Hopefully he would calm down eventually.
"Yo, I'm Nara Shikamaru. Nice meeting you." He replied casually and nodded to his posse. "And these are Yamanaka Ino and Akimichi Chouji."
"Hi." Ino and Chouji waved in greeting, looking a bit dubious about sitting next to the blond abuser of eardrums but not saying anything.
Naruto almost vibrated with excitement and opened his mouth for what was undoubtedly going to be another loud exclamation. It was going to be a long few years getting him to understand that maximum volume wasn't always the way to go…
XXXXX
"You four aren't leaving here until every last drop of paint is gone." Iruka said sternly.
"I told you guys this was a bad idea." Chouji sighed despondently, rubbing his stomach. "I'm hungry…."
"It couldn't be helped." Shikamaru countered calmly, wiping off the paint with the serenity of a Zen master.
"What do you mean it couldn't be helped?!" Sakura yelled from her spot next to Iruka.
"All you had to do was say 'no' when Naruto suggested this stupid prank." Ino huffed from the teacher's other side.
"Hey, don't give him all the credit!" Kiba protested. "This was my idea, too."
"Yeah, right!" Ino rolled her eyes. "We all know who the real mastermind here was."
"Hah, you hear that, Kiba?" Naruto boasted. "I'm a mastermind!"
"Don't take pride in vandalizing the image of our Hokage!" Iruka yelled.
"Awww, come on!" The blond whined, staring up at the sensei and two girls. "We'll never be able to do this kind of thing again after we graduate from the academy. I just wanted to go out with a bang, you know?"
That was true. Shinobi didn't seem to care much if civilians caused a small ruckus (although they came down on any actual crime like a ton of bricks) and they were especially lenient with kids from ninja clans, but the Shinobi Corps was a military organization. Screwing around once you were a member could get you punished pretty severely.
"And that's why it couldn't be helped." Shikamaru explained, still in the same calm tone. "He was going to do it anyway and as his friends, we couldn't let him do it alone."
"Yeah…" Chouji sighed again. "I'm still hungry, though."
"You're always hungry, though." Kiba snickered.
"You guys…" The blond grinned widely, obviously happy with the support. He was a lot better adjusted thanks to Shikamaru's efforts.
"You could have tried stopping him." Ino pointed out.
"When has that ever worked?" Shikamaru asked wrily and it was true. Even at this young age, Naruto was possessed of an unusual charisma. It was raw and unrefined, oftentimes even annoying in how it always drove him to be the center of attention, but it portended much for the man he might one day become.
Ino and Sakura huffed and silently jumped down to join them, helping clean up the Hokage Monument even though they hadn't helped deface it.
Shikamaru gave Ino a small smile at the gesture, which widened just a bit further when he spotted the tiny blush on her cheeks.
That had been an unexpected development. Apparently, his lack of constant complaining about everything being troublesome and adult maturity had gotten the blonde girl's attention more than Sasuke's brooding. Consequently, she and Sakura had never had their falling out. The butterflies of chaos flappeth their wings.
Incidentally, Naruto being less desperate for some kind of connection to people also meant that he hadn't pestered Sakura for dates constantly, so they mostly got along even if they weren't super close right now.
Shikamaru honestly wasn't sure if Ino had developed a crush on him instead of Sasuke because of his previous life experience or because the world was simply more… real than it had been in the anime.
Case in point, the Academy had had them killing piglets on a semi-regular basis to desensitize them to killing in preparation for a life as child soldiers. The fickleness of youth tended to not survive that kind of conditioning. Even Sakura was a lot more restrained about her infatuation with Sasuke than she had been in the anime.
Of course, that wasn't the only difference. The anime might have presented Konoha's Ninja Academy as a school for youths aspiring to be protectors of the Leaf, but from his perspective it was more of an indoctrination center for child soldiers. Thank goodness that he had never been a moral busybody, or else the continuous outrage he would have been feeling would have given him an aneurysm. Sure, it would be preferable if child soldiers weren't a thing, but it was a shitty world and being a child not trained for combat was no guarantee of safety.
Shikamaru wasn't particularly weirded out by the idea of Ino crushing on him, largely thanks to that same lack of moral starch. Sure, she was twelve right now, but so was he and neither of them would stay that way for long. He wasn't enough of a masochist to add his previous age to his current physical one.
It helped that he had been a perennial bachelor in his past life, and not even the type that slept with a lot of women and never committed to any. He'd practically been a monk. Although he had at one point wanted a wife and family, one good look at the statistics around divorce and happiness in marriage had told him that he might as well be playing Russian Roulette with at least four bullets chambered. Maybe five, even.
Starting off on easy mode was exactly what the doctor ordered, and things were different enough in this world that getting into a relationship didn't feel like walking into a minefield.
"We should get some ramen after we're done here!" Naruto suggested exuberantly.
"I'd love to, but I can't." Chouji said apologetically. "I have to get home. My mom is probably going to be mad enough already."
"Yeah." Kiba winced. "I prefer getting my ass kicked on an empty stomach."
"I can't either." Sakura also shook her head, but didn't elaborate further.
"Then I guess it's going to be just me and my two blondes." Shikamaru joked and glanced at Iruka. "Unless you want to join us, sensei?
"Thanks for the offer, but I wouldn't want to cramp your style." Iruka joked.
Well, hopefully that wouldn't backfire.
XXXXX
"So, big day tomorrow." Shikamaru subtly initiated the conversation as they ate their ramen.
"My first step on the road to becoming Hokage!" Naruto enthused. "Then the village will have to respect me!"
"I still don't understand why they hate you so much." Ino frowned in displeasure. "Your pranks aren't that bad."
Shikamaru knew exactly why, but he couldn't speak of it. As much as he would like to get Naruto started on the road to working together with Kurama, the Kyuubi was still an S-rank secret in Konoha and he didn't want to risk the consequences of sharing it, especially when he wasn't sure he could bullshit his way past the pointed questions of how he learned it in the first place.
If it got out that he had knowledge of the possible future…
"Who knows what goes through the heads of civilians?" He shrugged, playing on the divide between the shinobi and civilian population.
While the civilians weren't exactly oppressed, they certainly weren't allowed much of a say in anything either. The Hokage had always understood that a cooperative population was better than a compelled one, but Konoha was still a military dictatorship in the end.
"It doesn't matter if they don't like me, I'll still protect them." Naruto said firmly, a mindset that had come about from multiple conversations about what the Hokage's job actually was.
"That's the kind of attitude that makes me think you're the only one in our generation that actually can become Hokage." Shikamaru chuckled. "The rest of us have much more modest ambitions."
"Oh, why kind of ambitions do you have, Shikamaru?" Ino asked coyly, leaning over to him from her own stool.
Shikamaru spared an amused glance for Naruto, who was puffing up with pride at the compliment, before pointedly staring the girl in the eyes. "Become a powerful shinobi, take over the clan, marry a beautiful girl and raise some kids."
There was no such thing as an age of consent among ninja and marriages at ages as early as fifteen were far from unheard of. It was a brutal world where few reached retirement age, and the social dynamics reflected it. Girls picking out potential future husbands at twelve was entirely normal and not just because of the low life expectancy.
Even if chakra was a great equalizer where physical ability was concerned, seduction was still far too potent a tool to be ignored. A lot of the kunoichi in training chased after potential husbands to avoid honey pot missions. Having parents do it for them wasn't unheard of either.
Shikamaru suspected that Konoha was a lot kinder about such things than the other villages. He could easily imagine the Mist, Cloud, Rock and Sand ninja not being allowed to refuse such missions given their Kage, regardless of marital status.
It wasn't just the girls either. Guys could also be sent on honey pot missions, although it was rarer. That was another reason why he was encouraging Ino's infatuation. Even if neither of them were in a lot of danger of being sent on such missions, being clan heirs, it was better safe than sorry.
Plus, it would be another layer of normality over his decidedly abnormal birth.
"That's a nice dream." Ino said, blushing under his gaze, clearly understanding what he was implying.
Was it wrong that he was essentially grooming her to become his wife in the future? Not when they were both twelve. His extra thirty-something years from his past life didn't count and anyone who said otherwise could go suck a dick. What else was he supposed to do, go after women thirty years older than his physical age?
"What about you, Ino?" Naruto interrupted the moment. "What's your dream?"
"Oh! Ummm…" Ino stammered, clearly flustered. She noticed his amused grin and defaulted to anger. "You can't just ask a lady something like that!"
"Huh?" Naruto responded cluelessly. "What did I say?"
Shikamaru just chuckled and poked Ino in the side. "Be nice, you know he didn't mean any harm."
After spending the past several years defusing potential arguments when Naruto got on someone's nerves, he was quite the master at it.
"Fine." Ino huffed and looked away, cheeks still glowing from embarrassment.
XXXXX
The graduation exam went almost exactly the same as the anime.
Although Shikamaru had been working with his friends to make them stronger, had pushed them to learn surface-clinging and water-walking well ahead of schedule, Naruto still had far too much chakra and far too little control to pull off a technique as delicate as the basic clone. Maybe one day, when his growth curve settled down and if he practiced his control rigorously, he would be able to do it, but right now? Hopeless.
So he failed the exam and was approached by Mizuki afterwards.
Shikamaru could have suggested talking to the Hokage about his problem and maybe the old man would have provided a solution, but that solution probably wouldn't be the Shadow Clone.
The Shadow Clone was simply too far too valuable to miss out on. If Naruto could be enlightened to its full potential from the start, then he could become a monstrously powerful shinobi in a much shorter time frame.
So he had let things develop naturally and hoped for the best, but he was worried.
He had been paying attention and there had been a slight commotion, but since then all was silent. Had Naruto pulled it off or had reality ensued and gotten him caught by the Hokage? Shikamaru had been paying attention for years and never seen even a hint of any anime slapstick nonsense, so it was rather doubtful that the Sexy Technique would have worked.
In the anime, Naruto had invincible plot armor by dint of being the protagonist. In this life, there was no assurance that he would survive against a chūnin, even one as weak as Mizuki probably was. Furthermore, because Naruto had friends his own age, Iruka had kept a more professional distance from his student. He might not show up where he had to.
Fortunately, he knew exactly where Naruto was. The blond was always eager to share things with friends, including his 'secret spots'.
XXXXX
"Yo."
The laid back greeting made Naruto jump in the air from sheer surprise.
"Shikamaru?!" He yelped, staring at his friend. "Why are you here?!"
"The bigger question is why are you here." The Nara returned pointedly, much to the blond's confusion.
"Huh? Whaddya mean?" He asked with a frown. "I'm taking the secret graduation exam. And I've passed it! I learned a technique from this scroll like Mizuki-sensei said, so now we can be ninja together!"
Naruto had been devastated when he failed the exam because of the stupid Clone technique that he just couldn't do. The thought of his friends leaving him behind was more painful than anything, so when Mizuki came to him talking about a secret make up exam, he jumped at the chance.
But Shikamaru didn't look happy to hear that. In fact, he looked worried and started looking around as if expecting an attack.
"We have to get that scroll back to the Hokage, Naruto." He said and even Naruto noticed the forced calm of his tone.
"Maybe you should give it to me instead?" A third voice intruded.
Both Naruto and Shikamaru looked up and spotted Mizuki perched on a tree branch.
If not for Shikamaru, Naruto might have been happy to see his sensei and prove that he deserved to be a ninja, but his friend's wariness put him on edge as well. He knew that Shikamaru was way smarter than him and always seemed to just know things. If he was being guarded around Mizuki, then it was probably for a good reason.
"You know, this was a really bad plan." Shikamaru stated.
"Oh?" Mizuki asked sarcastically. "Always so smart, you Nara. Well, my plan can't have been that bad, seeing as it worked."
"Did it work, or was it allowed to work?"
"What are you guys talking about?" Naruto demanded, looking between his friend and teacher.
"He lied to you to get his hands on the Forbidden Scroll." Shikamaru explained.
Naruto didn't hesitate to believe his friend and stared at Mizuki with a betrayed look. "Sensei, is that true?"
"Hmph, you want the truth?" Mizuki scoffed. "How about the truth about yourself, about why everyone hates you?"
"Now why do I have a feeling you're about to lie to us?" Shikamaru asked in that manner where he wasn't really expecting an answer. Naruto thought it was called 'rhetorical' or something.
"Oh no, no lies this time." Mizuki chuckled menacingly. "The truth is that the spirit of the Nine-Tailed Fox that attacked our village and killed our Yondaime Hokage is inside you! You are the Nine-Tailed Fox, Naruto, and that's why everyone hates you."
Naruto froze in shocked horror at what he was hearing and did what he usually did when he needed something to make sense, he turned to Shikamaru.
XXXXX
Shikamaru was glad that he had been paranoid enough about chaos butterflies to track Naruto down, and he was even more glad that Mizuki didn't consider a couple of kids enough of a threat to take them seriously.
The 'big reveal' about Naruto didn't shock him, obviously. In fact, he was very pleased with it. Now he didn't have to feign ignorance anymore.
"I see, that makes sense." He said placidly, nodding. "It explains Naruto being born on the day of the attack and the whisker marks on his face."
Mizuki was visibly irritated by his lack of reaction. "That's it? That's all you have to say in response to learning that your friend is demon in disguise?"
Naruto was also looking at him in trepidation, obviously afraid.
"We both know that part was a load of shit." Shikamaru replied drily and spoke to Naruto without turning his eyes away from the traitor in the trees. "Don't worry about it, Naruto, I'll explain all the parts Mizuki left out once this is over."
Naruto relaxed and smiled brightly, then gave a firm nod. "Right! First we have to take down this lying traitor."
"You brats are acting awfully confident." Mizuki said darkly, taking one of the giant shuriken from his back.
"Like I said, this was a bad plan." Shikamaru continued forcing a casual tone. "Do you really think that Naruto was able to get one over the Hokage and steal the scroll?"
"But I did!" Naruto insisted. "I flashed him with my Sexy Technique and he went down like the pervert he is."
Yeah… no. While he wouldn't call it useless as that kind unexpected move might cause someone a momentary brain fart, anything more than that would definitely be slapstick nonsense. Naruto, the shounen protagonist, wasn't even able to eat inhuman amounts of food, so the Sexy Technique was definitely not the ultimate anti-pervert attack.
"Or, more likely, he was faking it to see what made you try to steal from him." Shikamaru countered drily. "This forest will probably be crawling with ANBU soon, if it isn't already."
Mizuki had a severely pissed off expression on his face now. He must have been banking on Naruto's closeness to the Hokage allowing him to steal the scroll, but hearing that he had used the Sexy Technique to 'defeat' the old man had probably not inspired confidence.
"You damn brats." He growled threateningly. "Even if you're right and the ANBU are on their way, I can least kill you and try to make a run for it."
Oh, well that was unfortunate.
XXXXX
Mizuki was seething mad. He had always known that getting the Kyuubi brat to steal the Forbidden Scroll was a long shot, but he was abandoning the village anyway so he figured that he might as well try it. Either the blond menace would get in trouble and Mizuki would be long gone, or he would actually succeed and Mizuki would escape with the Scroll.
He hadn't expected the Hokage to fake being defeated and let the scroll out of his sight. And it had to be the real one, because there had been no time to prepare a fake for Naruto to grab… unless that was always a decoy and the real Forbidden Scroll was in some hidden location known only to the Hokage.
Argh! I hate dealing with this shit!
Mizuki had never been very good at complex, multi-layered deception. He much preferred direct actions or simple tricks.
For that very reason, the smart brat had to go first. He was by far the more dangerous of the two. With a mighty throw, his favored giant shuriken was sent flying.
XXXXX
The thing about huge weapons was that there was really no way to use them subtly. Even the man he had been in his past life, who had the reflexes of a ham sandwich, would probably have been able to see the attack coming.
Whether he would have been able to dodge was another matter entirely, but he would have definitely seen it coming.
In this life, he had been through the training expected of a fresh genin and done quite a bit more besides, knowing that things were going to get very interesting in the near future. Plus, being able to manipulate shadows was just so darn cool.
Unfortunately, a lot of the Nara shadow techniques required a shadow of one's own to use. Fortunately, as bullshit as some chakra abilities were, they weren't magic. That meant that the rules weren't arbitrary. The sun or the full moon or some other potent light source was not necessarily required, just sufficient light contrast.
In other words, it meant that as long as it wasn't absolutely pitch black, Shikamaru technically did have a shadow.
Alas, he hadn't yet mastered the control to not connect his shadow to the darkness of the night, which left him with the problem that the more shadow he was trying to control, the higher the chakra cost became. Trying to control half a planet's worth of shadows would, unsurprisingly, require literally godlike levels of chakra. Not liking this rather severe handicap in a profession that was bound to have a lot of night time activity, Shikamaru had started thinking in a different direction into which he could take the Nara clan techniques.
After all, even if said techniques weren't magic, they were still bullshit and regularly fucked with the concepts of space, mass, energy and probably some others.
Shikamaru faded out of existence before the shuriken reached him, seemingly vanishing into thin air.
"What?!" Mizuki exclaimed in surprise. "That wasn't Substitution!"
Shikamaru poked his head out of the darkness covering the ground like the edgiest kappa to have ever lived and gave the traitorous Academy instructor a mocking smirk.
"Hiding-in -Shadow Technique." He taunted, because it was likely the only time he was going to have a chance to say the name of a technique in a fight.
Apparently, ninja don't announce what they're doing as they do it. Who would have thunk it?
"Shikamaru, that's so cool!" Naruto raved, seemingly forgetting the situation for a moment. "Why didn't you tell me you could do that?"
"Focus, Naruto." He chided.
"Right!" The Jinchuuriki nodded, grinning widely and putting his fingers in the recognizable cross seal. "I have my own cool shadow technique now. Shadow Clone!"
Shikamaru wanted to slap himself. Of course the bonehead would go announcing his new technique after seeing him do it. Naruto was still entirely too fond of looking cool and would emulate anyone that he perceived as such.
"Oh? Very nice." He complimented, not letting on to his real thoughts.
"Don't think that you're getting out of this alive just because you have a few fancy techniques!" Mizuki spat, readying another giant shuriken.
Fortunately, the moron still didn't consider them a real threat and was wasting time posturing to soothe his obvious inferiority complex.
Shikamaru emerged from the shadow and readied himself. "Oi, Naruto. How about you take the direct assault role with your clones while I act in support?"
"You got it!" The blond agreed and spammed out a few dozen more clones, this time fortunately not announcing the technique.
"Die!" Mizuki snapped, tossing out a volley of kunai.
The shadow clones charged forward with a united battle cry, heedless of the casualties they were taking. They converged upon Mizuki and tried to pile up on him, but as Shikamaru had feared, the chūnin was an actual person and not just a plot point to kick off Naruto's shounen power creep.
Mizuki used his unwieldy giant shuriken as a melee weapon and easily cut through the wave of clones. Still, Naruto wasn't deterred and continued spamming out more clones, keeping the man busy.
Meanwhile, Shikamaru once again faded into the shadows and skulked around, seeking to get at the chūnin's back, only for Mizuki to prove once again that he wasn't just a throwaway entry-level villain.
Taking a deep breath and forming a few hand seals, the silver-haired traitor blew out a stream of flame at where he guessed Shikamaru's position to be. Not a perfect guess, but close enough that the brightness of the fire dumped him out of his concealment.
Need to work on that. Shikamaru groused to himself. Ideally, once his pioneered Hiding-in-Shadows technique was fully mastered, he would be able to move around in the darkness like a fish in water, or maybe even teleport around in it, all the while fully suppressing his chakra signature.
It was a work in progress.
"Naruto, retreat deeper into the forest, away from the fire!" He called out.
"Got it!" The blond obeyed, grimacing in discomfort or maybe even pain.
That set off a few alarm bells for Shikamaru. The only thing that could be causing Naruto pain and discomfort right now was the shadow clone spam, and if it was chakra exhaustion then he would actually be looking exhausted.
The memory transfer must be getting to him. Even if the brain filtered out most of a person's sensory perception as irrelevant, and even if most of the clones' memories right now were identical to Naruto's, there were limits to everything. Apparently, the Shadow Clone was going to be living up to its reputation as a forbidden technique.
Fortunately, the fight was almost over.
"You brats aren't getting away!" Mizuki snapped, jumping after them in pursuit.
Shikamaru did an about face and used the most basic of the Nara shadow techniques, the Shadow Imitation.
Backlit by the fire he had started, Mizuki's shadow stretched very long, reaching all the way to Shikamaru, who as a result only had to do a minimal amount of work to connect his shadow to the chūnin's.
Mizuki froze in place and mirrored Shikamaru's stance against his will. "What?!"
"Gotcha." Shikamaru smirked, easily holding the chūnin.
"Haha, yes! We beat him!" Naruto celebrated.
"That you did." A fourth voice spoke up and nearly startled Shikamaru out of his technique. He had been completely oblivious to the presence of the old man even though he was in spitting distance.
"Hokage-jiji!" Naruto cheered, apparently ignoring surprise and going for excitement. "Did you see us kick his ass, huh? That's gotta be good enough to make me a ninja, right?!"
Sarutobi chuckled and walked up to the frozen Mizuki, knocking him out with some kind of Vulcan nerve pinch bullshit. "It was a good performance. I was especially impressed by your teamwork and with your mastery of such an advanced clone technique. I think we can safely say that you pass muster."
While Naruto shouted his joy, Shikamaru could only give the Hokage a deadpan stare. As if there had ever been the slightest chance that the village Jinchuuriki could be anything but a ninja.
XXXXX
Sarutobi Hiruzen was glad that his gamble had paid off. A traitor was captured and a convenient reason for Naruto being made a genin was secured.
The Forbidden Scroll had never actually left his sight, as he had stealthily followed behind Naruto the whole time. He had almost stepped into the open when the boy started reading up on the Shadow Clone, but decided to allow it in the end. If there was anyone suited for that particular technique it was the blond Jinchuuriki, with his huge chakra capacity and Uzumaki vitality. He would have to be warned about the dangers, of course, but it should be fine.
Nara Shikamaru's appearance had been a pleasant surprise. He was another person of great interest to the village, and someone that Hiruzen had had under observation ever since the mystery of his existence had come to light. Mysteries tended to be dangerous in the shinobi world.
Frankly, the boy didn't act like a child and never had. It showed in the way he simply knew things that no child should know, in the articulation of his speech, the way he never cried, in the development of his chakra, in the way he never got upset over slights that to children would seem important, in the way that he was focused even as a toddler.
Most particularly, he had exhibited control over his chakra at far too early an age. The ANBU on watch had sensed him doing it one day back when he was still a toddler and there was no telling when he had first started.
It was too extreme even for a clan that regularly produced highly intelligent shinobi. Prodigious talent was one thing, but this was something altogether different.
There were elements in the village that wanted to extract all of Shikamaru's secrets directly , but the Nara, Yamanaka and Akimichi clans would have raised hell over any such attempts.
Hiruzen wanted to figure out the mystery as well, but he was patient. Nothing he had seen so far indicated that Shikamaru was a danger to the village, so he could afford to take his time. Paranoia might be something of a job requirement for shinobi, but being too hamfisted could backfire just as badly as a lack of caution,
"I must say that I didn't expect to see you here, Shikamaru-kun." Hiruzen said after Naruto's impromptu celebration about successfully becoming a genin was done. "What made you seek out Naruto on this fine night?"
"I didn't trust Mizuki." Was the answer.
Simple, honest and completely unhelpful.
Hiruzen hummed and left that alone for now. "You promised Naruto that you would explain the Kyuubi to him, and far be it from me to prevent someone from keeping their word."
The complete lack of surprise when Mizuki had revealed the secret earlier was telling. While it was not out of the realm of possibility for an intelligent boy of his age to put things together, something about his manner made the old Hokage think that Shikamaru had been expecting Mizuki to say exactly what he said.
The glance given to him by the Nara heir in response made it clear that the boy knew what game they were playing.
"Alright, Naruto, listen up, this is important." He said and the blond immediately began paying attention.
Hiruzen was impressed, knowing what he did about Naruto's attention span.
"The Yondaime sealed the Kyuubi inside you to protect the village. I don't know exactly what happened that night, but I do know that he trusted you with a big responsibility."
While Naruto swelled with pride at the wording, he also looked confused. "Eh, what do you mean you don't know what happened? The fox attacked us, didn't it?"
"Yeah, but I don't know why. I don't understand why a giant chakra beast would randomly decide one day that it absolutely has to stomp Konoha into the ground."
Wise of the young Nara to question things, although the Kyuubi's rampage can easily be explained by a desire for revenge after spending decades sealed away, something that Shikamaru wouldn't know.
… or would he? Hiruzen wondered suspiciously, not letting his thoughts show on his face.
"And since the only one that could tell us is the fox, we might never know." Shikamaru finished.
That sounded like a hint.
"Oh, so the civilians hate me because of the fox?" Naruto asked, frowning.
"They hate you because they're afraid and don't know how seals work." Shikamaru corrected. "But don't mind them, they'll come around once you become a big shot ninja."
Again deflecting blame from the Kyuubi… how curious.
"Yeah, believe it!" The blond cheered.
Hiruzen hummed approvingly. He had learned quite a few things today and it gladdened his heart to see Naruto interacting with his friends.
Part of that was because he had come to view the excitable blond as a sort of surrogate grandson and part of it was because it eased his worries in regards to Naruto's status as Konoha's Jinchuuriki. Having a Jinchuuriki go rogue was no laughing matter, so it was important for Naruto to make ties to the village.
It was one of the reasons why he had absolutely refused all suggestions to put Naruto through a special training regimen that would instill loyalty to Konoha in him. Such things either worked or they backfired horrendously and that was not a risk that could be taken with a Jinchuuriki, no matter how confident Danzo was in his methods.
And that decision had paid off. Naruto had made friends in the academy and was well on track to becoming a splendid Konoha shinobi.
XXXXX
One of the big clues that Shikamaru had that this new life of his wasn't going to follow anime rules was the tree-walking technique.
In the anime, it allowed people to stand sideways on walls with no problem as long as the ninja doing it channeled the proper amount of chakra to their feet.
Here, not only was the technique a bit more complicated than that, but gravity also didn't take a vacation just because it would interfere with the rule of cool. Your feet may stick to the wall if you did the technique properly, but your body was still being pulled down to Terra Firma.
For that reason, Shikamaru was not inclined to just assume that anything was going to be easy and convenient.
Case in point, the Shadow Clone.
It was not, by any means, a combat technique. It could work as one in a pinch, but its primary uses lay elsewhere.
"What do you mean I can't use it in a fight?" Naruto complained as they waked back home.
"The Hokage told you, didn't he?" Shikamaru asked pointedly. "It's a special clone technique created by the Nidaime that transmits the memory of the clones back to you once they pop. Do you have any idea what it would do to your brain if you kept spamming clones in a fight?"
And Sarutobi had warned Naruto about the technique, which was another thing that diverged from the anime. Mentor figures in anime were notorious for leaving out vital information so that it could be revealed later, at some sufficiently dramatic moment.
"No?"
"Of course you don't. Trust me, you don't want it happening. I'm sure the fight against Mizuki gave you a little preview, didn't it?"
"Yeah, it felt like my head was going to explode after a while." The blond admitted.
"There you go. And that's not even mentioning how wasteful it is with your chakra. No matter how much of it you have, just throwing it away like that is a bad idea." Shikamaru finished.
"But then what good is it if I can't use it in a fight?" Naruto sulked. "I thought I finally had a cool technique."
"It is a cool technique." Shikamaru asserted firmly. "Think about it. You'll remember everything that the clones did once they pop. You could use them for safely scouting dangerous territory or as a sort of message system. You could even use them to master techniques and practice chakra control while you worked on your body."
"I can have my clones do all my chakra control training?!" Naruto squawked with suddenly sparkling eyes. "Shadow Clones are awesome!"
Shikamaru rolled his eyes with a smile. Naruto always did hate doing chakra control exercises.
"Just make sure you don't make too many clones, and definitely don't have them doing too many different things." He warned, pausing. "And don't pop them all at the same time either."
"Yeah, yeah, Hokage-jiji already told me about that." Now it was Naruto rolling his eyes.
"I'm serious." Shikamaru stared at the blond. "If you turn yourself into a drooling vegetable I'm probably going to end up being the one that has to take care of you, and that would be all sorts of troublesome."
It definitely wouldn't be him that got custody of Naruto's body.
"Hey!" he complained.
"Get some sleep." Shikamaru advised, ignoring the complaint. "You don't want to sleep through team assignments tomorrow."
XXXXX
Team assignment went as expected. Despite Shikamaru doing what he could to make his class stronger, there were still some fairly clear roles between them and the Ino-Shika-Cho formation was a well-established tradition.
So it was that Shikamaru found himself facing Sarutobi Asuma alongside Ino and Chouji.
The man was competent, laid back and much less of an asshole than Kakashi, which was all to the good. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard to motivate him to train them properly. There was only so much training he could do and arrange on his own and Shikamaru would rather not die just yet.
You would think that dying once would have relieved him of any fear of death, but the Optimus Prime impersonator scared him with the implications. If there was such a thing as a karmic balance, then it stood to reason that getting a bad one can have dire consequences. His first life had been the textbook definition of boring and it had gotten him put into a world with superpowered ninjas.
Maybe, just maybe, putting in some effort to improve his karmic balance was warranted, which required staying alive. Of course, there was also the chance that the Optimus Prime impersonator was full of shit and had just been trolling him the whole time, a possibility that was supported by the fact that he had been allowed to keep his memories of his past life.
If that was the case, then he was special, and being special to godlike beings was historically not a good thing to be.
Like hell was he getting himself into a Tanya von Degurechaff type of situation!
Even if the god-thing that did this to him was an asshole, it just wasn't worth it to rail against the circumstances. Best to just play along with it until an opportunity to get out of it presented itself, if it presented itself.
"Alright, here's what we'll be doing." Asuma began after they all introduced themselves, puffing on a cigarette. "I need to get a feel for your skills, so your job will be to try capturing or incapacitating me."
How straightforward. He didn't even threaten to send them back to the Academy.
The three of them exchanged nods and then charged at their prospective sensei together. For the moment, they stuck to taijutsu only, using the same tactic as was their overall combat doctrine. Chouji attacking directly while Shikamaru and Ino acted as both support and waited for an opening to land a decisive blow.
"Not bad, not bad at all." Asuma complimented as he easily weaved in between their attacks "You already work well together, but that's to be expected of the Ino-Shika-Cho formation even at this age."
"I don't want to hear that while being handled with kid gloves!" Ino snapped huffily.
Heh, the blonde had always been the most choleric of the three of them.
Shikamaru tried to use the small distraction to snatch the jounin's shadow, but Asuma saw through the trick and kicked all three of them away.
"You'll have to be a bit sneakier than that." Asuma said in amusement, exhaling a large plume of smoke.
"You don't say?" Shikamaru replied sarcastically, rubbing his chest. Chakra reinforcement made sure that nothing was broken, but that still stung. "You've been waiting for me to try something the whole time, haven't you?"
"Oh? Noticed that, did you?" Asuma raised an eyebrow.
Yes, he had noticed that the jounin was being extra cautious when engaging him.
"Come on, boys, it's time to get serious!" Ino declared with what was probably unwarranted confidence. "We're taking this chain-smoker down!"
"Hey, I'm not a chain smoker." Asuma protested.
"Then put that cigarette away and fight us seriously." She challenged.
Shikamaru knew that Ino was stalling, giving him time to think of a plan, and dearly wished that he hadn't gained a reputation for intelligence.
While the grey matter of Nara Shikamaru was definitely superior to his old body and there was no telling what all those years of using chakra reinforcement on his brain had done, he strongly doubted that he was the same kind of genius as the original.
Having everyone around you expecting you to be smart was a lot of pressure!
Still, he jerked his head towards the copse of trees to their right, getting a knowing nod from Chouji. Fighting a superior opponent head on was a bad idea, but they might be able to pull off a sneaky trick in between the trees, even if, logically speaking, their sensei would be even more accustomed to that kind of battlefield.
XXXXX
Asuma decided to go along with their obvious plan of herding him into the trees, curious to see what they would do. When the kunai and shuriken came flying, he deliberately dodged in that direction. To be fair, it was the easiest way of avoiding the hail of deadly projectiles, it just wasn't the optimal choice if this were a real fight.
He had honestly already decided to pass them. They were stronger than a fresh Academy graduate was expected to be and they could already work well together. Everything else could be trained, but if they were too lazy to put in the work or if they failed to absorb Konoha's values, then it was best to cut them loose.
"Alright, you got me in here." Asuma grinned slightly. "Now what?"
"Same as before, we try to catch you." Shikamaru replied with a shrug, already bringing his hands into a seal. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to just stand there and let yourself be caught?"
Asuma snorted in amusement at the polite request. "Nice try, kid, but no, you'll have to work for it."
"Then here I go!" Chouji declared, suddenly inflating into a giant ball and rolling towards him. At the same time, Shikamaru's shadow lengthened and started chasing after him.
Asuma had seen this technique before and wasn't surprised, dodging aside easily. "Too obvious!"
But to his surprise, the Akimichi's straightforward attack was a bit less straightforward than it appeared, as Chouji began pinballing from one tree to another. Well, that was certainly interesting. A bit situational, but interesting nonetheless. That Chouji could actually keep track of where the trees were in his current state spoke of some pretty extensive training.
Asume kept an eye on the other two as he dodged out of the way of the bouncing meatball boy. Shikamaru had abandoned his shadow techniques for now and was moving around the makeshift arena and along with Ino, occasionally tossing shuriken or kunai his way in an attempt to divide his focus, but there had to be more to this.
He got his answer when Ino made obvious use of her clan's mental techniques and Chouji suddenly stopped bouncing from tree to tree in a predictable pattern, instead going right for him.
Telepathy? Asuma wondered. That was a thing that the Yamanaka were capable of doing, but usually not so early in their training.
Regardless of his surprise, he still easily dodged and expected Chouji to go rolling deeper into the trees, but instead saw him strain against a taut barrier of ninja wire that had been strung between the trees.
Clever brats, they're trying to hem me in and limit my mobility. Asuma smirked, already feeling proud. Which means that Shikamaru should be going after me with his shadow again right about… now.
As predicted, the Nara did indeed come to a halt and start using his shadow to chase after him, making it even more difficult to evade Chouji.
"Alright, enough!" Asuma called, doing one last dodge before pulling out a fresh cigarette and lighting it with a minor fire technique. "You all pass."
"Yes!" Ino cheered while Chouji crashed to a stop and got his bearings back. "We kicked our sensei's ass!"
"Don't get ahead of yourself." Asuma scolded, feeling a need to burst the girl's bubble. "This plan you had wasn't bad, but it relied too much on me sticking in one area. If I was a real enemy, I would have kept moving even if you'd forced me into the trees."
"It's a work in progress." Shikamaru shrugged. "That's why we need a sensei, right?"
At least he was self-aware, that was a lot better than cocky little brats that thought they were invincible just because they made genin. "Right."
XXXXX
A short while later, the genin of the newly formed Team 10 met up with their former classmates that were now part of Team 8 to celebrate their success in fully becoming Konoha shinobi, but something was still missing.
"Where the hell are Naruto, Sakura and the moody bastard?" Kiba asked irritably.
Shikamaru supposed that he should have seen this coming. Not Team 7 being late, that much he had seen coming, but Kiba's dislike of Sasuke. With him subtly working to create stronger relationships between the notables of his class, it would figure that Sasuke's obstinate determination reject social ties would rub the Inuzuka the wrong way.
Dog people, so troublesome.
"Do we know anything about their sensei?" He asked, fishing to see how well known Kakashi was.
Everyone frowned in thought and eventually shook their heads. Disappointing, but not really surprising. You'd think that with Kakashi effectively being borderline legendary some kind of rumors about him would spread.
To be fair, they probably did, but only among the actual ninja. Nobody told civilians anything and they certainly didn't tell kids anything. Not many ninja got reputations big enough to bleed over into the civilian population.
"Um, maybe if we go back to the Academy Akamaru would be able to pick up their scent?" Hinata shyly suggested.
At least the project of building up some confidence for Hinata had worked out as planned, and all he'd needed to do was off-handedly mention to Ino how sad the girl seemed. For all her sometimes headstrong behavior, the blonde always tried to help the people she was close to.
If not for her clan obligations, Hinata would have been right there at the Hokage Monument with Sakura and Ino the other day, tutting disapprovingly.
"That's a great idea, Hinata." Ino praised, turning to the Inuzuka with a smirk. "Well, you think Akamaru can do it?"
"Of course he can do it!" Kiba asserted indignantly, Akamaru barking in agreement. "Just watch, we'll have them tracked down in no time!"
Shikamaru could only shake his head at how easily manipulated the guy was.
As it turned out, there was no need to do any tracking down. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura were coming out of the Academy just as they arrived.
"Why are you guys still here?!" Kiba asked, possibly frustrated at not getting a chance to show off his ninja dog's amazing tracking abilities.
"Because our sensei was late." Sakura answered, even more frustrated.
"He kept us waiting for hours, just so that we could introduce ourselves and get told that we're being tested tomorrow morning."
"Jeez, we already got tested by our sensei." Ino shook her head in sympathy, but perked up immediately. "But I'm sure you'll pass, so let's go celebrate!"
"Oi. You coming, Sasuke?" Shikamaru called out despite knowing the answer. The Uchiha had started walking back home.
"No." Was the predictable grunted reply.
"That guy…" Shikamaru could only sigh. At this rate there would be no avoiding all the unnecessary drama.
XXXXX
IF I MIGHT HAVE A MOMENT OF YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
Indulge me as I tell you a tale of my real life goings on.
Way back in July of 2019, I woke up early one day and decided to take out the trash. While doing this, I pondered on my desire to replace my aging computer and lamented my stagnant financial situation that made it unwise to be making big purchases.
That was when I decided that since I was obviously unwilling to get a regular job, I would go all in on my writing hobby and try to publish an original work.
But what kind of story to write?
I looked at the bag of trash in my hand and had an epiphany, I could write trashy porn meant for sexually frustrated middle aged women! That seemed to be all the rage these days.
Well, about a month and a half ago, I published said book. Alas, I rather overestimated my ability to advertise, so it hasn't been getting much traction. And I didn't mention it in the last chapter of "Metagaming?" because I was, quite frankly, a bit embarrassed by it. Plus, I respect most of you too much to advertise such low tier literature here.
I resolved to write another book, something that I could peddle to you without feeling like a snake oil salesman.
Then I had another epiphany, three of them even.
1) It's really not up to me to decide what you read, even if it is bodice rippers.
2) You'd see it anyway once I advertised the second book, making my efforts to hide my shame moot.
3) I really want to start making money and there is a statistical likelihood that at least a few of you are into that shit.
So here we are.
If you want to go check out my first foray into the world of original fiction, you can find it under the pen name of Jennifer Haze (my research suggests that women are more likely to buy their smut from female authors, and one fake name is as good as another) on Amazon. The only title under said name at the moment is "Bindings of Lust"
Also, if you do decide to check it out, I would appreciate you not linking "Jennifer Haze" and "Noodlehammer" together on any kind of social media dumpster fire or forums you frequent. It's a vain hope, because I know that there are at least a few assholes among you that will do exactly that just to spite me. I can respect that, since I'm a spiteful asshole myself, but fuck you in advance anyway.
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