let out a sigh while reclining in bed. For the past few days I had needed to cut back on the intoxication for the purposes of dealing with Kayneth's family. Answering questions (lying), giving explanations of my totally genius (fake) master plan for the Grail War and why I had needed to hide it from everyone in the Association in case someone had tried to ruin it. Personally I thought they saw through it, or just didn't care since I had more or less flipped the table of how magi normally operated and brought in a whole deck of trump cards.
With that in mind I opened my drawer, and found a distinct lack of blunts or other drugs. I quickly ruffled through my closet, underneath the matress, and all my other hiding places. "Artoria," I groaned. All the hours gone let her ruffle through all my stuff at home. The minor high I had was already coming down. Could I handle the Nasuverse's soulcrushing nature without them? Probably not.
Morgan would be able to get some, but was in Avalon with Brynhildr right now. Of course I could go to the Clock Tower and check my things there. Artoria shouldn't have been able to get to the stashes in office.
The Third Magic should...it definitely should let me avoid dying in the Quantum Time Locks. Even if I don't end up in The Root its ability to transcend the material world instead of just materializing the soul down here should let me escape. Archimedes could slide through timelines without being a Magician, so it seemed possible to run from Lostbelts. Of course he hadn't been in a Lostbelt while doing that.
"Fuck," I sighed. Sola was pregnant, and now my legal wife, Morgan was plotting something involving Aoi's weird bloodline, and Brynhildr was somehow the sane one despite the stabbing.
I want to sleep and dream something else.
I slumped onto the bed and thought for a moment. Somehow I doubted me wanting to go home would work out well. It had been months so even if my body hadn't died when I ended up here it would have probably shut down while in a coma. My family definitely wouldn't recognize me either.
The fucking golden bird flew across my vision before floating above me.
"Was it you or someone else?" I sighed.
I wasn't entirely certain what I was expecting but the bird did answer. "The latter mortal."
"Lovecraftian abomination." It was a statement not a question. "So, why did you get involved?"
"Even if this is not the Age of Gods, I have a vested interest in these worlds not falling into the Chaos those creatures bring," Horus explained. "So, what shall you do Magician?"
"Train The Third," I covered my eyes but I could still see the bright burning creature in my head. "Hope I don't die horribly." Lev was dead, as were most of the problems in the Fuyuki Grail war, Prelati needed to die, Kiara was like a preteen currently, and then there were the Beasts. "I'd say Aphophis shouldn't be one of the Advent Beasts, but Tiamat was one somehow."
There was a long section of silence between us.
I turned over and stared at the divinity. How these things worked was odd, but Amaterasu was pure bullshit even now, and Horus was another sun god. "So what is it? Do you want me to work for you?"
The God stared for a moment. I didn't see its avatar breathing or anything, just a disturbingly lifelike falcon with its eyes homed in on me. "It is another who is your sponser, I am simply far more hands-on as you would say."
"And what does your group want?"
"Let us say, a problem solver. Our ability to manipulate the time access means you can return here with relatively little time having passed when we send you to places. Though sometimes for...entertainment."
I closed my eyes. "It isn't as if you need to ask for my permission."
Horus gave a sound that seemed like a chuckle. "Correct. In return for your commitment there will be a benefit, but you must give up your name Wanderer."
There was no way I could actually go home without it costing far too much. The reaction Morgan would cause, let alone Brynhildr would make it so my family would not get involved, and that was without counting my immortality. "It seems my sister will be getting part of my third of the inheritance, and my brother is getting the dogs."
He blinked.
"My parents will always have dogs, up until the day they die and one of us ends up with them."
"You are a strange human," Horus gave a depressed sigh.
"People in my family make horrible jokes and such, especially when stressed." It was true, and any family meeting was something that generally shouldn't be held in public. Still, there was something else to consider. "Morgan is going to beat my ass when she gets home."
-
Gack
Gack
Gack
I looked down at Sola while she worked on my member. Being Kayneth meant I had to at least go through the motions of certain things. Namely marrying her and treating her like my wife while in public, and around other magi. Once we were in any of my places she went into pet mode of course.
The maroon haired magus bobbed her head up and down along my throbbing tool. Trimmau shifted behind her, placing a set of anal beads against her rear before slowly pushing the toy into Sola's anus. The woman let out a throaty moan while continuing to suck on my cock.
I sighed. Several months of this had somehow made it kind of banal. Time with Morgan and Brynhildr was something I enjoyed, but Sola ended up as more of an obligation. I let out a groan as she started making slurping sounds due to the speed of her movements. Sola's position was a bit strange to look at. She needed to work extra hard to give a blowjob due to her protruding belly making it hard for her to kneel, let alone go back and forth in sucking on her favorite thing. At all times her ass was raised as high as she could to help keep the proper position.
Her moans increased as I gently pat her head. I wasn't really into it, but since she was pregnant I was treating her somewhat better than normal. "I wonder what the term is for you. I impregnated you, but now the genetics of our child includes Morgan and Brynhildr in it." I played with her hair. "Not surrogate, unless Morgan just overwrote everything in there that was you."
Sola didn't cry or give any sign of being uncomfortable with her situation. If anything her pussy leaked even more sexual fluids than before as she picked up the pace. From my position I saw Sola's arms move. One protecting her belly while the other reached around to her cunt and played with it. Well there was my answer.
"Trimmau, get another toy. Sola has earned special treatment." I saw the family pet shake her hips in anticipation as Trimmau went to the toy shelf and found one of Morgan's dildos. The large pink thing had a hilt vaguely reminiscent of Excalibur. Artoria would probably use her Noble Phantasm to destroy the thing, and I would probably help.
The maid golem made no sound as she approached, giving Sola no warning before the tool was shoved so deep into her drenched pussy that the hilt was entirely inside. One end of the 'guard' was even managed to press into her anus, driving the beads even deeper into her ass.
Sola's mouth somehow opened even wider than before as she came from the toy. Her expression was as lewd as when I first broke her in, eyes wide while her cheeks flushed, mouth drooling from the pleasure of being treated in this way. My cock twitched as she showed me the slovenly look. Feeling the sign of arousal Sola immediately sucked as hard as she could, as if pure suction could drain my balls of her favorite meal.
I sighed and took a hold of her head, slamming her down into my groin as I fucked her throat. Instead of just waiting for Sola to cum Trimmau acted on her programming, using one hand to direct the vibrator in different ways that assaulted and massaged her cervix, moving the guard away so a fluid finger could reach in and grab the beads.
The redhead's eyes rolled to the back of her head as Trimmau removed the anal beads in a single fluid motion that forced her to cum again. Her throat tightened as she convulsed, finally bringing me to my release. Sola greedily gulped, still spilling thick white fluid down her chin and onto her breasts. I forced her off, letting a final few spurts stain the rest of her front including her pregnant belly.
Sola mewled, laying down on the bed, tongue licking my half-hard erection clean while either ignoring, or reveling in the fluids on and in her body.
Really, at this point I hoped whatever kid we had didn't end up with her crazy. A yandere daughter would be weird, and I don't think the methods I used on Sola would help.
-
"Morgan!" Artoria roared while we stared at my baby. "What is this? Did you add Iri into the cocktail of genetics you were growing in this woman's womb?"
Morgan rolled her eyes at Artoria's outburst. "No, I didn't add your girlfriend's genes to our child. Not even conceptually." I hadn't expected my child to have white hair. Of course Morgan in her crazier moments where she went kinda Alter had white hair, so I guess that made some sense.
Brynhildr looked at her, then at the baby, then Artoria. "I believe her, though I would ask an altogether different question."
The King of Knights and I froze before staring at Morgan. Artoria was the first to speak. "Did you add Ahriman's genetics to-"
"They have the same genetics, and I knew you would panic if I did, so no she does not have Ahri's genetics," Morgan facepalmed. "Every time."
"Does she have Artoria's genetics in her?" I deadpanned. The blonde froze, her face twisted in horror at the thought.
"No, just some dragon essence I had around conceptually added in, but that wasn't even the same one as you," She waved us off.
Okay this opened a new box of issues. I sighed. "Okay, whose genetics are included, and what conceptual bullshittery did you add in?"
She started counting off. "Just yours, mine, Brynhildr's, some of Sola because that was needed. I didn't even have to add Aoi's genetics to get the optimization, and then some dragon essence because I had some."
Artoria grimaced. "Do you have any of my essence 'lying' around as you put it?"
Morgan put a hand over her lips, it was a bit strange to look at when she was wearing her veil. "Of course I have some with all the toys of yours I picked up from around your playground."
"Do not use my genetics, essence, or whatever you have in your experiments," Artoria glared.
I raised a hand. "I think the conceit is that it should be allowed if we need it to revive you, but still let's focus on the baby."
Artoria sighed and looked at the child in Brynhildr's arms. Sola was unconscious right now and having the pain she had been feeling erased by some of Morgan's medicine. All eyes locked on the dark skinned, white haired girl. Artoria asked a fairly obvious question. "Why is the skin darker than anyone else here?"
"My original body was mixed," I answered. "It probably has to do with that."
She paused. "Like my knight?"
"No, my skin was not patchwork white and black, the variation in tone was due to some parts beings in sunlight way more often than the rest. Like with other people." I focused on my daughter and hummed. The hair was probably from Morgan and Brynhildr, and her skin was a few shades lighter than my original body's, but that would have been expected even if I wasn't stuck with Kayneth's. "Well her hair will be far easier to stye."
The girls all looked at me.
"My hair was poofy, and all that could be done was change how close the cut was. Trust me...and haircare products could be a mess," I remembered having dense curly hair and fingered my head. "So, naming?"
"Gwyar," Morgan gave a pleading look to Brynhildr and I.
Brynhildr rubbed her forehead. "Master, could you say what I cannot?"
"That would get her bullied to an insane level anywhere outside of magi society," I explained.
"Elaine as a first name and use Gwyar as a middle one perhaps?" Bryn suggested.
I hummed and turned to Bryn. "Do you have any preferences?"
"..." Bryn simply raised an eyebrow. Aside from her countless sisters and daughter there were not that many women she had liked.
"Elaine Gwyar Archibald El-Melloi," I gave the mouthful of a name out. "May she not suffer too horribly when learning to write that."
Clock Tower-
Reines glared at me from across my desk. I looked from my stash of magically enhanced drugs, to the papers I was grading, to my research, and then back to the blond whose color scheme and personality reminded me far too much of Morgan to be considered a normal person. "Yes dear niece of mine?"
The epitome of smug loli smirked at me. "Dear Uncle, how exactly do the Sophia-ri feel about your home status."
I stared. "Reines, you are too young to know about such things."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, I can activate magic circuits and go through the pain of that, but not know about sex?" What was the age of consent in England? If a mundane person was here I'd be instantly carted off to jail and labeled some kind of creepy uncle. Dear Lordy...Horus, Pharaoh? Wow, I blinked and realized how Prismaverse Shirou felt like when dealing with Kuro. Despite that my face remained still, I even in my first life I had been able to keep it blank most of the time.
The times my face wasn't blank it tended to be kinda evil, which was actually helpful in my teaching position.
Reines frowned from my lack of a reaction. "I wonder what would happen if I told Sola-Ui's family about being your pet?"
"They'd be ashamed of how easily she became a masochist," I deadpanned before grimacing. "Morgan put you up to this didn't she?"
The blond loli grinned. "Of course she did. It is her job as your lover to make you feel uncomfortable when you aren't pleasing her in all sorts of ways."
"I am truly beginning to fear that our bloodline is the product of her machinations," I sighed. Given how weird the Nasuverse could be that might actually be correct. Or maybe Merlin's plot? Grey's was definitely a Kay plot on some level. "So, is this social call just you being Morgan's mini-me?"
She pouted. "I am not a mini me."
"When your eyes aren't inflamed by the presence of mana you have the same eye color. Your hair style is a bit similar, and you both favor dark blue and black clothing," I listed off. Trying to mention her twisted personality was unnecessary as it was why she got along with the Fairy Queen.
The Archisorte were a branch of the Archibald, but my comparative age and position to her made it so 'Uncle' and 'Niece' were used due to being the Lord. Of course Morgan took a shine to her the instant I had gone to one of the extended family meetings, and I couldn't help but enjoy her even when she was being terrible because she was basically mini-Morgan. Everyone in the branches were confused as to why the youngest member of the weakest branch family was getting attention. The main family saw it as a way to put the branches down by reminding them who they relied on for everything. Reines, well she reveled in having someone who had the same hobbies as her.
Reines put her hands on her hips and hopped on my couch before pointing at me like someone out of a Phoenix Wright game. "I have discovered your secret Dear Uncle. When researching how to fix the Holy Grail War in his favor the real Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald was possessed by a demon!"
I slammed a hand on my desk. "Objection! No such thing occurred, in fact I killed another member of the teaching faculty that actually was possessed."
"That doesn't mean you couldn't be one as well. The Evocation Department is exactly where such things would be fairly commonplace," She laughed. "With the Mystic Code Auntie Morgan gave me I can bind you to my service and be the Shadow Princess of the El-Melloi. None shall be able to wrest me from control of the family. Bow before me."
We stood there in our respective poses for a moment before I decided to cough. "Now what is it you really wanted?"
"To know what you really were, I doubt you'd have the relationship you have with Auntie Morgan if you were just a demon. Also you are too normal," She stated in a flat monotone that shanked the atmosphere with every word.
"A person who ended up consuming his soul," I tried to explain the nature of my existence. Kayneth seemed to have been wholly subsumed into my current self. While his memories, skills, and attributes like element had stayed my Origin was Carnal. It was a bit odd for the Magician of the Third Magic to have that, aside from sexual implications the meaning was rooted in the flesh and material world. Though with the Third Magic including the Materialization of the Spiritual it did make sense through a certain perspective. "Does it matter?"
Reines hummed. "Well, I never interacted with him much so I don't care that he died." She grinned at me. "Of course I fully expect that you'll do whatever I want dear Uncle. This of course includes letting me have time with my favorite tutor whenever I want."
I paused for a second. "Oh, so you plan on having yuri student-teacher funtime with Morgan then? I guess her female harem will go up to ten then."
She sputtered. "What?"
Her reaction as her cheeks flushed red make me chuckle in laughter. "Do you believe that our beloved Fairy was helping you as a good Samaritan? Think of how many people she has aided and how many of them were her lovers? Besides what do you think she has been getting up to in Avalon?"
Reines covered her chest. "Just what are you plotting?"
"Me, Morgan is the one spending all the time with you behind locked doors. I bet that once you hit puberty you'll be using that spell of yours to replay the times Morgan needs to bend over in your head every day!"
"I'd never do something like that you pervy old man, that is what you're doing."
"No, we have actual sex!"
-Classroom-
The students that had shown up at my office to drag me out of my argument with Reines stared at me in a mixture of horror and disgust. How they managed to do so while being magi seemed stupid to me. As for the rest, well they seemed to be in varying degrees of mental and physical trauma. "So, how did the homework go?"
There were several shouts, including one calling for the class to work together in drawing and quartering me for being a sadist. Ah, the pain of others fed me. "I see, who didn't end up with their stone breaking to revive them?" Rocks were quickly deflected by swirling wind as almost the entire class tried to pelt me with them. "Three then. Those of you who didn't die and get revived automatically receive a passing grade. So how did you survive."
A girl raised her hand. "All they did was tickle, though it was incredibly..." She blanked out.
One of the other students screamed. "What? They were tickle demons?"
"Nightgaunts actually," I smiled. "Be glad there was no way for them to carry you into the Dreamlands. Now who tried to fight them?" Most of the hands went up. "Who managed to kill them?" Most of them went down. "Who actually prepared for the possibility that you were fallible and had defenses along with a means to deal with them?" This whittled me down to only a few people. "Now remember students, even Solomon the King of Magi, could fuck up. Never think you are better than Solomon."
"Yes Professor Kayneth," They groaned.
"Now, on to our next lesson. How to subdue creatures you summon up, bind them, and then carve them up to use as materials~" Magical mad scientist central could be a wonderful place. "Student B, prepare my beating tools."
Student B was already at my side with an enchanted baseball bat, oak knives, a chainsaw, and my loaded shotgun. "I have an actual name you know, if I'm Student B who is student A?"
"That's Waver, now be ready to earn me actually using your name. We have a Monstrous Beast to beat into submission and dissect." I tapped the blackboard. "Now remember, if it is sentient treat it with respect so it is less likely to plot against you, always have failsafes, weapons on standby, and never assume it is dead or asleep. Make goddamn well sure that it actually is out cold."
By the time I had gotten to Monstrous my students had brought out various Mystic Codes meant to beat summons into submission if they got too uppity. There was a frightening number of crowbars and baseball bats among them. Well most had cricket bats instead of baseball ones, but those might actually be better from just a shape perspective. I was turning them into violent little monster's wasn't I?
It was a good thing there were no animal rights groups in the Clock Tower.
-5 Minutes Later-
"It's just a rabbit," Student C started walking towards the circle only to get mobbed by his compatriots. Soon the poor boy was huddled on the ground, keeping his knees to his chest and arms over his head in the prefered position while the others beat some common sense into him.
"NEVER EVER think that what looks cute and defenseless actually is, normal animals try to look like dangerous ones to ward them off," Student B roared while kicking C in the ribs. "Don't you ever assume the man-eating Monstrous Species and the like don't do the opposite. Just look at the Fairies."
These were important life lessons.
---
Spoiler: Older Elaine
She will get along with Kuro while doing stupid stuff.
It had been just under three years since the Grail War when I finally experienced a hallmark of life at the Clock Tower. Namely the Touzaki sisters Death Battle. Now they had calmed down since their 'wild' teenage years, and instead did things other than trying to kill each other, but everyone knew it was better not to get involved when they 'brawled' or decided to steal, requisition, or buy things under the other's name. And should they be in the same place when that happened there would be property damage akin to a fight between Rin and Luvia. Hopefully my version wouldn't end up like that, let alone the hell that would come should Luvia take my classes.
The person who is supposed to emotionally scar the class is me, not a pair of ojousama cousins.
Student Y sobbed over the phone. "Professor what am I suppossed to do." Roars and crashes came from the other end. "Ms. Aozaki stole your...Rune Car"
"Which one?"
"Sc-"
I shushed him before he could cause a killing spree. "Listen to me now, never call either of them red or blue while near them, let alone their full nicknames. Touko or Aoko?"
"Touko."
"Okay, now she is a machine fanatic so it will probably be fine. Anything else?" I leaned back and lit up another roll of lotus root.
"Well, how do I survive?"
I hummed. "Are you a black haired boy with glasses."
"I'm a woman!"
Well there went one option. "Are you a black haired girl with blue or black eyes, possibly tomboyish or a brocon?"
"Do I want to know what that last thing was?" She sighed.
"No, you really don't," I took a hit. "Now listen to me as long as you don't draw attention to yourself while they are going at it you will be fine. Just breath normally, and avoid being near anything large that they might throw at each other."
"Thank-oh my god she's tearing out the support pillars!" There was a crash and I made sure to send a familiar with a message about the incident to security. They'd probably keep everyone from going there, or at least set up a sign. I closed my eyes for a second. Damn I was going out to help that student wasn't I? Just to revive her at worst.
--
Spoiler: Student Y
Once I was down there and saw my yet to be pasted student huddled in a corner, I seriously considered the potential benefits of homicide. It wasn't as if it would be the first time I answered problems with it. Now even with the multiverse there was little reason to assume that my student was an explosion maniac. She had been terrified of the Aozaki sisters. I wouldn't say there was no way, because that was tempting Fate, but I doubted it.
I idly took note of a truck getting punted at Touko as the woman's limbs split apart into praying mantis-like blades that allowed her to scramble along the ceiling like a possessed person. Well that was an image for my nightmares. Careful not to get their notice I crouched down, using cars as cover as I approached my student. "Y, what is your name."
Tears filled in her eyes. "Are you going to use it?"
"No, it is just good to know so I can contact your parents if you die in some horrible way that makes it so I need them to help make a new body for you."
She was actually crying now. Between hiccups I heard her say, "Juno Aim." Now her pronouncing Juno with a 'y' sound was just bait for crazy, but Aim was a Demon Pillar and I did not believe in coincidences, especially when the appearance of a pyromaniac was paired with a Demon God set in the Blast Furnace division. "Are we going to die?"
"Well you might, but not me," I shook my head. "Now, remember Evocation 301, never ever make a deal with a demon or supernatural being without knowing what the price is, especially if they say a favor or something like that. This also goes with people like politicians, or people in general."
She sobbed. "Yes professor."
"Did you get the files out of my car?" I went on.
Juno stared. "They kicked it around first." I stared. "Aoko Aozaki kicked it when Touko tried to drive off."
"Well that car has your midterm in it, and the school doesn't use fax machines or really any other system for keeping these things on record without me having to use my own paper, which I have to buy, to get a copy of it written down by my own stuff or an assistant."
She paused. "What?"
"The only extant copy of your paper is in that car, and if you don't get it you will need to make a new one."
"Creative energy of the ancestors, first technology of mankind, the destructive force of entropy within our world, burning with the rage of hell itself, consumer of cities and castles, firebrand of demonkind hear me now-" She started a long aria that I was fairly certain actually needed to be said for whatever badwrong thing she was about to do.
Why? Why did it have to be this? I didn't want buzzsaws and miniature stars fired at me.
So, I put my hand over her mouth and rolled underneath the car. "We say not today to death," I hissed.
--
Rin stared at me as I finished the story of my escape from psychotic sisters. "You don't expect me to believe that."
I raised an eyebrow. "Really, what is unbelievable?"
"Using Gradation Air to make a cardboard box would not make it so you can sneak past two highly trained magi," She pointed out. Forgetting an important thing about the situation.
"But you see, they are Japanese Magi," I explained. She stared. "Japanese Magi who are not technophobes." She kept staring with aquamarine eyes. "Sakura, turn the computer on. I need to show you and Rin something your country is famous for."
"Pachinko machines?" Rin asked.
"No, but this is owned by people who will abandon it for Pachinko machines," I sighed. How much money and hypnotism did I need to use so we didn't end up with Metal Gear Survive existing in this timeline? And have Kojima finish his games due to not having executive muddling?
Ten minutes later Rin's stare had upgraded to a glare. "There is no way that would let you sneak past them."
I smiled. "You miss the point. I let them see me. Because they know of it the fact that they saw it made them wonder first if it was really happening, and then they decided that if it was they would let it slide."
Sakura nodded. Rin shook her head. "You disturb me El-Melloi."
"Oh Rin, you live with me and you have yet to truly understand the horrors and wonder I will show you once you get old enough to understand them."
A sword appeared at my neck.
"And by that I mean psychological trauma all my students go through, not what I just now realized that sounded like."
Saber removed the sword.
"Thank you Seiba," Rin called.
"I am so glad you are not calling her Baber," I sighed. The loli's eyes glinted with mischief. Damn my big fat mouth. "Try anything and you have Elaine duty."
Rin was silent for a whole two minutes, a personal record. "You do not understand her evil."
"She is less than three years old."
"And made of evil," She insisted.
-1 Week Later-
A many legged beast clopped from end to end of my classroom when I returned to it. Gooey treelike roots composed the majority of its body, only the about dozen pairs of hooved legs and far too many gnashing mouths formed things akin to animal portions on the beast. Students racked shotgun shells about as fast as they could shoot while others fired spells that failed to harm it or used mystic codes they had prepared for this day.
Student O cried in a corner. "Why did he make us take care of the baby? Why? God why? E hu shub niggur ath n gaa ryula neb shoggoth."
I decided to walk over to him first and slapped him hard enough that he thumped to the ground, unconscious and maybe with some internal bleeding. "Who summoned a Dark Young instead of the demon you were suppossed to?"
"We don't know why it went wrong," One student shouted while unpinning a strange clockwork grenade composed of living flesh and crystal gears. It sailed over to the Dark Young and imploded. The beasts own mass was used to crush it into a neat orb that the other studetns used long objects to punt back into the hole in the summoning circle it had came from.
Student Y handed me Elaine. "Hmm, B- for you all, but it gets raised to a B+ for not needing my aid."
The toddler clapped. "E hu shub niggur ath n gaa-"
I put a finger to her lips. "No, Elaine no Lovecraftian talk. Only naps and playtime." Tiny hands started pulling at my ears. "Yes, good. No summoning beasts from the abyss."
AN
I think the next update will be older Elaine and more Reines, plus the start of Apocrypha.
So my current plans.
Siegfried-Saber, Helena-Caster (Space Cadets Unite), Chiron-Archer (For mindbreaking Celenike) Jackie-ASSassin, Vlad-Lancer, Fran-Berserker, Valkyries-Rider
So two substitutions on the Black Faction End.
Red Faction will have Spartacus replaced with Raikou (Elaine or Reines will be the Master).
Bryn and Mor's family funtime adventures now with three times the sisters and now daughterus (Well Mordred wants to be a son).
I somewhat want Reines to be 'given' Grey so Reines can claim Mordred got replaced, just so we can have tsundere Mordred plotting against her 'cousin' to regain the position she never had.
Mordred: Why does this gravedigger get Rhongomyniad Father? You never gave me any weapons! I want Father's spear!
Morgan: If you ask your other father will give you his spear.
Mordred: ...You know what I meant.
Artoria: *Hugs Mordred* I shall make sure she doesn't ruin you again.
Mordred: *Confused Daughter noises*
There was only really one person who would knock my door open uninvited. Not that plenty of people don't show up uninvited of course. Morgan more or less 'poofed' into existence with smoke or mist, and Bryn astralized for that kind of thing. Rin at the very least rapped on it, well punch would be a better term. Sakura was normal.
Reines, well Reines was Reines.
So the young girl cackled while having Trimmau slam the door open. "Cousin do you know the difference between us?" She preened while carrying a shivering bundle of flesh and clothes underneath one arm.
Spoiler: Smol Olga
"It isn't pedophilia if you are the one who does unspeakable things to kids?" I suggested. At least I didn't think it worked that way.
She shut her mouth tightly before giving a smug smirk. "My apprentices are cuter than yours!" She held up the quivering ball of silver haired fluff which was an under 10 year old Olga Marie. The Animusphere didn't seem like Reines's type, what with being a tsundere who even her friends called evil and rotten. Maybe if Mashu was around I could see Reines doing her absolute best to defile the mind and trample over the will of the cute girl trying to be a big sister.
But now it just seemed like she was trying too hard.
"I will tell your parents of your choice to focus on women instead of men, the arrangements with Waver will be ignored," I picked up my phone and started dialing the Archisorte.
She huffed. "Of course my perverted uncle would jump to that conclusion. Can you not see the loving care of an upperclassman showered upon her juniors?" Olga continued to shiver like a cornered rabbit. Pale cheeks were tinted red from fright. I wanted to pinch those adorable cheeks. And pull them.
"Perhaps you should put her in bunny pyjamas," I hummed.
"Trimmau!" She barked at the golem. Intention and connection through magecraft allowed the golem to speed off to get what the possibly bisexual loli wanted. Reines blinked. "Wait no, that is just what you want."
I shook my head. "No, what I want is your apprentice in a bunny outfit while you are dressed like some kind of predator so that everyone knows that you are going to do horrible things to this poor girl."
"Lord El-Melloi, my father will not stand for this," All the power a little girl who wasn't even in her double digits could muster up into a glare was directed at me.
"I'm immortal," I chuckled.
"There are fates worse than death," She hissed. Reines patted her head, getting confused and angry grumbles out of her. The Clock Tower really was full of smug murderous little girls who would grow up into smug murderous tsundere women with outrageous bodies. Thank you Horus.
"I have nothing to do with this," The sun god's voice echoed in my mind.
"You had a handy from one mother and marry the other one, however that works."
"..." Horus was silent for a few seconds. "That doesn't make you right."
It was probably better if I focus on this particular situation than argue about the degrees of depravity with an incestuous momcon god. "You NTR'd your uncle." I turned to my darling cousin. "Reines, I can't have you going around kidnapping heiresses and having your way with them. That is the job of a dragon. Like Seiba, or maybe Elaine when she is older." Reines's orange eyes simply glowered at me. "So, if you need someone to play around with," A smile came to my face. "We need to get you your own Seiba."
Olga spoke before Reines retorted. "I do not know what you monsters are talking about, but I prefer it to me being your dress-up doll." Oh, she would become our dress up doll eventually. Just in a bit, when she was older...actually I could dress her up next to Elaine for group pics. It was decided, this adorable girl was now my daughter's playmate. The anchor of sanity for Elaine's ship of madness.
"Rejoice for you shall not have your innocence taken by a young girl! And Reines, we shall get you your own Seiba." I smiled. "And she will be coming with us."
-Elsewhere-Artoria PoV-
I froze while eating the dinner prepared by Irisviel. "Something is wrong, Kayneth is plotting something."
"I don't think he is the person who makes real plans," Iri noted. It was true on many levels, but not always. He was like Morgan in too many ways for me to be sure there was no previous connection between the two. The cousin did not help.
"Somewhere there is someone who needs my help to pre-" The World seemed to peel away ever so slightly, opening up a hole to Avalon from whence a dark mauve mini-van screeched out of. I twitched as the window rolled down to show Kayneth, Morgan at the wheel of the vehicle. "What have you done?"
Kayneth smiled. "You know how there are a bunch of graves that say they are yours?"
"Yes."
"Well it seems one of them has a Magi family around that keeps a weird ghost thing of Sir Kay so-"
You wrenched the door open and grabbed him by the collar. "Kayneth, if you are joking about this there will be consequences."
"He actually isn't," Morgan grinned. You stared. Brynhildr leaned forward from the back seat and nodded. You would take her assurances. "Now," The witch queen sung. "Ilya do you want to meet your uncle? Afterwards we are going to a theme park."
God why?
-Normal PoV-
Artoria stared at her monochrome Mini-me. "Morgan, you did this."
The fairy queen rolled her eyes and gestured at the young girl. "No, the only way I was in any way culpable was by not grabbing Rhongomyniad because I refuse to live in a world were my adorable little sister is taller than me, let alone more buxom." To live in a world without Artoria's elegant body seemed sinful. Maybe if you could have bit both ways by having multiple versions, but not having just Tituria.
"Who." The word spat out of the King's mouth.
Well you actually didn't know that, but if you had to bet you'd put it on Kay because he was magic. Of course saying that would get Excalibur through your throat, so you didn't speak.
"Oh maybe your brother, who knows," Morgan shrugged. Excalibur passed right through her throat with a swirl of mist. "Decapitation wouldn't work even if you hit. Remember my son?"
Reines looked from the very confused Gray, to the incredibly angry Artoria. "I like this."
"How are you not the spawn of Morgan's loins?" The Knight sighed. This world really was a fun place at times. Her ahoge drooped. She knelt before Gray. "Child, I am Arthur Pendragon, true name Artoria. I am the King of Knights, Ruler of Camelot, Wielder of Excalibur..." The woman deflated and jerked a finger at us. "These miscreants are my elder sister Morgan, her spouse, and cousin-in-law."
A stray thought occurred to me. By saving Olga I had thrown Gray under the bus. Eh, she was already going to be someone Reines would play with. Gray looked up at me. "Are you a kidnapper?"
With that out of the way a new voice groaned. "Kid, never ask people that. It really doesn't help." Artoria's eyes widened as she realized I hadn't been lying. "So uh...King," Add grumbled. "Nice to see you again, or for the first time technically. Even now you are a short brat."
She gave a soft smile and closed her eyes. "Brother, you are a freakish person." The child pulled a cage out from under the heavy poncho that gave me flashbacks of Raincoat Seiba.
"Oi, you are the one who goes around talking about how you have to shed your humanity. Fucking Dragon bullshit," He groaned.
Artoria chuckled. "And all our knights would agree with me about you."
Gray blinked. "Fuck?"
The King of Knights slowly remembered that children were here. Ilya poked her mother. "What does fucking mean?"
I patted the cage containing the mystic code...ghost...thing. "Kay, you may not want me to materialize your soul, because your rear would be devastated by angry mothers.
Somehow the amorphous material gave off the same impression of blinking. "Mothers?"
"Your sister seduced a married woman and made Lancelot proud," I sighed.
"Artie!" Kay roared. "Why would you do that and follow in that French idiot's footsteps?" Tongue lashings from both sides began to tear into the knights. Today was a good day.
"So, as a Lord of the Clock Tower I am putting you under an apprenticeship," I began to pat Gray's head. "That Artoria is basically your aunt, and you might be turning into her. But thankfully my job description is Miracle Worker. Because that is what it takes to make sure my students don't die in their experiments...permanently...let's just say I toe the line when it comes to the actual rules."
Pale green eyes stared at me. "Are you a crazy person?"
I couldn't help but enjoy this. "Gray, most people who get remembered are crazy people, or the sane people who dealt with the crazy people. Now I am kidnapping you for a bit to take you on a trip to an amusement park in my diabolical plan to break my stepdaughter."
Reines scooped up the girl underneath one arm. "I now have my own Saber." Two knights ceased their shouting match to focus on her. Today was a good day. I had been half expecting Artoria to turn Alter and start abusing my immortality for inventive torture procedures. Now how to deal with grabbing Mordred?
My younger counterpart grinned. "I am still going to play with Olga." Well that was good, we'd probably averted her soulcrushing despair inducing death especially since this didn't seem to be an FGO timeline.
"Oh cousin, I have such plans."
Horus's voice reached me once again. "Well, there is something I would like...not your horrible plans for grooming a child, but a job for you."
I wouldn't call it grooming. That implied that lewd things were going to happen. That might be possible when Olga was older, but it wasn't the point. Despite not seeing the bird god I could feel his irate gaze upon me.
My eyes snapped open. This was not my bed. If it was mine I'd be sandwiched between two ambiguously crazy witches while a sex pet slept at the foot of the bed. This had no one but me in it. And that was wrong. Darnic's memories slowly seeped into my mind, getting subsumed within the weird mass that was my mind at this point.
Hmm, he had never told anyone details about how he 'won' the Grail. I looked down at my hand where several red command seals remained. Well, this could work out very nicely for me.
But first of all…
I smiled as a loose plan formed. "Family meeting time."
-
The future Masters of Black assembled before me, all in the nice tidy uniforms Darnic had made before I replaced him. Even Hyouma had the black and white military uniform bedazzled with gold ornamentations. "Young champions of our faction. Do you know the plan of battle?"
Caules pushed his glasses up. "Well, we have all our catalysts prepared."
"Yes, and on that," I looked at Hyouma. "No summoning outside the castle. That is just begging for the Magus Association to send someone over to kill you. Or you will fail to control your servant and get your throat slit. The Assassin Class is good at that, and can survive for a good amount of time after the death of their master. Not to mention being well suited for stealing energy for others to keep themselves active."
Celenike chuckled, holding her arms at her stomach to slightly push her breasts up as she did so. The supplementary materials weren't lying about her, even from my throne I could smell old blood on her. If Cheiron couldn't deal with her I was probably going to find a way to kill her.
"I have a question for each of you," I rested my chin over my fist. "Cheiron, Siegfried, Jack the Ripper, Avicebron, Astolfo, Frankenstein's Monster?" They all winced as I identified their preferred Servants. "Caules I commend you for your ability to find such an interesting catalyst, but such a Servant is likely to be weak. Roche, Avicebron is a good match for you, yet there are more powerful Casters who can easily be found for the rest," I trailed off and met Celenike's gaze. She glanced down rather than try to be openly contemptuous.
"Your compatibility with one of the Paladin's of Charlemagne is incredibly minimal," I closed my eyes. "Instead you shall plan with Cheiron."
"Grandfather," The arms of Fiore's wheelchair creaked as she held back her anger at this. "I took a large amount of time and resources in obtaining that catalyst."
I gave a genuine smile to her. "Yes, but as the future leader of Yggdmillennia I believe you should instead act as the master of our future Commander for the War. Vlad Tepes."
All six of them blinked at that statement. The gentle girl being forced to spend time with one of the most vicious warlords of history would seem insane to anyone.
Celenike frowned. "Then you intend to be the Master of Rider?"
"Yes, and I shall obtain catalysts to Servants more conductive to our plans," I glanced at Caules and Roche. "Now, next week we will have the first round of summonings." With that said I clapped my hands together. "So then, how do you like your steaks?"
Gordes blurted out his answer. "By the plateful." That was perfectly understandable.
Once in the kitchen all of them showed various degrees of uncomfortableness at their current situation of having their food cooked for them by their patriarch. Hyouma looked more confused than worried, while Caules seemed ready to have a heart attack. "Now young ones, let me tell you the story about how Grandpa Darnic tricked the Nazis out of money, and stole the Holy Grail from a bunch of magi."
Roche blinked. "Why?"
"Because it is teambuilding story time," I flipped a steak over to get the other side. Some more sauce got poured into cuts I made into the flesh. "Now, first let us talk about the participants. There was a disturbingly attractive homunculus woman, a Tohsaka playboy, an American who played with dolls, the Matou, a pair of Edelfelts who got seduced by Tohsaka, myself, and an unimportant person."
"And then you stole the grail by using the Nazis to set everything on fire," Caules rolled his eyes.
"Yes, and then killed the Nazis. Very important," I steepled my fingers together. "But do you know which servant I summoned?"
"Not Berserker," Hyouma shrugged.
"A Lancer," I smiled. "A very powerful, ridiculous, Lancer, but I did more. Your grandpa killed a man and stole his slot so I could have another one. Because I cheat, as shown by the usage and slaughter of Nazis."
Fiore frowned. "But why would you need to do that?"
"Because it is good to have multiple plans running," I placed a well-done steak on her plate before popping a bottle of wine open. "Can you guess what Caster I summoned?" I poured a glass of wine for everyone.
"Someone worse than Avicebron," Roche glowered.
"I summoned one of the most powerful Casters in the world, one whose name is still known to the average man and woman to this day, the very image of a witch, a wise and powerful ruler of the land."
Gordes kept his eyes on the cooking steaks. "Medea of Colchis?"
"No."
"Louhi," Celenike suggested.
"Your Fairy Grandmother," I smiled. A knife pierced my hand. "Fairy Godmother."
Mist coalesced as Morgan appeared in the head chair. She calmly took my glass of wine and downed it. "I do not claim these people."
"Yes dear," I rolled my eyes.
The six of them were silent as they tried to comprehend that a person who was effectively a god was sitting in the same room as them. Morgan hummed before pointing at the grill. "I will have one as well."
"Already expected that," I shrugged before getting back to cooking.
Fiore slowly tried to break her gaze from staring at Morgan, but failed horribly as she found herself unable to tear her eyes away. "So, who was Lancer."
"Lancer is Brynhildr, and Morgan, I must say that she will feel horrible that it is you savagely penetrating me with sharp object," I tutted at the Fairy Queen.
She groaned. "Oh please."
"What is happening?" Caules's head shook between each of us to the point he was almost blurring. Did he somehow access the Speed Force?
"Your Grandparents are getting back together and hope to soon see their errant tomboyish daughter," I smiled.
"What?" He repeated.
"Morgan is a siscon and did terrible things to her little sister."
She slammed her fist into the table so hard everyone's plates flew into the air. "Merlin did worse first!"
"And King Arthur was an eternally 14 year old girl. So not Celenike's type."
Fiore took a long drink from her glass. Good, good she was coming to understand the way of the multiverse.
-Summoning Night-
Roche's face was scrunched in frustration. "I don't see why I need to summon an insane woman. Avicebron has much better automatons than anything this person could possibly make."
I gave him an indulgent smile. "Summon the one I gave you a catalyst for or I let Celenike have Dungeon Happytime Funtime with you." He paused, staring at me before realizing just what I meant. His wide eyes and teeth-baring grimace was something that would probably end with Celenike fisting him up to her elbow. "Now, be a good boy."
Fiore stared at me. "Grandfather, why do you threaten a child?"
"Oh, I wouldn't let him be raped," I patted her head. "Just describe the horrible things that I ensure won't happen to him. Also threaten, but never make a promise that it will occur."
Soon the ritual was completed and fog filled the throne room. Two well-defined figures left the area. A tall man with skin paler than even Morgan when she went Alter glowered at us. "I have made my way here, who is my master?"
"I am," Fiore folded her hands in her lap before looking up to meet the lean man's eyes. "Fiore Forvedge Yggdmillennia, heir of our organization and Master of Lancer of Black."
He smirked at her. "A crippled young girl expects to be the master of a King? What makes you think you are worthy of such a role?"
Her eyes narrowed. "I have used my craft to get around the limitations of my body. Unlike close to every other Master in our group I have my full intent to go into battle with my Mystic Code and eliminate the other masters even if you are going to fight the Servants."
Vlad smiled indulgently. "Truly? What a persistent child you are." He chuckled before clapping his hands together. "Wonderful Master, you might be a warrior despite your soft appearance."
I shook my head. "Lord Impaler, you are going to be surprised when you see the others."
He looked me up and down before frowning. "And what do you mean by that?" I calmly took out a picture of Gordes. Lancer grimaced. "I understand that now."
Helena Blavatsky laughed before exiting the mist. "Very good," She held her hand out to Roche. "Should I presume you will be my master? I, Caster of Black, will be your guide."
Vlad paused, staring at her outrageous costume. "Things must change."
Caster yawned, purple motes of light falling around her before a long cloak formed over her shoulders. "My coat shall be enough, no?"
"Absolutely not," Vlad gestured at Fiore. "Even in these modern times women understand that an amount of modesty is needed."
Helena looked down at herself. "I am covering up more than many swimsuits."
"That is not the point!"
Roche turned around and ran away. "I wanted Avicebron-sensei!" Helena blinked before chasing after her master. She could easily outpace him and manhandle the boy, but she seemed to be having fun running behind his heels.
The summoning circle lit up again as a burst of energy was expelled. All the smoke disappeared while three women knelt before us. Red, Black, and Golden hair all stood out in the monotone throne room. Three voices chorused. "We are the Valkyrie-Individual name, Ortlinde/Hildr/Thrud," Red eyes blinked as they looked at each other.
Ortlinde hummed. "I'm amazed, Master has managed to summon all three of us."
Hildr nodded. "I thought it was impossible for even one of us to be brought here, but as we are linked it seems an exception has been made," She smiled. "Yep, it truly is amazing."
Thrudr stood before bowing. "Master, we will serve you to the end when our Saint Graph collapses."
Vlad stared at the three before rubbing his lips. "I need a drink."
"We have wine older than you," I quickly added another part."And a pile of Dracula novels to hold a bonfire with." I smiled at the Valkyries. "Greetings my sister-in-laws."
Fiore gave me a long look as I patted each Valkyrie on the head. "Am...did...are there going to be eleven servants on our side? Do you just cheat at all times?" She paused. "I thought you were married to Morgan."
"Both. If Morgan can have a magical realm that includes eight witches who call her Big Sister and serve her every need polygamy doesn't seem that problematic," I explained before grinning. "And Fiore, if you are playing fair you are doing it wrong. I'm certain that Prince Vlad can give you such lessons and make them very clear in the coming months." She squeaked in terror as Vlad laughed.
-Meanwhile, Artoria-
I took in a deep breath of air while Iri slept beside me. "Freedom."
The smell of burning lotus root wafted through the house. "Saber, I was asked to take over training for Ilyasviel while Lord El-Melloi is out." The boy. His apprentice was here.
"Damn you Kayneth," I groaned before turning my head to the ceiling. "DAMN YOU!"
Normal PoV-
Fiore gazed upon the imperious Lord Impaler with the same kind of fear she normally reserved for Darnic. Well me, kinda, it didn't matter anymore. I felt my neck pop as I stretched it out with twists and turns this morning. "So, how is everyone? A good night's sleep?" The pan sizzled as I cooked pancakes. I wasn't entirely certain how this was going to turn out. Different elevations could mess with cooking them. Once I had moved to a high elevation city in the east pancakes ended up never turning out the same as before.
Roche sulked while Fiore sighed. "Yes Grandfather, though I retired late in the night after showing my Mystic Code to Lancer." Vlad rested his eyes and nodded with a grunt.
Helena smiled next to her depressed Master. "I have accustomed myself to the workshops beneath the castle. They offer wide spaces and plenty of tools for my craft." The odd magus chuckled. "Perhaps I shall make copies of my divine mount, my Noble Phantasm Sanat Kumara!"
Every other magus stared at her in utter horror. Celenike twitched. "You are just blurting out the name of your trump card?"
Blavatsky grinned. "It has no weaknesses and you would never guess what it is."
Ortlinde somehow ended up next to the stove with her nose almost on the countertop. "It is a circular spacecraft made by the gods. The main armament are the numerous Ether cannons meant to be used for the destruction of ground troops and protection from other air or spaceborn craft."
The purple haired girl blinked several times before turning red. "I, we…ye-" Helena punched her chest as she coughed before clearing her throat. "Yes, as expected of a higher-dimensional lifeform that had descended upon this material realm to impart her knowledge upon the unenlightened masses."
"We have destroyed many such craft," Ortlinde added. "However, the number of units required would be far above those available now. Though Nee-san could change this."
"So you are an enemy of the Mahatmas," Helena closed her eyes. "One day we may come in conflict with each other."
I placed a pancake on a plate for the Valkyrie. "It is hot, there are condiments in the cupboard."
She stared.
"There is powdered sugar, chocolate chip, syrup, and many other things. I would suggest not putting all of that on even though you are not human."
Bryn sighed. "Do not somehow give my divine sister diabetes. It should not be possible for her."
"What is happening," Caules asked.
I flashed him a smile. "Ensuring I do not get my spine ripped out through my stomach by angry Heroic Spirits. Remember Caules, treat them well and spoil when appropriate." Vlad gave me a look. "He is likely to have a very angry woman as a Servant due to wanting a berserker." He nodded. With that done I started the smoozing on Vlad. "Would you like Coffee or Hot Cocoa?"
This time it was Gordes's turn to stare.
"Gordes, they are not simple familiars. And they deserve respect for the knowledge they have."
Fiore licked her lips. "Coffee is very bitter."
Vlad snorted. "I have partaken in coffee child, the Turks drank it by the gallon and used it as medicine."
"Oh, then you should have hot chocolate."
He twitched. "I…oh why bother." Before I could offer it to the man Helena had somehow gotten the entire pot in her hand. Vlad stared. "Magus, you intend to share correct." It was not a question.
She hummed and poured him a cup. "Of course."
The Valkyries all looked on with interest. "Is this how humans normally interact?"
Oh, oh gods no. "Heroic Spirits are never a good example of normal, for humans, their cultures, or anything else really." Three pairs of red eyes blinked. It was too much. There was no way I could resist my base urges anymore. The primal desire had been unleashed. My hands reached out to Ortlinde, pulling down her hood.
Thus began vigorous headpatting.
Caules frowned, his eyes set on top of their heads. "Do they have wing…ear…things?"
"Do not question Odin," I continued rubbing Ortlinde's scalp. The Valkyrie hummed under my focused attention. Bryn glared at me. "Would you rather it be Morgan."
"If she laid hands on them none of my sisters would remain as," Bryn scrunched her face up as she tried to come up with a way to describe what Morgan would do to her sister-in-laws. "They would break in a ways different from how I did."
A fork and knife fell out of Celenike's grip while her glasses began to slip off. A faint amount of drool dribbled from the side of her mouth while Hyouma gave her a concerned look. The sex fiends of the group seemed to have two different considerations of this scenario. Maybe Hyouma's was due to there being no guys involved?
Hmm, I looked at the Valkyrie uniform the three Riders had. "We should make a set for Brynhildr."
Said Lancer blushed profusely. "Master, no."
Vlad turned his head between his Master and I. "Do the depths of your depravity know no bounds."
"My Prince, you have no idea how much worse other people can be. I am tame in comparison to the darkness you will find with Caules's depraved internet."
"The internet isn't evil!" Caules slammed his fists on the table.
"I know what is there," I smiled. "And we can all look through your search history." He quieted down that instant. Fiore gave her sulking brother a concerned look, both for him, and for what it was he might have been doing.
"Also girls, no stabbing Siegfried to death, he isn't Sigurd," I gently chided the Riders.
The three nodded. Hmm. What underwear, if any, did Odin give them? Sometime soon I would need to check that. "Now then, everyone knows the timetable we have?" Caster gave me a thumbs up. "Well we will be getting ready for the War now."
-Some Time Later-
Celenike twitched while Cheiron smiled at her. "Greetings my master. Archer-Class Servant, Chiron, has answered your summons. I hope my knowledge can be of use to the Black Faction. I'll use all of my strength for your sake."
The Witch's face twisted in a grimace. "So," She let out a groan. Yeah, this was going to be fun to watch.
Siegfried knelt before his grinning master while Caules gave his muscled Amazon a concerned look. The burning eyes of rage were normal for her of course. Especially when a Greek Servant was around. Cheiron winced while keeping his smile on. "I see you are doing well Queen of the Amazons."
"ACH-"
I walked over to the last Servant and held up Assassin. "Well, I understand why none caught Jack the Ripper." The Berserker twisted around and fell out of her bloodlust due to seeing the babyfaced Servant.
Hyouma raised a hand. "Lord Darnic, I really doubt this is the Assass-" Several knives found themselves planted in his chest. Morgan sighed and snapped her fingers. The several implements of jabbing and carving slipped out of the man's chest as regenerating flesh pushed them out.
And now I had some kind of stiletto in my eye. Fun~
Fiore smacked her lips, staring at the long weapon protruding from my eyesocket. "Grandfather. Are you alright?"
"A knife to the eye is not going to stop me, do you have any idea how many Nazis and innocent bystandards I had to get killed for us to be here?" I chuckled while holding up Jackie. "So, stop doing that." The knife was driven further into my eye. "Am I going to have to put you in time out?"
Jackie blinked and pulled out the knife. That was be- And she jammed it into my throat.
"Morgan, do you see what she is doing?" I asked.
The Witch Queen shrugged. "That wouldn't kill you."
Vlad looked at my slowly regenerating form. "Are you a Vampire?"
"No," We chorused.
I patted Jackie's head. "Either behave or no pancakes."
"What are pancakes?"
Fiore shook her head at the scene. "Grandfather, you cannot control an insane Servant with…" I pulled out a Jolly Rancher, immediately causing Jackie to get onto her tiptoes to take the treat. "I cannot believe you can do this."
"Bribing is step one, then you condition them to follow orders with love and punishment."
"That sounds suspiciously similar to dog training," Cheiron deadpanned.
"I was thinking more along the lines of students. All the pain and suffering becomes worth it in their eyes if they get it into their heads that they want to make me proud. Or maybe that is just Stockholm Syndrome?"
"And now I understand how you ended up with who you did," Celenike slowly turned her gaze to Morgan who simply smiled.
Jackie reached up to take the candy. "Mommy."
All the Masters of Black were silent for a moment, watching as I fed the not-loli candy. This did look wrong in all the right ways. Ortlinde manifested next to me, red eyes boring into my own. I took out another Jolly Rancher.
Brynhildr facepalmed. "Master, please do not teach my sisters bad habits."
"Since all of you have the same core does that mean I can bribe you wi-" And now I had a spear in my chest. Normally that only came after I had already penetrated Bryn.
"How are you even alive?" Fiore stared at my bloodstained form.
"Fairies," I answered while pushing the rest of the shaft through my gaping hole. "They do strange things." Morgan nodded at that. "Now then, Masters and Servants of Black. We will be fighting around Eight Servants if the new Ruler does not get involved."
Hyouma groaned. "Old Man I think you mean seven."
"No, Eight," I answered. "Because Amakusa Shirou has gotten it into his mind to copy his many many movie, anime, and fighting game copies. This time with Heroic Spirits."
"Um." Hyouma blinked. "Our Grandfather who worked with the Nazis is about to go to war with Evil Amakusa Shirou with the resurrected dead of various heroes and killers. While our side has Siegfried, Brynhildr, and a ton of Valkyries."
"I killed a large number of Nazis and made them spend their money on a boondoggle."
"Just making sure."
"What is it that you people are talking about?" Gordes snorted. "Not to offend you of course Lord Darnic."
Hyouma rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah Adolf."
"Filthy Rat. This moustache originated from British Sailors!"
This was fun.
I went over to the throne Morgan had stolen from me and held up a box. "Caules, this is for you." The young magus had a pained look on his face as I strode over to him and handed the box over. "Within this is the way to have a healthy Master Servant relationship and strengthen your bonds of trust within one another."
Penny was glaring at me while Caules slowly opened it up, and promptly closed it before the Amazon could look in it. "No," He shivered. "Nononononono. Are you trying to get me killed?"
"Ah," I smiled. "No. That is for you."
Caules was silent, slowly blinking as he processed the information. "Wait." He paused again. "I think that would still kill me."
The Amazon grabbed the box and opened it to reveal a set of handcuffs. Celenike gave an evil smile while Caules went white. Penthesilea growled. "Who do you think I am?"
"Penthesilea, dignified Queen of the Amazons, daughter of Ares," I laughed. "Those are for you to use on Caules, not the other way around."
Fiore flushed. "Grandfather!"
"It is only so that she can trust him not to do anything weird," I assured her. "And knowing Amakusa he is likely to summon your great rival into battle for you to finally rip the head off and use as a soccer ball."
"ACHILLES!"
Oh my, I might have made a mistake there.
-Bedroom-
Morgan frowned while patching my body up. "Really now. Talking about Achilles right in front of her?"
"I thought she'd be happy," I sighed. It had really seemed like a good idea at the time. Ortlinde stood guard next to the bed with a smile. "Oh not you too." She patted my head. "See, she agrees with me."
"Unfortunately not."
Morgan smirked and patted Ortlinde's heads, rubbing the pair of wings growing at the top. "You are a good girl." Her smile widened. "A very good girl." The Valkyrie quickly ducked form underneath her and switched to the other side of the bed. Morgan pouted. "What a cruel sister in law."
From this angle I could notice the distinct curve of Ortlinde's breasts. Despite the unflattering clothing she was definitely bigger than I had expected. Perhaps more so than Morgan, but definitely smaller than Bryn. Morgan dug a finger inside one of my wounds. "You were thinking about them too," I quickly defended. The Witch crossed her arms while Ortlinde kept me between the two of them.
"Fine," Morgan sighed and finished up my healing. "Ortlinde, please leave the room while I attend to adult things. Or you could watch or join, it doesn't matter."
Ortlinde nodded. "Understood," She leaned over and reached beneath her armor. "I shall make the preparations."
Morgan fell to the ground with her nose spurting blood. Rather than a fainting spell the woman was on the floor, shivering in pleasure with a smile. "So cute. I want to hold her and do so much." And now she was drooling. Morgan's fetishes definitely included honorable young warrior women.
-Meanwhile with Reines-
"Lord Wizard Marshall Zelretch, The Old Man of Jewels," A young blond girl threw open the doors of one of the most powerful men in the Moonlit World. "I wish to follow my dear troublesome uncle in his latest endeavor." On the other side of the room an ancient wizard considered just what was happening. Not even the most arrogant of magi normally did something like this. A sparkling eyed girl with a twisted heart smiled at him. Was this another fundamentally evil person? Possibly.
"In return for a certain item that he mentioned in his notes I shall endeavor to make sure the Tohsaka heir does not fall into deep debt that ends in her making a deal with The World."
...
He decided he really didn't want to entertain the possibility of that Joke existing in his timeline. "If I give you a Kaleidostick and set it up so you can go to and from the place he went will you never abuse my doors?"
"I will agree to that."
Zelretch took out a red staff that looked like it should have come out from a Mahou Shoujo anime. "This is Kaleidostick Ruby, if you see a Dead Apostle other than me, blast it in the face with this."
"Agreed."
"And if that man tries to annoy me blast him in the face with this."
"That would be fun." The girl took the item and skipped away happily. Zelretch sat back, commanding the doors to close with a simple gesture before pausing as he realized something. Either Ruby would have far too much fun serving that sadistic little girl, or she would be broken to the child's whims. The latter would be preferable, but even with the former it meant the thing wouldn't be meddling with him.
So it was a win either way.
And if Amakusa Shirou suffered to the girl that was another win.
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