Of course she doesn't like you, you lunatic! How she resisted the urge not to bash your skull in with a broom if she had to clean this place up twice a week I do not know, but she must have had the patience of a saint.
Oh my God, now I get it! Naruto, he's basically a rich spoiled kid, isn't he? One that was never taught to make his bed or tidy up his room because the maid will clean it up for him the next day.
No one ever tried to discipline him for making a mess, have they? I mean who will? No one wants to piss off the kid with the killer demon fox in his belly, well other than the Hokage. But seeing as he is probably the only person who is even remotely nice to Naruto, he probably couldn't bring himself to be strict with the kid and risk alienating him more than he already is.
For most of my past life I had to raise both of my sons alone. Which meant not only was I responsible for raising them properly but cleaning after their messes as well. And it didn't take me long after becoming a single father to twin boys to learn to hate, no utterly loathe it when they made a mess. And looking at the pigsty that Naruto called home, I felt something snap in me.
Without thinking, both my hands clamped down onto Naruto's shoulders. "Naruto," I tried smiling at the boy but it must have come out wrong because I saw his eyes widen before he tried to lean as far back away from me in my grip as he could. "We are going to clean this place up, alright? And I don't care if we're here until sunrise, neither you nor I are going to stop cleaning until this place is spotless, understand?"
"What, why?" He whined out and pouted at me, "Why can't we just leave it for the cleaning lady to-"
"CLEAN-NOW-UNDERSTAND!"
"Sir, Yes Sir!" The blond shot straight up and saluted, before flying off to the supply closet.
Nodding in satisfaction, I turned around to face the garbage-filled room. "Hello my old enemy," I said to the messy room, "so we meet again."
"Hey, Naruto." Pausing halfway through my sweeping, I leaned on my broom as a thought occurred to me.
"What?" He grumbled from where he stood by the wall. He had a wet rag in his hands that he was using to clean the paint off the walls, a bucket of water by his feet. To my surprise, it was actually working.
I had at first feared that the wallpaper was unsalvageable and had to be replaced, but it seems that the stuff was waterproof or something because it remained undamaged even when scrubbed with soap and water. I guess they must have swapped out the regular wallpaper for this kind after they realized that Naruto would just keep ruining them.
I ignored his tone. He's been in a sour mood for the last hour or so since we had begun cleaning, at least he wasn't giving me the silent treatment anymore. "I've just realized, this place is a shinobi-only complex isn't it?"
I hadn't noticed at first, seeing as I was all but dragged up here at the speed of sound, but I don't recall seeing anyone in the apartment complex other than ninjas.
"Yeah, and what about it?" He frowned at a particularly stubborn spot of paint that refused to be scrubbed off.
"Nothing, it's just the first time I've ever been in one," I remember Kou pointing out places like this to me before. They were actually rather common in Konoha. Shinobi tended to have trouble mixing in with civilians, in particular those who fought in wars, and many found it simpler to live among their own kind. Or at least that's what Kou tells me- Oh Shit, Kou!
Where the hell is Kou!?
In my panic, I quickly glanced around me in hopes of spotting my errant bodyguard, as if he would magically appear in the apartment. Naturally, there was no one in here but Naruto and me. I had forgotten Kou at the compound! Oh shit, I was in so much trouble.
One of the few ironclad rules that I had to obey was to never leave the compound without an escort. Ever! As one of the few Hyuuga without the Caged Seal, I was a prime target for kidnapping, and my father would rip me in two if he found out I was running around without a guard of some kind.
Wait- wait a second, calm down. Wasn't Hiashi there when he sent us off? He knew that it was only Naruto and me when we left, so why didn't he stop us? Surely he must have realized that Kou wasn't with us by now and must have sent him after us.
So where was he? Was Kou simply staying out of sight? With the Byakugan it's not like he needed to be in the same room to keep a close eye on me.
Quickly I turned on my Byakugan and a previously unseen world revealed itself to my eyes. Over a hundred unfamiliar shinobi-class Chakra signatures popped out from every direction, no doubt the other residents of the building. I immediately ignored Naruto's, which shone far brighter than any untrained child should have, and quickly began searching for Kou's.
Were it anyone else, I would have had trouble spotting his Chakra signature in a place filled so many others for him to blend in with, but Kou was an exception. There was a reason why he was chosen to become my guard at such a young age and even among so many other signatures, Kou's would have stood out like a grown man in a children's playground.
Kou's Chakra supply was exceptionally large, even by Shinobi standards. His would blaze like a campfire surrounded by candles in my eyes, even with the other Shinobi nearby.
It didn't take me more than a heartbeat to spot it, the unusually high Chakra signature coming from above and behind us. He was on the rooftop of one of the neighbouring buildings, directly across the street from Naruto's. Crouching down on the railing like a bird of prey, he silently watched us even through the walls- Wait a minute, that wasn't Kou!
While this man's Chakra supply was large, easily matching Kou's in size and more, his signature was completely different. To my eyes, Kou's Chakra always appeared like smooth flowing water, a common hereditary trait among the Hyuuga, while this man's Chakra crackled and sparkled like bottled lightning.
There was no way that this was Kou or any other Hyuuga, I would have remembered a Chakra signature as unusual as this. But there was no doubt that he was watching us, even through his mask I could clearly see the way his single eye tracked our forms.
I admit I would have been a bit more terrified that an unknown, and potentially powerful, ninja was watching us had it not been for the Anbu mask he wore. That his mask was carved in the shape of a dog only further relieved me.
Kakashi lazily waved down at me, letting me know he knew I had spotted him. That there was a wall blocking his line of sight to us and that I wasn't looking anywhere his general direction only served to confirm what I had already heard about his skill as a Jounin, and his reputation as a showoff.
"Hey, Naruto, did you know that-" I paused when Kakashi raised a finger to his lips in a 'shushing' gesture while raising the thumb of his other hand to one side of his neck before slowly dragging it across his throat.
"Do I know what?" Naruto paused scrubbing to glance over his shoulder.
"Nothing," I quickly replied and resumed sweeping, hoping that he didn't notice how pale my face was, "Nothing at all. Don't worry about it."
Naruto gave me a perplexed look before shrugging and going back to cleaning the wall, grumbling under his breath all the while about stupid walls and stupid bug-eyed boys.
Now I knew Kakashi was bluffing, or at least I hoped he was. Kakashi would never kill me, not over something like this at least. But if history repeated itself, then there was the very real possibility that Kakashi could end up as my Sensei in the near future. And there was no way I wanted to get on his bad side.
This was the guy who allowed Genin, fresh out of the Academy wet behind the ear Genin, to help him fight the Momochi Zabuza, a A-rank missing-ninja, after only teaching them the tree walking exercise… and nothing else. And that was when he liked them. God knows what he did to kids that he hated, but I sure as hell didn't want to find out.
So I continued my cleaning, all while pretending that I wasn't under the watchful eye of a highly trained killer who had been murdering people since he was five years old.
"You know," Looking down at the half-filled garbage bag that I was holding open, "I'm actually quite surprised. I haven't seen so much as a single instant ramen cup anywhere, and here I thought this place will be filled with the stuff."
It had been several hours since we started cleaning up the place and we were nearing the end, and I have to say, the place was completely unrecognizable. Underneath all of the trash, this place really was a first-class apartment, far better than any of the apartments I had ever lived in my previous life.
Though it only had a single bedroom, it was huge, probably designed for a couple to share. It had a full kitchen with all the 'modern' equipment along with a well-stocked pantry – the so-called cleaning lady apparently doubled as a cook, and would leave several meals for Naruto to eat throughout the week – and it came with a living and dining area.
The place's bathroom also came with a bathtub, and I don't mean one of these cramped ones you'd find in one of those Japanese apartments but one with a bathtub so large that several fully grown people could slip in with room to spare.
"Ramen?" Naruto sounded confused as he dumped one of the last remaining pieces of trash into the garbage bag. "What's that?"
I stared at him in disbelief, so shocked that I barely noticed the bag slipping through my nerveless fingers. "You…You don't know what Ramen is?" Even to own my ears my voice sounded off. I walked up to Naruto and held him by his shoulders. "You're not lying, are you? You really don't know what Ramen is?"
"N-No." Naruto answered, sounding a bit nervous, "I'm…I'm sorry, I guess?"
"No, no my boy. You have nothing to be sorry about. This is a wonderful, wonderful thing." And it really was too. I can't believe I'm going to have the chance to cut this addiction in the bud. "Now listen carefully to me." I brought my head closer to him as if I was about to part with a secret. "Ramen is a horrible food. It's fatty, unhealthy, basically pure junk food that would only weaken your potential as a ninja. But it also has a curse on it. There are some people who only need to take a single sip of the stuff, become instantly addicted, and will never stop eating it. Ever."
"Really?" He asked wide-eyed.
"Really." I nodded solemnly. God, I loved gullible five-year-olds. They made it so much easier for me to manipulate them. Plus it's not as if I was lying. Ramen may actually be an addictive drug as far as the Uzumaki were concerned. "Which is why, for your own good, I want you to promise me that you will never, ever eat ramen. Please Naruto, you have to promise me this, this is important."
"Okay, I promise." Naruto nodded once, his face as earnest as I had ever seen it. And I had no doubt he meant it.
It took everything to keep my face straight and not ruin the serious mood of the moment by breaking out in cheers. YES! Yes, I can't believe I did it! Mentally I dropped down to my knees and raised my hands to the sky. Yes! No more ramen, no more meals consisting of only instant cup ramen! I had too much of that crap in college and now I never have to eat those disgusting things ever again. Thank you oh merciful god!
Oh, this is fantastic. Wait, does this mean if I act early enough, I can stop Naruto from developing some of his more annoying bad habits. Like the horrible orange jumpsuits that he insists on wearing? Oh Dear Lord, does this mean I can stop him from saying that Dattebayo crap at the end of every other sentence. That's fantastic! I better get on it right away before-
"I will never ever eat ramen for the rest of my life Hikaru, Dattebayo."
…Oh fate you vindictive son of a bitch! Or was it irony I should be cursing? Ah well, I guess I shouldn't be greedy. One miracle is more than I had ever hoped for. You know what, yeah, I'll look at the bright side and count this as a win. I think this calls for a celebration.
"Hey Naruto," I shot a quick glance towards the pantry, I was pretty sure he had all the ingredients in stock. "How about I cook us dinner as a reward for all of our hard work?"
"You can cook?" he asked, giving me a dubious look.
"Of course I can cook. Not only can I cook, I know the secret recipe for the greatest food in existence. It is the food of the Gods my friend. The food of the Gods."
"Really?" Naruto was actually hopping on his toes in excitement, "What's it called?"
I shot the hyperactive blond a smile, "It's called pizza."
"That-" Naruto had to stop and release a large belch, "…That was really good."
"Yup," I smirked as the blond leaned back on his seat with a satisfied groan and patted his stomach. "And that is why pizza is the real food of the gods."
It was amazing how little variety of food they had in this world. I mean I could understand it if they didn't have the ingredients to make it but that simply wasn't the case. They simply never thought of so many of the different recipes I took for granted back home, in particular western-style food.
Pizza being the prime example. They had cheese, bread and tomatoes but no one ever thought to combine the three together. I tried making it back home a couple of times in the past but it didn't end up as big of a hit as I had expected, unlike with Naruto who managed to pack away three full-sized pizzas.
"*Burp* Amen." The miniature black hole leaned back into his chair, his face entirely covered with sauce and bits of cheese that he had spillt over himself in haste to eat.
Sighing in half exasperation and half amusement at the boy, I stood up from my seat and made my way around the kitchen table. Picking up a couple of napkins on the way, I walked up to Naruto and grabbed him by his chin.
"Hey-what?" he squawked as I began to wipe the tomato sauce that covered his mouth and most of his face.
"Hold still." I ordered, "I'm trying to clean you up, so stop moving."
Naruto instantly obeyed, shutting his eyes in displeasure as I wiped his face, though he couldn't stop squirming in his seat the entire time.
"There, finished." I gave his face a quick look over and nodded, satisfied that I had gotten everything. "See, that wasn't so bad now was it you big baby?"
"No but it was still annoying." He crossed his arms and pouted.
I rolled my eyes, "Alright, enough of that now." I pulled Naruto up to his feet and pushed him towards the bathroom. "Go and take a bath, you need it. And don't worry about the kitchen, I'll stay back and clean it."
"Alright, alright already." He yawned as he made his way to the bathroom, complying without putting up a fight. Either too tired from all the cleaning or simply too mellowed out after the meal.
"Now that we're alone again," I turned to face the mess I left in the kitchen after cooking, a demented grin on my lips, "are you ready for the second round my old enemy?"
With all the servants in the compound I never had to clean up after myself in my entire life, not in this one at least. I had forgotten how satisfying it was to see something dirty transform into something clean and organized.
Not ten minutes later I was done, nodding proudly to myself as I examined the kitchen. The place was spotless and not so much as a single item out of place. Perfect.
Sighing, I placed my hands on my back and stretched, before turning to join Naruto in the bath. That was something you'd never have seen me do in my past life. I was as body shy as they came but I had that habit long beaten out of me.
Nudity, at least towards the same gender, was not a big deal here, quite the opposite. I was forced to learn to let go of my body shyness pretty quickly when my dad kept taking me to the hot springs but in the end, the reward was worth it.
I have to tell you, hot springs were to die for. The first time I went to one after a hard workout, I honestly thought I had died and gone to heaven. It was that good. Though I could have done without the bunch of naked men that filled the place, after a while I no longer noticed them anymore.
Picking up a towel and a change of clothing on the way, I slid the bathroom door open and stepped in, quickly shutting the door behind me to stop the steam from escaping.
"Huh-Hikaru!?" Naruto called out from behind the screen that separated the changing area from the bath. "What are you doing here?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" I pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it in one corner before I began to unbutton my pants. "I'm joining you."
"What!" He yelled. "But you can't do that! I'm not dressed!"
"Of course you're not dressed, who the hell would take a bath clothed?" I rolled my eyes at his behaviour as I finished undressing. Stepping up to the screen I slid it open and stepped inside before shutting it behind me.
Naruto let out a high pitched squeak upon seeing me before dropping deeper into the water so that everything but his head was submerged and hidden from view.
"Oh stop being so shy will you?" I snapped at the boy, exacerbated by his overreaction. I walked up to the bath, on the opposite side he was in and stepped in. The water was nice and really hot, just the way I liked it. I released a sigh as I dropped into the water, submerging myself to my shoulders, before leaning back and resting my head on the bathtub's ledge as I relaxed, shutting my eyes to fully enjoy the experience.
After a few minutes of relaxing, I noticed how awfully silent the place was and cracked open a single eye to check up on Naruto. I barely bit back a sigh when I saw how nervous and red-faced Naruto was, almost as if he was trying to hide himself in the water. "Oh for the love of -You're a man aren't you? Then man up!"
"No, no I'm not!" Naruto exclaimed while vigorously shaking his head.
"Semantics." I waved his concerns away. Boy, man, same difference. For a guy who will someday happily run around as a naked woman in public, he was awfully body-conscious as a child wasn't he? "Really, I never figured you as the shy type-"
I paused and stopped speaking as I caught sight of something unusual in the water. I looked down at it before blinking. Then I blinked again, and once more to make sure. But nope, nothing changed. Feeling completely bewildered and not understanding what I was seeing, I slowly raised my eyes to look at the utterly red-faced Naruto, who had by now submerged himself up to his nose in the water.
"Hey, Naruto," I asked, feeling more perplexed and confused than I could ever remember being. "What the hell happened to your dick?"
And that was how I learned that Naruto was, in fact, a girl.