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CCG Public Enemy No 1 by euphoric image
 Naruto & Tokyo Ghoul/東京喰種トーキョーグール Xover Rated: T, English, Humor, Kakashi H., Words: 17k+, Favs: 462, Follows: 568, Published: Feb 9 Updated: Apr 29 165Chapter 4: Coffee
Kakashi gazed silently at the computer in front of him. Once again, like any good shinobi, he was back in the library, using one of their free computers.
He couldn't believe just how simple it was to do some intelligence gathering. Back in the Elemental Nations, in order to find out information on the enemy, spies had to be painstakingly put in place months ahead of time. It was something that only the ANBU could do - not because they were stronger than normal shinobi but rather it was because they needed to abandon their identity and self for years at a time. Spies live under the constant threat of their cover ID being blown - the stress can easily get to someone who has not gone through ANBU training.
Even after a spy has successfully infiltrated the enemy, they still need a reliable and secure method to deliver their information back to headquarters. If they were lucky, they have summons. If they weren't. . . then they got creative. Messenger hawks, discrete messages in the forms of flowers, "accidentally" starting a bar fight with a fellow Konoha shinobi and once they were down on the ground you whisper into their ear, and so on.
Bottom line is, months of painstaking hard, tedious - and often lethal - work is needed in order to acquire intelligence.
In the Elemental Nations, that is.
In this world, they have social media.
CCG SENDING THEIR BEST INVESTIGATORS TO 20TH WARD
CCG TAKING HEAVY ACTION AGAINST NEW GHOUL ON THE SCENE
EXPERT SPEAKS ON KAKASHI: INSANITY, OR GENIUS?
SHOULD YOU BE ASHAMED THAT YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO A, QUITE FRANKlY, FLAMINGHOT GHOUL -
Kakashi blinked. Oh gods, what?! He quickly left that tab, and scrolled over to the new one.
KAKASHI: TO KILL, TO TORTURE, OR TO MAIM?
Damn. He hasn't caused this much public mayhem and chaos since. . . well, ever.
He had been a good shinobi, after all. Most of his covert operations had stayed that: covert.
In any case. . .
Kakashi rubbed his chin. While he would love to go play with the CCG a little more tomorrow, he had more pressing matters to attend to.
While he wasn't completely certain that humans were the only things ghoul could consume, the evidence does point to that. Which means, it is entirely possible that there are good ghouls out there that are being hunted simply because of what they are.
He needed to hear out their side of the story. He hasn't even seen another ghoul yet.
Who knew, they might be the Jinchuuriki-equivalent of this world.
But that's for a later time. For now. . .
Kakashi giggled as he opened up a new tab, turning on incognito mode. He had heard some great things about the Internet - great things indeed.
"Sir - SIR! THIS IS A LIBRARY! THERE ARE KIDS AROUND! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!"
XxX
"The plan, my dear comrades, is simple," Mado grinned at everyone.
Nearly everyone from the 20th Ward CCG Center was there, from the Rapid Response Teams to the analysts to the snipers.
"First," Mado widened his left eye. Only his left eye. "We have my daughter seduce Kakashi and lure him into a covert CCG facility. It's owned by a shell company, so he shouldn't be suspicious."
"I. . . haven't agreed to anything yet," Akira said slowly.
"Aww please? You know there's no way I can get authorization for a female CCG Investigator to seduce a ghoul."
Amon blinked. "Wait, you don't mean - "
Mado nodded. "Indeed. As of now, Akira here isn't in her capacity as an Investigator, but rather a freelance agent."
"That seems. . ." Amon frowned. "Illegal."
"It's not," Shinohara supplied helpfully. "Morally dubious? Yes. But it's completely legal."
"In any case, after Kakashi is lured inside, we block off the entrance with reinforced titanium shutters," Mado continued. "And that's when we strike. In order to neutralize Kakashi, we need to first understand what it is that makes him so strong. Shinohara-san?"
"His speed."
"Precisely. Kakashi is fast, but once we take out his speed. . ." Mado chuckled. "It will be simple to take him down."
"How, though?" A random analyst called out. "How are we supposed to take out his speed when we can't even touch him?"
Mado smiled. "Gas."
"Gas?"
Mado nodded. "Specifically, the prototype: Control RC Gas Grenade. It's still in testing stages, but it works well. It should definitely impair his movement speed and agility. It works similarly to RC Suppressant."
There was a muttering of agreement around the room. RC Suppressant has already been proven to be quite effective. It slows down a ghoul, makes them vulnerable to normal knife attacks, removes their ability to use their kagune, and lessens their regeneration.
"While it won't slow him down by a lot, it will be enough. Shinohara-san, Amon-kun, and Suzuya-san shall then work alongside me to take him out," Mado tilted his head. "Any questions?"
"What do we do?" A Rapid Response Team member called out.
"You sit back and do nothing," Mado shrugged. "We already know that you all can't do anything against Kakashi."
"Oh."
"Yup. So that's the plan. Let's - "
"I still haven't agreed yet," Akira called out, slightly annoyed.
Mado blinked. "Please?"
"What will you give me?"
"What do you want?"
Akira's reply was immediate and blunt. "Your books. I want them out of the house."
Mado winced. "Wait, Akira, please - "
"No," Akira leveled him with an icy stare. "I want. Them. Gone."
Mado pleaded silently with her with his eyes, but she wouldn't relent. After a while, he sighed in despair. "Fine."
Akira paused. "Actually, no. It's not enough to get them out of the house. Give them all to me; I need to burn them."
"WHYYY?!"
"Because they're filthy," Akira glared before turning to the nearest analyst, who gulped in fear. "Now, if I'm going to seduce Kakashi, I need new clothes. What's my budget?"
XxX
"So. . . where's Kakashi?" The analyst tapped on his mechanical keyboard, his fingers dancing over the lubed linear switches. The buttery smooth keys were frictionless - there was absolutely no scratches or adverse feelings at all. The stabilizers were clipped, lubed, and bandaid modded, resulting in delightful sound.
"No idea. No sightings yet."
"Huh."
XxX
"Take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of beer on the wall~"
"Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall~"
"Take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles - "
"GOD DAMN IT SHUT UP ALREADY! I know it's boring, waiting for Kakashi to show up, but please!"
XxX
"This. . . this can't be right," Mado frowned, tapping his foot against the ground rapidly. He stared at the wall-mounted television.
"Where is Kakashi?" Amon asked.
"Maybe he decided to do the smart thing and lay low for a while?" Shinohara suggested.
"No. . . that's not it," Mado bit down on his nail, thinking furiously.
"Your intuition?"
"Yeah."
Amon scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion. "Intuition?"
Shinohara nodded. "Mado-san's intuition is legendary among the CCG elites. We had to ban him from every gambling game because of it."
Mado chuckled. "I remember. You all still owe me 80,000 yen." Then he glared up at the television. "Kakashi, what are you planning?" he muttered.
XxX
"Apparently Kakashi won't be showing up today," Shinohara announced. "However, we must not let our guards down. It's entirely possible that this time, he'll strike at night. Stay alert, everyone."
XxX
"Yes!" Touka grinned at Yoshimura. "Finally, a whole day without any Kakashi!"
"Indeed," Yoshimura straightened several jars of coffee beans. "Given how Kakashi hadn't appeared anywhere today, I presume that he's lying low - at least, until things have cooled down somewhat."
"I'd rather him never come back. Shitty Kakashi, attracting all the high-ranking Doves over here."
Yoshimura smiled. "Look on the bright side. At least the Doves are holed up in their Center, trying to track down Kakashi. They're not causing any trouble for us."
"What's even worse is the ghouls that he attracted," Touka groused. "Every insane, powerful ghoul in all of Japan is making their way over - if they're not already here."
"There are a lot of interested parties at play here," Yoshimura agreed. "Fortunately, I've been able to keep them from doing anything too. . . conspicuous, so to speak."
"Good thing you did. If those ghouls do what they normally do in their own Wards, then the 20th Ward wouldn't be the safe haven for ghouls but rather an all-out burning battleground," Touka narrowed her eyes. "And it's all because of this Kakashi."
"I'm surprised he didn't try to make contact with us yet," Yoshimura said. "My contacts say that he hasn't met up with any of them either. In fact, not a single ghoul has seen or heard of Kakashi before the day he attacked the Center - quite an accomplishment. It's as if he's a ghost."
"Well, he should've stayed a ghost," Touka muttered. "The 20th Ward has been in utter chaos since he showed up. I'd love to just punch him in the face."
"That's rather harsh, don't you think?"
Touka scoffed. "Harsh? He deserves a lot worse - " She froze before spinning around and looking at the person who had spoken.
Kakashi sat at a table, absently leafing through the menu. He looked up and eye-smiled. "Good evening."
Yoshimura inclined his head. "Good evening," he replied politely. "You must be Kakashi. I am Yoshimura, and this is Touka."
Touka tensed up as her kakugan flared, her eyes becoming red-and-black. "You," she hissed. "What are you doing here?" And yet, even with all the anger in her voice, she couldn't keep out the slight hint of fear.
Kakashi merely waved her off. "Maa, I heard that you guys made the best coffee in town. And after what I've just done. . ." he shuddered slightly. "I need coffee. Even if I can't drink it, the scent of it is enough."
"You can't drink it?" Yoshimura asked while walking behind the counter and beginning to boil some water. "What do you mean?"
Kakashi paused. "You know. Ghouls can't eat any human food."
"That. . . doesn't apply to coffee," Yoshimura tilted his head.
Kakashi straightened up immediately. "You mean to say that ghouls can drink coffee?"
"Why yes. Didn't you know?" Yoshimura inquired.
"No. No I did not."
Touka scoffed. "Figures. So, what have you just done that requires coffee? Did you completely upset the delicate power balance of the 20th Ward? Attract Doves strong enough that they would cut apart most of the ghouls in the 20th Ward apart with ease? Perhaps humiliate the CCG and make them look like idiots?"
Kakashi eye-smiled. "Nope! But thanks for reminding me; I'll do those all tomorrow - "
Touka flung her hands into the air.
" - but to answer your question, this entire day, I've been trying to. . ." Kakashi's eyes unfocused.
XxX
"WORK, DAMN IT, WORK!" Kakashi yelled, repeatedly slapping the paper seal.
It gave off a few feeble sparks of light before exploding once more.
"DEAR KAMI, SAGE, AND THE HOLY LOG!" Kakashi took a deep calming breath that did absolutely nothing for his mental state. "Alright. I can do this." He took out another piece of paper. "Attempting to recreate the Hiraishin. Test 852."
And he began to painstakingly draw the Hiraishin seal once more.
XxX
"Let's just say that I tried to recreate a. . . transportation technique," Touka and Yoshimura unconsciously edged away from Kakashi as he began to emit some Killing Intent. Then he eye-smiled, and the feeling vanished. "I did, however, read three more books - although they're less books and more works of art."
Yoshimura set down a cup of coffee in front of Kakashi before sitting down across from him. "I suppose I must thank you for not doing anything today. If you had attacked the CCG one more time, I think they very well could have sent for international help. And that would result in a disaster."
Kakashi hummed. "I could take them."
"But we can't, Kakashi-san," Yoshimura's kakugan activated as he stared dangerously at Kakashi. "You have placed the occupants of the 20th Ward in grave danger."
"Oh?" Kakashi raised his left eyebrow. "I would have thought that, since all of the CCG is focused on finding and taking me down, you guys would be in less danger."
Yoshimura inclined his head. "A fair argument. So now, tell me, Kakashi, what is it that you want? Because I know you didn't come to Anteiku just for the coffee."
Kakashi glanced at Yoshimura as he lifted the cup to his lips. He hesitantly took a sip - and then froze in shock. "This coffee. . . it tastes. . . it tastes like real coffee."
"What an astute observation!" Touka said scornfully. "What are you going to say next, that just because I'm correct doesn't mean I'm right?"
Kakashi ignored her. He took another sip, savoring the taste. He honestly didn't like coffee very much - whereas the average T&I agent practically worshipped coffee - but he could tell when it was brewed exceptionally well. And the coffee he was currently drinking. . . it was top-tier, without a doubt.
It was delicious.
Yoshimura watched him closely. "How have you never known that ghouls could drink coffee? It's the only food that humans and ghouls alike could consume."
"I'm still pretty new to being a ghoul," Kakashi said distractedly as he took another sip. It took him a moment to realize that Touka and Yoshimura were staring at him, confusion evident. "What?"
"New to being a ghoul?" Yoshimura repeated. "What do you mean by that?"
Kakashi shrugged. "I was human just a few days ago."
"Liar!" Touka immediately accused. "A human becoming a ghoul. . . that's impossible."
"And yet, here I am," Kakashi responded cheerfully.
"How?" Yoshimura scanned him up and down. "Surgery, perhaps? Theoretically, ghoul organs implanted into a human may give him characteristics similar to a ghoul."
"I'm not too sure on the specifics," Kakashi really didn't. Had it been intentional by Kaguya? Or was it just a result of his body getting messed up in the inter-dimensional transit? He had no idea. "All I know is that one day, I woke up as a ghoul." He paused. "Although I didn't discover that I was a ghoul until I walked through those RC Scanners in the CCG Center. Man, that had been a surprise."
"Wait, so you're saying that you attacked the CCG Center. . . by accident?!" Touka asked incredulously.
"Now, attack is such a strong word. I defended myself; I tried to resolve things peacefully, but they weren't in the diplomatic mood. Everything I did was self-defense."
"Including everything that happened afterwards?" Yoshimura asked dryly.
Kakashi grinned. "And that's when I plead the Fifth."
". . . we're in Japan. The Fifth doesn't apply here," Touka said.
"Really? Strange," Kakashi shrugged. "Well, all I can say is that playing with the CCG is extremely amusing." He eye-smiled. "I suggest you try it."
Yoshimura smiled back. "I don't think I will." A strong Killing Intent suddenly filled the room. Kakashi's eyebrows rose in mild interest. The old man in front of him was strong. "Now then, Kakashi-san. I think it's time we have a. . . talk."
"That's. . . what we've been doing."
Yoshimura sighed but forged on ahead. "Kakashi-san, you have caused quite a lot of mayhem and chaos in the past three days."
"I haven't had this much fun in years," Kakashi grinned.
Yoshimura blinked. "And that is your motive? To have fun?"
Kakashi nodded. "Yup. This is like a vacation to me." No Akatsuki. No Madara. No Great Fourth Shinobi War.
"What? Are you insane?!" Whatever composure Touka had previously, it was all gone, instead replaced by a disbelieving fury. "You rained down hell on the CCG and made lives more difficult for thousands of ghouls - just for fun?!"
Kakashi tilted his head. "Is there a problem?"
Touka was at a complete loss for words.
"There is a problem," Yoshimura took over. "I must ask you to cease your current line of action. Please, do not aggravate the CCG any more. For the sake of the ghouls in the 20th Ward, I ask you to stop."
"Maa, now that's where the problem is," Kakashi leaned forward. "Tell me, Yoshimura-san. Are you a monster?"
Touka drew in a sharp breath before opening her mouth angrily, but Yoshimura raised his hand and she stopped. "A monster?" Yoshimura gazed coldly at Kakashi. "What do you mean by that?"
"For you see, I'm still rather new to this human-ghoul conflict. You can call me a. . . foreigner, if you wish. According to the CCG, ghouls are monsters. They have no feelings, they have no compassion and empathy. They look like humans, but they have no moral qualities, and simply exist to bring pain and suffering and death to humans." Kakashi stared at Yoshimura, dead serious. "So tell me, Yoshimura-san. Are you a monster?"
Yoshimura was silent for a moment. "Kakashi-san. The CCG, quite frankly, lacks intelligent thought."
Kakashi raised his eyebrows.
"Ghouls have no feelings? No compassion, no empathy?" Yoshimura narrowed his eyes. "Please. We feel just as much as humans do. More, in some cases. We eat humans because there is nothing else that we can eat. We don't have a choice in the matter."
"And so you use that as justification for killing humans?" Kakashi asked curiously. "To go out there and cause endless heartbreak and despair?"
"We - " Yoshimura began but was cut off by Touka.
"Kill humans?" Touka snarled. "You're delusional."
"Touka - "
"No!" Touka glared viciously at Kakashi. "You know nothing. Go out there and cause endless heartbreak and despair? Don't make me laugh. Why would we want to do that? I don't know what you are - human or ghoul - but clearly, you're fucking brain damaged. We just wish to live peacefully. But we can't, just because we're ghouls."
"No, I'm pretty sure it's because you kill - "
"WE DON'T KILL!" Touka breathed deeply. "I can't speak for every ghoul out there, but here at Anteiku, we don't kill. We eat humans that are already dead - suicide victims."
Kakashi blinked.
"But you know what? The CCG doesn't care," she continued. "As far as they're concerned, we're ghouls, so we must be evil. Of course the CCG will call us monsters. They're all idiots. And if you believe them, then you're the biggest fucking idiot of all."
Kakashi stared silently at her.
"If the only thing we can eat are humans, then what choice do we have? We just want to live," Touka clenched her fists. "We don't want to cause humans pain. We're not evil. We're just ghouls."
"I will not pretend that there are bad ghouls out there," Yoshimura said. "There are monsters out there - ghouls that just want to watch the world burn and cook the humans alive. But there are monsters in the form of humans as well. Just look at every war - humans have killed more humans than ghouls ever had."
Kakashi sipped slowly from his coffee. He didn't speak for a moment. Finally, he set down his cup. "I see."
Ghouls were the Jinchuuriki of this world. Hated simply because of what they were. Kakashi chuckled.
"What's so funny?" Touka demanded.
"Maa, it's nothing. I've made up my mind," Kakashi smiled. "Thank you for the coffee."
"Made up your mind?" Yoshimura asked.
"Right now, the issue is that humans do not understand ghouls. They're not looking underneath the underneath," Kakashi stood up. "So I'll make them."
Yoshimura sighed. "Trust me, if it was that easy, I'd have done it by now."
"Oh, I know it'll be difficult. But I have time." The modified Hiraishin would probably take months to complete. "And besides, if I didn't help out, a certain knuckleheaded student of mine would never forgive me."
"See ya for now." And Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Touka stared at the place where he had been. "Whoa. He really is fast - the news didn't exaggerate."
"That was. . . interesting," Yoshimura rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "He doesn't appear to be insane or deranged."
"He claimed that he was a human that got turned into a ghoul," Touka said dryly. "Not exactly the picture of sanity."
"You never know," Yoshimura stood up and began clearing the table. "He could be telling the truth - " His eyes widened.
"What is it?!" Touka glanced around nervously, looking for any surprises Kakashi may have left behind.
Yoshimura narrowed his eyes. "Kakashi didn't pay for his coffee."
XxX
How interesting. So that's how the situation was.
Kakashi has plenty of spare time. Changing the entire status quo and uniting humans and ghouls - or at least making it so that peaceful ghouls wouldn't be hunted down. . . He could do it. This was way easier than trying to unite shinobi nations.
There were no "peaceful" shinobi - excluding the rare ones, like Naruto. But there were peaceful ghouls. Add to that the fact that ghouls have to eat humans, otherwise they won't survive, and a very logical argument could be made.
Kakashi may not have Naruto's magical way of words that would turn enemies into friends. However, he still has methods of convincing people. Kakashi style.
Confession time: I have not watched or read :re. Nor do I have any intentions of watching it. As such, I'll only be going off of Season 1 (the best season). I do have plans of introducing Eto, though.
I actually have a small plot forming in mind. No canon events will be happening from here on out - this will be an entirely original storyline.
Thank you all for reading, and please review :)
euphoric
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