He gave me wings but didn't give me flight
He gave me eyes but didn't give me sight. He gave me a heart to see from inside.
As I sit on the cold floor eating bread crumbs, he watches me as he sits on the wooden chair with a plastic cushion. He was reading the newspaper. I wonder what is going on in the outside world.
When he is finally asleep, I gather my courage and run to the door. I run as fast as I can. I can see the moonlight beckoning to me. I am almost there and I am out the door that was somehow left open. Did he forget to close it? I am running on the outside pavement. I see the river with the moonlight path. I have wings, I can use them now. I begin to soar over the river. I am flying freely but then the shackle weighs heavy. I hear the chain snap and hold me back. I can no longer fly. My ankle is bound by a long chain which secure to a rail inside my prison. How could forget I was chained. The way I'm pulling and rattling it has probably shaken the metal bar and awaken him. It always ends like this. Like a dream that replays itself over and over again. Sometimes I see the gate ajar and i run for it. But before I reach it, the chain around my ankle is stretched to its length and rattles and I trip and fall on my face. Sometimes I run out successfully and fly just like this but when I'm over the river I feel my shackle pulling and I hear the chain. And then I'm sent falling into the cold dark waters. I cannot swim, I have wings. When he reaches me he's never mad. He just laughs at me, truly amused that I have failed. Truly amused that I have tried. Was this a game to him? I wasn't sure what it was. Could it be my life? I wasn't sure.
"No one would accept you if you go out there." He tells me time and time again. "You're nothing but a freak to them. You should never look in the mirror."
"You never let me look in the mirror. Why can't I see myself?" I had asked him numerous times. He would hide the only hand mirror he owned from me. I had never seen myself. I had no idea why I was there. Or who I was. Or why.
I managed to escape one day, I do not remember how. I think he was sleeping in the back room. I saw where he put the key. And surprisingly it was in react. I ran for it and I unchained myself with the key. I ran outside and flew over the dirty river. I walked through the harbor. I looked at all the seagulls and flags and the old buildings in the distance. I enjoyed the beautiful skyline view and I just wanted to keep walking. I walked out into the street and I saw a yellow school bus. There were three kids sitting inside and they opened the window to laugh at me.
I looked up at them and waved at them. I had never seen other people before. They were quite interesting looking. "What are you!?" Asked one of the boys. I was astonished by the question. I didn't know how to answer.
"Are you blind?" The other boy who was eating an ice cream asked.
"No. I'm looking right at you." I reply.
The third boy gasped in fright. "Is that a hole in your chest? Is that a giant eyeball on your heart looking at us!?"
The other guys noticed and screamed as they stared directly at me. I didn't understand why an incredilous reaction. The boy threw the ice cream at me and I flinched.
"I thought the wings were fake but she's really a strange creature!" The boys screamed as they struggled to get off the bus. They were frightened beyond all reason and when they finally walked off, they hurdled together and ran off panicking into the sunset. "Freak! Freak! Freak!" They screamed. "What was that?"
I looked after them wanting to cry. I felt hurt and confused but I don't think I could cry. I looked down at my open chest. "He gave me a heart to see from inside..." I whisper breathlessly. Why did I recite that line? Why do I know it?
"See, it's as I said." Suddenly he is there, towering over me and looking at me as though he told me so. "You're nothing but a freak to them. Why did you come here?"
I wanted to cry but where would my tears drip from? What would I solve?
"Come." He calls me with his hands outstretched. "Come. And see yourself. I will show you the mirror."
And so I floated off with him over the river and towards the lonely building. It was like a dream. I never could feel my body. I never could feel my feet touching the floor. But I was certain that I was breathing. The only thing I could feel was my breath. And the only thing I was certain of was my existence.
As I stand in my usual spot on the cold floor, he chains my ankle again before handing me the mirror. "Go ahead. Look. But you won't like."
I'm hesitant a moment, my hand is trembling uncontrollably. I had anticipated this moment for a long time but I couldn't remember how long. I steady my hand and I gaze into the mirror. And then I gasp inwardly and let out a horrified and blood curdling wail. It is like nothing I ever heard before. I drop that accursed object and it falls to the floor and shatters.