Wednesday, May eighteenth.
With the second period over, the afternoon break had begun. Since the dining room got crowded at that time, I always skipped lunch on days when I had a second-period class. So, I instead made my way directly to my general-education class.
General education.
Classmates.
Aoii Mikoko, Atemiya Muimi, Usami Akiharu, and Emoto Tomoe...
I hadn't seen a single one of these four people since the week began. This was no coincidence; most likely, not a single one of them had come to school. Being dead, Tomo-chan had her reasons, but the other three had neither died nor been murdered. Perhaps Tomo-chan's death was to blame for them not showing up, or perhaps this was just how college students behaved after Golden Week.
Things hadn't progressed any further. The pair of detectives — Sasaki-san and Kazuhito-san — hadn't returned to visit my apartment again; I hadn't had any contact with my three classmates; and, I was still waiting for news from Kunagisa. Naturally, I hadn't met with Zerozaki again either.
As someone who doesn't read the news or watch TV, I, of course, had no idea what kind of press (or lack thereof) Tomo-chan's death had attracted. Nor did I know if the prowler had struck again in the past three days.
It was something I had no desire to know.
Right now, I was only waiting. After all, that was one thing I was used to.
"Man, it's hot... I wonder if I'm a slug," I muttered as I made my way across campus, from Meigaku Hall to Yôyô Hall. It was less than three hundred feet away, but it was a tough walk anyway. I had heard of boiling-hot climates before, but I didn't think they really existed. Neither Kobe nor Houston had been this bad. This was the kind of heat and body-soaking humidity unique to basin towns. I struggled to endure it as my legs carried me along. I climbed a staircase, which brought me directly to the second floor of Yôyô Hall. I went inside and at last, took a moment to catch my breath.
Just then, I spotted somebody familiar. But it wasn't because she was familiar that I noticed her. Rather, it was that my eyes had been attracted to her against their better judgment by her flamboyantly hot-pink jersey. It didn't exactly blend into the surroundings.
That brown Sauvage. If only she was crouching on the ground in front of a convenience store, the image would have been complete.
It was Atemiya Muimi-chan.
She was currently talking to some guy, probably a classmate. Thinking it would be a little obnoxious if I were to butt in and start up a conversation, I tried to slip by her unnoticed when she called out to me.
"Whoa, it's Ikkun," she said.
"Yo," her male associate greeted me informally. He had light brown hair and an easy-breezy kind of smile. Wait, who was this again? I didn't know anyone with this sort of easy-go-lucky surfer quality, did I? Was he from our general-education class?
"Long time no see, huh?" Muimi-chan said with a weak smile. "Umm... Jeez, this is kind of awkward, huh? How have you been since it happened?"
"I've been coming to school as usual."
"Oh... heh, well, I guess you would." She smiled, but it seemed slightly forced. She appeared worn out, which probably wasn't forced.
"How about you?" I asked. "What've you been doing? I haven't seen you at school."
"Oh, well, how do you put it..." She couldn't seem to find the words. She probably didn't like the idea of exposing her weakness to others. I'm not that type of person myself, but her feelings weren't beyond my comprehension.
"Well, I've got to prepare for a presentation. Time to get outta here. See ya later," the guy said to us and rushed off in the direction of the staircase.
"He's sure an energetic son of a bitch, huh?" Muimi-chan asked as we watched him take off. "He's totally lazy until an opportunity to be the center of attention comes along. Gen. Ed... Ought to be a good show today. I'll be watching that bastard from the front row."
"Huh. So that guy is a classmate, then."
Muimi-chan stood frozen for a few seconds before slowly and stiffly turning her head toward me like her neck needed an oil change. I almost expected to hear it creaking.
"Don't tell me you forgot."
"Hmm? Oh, I guess Mikoko-chan didn't tell you then, huh? I've got a pretty bad memory, so I don't really know who's in our class. I might remember him if I heard his name, though."
But she wouldn't tell me the guy's name. She was staring at me in shock for some reason.
At last, she opened her mouth. "Usami Akiharu."
"Oh."
There you had it.
This was shocking.
"Does he leave that little of an impression?" she asked.
"Well, less than you, anyway. It's not like he goes around wearing hot pink jerseys."
That was what I wanted to say, but I stopped myself. Muimi-chan was the type of person who would probably really start hitting you once you made her mad. And I probably wouldn't get off with just a jab or two. If I teased her the way I teased Mikoko-chan, I'd be dead meat.
"It's my memory that's at fault here, that's all."
"If that's the case, then do something about it."
"Well, the weak impression thing might be an issue too. He's not as crazy as Mikoko-chan. I know a lot of eccentric people. Actually, that makes it sound like I know a lot of people. Correction: The only acquaintances I have are eccentric people, so normal people just slip right out of my mind."
"Normal people, huh?" She gave a wicked little laugh.
"What? Did I say something funny?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing, I was just thinking, you're a surprisingly poor judge of character."
"Huh?"
"Akiharu's got a meaner personality than you think," she said in a way that seemed strangely meaningful as she stared off in the direction he had gone moments ago. "Well, you'll figure that out eventually... Eventually." Something in her soft tone seemed to suggest her words had a deeper meaning, but a moment later her facial expression switched like someone had pressed a button on a remote. She turned my way again.
"This is perfect," she said. "I wanted to have a chat with you. Let's go talk in the lounge."
She began walking without waiting for my reply. After a short walk, we broke to the right, where we came upon the student lounge. I wondered if it would be crowded since it was the middle of the afternoon, but looking through the window glass I could see that, for some reason, fewer seats were occupied than empty. There was a plate hanging off the lounge door with No Standing written on it in red, Gothic letters. It was a prank a student had carried out several years back, and at this point, nobody even bothered questioning it anymore. As a result, nobody bothered getting rid of it, either.
We entered the lounge, and Muimi-chan took a seat. The place was filled with cigarette smoke. Muimi-chan took one whiff and immediately reached into her pocket for something, but then stopped herself as if she had recalled her "policy" just in time. It was nice of her to stick to it so fastidiously, but in a place already this filled with smoke, it didn't really make much difference to me whether she smoked or not. But I knew that even if I told her she could, she would just say something like, "No, it's my decision," so I took my seat without saying anything.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
"Don't play dumb. What's the one thing you and I would have to discuss?" she asked.
"Tomo-chan?"
"Mikoko."
She leaned forward with her arms on the table and glared up at me. But I wasn't so clueless that I wasn't prepared to meet her gaze.
"Have you seen Mikoko since then?"
"Since when?" I asked innocently.
"I told you not to play dumb. The police must have paid you a visit, too."
"Well, yeah..." I recalled my meeting with Sasaki-san and Kazuhito-san, but to be honest, they weren't really a pair I wanted to think about too much. "So they visited you too?"
"Yeah. Kind of an unpleasant pair, weren't they?"
"A man and a woman?"
"Yeah. The guy looked like he belonged on The X-Files, and the lady looked like she paid regular visits to underground cells. Regular cops piss me off enough already, much less these two... Uh, but that's another story," she said, righting her posture. "Yesterday was Tomoe's funeral." She looked at me in an accusatory fashion. "You didn't come."
"Well, nobody told me about it."
"Mikoko didn't come either. Akiharu and I went, though."
"Well, what can you do, right? Her death must've been a big shock to all of you," I said.
"Yeah, must've been. You make it sound like this doesn't have anything to do with you," she replied.
"It doesn't," I stopped myself from saying. Ah, the art of tact.
"You're not at all shocked by the fact that Tomoe was murdered?"
"Well, I was surprised enough when I first heard the news, but after three days, well, what do they call it? Cleaning out your heart's drawers? I mean, the past is just memories."
"As Tomoe's friend, I want to be pissed at you for saying that, but you're pretty much right, huh?" she said, a bit defeated. "I guess the human heart is conveniently constructed. Especially for someone who's thick-skinned like me. It's only been three days and I'm already back at the point where I can go to school again. But it really was devastating at first. I mean, I had just seen her, and then..." She snapped her fingers.
And then, silence. I wouldn't have called it awkward, but it was a little unbearable. There was definitely a painful aura flowing between us.
"It looks like Akiharu-kun's recovered to some degree, based on how he was acting just now."
"Is that how he looked?" she asked.
"I thought so."
"Well, maybe, if you say so."
Again, she seemed to be getting at something, just like when she had said, "Akiharu's got a stronger personality than you think."
So, what was she saying? She changed the subject before I could figure it out.
"So apparently, you were the last one to hear Tomoe's voice."
"Yeah. Although, it was over the phone. Did you hear that from Mikoko-chan? Or from the detectives?"
"Mikoko," she said, nodding. "I went to her place yesterday after the funeral ended, but... I think she needs more time to recover."
"Ah."
"And that doesn't bother you at all?"
"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean you just heard that Mikoko is feeling down, and I'm asking if that bothers you."
"Everybody sure is hung up on that," I said. Muimi-chan looked a bit puzzled, possibly because of the word 'everybody'.
She let out a big sigh and stretched. "Fucking clueless..."
"What's that? I couldn't quite make that out."
"Ah, nothing. Listen, you might not want to hear this, and frankly, I'm the last person who should be telling you. I was the one who was opposed to it in the first place..."
"Huh?"
"Nothing. Okay, let me ask you for a favor, then. It's a simple favor and there's no catch. Just go visit Mikoko's place, will ya?"
She pulled a piece of paper out of her jersey pocket and handed it to me. "Aoii Mikoko" was written on it in hiragana, and below that were her address and phone number.
"Man, these are some round letters. Who wrote this?"
"Me."
"Ah..."
"What's that supposed to mean? What up with that expression, like you saw that answer coming or something?"
"Uh, nothing. That's not what I was going to say." I looked down at the memo in an effort to escape her deadly gaze and confirmed Mikoko-chan's address.
Horikawa Oike.
Come to think of it, had I heard that before? It felt like I had, but it also felt like I was learning her address for the first time. I couldn't remember.
"It's pretty far from the school. I guess that means she commutes here on her Vespa."
"Nope, bus. This school doesn't allow bikes."
"It doesn't?"
Incidentally, I commuted on foot. I had a bike, but I didn't use it much, as a general rule. It wasn't that I particularly liked walking, but somehow, it works for me anyway.
"Okay, so I go to Mikoko-chan's place, and then what?"
"She's down, so cheer her up. Just say stuff like 'it won't do any good to just sit around feeling blue' and 'keep your chin up.' I'm sure that'll do."
"Oh, just the usual crap, huh? But wouldn't that kind of thing be better coming out of you? Oh, but I guess you already told her yesterday. But if her good friend couldn't even cheer her up, I'm a lost cause."
"It's not that hard. Just go there and that'll be enough. Seriously, that's all. Go see her, say a word or two of encouragement, and then just play it by ear."
Whatever that meant.
But then again, I didn't really have any reason to refuse, and it was a relatively convenient proposal, so I went ahead and accepted. "Okay."
"Try stopping by today after school."
Just then, the bell indicating the start of the third period rang. "Oh, crap," said the look on Muimi-chan's face. My face probably didn't show it, but I pretty much felt the same way.
Inokawa-sensei, the Cerberus of time.
"Ah, crap, that was the bell."
"Even if we go now, we'll be marked as absent. Or rather, he won't even let us into the classroom," I said.
"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. Hate to miss out on Akiharu's studly performance, but let's cut the class." She was quick to make a decision.
I hesitated to make a decision for just a moment longer. But no amount of mental effort would turn back the hands of the clock, so I just gave up.
"Fine."
"So, what now? Wanna go eat?"
"The dining hall's probably still crowded at this time, right?
"Oh, right. Well, wanna stay here and chat a little more?"
"Well, then can I ask you something?" I asked, thinking this would make a good opportunity. "Was there anyone who might've had something against Tomo-chan?"
Muimi-chan's face immediately grew serious. It was like she was deliberating over something. Or, more likely, she was just mentally confirming something she'd already thought of.
"Nope, no one," she said decisively, after a long pause and a perplexed expression. "Logically speaking, nobody could have had something against her."
"'Nobody could have had something against her'... Heh, kind of a weird phrase. Sounds like a crappy translation or something."
"But I think it's an accurate one. I mean, I think. I've known her only since high school, though."
"Speaking of which, how do you all know each other, anyway? You said you've been friends with Mikoko-chan since you were little kids, right?"
"Mikoko and I were childhood friends, and then I met Akiharu and Tomoe in high school."
"Hey, wait. Isn't that a little strange?"
"What?"
"Mikoko-chan is nineteen, and her birthday is in April. Tomo-chan just turned twenty..."
"Oh, no. Tomoe repeated a grade in junior high."
"Ah." So she hadn't entered college late or returned from abroad after all. She had just been held back a year. I hadn't even considered that option.
"The thing is, she was in the hospital for a long time. She had to take about half a year off, and even after that, she tended to be absent a lot. She just didn't have the attendance record in order to pass. Apparently, she was pretty sick. They said she was near death."
Near-death.
Death.
Awareness of death.
"Hahhh..." I tried my best to be coolheaded about it, but I wasn't sure how well I managed to pull it off. "I see, so that's what it was."
So that was Emoto Tomoe's story. I nodded a few times so that Muimi-chan wouldn't notice my surprise.
"So anyway, it's been the four of us ever since high school. Apparently, that was when Akiharu and Tomoe first met too."
"I see. Go on."
"Oh, right. So in other words, Tomoe was really good at adapting. Or wait... Maybe that's not it. Maybe she was a little bit like you if you don't mind my saying," she said, pointing at me twice. "You've heard of the 'personal space bubble,' right? Well, she was extremely good at defining them. She could get close to people as far as a certain point, but she would never step over that line. She would never come into intimate contact with anybody, and on top of that, she never let anybody come into intimate contact with her. She always stayed at a cautious distance, never too near or too far. Kind of like a master sword fighter."
"..."
The term sword fighter made Miiko-san spring to mind for a second.
"Tomoe was my friend, but... I don't think she ever opened up to me. I also don't think I was ever any help to her."
"I doubt that," I said, but my words probably didn't mean anything to her. They didn't mean much to me either. Whether her hunch about Tomo-chan was right or not, it probably wasn't very far from the truth.
But Muimi-chan, you mustn't mix things up. It's incredibly rude to Tomo-chan. If you're really her friend, you shouldn't be saying such things.
Tomo-chan and I weren't alike. We were simply on similar tracks. In essence, however, we were different.
The only ones who are really similar to me are the murderers, Muimi-chan.
"Anyway, she was that kind of chick. So by nature, she couldn't have done anything to incite a grudge. I think you can say that for certain."
"Then who the hell killed her?"
"Like I know. Probably that serial killer."
"The serial killer uses knives, I think."
"Well, whatever. Somebody killed her. Those cops looked pretty sharp, so I'm sure they'll find who did it if we just let it be. There's nothing we can do right now anyway."
She wore a stern face that didn't match her passive comment. Surely she was speaking these words against her own will. Her beloved friend had been murdered, and there was nothing she could do. She must have felt helpless.
But it really was beyond her control. It was probably true that she had no idea who the killer could have been. She had nobody at whom to direct her anger.
Hmm.
"What the hell is everyone doing?" she said, looking at all the students walking by outside the lounge. "Seriously, what the hell are they doing?"
"Everyone?"
"Everyone. Everyone here. It's so stupid. They're just living. They're just not dead, that's all. They're just fucking living."
They're just fucking living.
She repeated the phrase one more time. "Ah, I'm groggy," she said, straightening up again. "I wonder if any of these people really have a purpose. A purpose for living, or a future goal or something. I wonder if they actually have those things."
"They must. I mean, I'm sure it varies from person to person. But it doesn't really matter either way."
"That's not really what I'm trying to say. I don't know. It's not that complicated. Like, take those chicks over there," she said, pointing to a group of girls on the opposite side of the lounge. They had a sophisticated air about them, suggesting they were probably sophomores or juniors. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but even if I could hear them, they were most likely chattering about something I wouldn't have understood anyway. They were laughing and slapping one another on the back with giddy enjoyment.
"Now let's say I had an assault carbine in my hands. An M4A1. Then I aim at them, and... ratatatatata! What would happen?"
I looked over at them once again. Their laughter was just as giddy as before, but in my head, I saw them drenched in blood. Their bodies were torn apart; pieces were blown all the way out the window.
"Well, I suppose they'd probably die."
"Yeah, they'd probably die. But at that moment, what would they be thinking? Would they have regrets? ...I don't think they would."
She glared at them with contempt, but none of them noticed. They were fully absorbed in their own chatter, so much that they didn't even glance in our direction.
"They probably wouldn't have a shred of remorse. Nothing left undone. After all, they're just living their lives without any goals or aspirations. What could they possibly leave behind?"
"..."
"Of course, I'm not saying life is dull. It's got its moments. But all these people are desperate. They're all desperately looking for a way to kill tomorrow's time. Suddenly, they're all just thinking about ways to kill time. 'How will I spend tomorrow? And the next day? How can I kill twenty-four hours?' Like idiots, they desperately scramble for ways to fill their schedules. But what is that? What's the point in that? Tomorrow might as well not come at all if they're just living to kill time. If you're just living, you might as well die... That's what I think, anyway... Ah, sorry, I guess that was all kind of weird."
"No, it was really interesting."
And I really meant it.
Muimi-chan was probably thinking this, as well: In the end, what about Tomo-chan? What was she thinking at that moment when she was killed? For Muimi-chan, who had never been able to step over that line into Tomo-chan's heart, this would remain an eternal mystery. But if I were simply to speculate, if I were to speak from what I had seen as a passive observer, I would bet that she was no different from the giddy girls we were observing: Tomo-chan died with no regrets.
"The dining hall's probably cleared out a bit by now." Muimi-chan checked the time on her watch and stood to her feet. "Let's get some food. If we go to Ryôyû Hall we can probably get a seat."
"Hey, I'm sorry, but would you mind just going alone? I'm not really hungry."
"Oh," she said, tilting her head at me a bit. She started to take off, but then came to a halt and looked back at me.
"By the way, how do you know Mikoko's birthday is in April and that she's nineteen?"
"I heard it from her."
"Let me rephrase that: Why did you remember something like that? Your memory is totally crap. There's no way you would remember details like that, normally."
It was a rude question, but she was probably justified in doubting me, considering I had completely forgotten Akiharu-kun's face.
"Eh, well, I have my reasons. I won't get into it."
"Hmm?" she said with a puzzled look but didn't pry any further.
"Let me ask one last question too," I said. "Muimi-chan, do you know what x over y is?"
"Hm? Probably means x divided by y, right?"
"Yeah, right."
"I don't know of any other explanation."
"Okay, don't worry about it. Thanks."
"What's this about?"
"It was Tomo-chan's dying message. I don't know what it means."
She looked a bit puzzled by the phrase dying message.
But again, she didn't pry.
"Mmm... Well, see ya later," she said after a moment's thought. "Don't forget about Mikoko." She waved a hand at me and left the lounge.
I waved goodbye to her. From there, I stayed in the lounge for a while, not thinking anything in particular, just sitting in a daze. Soon enough my throat started to hurt from all the cigarette smoke, so I made my way outside. I put my hand into my pocket, where it touched a piece of paper. I pulled it out to see that it was the memo Muimi-chan had just given to me with Mikoko-chan's address written down.
"Guess I don't have a choice..."
Maybe I should have viewed this as another good opportunity. Fortunately, the class after general education was a lecture in which the professor never took attendance. I considered my options for approximately three seconds before settling on a self-declared holiday.
At the same time, I thought about the fact that when I died, not only would I not have regrets — I would be relieved.
And, walking by all those people who were just living utterly without purpose, I left the lounge behind.