She came into my life like a bright sun.
Illuminating my being.
Lifting my soul.
Giving my life meaning that I never knew life could give.
Feelings of strong love awashed me so strongly that I felt overwhelmed by the waves.
I truly did not know a human could live like that.
Nor feel like that.
She gave my life meaning.
***
When she first held my hand, to trace my fate lines, she had smiled and laughed brightly.
Not a bashful chuckle, nor a feminine tinkle.
A hearty and bright laughter.
Her small palms rested on my own and it was the first time I felt that my own masculine hand could look reliable.
As if it was meant to protect those smaller hands that held me at that point of time.
She smiled at me.
And I, too, as awkward as I am, smiled.
It was a sunny day that day.
***
She had introduced herself like a sprightly tree born in spring.
"Hi! My name is Ming Jie! I'm new in the department, please take care of me!"
The young interns were taken by her cheery personality.
And I, at most, was friendly and courteous.
I was working hard to prove my mettle to my stern stoic father and felt an unprecedented amount of stress in living up to his expectations.
However, I had a warm and sociable personality, that easily gained the trust of others.
And I, too, deluded myself into thinking I was that confident and able man.
It was only after Ming Jie had said...
"You had been working hard. To see you, like this, is inspiring."
At first, I had smiled courteously at her.
We had ocassional chats by then. I even helped matchmake several male colleagues with her at that time.
So, hearing atypical compliments from an acquaintance, warranted a warm smile of thanks from me.
Perfunctorily, I was about to thank her when she continued.
"So, you don't need to prove yourself to anyone."
She patted my back firmly.
"You're amazing as you are."
And she walked away.
I was startled.
And then laughed.
She was really too funny. Such a small herbivore-looking person, acting like a suave boss.
And then I started crying.
And that was when I knew I loved her.
***
When I went back to Jianan, I looked for her.
The closest person to me.
My kin.
"Ruan Er."
She smiled at me with that elusive elegant smile, waiting for me to continue.
Her long black hair was tucked in at one side, ever graceful.
And I was nervous.
So nervous to say.
"I fell in love with another woman."
Ruan Er's eyebrows raised slightly.
"This engagement... Let us not continue with it."
Ruan Er looked at me then caressed my face like old times.
And again, that smile.
"You."
Then she sighed.
I guess, my childhood friend knew me best.
***
When I saw Ming Jie hand in hand with my good friend a week later, I could say that I never felt so much pain before in my life.
I smiled weakly when she introduced me to her boyfriend.
Han and I had to tell her that we knew each other from before.
Feigning happiness for them, I felt my heart being pierced by a relentless dagger.
I smiled and laughed as the two cuddled each other.
But my heart felt the sharpened blade sawing into my heart.
My hand felt a warmth slipped in.
My childhood friend smiled at me that strange conforting smile again.
And held me hand tightly, no words said between us.
I looked at her and felt guilt.
***
"Ruan, let's end this engagement."
She quietly sat opposite me, her hand holding the teacup gracefully, sipping small sips. The bearings of aristocracy obvious in her every movement.
If I had to compare the two.
My love was like a daisy.
Seemingly common. But brightly yellow, making the typical mundane day that much better.
While my childhood friend.
She was like a white lily.
She had the marks of the typical Asian beauty stereotype.
Slender willow body, exquisite arched eyebrows, white skin with long black hair.
My childhood friend, playmate and kin.
Our engagement was set since young and it was something that we had both accepted.
That it was the formalisation of the familial ties we felt for each other.
She was my kin.
My other half.
She was irreplaceable because she knew me as much as I knew her.
As she placed the food I liked onto my plate demurely, I'm once again impressed at how my fiancée could change from a rowdy tomboy to the elegant wife material before me.
Which made me all the more determined.
"Ruan, you deserve someone better."
Ruan Er smiled at me.
"We all deserve someone better."
And she put her cup down.
"But that does not mean I agree with you."
I felt agitated at her for once in a long while.
"Ruan! You're being stubborn. This engagement is meaningless!"
You deserve someone who can cherish you!
I wanted to shout at her for her stupidity.
But I refrained based on where we are.
Ruan Er smiled at me.
I felt agitated.
I knew her well.
She was adamant.
So her next words came to me as a surprise.
"Fine."
Ruan Er sipped her tea nonchalantly.
"I'll try dating some other men."
Looking at that glint in her eyes, I felt uncomfortable.
However, I felt a sense of relief that she was not being stubborn about this.
At least, I could resolve the guilt I felt in my heart.
***
When I met her next, she was dressed in red.
A rare colour that ran nary to her usual taste.
She was bright and beguiling, catching many people's eyes.
When she caught sight of me, her red lips lifted up. She held her champagne glass and tilt it upwards to me.
As if to go forward.
However, a waiter passed by at the moment, and her attention was taken away by someone else.
I felt uncomfortable.
But nevertheless, I could not be distracted.
Ming Jie had entrusted upon me the duty to be her escort.
She had insisted to learn the ways of the "snobs" as she call it, so that she would not embarass Brother Han.
Hence, it was my duty to induct her into our society.
I went towards the restrooms to wait for Ming Jie.
She came out from a quick refresher, and once again I felt bowled over by the sight of her.
I love her in yellow. And today she wore a billowing yellow dress that had folds which showed glimpses of her arched neck and slim arms.
I gulped.
Ming Jie smiled as she took my arm while I led her to the floor for a dance.
We twirled once before she was taken away from my arms.
"Han!"
President Han had taken my place.
Ming Jie's eyes that were brightly lit blinded me, as her face obviously showed how touched she was.
I smiled and took a step back.
"Dejected?"
I turned to see my childhood friend with a knowing smile as she stare at the two lovebirds.
As if, we had turned back in time, she had slipped her hand into mine surreptitiously.
Our gesture of support.
I looked at her with complicated feelings while she looked at me with that smile of hers.
And we both turned to look at the couple silently.
***
"Congratulations to the couple!"
"Congrats!!"
A few more handshakes.
Some old men came over to pat me on the back.
"Young Ren! Finally you managed to marry the First Lady of the Ruans."
A few snarky remarks as usual.
I smiled beamingly as I shook their hands.
"It is the blessings of the elders that Ruan Er and I could wed."
A few more smiles.
A few more handshakes.
I laughed a little.
And finally, I could head back.
Ruan Er was already in the room, wearing a silk robe.
I couldn't help but laugh.
She was still her.
No matter how elegant she looked like, I still found her seating, legs askance, when eyes are not on her.
"What?"
She muttered distractedly, her mouth biting onto hairpins as she tied her hair up.
She pouted when I went over to kiss her forehead.
"Don't laugh at me. You don't know how many hairpins are stuffed in my brain now."
She pushed me away.
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"What, wife?"
She lifted her eyesbrows and soon she was down on the bed.
I hugged her the way we always do.
As if we were trying to meld into one another.
"We are officially family now."
I could feel her hand on my back, gently patting me.
"Yes."
Her calm voice sent waves that seemed to relax my stiff being.
"We are officially a family now."
I felt inexplicably touched by her echoing of my words.
As if something in me seemed to reached its peak.
I couldn't help but want to confirm that statement with our bodies.
"I love you, Ruan."
Ruan.
My childhood playmate.
My childhood friend.
My family.
My kin.
Her voice echoed back in rasps and moans in the night.
"I love you, Ren."